“Love’s funny like that. Makes you see past looks.”
“You’re right.” Emily wondered at how easy it was to talk to Alex about Cass. She’d undoubtedly broke ten different hookup rules bringing up her ex, but Alex made the conversation feel completely normal. She moved from Alex’s shoulders to her lower back, enjoying how Alex relaxed into her touch.
“I like how I can feel all your muscles,” Emily continued. “How toned you are. You have all these angles and lines.” She moved from Alex’s hip bones up the side of her chest before going to her backside again. “But you still have a nice ass.”
“Angles and lines but an ass too? Um, thanks?”
“You’re welcome.” When Emily cupped her butt cheeks, Alex sank into her. She barely held in her own moan at the subtle shift. “By the way, even if you weren’t lying naked on top of me, I’d still think you have a sexy butt. I probably wouldn’t tell you, though. I’d be too shy, but I’d think it.
“Cass’s body was a lot like mine. This probably sounds strange, but I always thought of that as a reason we would—could—figure out the sex stuff. We wore the same size bra, even. Thirty-four C.” Emily stopped. “Okay, that might be TMI.”
“We are naked. I think anything goes at this point. Anyway, you should keep talking. I love the way your hands move when you talk.”
“Are you teasing me?” Emily nipped at Alex’s arm when she laughed. The contact, and the way Alex’s eyes shot to hers, made her want to bite more. Would Alex like that?
“Whatever. Massaging is only my excuse to keep touching you.” She breathed in the scent of Alex. Her own musk mixed now with the cologne. She wanted to remember the smell, to let it fill her senses. There were so many things about the night she wanted to remember. What she didn’t want to remember was feeling unsure. She wanted to be confident. To go for what she wanted. To enjoy how Alex felt, how she responded to everything Emily did. Sexy wasn’t a good enough word to describe it, but her mind was too distracted to come up with something better.
“But I’d rather do other things than massage you.”
“Would you?” Alex’s voice sounded relaxed, like she might fall asleep if Emily let her.
“Do you want to sleep?” Emily asked, hoping the answer was no.
“Not at all. But you’ve got me feeling all melty.”
“I don’t think melty’s a real word.”
“Sure it is. It’s in the dictionary. The spelling’s tricky, but it’s there. Right next to…” Alex paused, clearly trying to think of some good quip. “Melt.”
“I like that sometimes you’re a dork.”
“You also like my backside.”
“I do. And your front side. You looked especially good in those boxers you were wearing earlier. I wanted to see what you had on underneath.” Emily held her breath, waiting on Alex’s response.
“You noticed, huh?”
“If you’re packing a dildo that big, you want to be noticed.” Her heart raced. “You know, I’ll probably be using that image of you standing there with that bulge as my fantasy for the next ten years.”
“I could give you better material to work with.” Alex pushed up on her hands. “So, if it wasn’t the fact that I was packing, was it the ropes that bothered you?”
The image of the private room flashed in Emily’s mind, full of high-resolution detail. “It was a lot all at once. You being there, full stop, was a shock. Then, you being there and half naked, Madison tied up, Katherine holding a whip…Honestly, that whip might have been the tipping point.”
“Why?”
“My ex wasn’t only against toys. One time, I asked her to grab my hair and she got really uncomfortable.” Emily felt her cheeks heat up as Alex waited for her to go on. She was glad the room was dark. “Anyway, whatever. People like different things, right?”
“You wanted it rough, and she made you feel bad for wanting that?”
Emily swallowed. Alex had summarized it so well she couldn’t do more than nod.
“What else did you want?”
“Dumb stuff. It doesn’t matter now.” Emily shook her head.
“Tell me. I won’t judge. I’ve tested out all the toys. And done more things than most people can imagine. Some things that I really hope no one took pictures of.”
Emily found herself smiling despite everything. “Do you always know exactly what to say at the right moment?”
“It’s a talent.”
Alex had too many talents. But she also felt safe. And Emily trusted she wouldn’t judge. “It was more than hair pulling. Like you said, I wanted it rough. I wanted her to push me around, bite me, that sort of thing. Nothing that seemed too wild, but she didn’t want to even talk about it. Once I turned my butt to her and dared her to spank me. She froze. Looked at me like she didn’t want to be anywhere near me. Then she got out of bed and took a shower.
“I tried to make a joke of it after, pretended I wasn’t serious. But the things I wanted didn’t go away. I ordered nipple clamps in the mail and she freaked out when she opened the package. So, I threw them away. The time I asked her to pull my hair was the last time we had sex.”
“Damn.”
“It was all my fault. If I’d been happy with what she wanted, we’d probably still be together. Still having sex the way she wanted it. And the truth is, I was happy. But I wanted more.” Emily dropped her head back against the pillows. She knew she’d messed up any chance for more with Alex. Now everything felt serious. She covered her face with her hands. “I shouldn’t have told you all that.”
“Hey.” Alex gently pried her fingers back and kissed Emily’s forehead. She kept working Emily’s fingers loose and managed to free one hand, then kissed the cheek she exposed. She pinned that hand to the mattress and tugged off the other. “Thank you for telling me. And I’m sorry she freaked out on you.” Another kiss. “What you wanted was okay to want. And I think you’re brave for being honest.”
Emily felt her chin tremble. She nodded slowly, accepting Alex’s words. What she’d wanted was okay to want. She could let go of the guilt.
“If you could have anything tonight, what would it be?”
“You in a strap-on. I want you to fuck me.”
“Now?”
Alex waited for her to say yes. When she whispered it, Alex kissed her once gently, then before Emily could come up for air she kissed her again hard. Emily opened for Alex, gave in when she pushed, and felt her arousal rebuild—not slowly like she would have expected, but in a dizzying rush that made her glad she was already on her back.
“Don’t move.” Alex pushed off of Emily and got out of bed.
Emily’s heart hammered in her chest. “You want it too, right? I’m not pushing you?”
“You have no idea how much I want it.”
Emily sucked in a breath. Alex’s words charged through her. She reminded herself to stay calm. Freaking out now would end one of the best nights she’d had in literally years. Alex knew everything now, and her desire hadn’t changed. If anything, she seemed to only want Emily more.
Chapter Twenty-one
Emily watched as Alex went to her dresser and opened a drawer. After rummaging for a moment, she looked back at the bed. “Small or medium?”
“You’re not going to offer large?”
“No.”
Emily pushed up on her elbow. “I’ve had plenty of nights alone to entertain myself.”
“This might be different.”
Emily had to agree. Slipping a slim vibrator inside when she was alone and relaxed was one thing. But tonight, she wanted to be fucked, plain and simple, and she didn’t want anything small. She wanted to feel everything. “Medium. But maybe you could use your hands first to get me ready?”
“I like that request.” Alex chose something from the drawer and then closed it. “Medium it is.”
Whatever Alex had picked, Emily couldn’t see it. Alex disappeared into the bathroom, and a moment later Emily heard water running.
It was no surprise Alex washed her toys. but it was comforting. She knew what she was doing. Unlike Emily.
Maybe she should have told Alex to pick the small version, but it was too late now. She reached for the covers and pulled them up to her chin. The room wasn’t cold, but her nerves made her shiver.
Was she washing the same cock she’d had on earlier? The thought of Alex having sex with Madison sprang to mind. No way could she measure up to someone like Madison. Or Katherine. But it didn’t matter. Any of the women Alex was used to sleeping with would have far more experience than she did. She breathed in and out, telling herself that tonight wasn’t about impressing Alex. For whatever reason, Alex had agreed to help her, and she didn’t need to ruin an otherwise perfect evening by overthinking things.
When the bathroom door opened, Emily closed her eyes. She didn’t want to be caught staring, but more than that she worried her anxiety would only be worse if she looked right at Alex. She wanted to feel her close again, kiss her again, and have her body on hers. She wanted to be so distracted by all the sensations Alex made her feel that her mind went quiet. Then she could take Alex’s cock in her hands, feel it up and down, and trust her body to make the next decision.
Alex slipped under the covers but didn’t move to close the distance between their bodies. She lay still for a moment, clearly waiting for Emily to look her direction or make some move. Emily’s heart pounded in her chest.
“It’s okay if you’re having second thoughts,” Alex said.
“I’m not. It’s just…” Emily hated that her voice had gone all tinny. She pressed on. “I want to feel you inside me. But you’re right. This is different than me playing with a vibrator. And I know I’m not going to be as good as the other women you’ve been with, and—”
“Hold up.” Alex put a hand on Emily’s chest. She pushed up on her elbow and looked down at Emily. “You’ll tell me if you want to stop, right? I need to know you’ll say something.”
Emily bit her lip.
“Doesn’t matter why. If you want to stop, you have to promise to tell me.”
“Okay.”
Alex leaned down and kissed her. One simple kiss and desire flooded through Emily’s body. She moved into another kiss and Alex shifted onto her. She felt the head of the dildo bump her belly, then nudge at her slit, but Alex didn’t try to push inside. Instead, she kept up with the kissing.
Emily ran her hand down Alex’s side, wanting to feel the harness. She couldn’t feel any strap. She passed over Alex’s hip and then slid around toward the front. “How are you—”
“It’s a double dildo,” Alex said. “When I’m in the mood, I like it better than my harness because I can feel everything. I’d turn on the lights and give you a show and tell, but…I’d rather do other things.”
“Would you?”
Emily laughed when Alex whispered yes in a husky voice right against her ear. She felt a jolt of pleasure when Alex moved to straddle her and the dildo pressed on her clit. As much as she wanted Alex to push inside, she didn’t think she was quite ready.
“Can you get off with it?” Emily knew it shouldn’t matter, but it would make it easier to relax if this wasn’t only about her. And if Alex could orgasm with it, the fantasy would be complete. Plus, Emily’s ego would truly appreciate it.
“Sometimes. If the angle’s right and it rubs my clit. But if I can’t, or if you want a little extra, there’s this.” Alex reached down and pressed something, and Emily felt the vibration against her leg.
“Oh.”
“That’s what she said.” Alex chuckled. “The vibrator’s my backup.” She switched off the vibrations and then pushed up onto her hands and knees. “Here. Take a look if you want.”
The blanket had fallen off when Alex pushed up, but Emily didn’t feel cold now. She stared up at Alex, taking in the toned muscles of her arms, her gorgeous shoulders, and her chest. When she looked lower, a pulse immediately started between her legs.
The light in the room wasn’t enough for her to see the color, but she could make out the shape well enough. The graceful length and the smooth curve suited Alex as if it had been personally made for her. Emily reached up and traced the tip, then lightly followed over the head and down the shaft. It was wider than her vibrator back home, yet the more she thought about how it would feel to take it in, the more she wanted that width.
“You can feel the vibrations too?”
Alex nodded. “I can feel everything. My favorite part is when I push inside.”
Emily swallowed. Knowing that part of the dildo was inside Alex, and knowing she’d feel everything, made simply touching it feel intimate. As sexy as a leather harness was, she liked this more. This felt like part of Alex.
Emily gripped the shaft and Alex responded by pushing into her hand. She closed her eyes as Emily stroked. “That feels good,” Alex murmured. “Really good.”
Emily appreciated the compliment, though she wondered what she should do next. When Alex started subtly thrusting, anticipation gave way to mouthwatering need. She couldn’t wait for Alex to push inside her, to make the same sounds she was making now, the same thrusts, when the cock was in her. Still, she wished she knew exactly how to please her. A wave of frustration rolled through her. She pictured the scene in the Katherine’s private room again and wondered how Alex could possibly be enjoying this in comparison.
“Did you use this with Madison?” Emily regretted the question as soon as she’d said it, but there was no taking the words back.
Alex held her gaze for a moment, seemed about to say something, then simply shook her head.
“I shouldn’t have asked that.” Emily let go of the cock and dropped her hand to the mattress. In the same moment, she wanted to both disappear from the room and beg Alex to take her.
“It’s fine to ask.” Alex caressed her chin. “We can talk about anything. With Madison I had a strap-on, not a double. What else do you want to know?”
Emily kept her eyes closed but forced herself to ask the question that had pushed to the front of the line. “Was Madison good?”
“She was—if you’re into that sort of thing.”
“Are you saying you’re not?”
“It’s complicated. I guess part of me still likes being useful. But having sex with someone else’s girlfriend gets old.” Alex paused. “Is this really what you want to talk about? I’m not saying we can’t, but—”
“I don’t want to talk at all. But my mind won’t shut off.” She couldn’t process everything Alex had said on top of wishing she’d kept her mouth closed in the first place. “Why’d you pick this instead?”
“Why did I pick the double tonight? Instead of the strap-on I had with Madison?”
Emily nodded. When Alex didn’t immediately answer, she said, “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked. I shouldn’t have walked in on all of you in the first place.”
Alex kissed her forehead, then her cheek. When she brushed her lips with a light kiss, Emily hoped she hadn’t ruined everything. She was still turned on, still wanting Alex. If only she could stop thinking.
“Can you open your eyes for a second?”
Emily hesitated. The whole night had been surreal. One minute she felt completely comfortable with Alex, and the next her inexperience was so obvious it pressed down on her chest like a weight she couldn’t possibly shift.
Alex had to be wishing she’d stayed at Katherine’s. She felt Alex move and the bed creaked as she stretched out alongside Emily.
“Okay. I’ll let you get by not looking at me.” Alex sighed. “I’m not saying I don’t like having sex with Madison. But I’m not gonna use my favorite toy on Katherine’s girlfriend.”
“Why not? You like this one better, so why not use it?”
“Well, I like both—the harness and the double. But I save this for when I want something intimate.”
“What you did with Madison wasn’t intimate?”
“No. It was only sex.”
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“What are we doing?” Emily felt Alex pull away. She clenched her teeth as she waited for Alex to answer. “Can I take that question back?”
“You can if you want. I’m not sure I can answer anyway. I know this is meaningless sex to you, but it’s not to me. And maybe I’m being dumb, but I don’t actually care if liking you is a mistake.”
“Alex…” Emily took a deep breath before pushing herself to go on. “You should stop having sex with random people if you want to find someone to love.”
“Thanks. Never thought of that one before.”
Alex’s sarcasm didn’t sting. If anything, Emily felt more drawn to her with the shield she was clearly trying to put up. “What do you want?”
“I want to spend my life with someone,” Alex said without hesitation. “Fall in love, get married, maybe even have kids. I want it all. I feel like I’ve wasted so many years. I know I told you earlier that I’m not with Katherine, and I know you don’t—”
“You sure you don’t love her?”
“I like her, but love’s different. She’s always available. And it’s easy when we’re together. Plus, it’s nice to be wanted.”
“Plenty of women would want you.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Alex pushed at her pillow as if trying to get it fluffed in a more comfortable position, then grumbled and tossed it off the bed. “The other problem is, I like sex. I’m not going to sacrifice that simply because I’m waiting for someone. What if I never find her?”
Emily was certain it would happen. She was certain of it, like she was certain that Alex was telling her the truth about everything else. “Someone is going to come along and swoop you up. I don’t know why it hasn’t happened yet.”
“I could give you a list of reasons. But I’d rather have sex than talk about all the ways I suck at relationships.”
“’Cause you don’t suck at sex?”
“Only in good ways.”
Emily laughed. She reached for Alex, found her hand, and pulled it to her lips. Alex’s fingers smelled like her. She kissed the knuckles and a tight feeling settled in her chest. She knew how risky it was to consider Alex for anything more than a night of sex. The chances it would work for them to date seemed laughable. Besides, she wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship. Technically, she wasn’t even legally divorced from Cass. But everything Alex said she wanted was what she wanted too. Could they make each other happy?
One Weekend in Aspen Page 16
