Behind the Lens (Home in Carson Book 1)

by Renee Harless

  “Alexis?” he asked wearily, the concern for her overwhelming his senses.

  She appeared like a shell of herself for a few seconds, completely lost in her own mind. Cliff worried that he’s asked her something that brought back a bad memory or a terrifying moment in her life. “Alexis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean. . .”

  “I had forgotten. It’s not something I think about often, you know?” she whispered and Cliff ached to remove the pain he’d suddenly caused.

  “I didn’t mean-” he began but she quickly interrupts.

  “I have a scar under my arm. I got it when I was little. That’s what I tell everyone. But the truth is, my father had some of his friends hold me down and he burned a marking onto my skin. I remember the pain being unbearable. But the worst part was that my mother sat in the corner of the room watching me cry out for help.” She chuckled to herself then turned to face Cliff again. “I haven’t thought about that in a long time. I usually keep that information buried away with a lock and key. What was it about you that you bring out my secrets?”

  Cliff swallowed but the lump in his throat made it difficult to complete the task. He couldn’t believe someone would do that to a young child, would harm a single hair on her head. If he ever got his hands on her father, Cliff vowed to himself that the man would pay for his sins. Every last one of them.

  “Can I. . .Can I see it?” His voice sounded strange to his own ears. He couldn’t imagine what Alexis was thinking at his request.

  She surprised him by lifting her and raised it just under her good arm, all the way to the crease where her arm met her chest showcasing the pink scar. It was no bigger than a quarter, with eight lines crisscrossing almost resembling a three-dimensional triangle, except one of the lines continued a bit longer than the others. It was definitely a branding for the cartel, but as Cliff studies it farther, something peeks in the back of his mind. It seems familiar somehow.

  Without a second thought, he reached out and traced the lines with his fingers, smiling when Alexis gasped for air at his touch. His lips begged to touch the skin, but the scar was in such an odd place that he held back. But that didn’t mean when he got a chance to explore her skin fully, he wouldn’t work to make it happen.

  “This. . .um. . .scar was the last thing I remember about my father. Though my mother stayed silent throughout the entire process, she dropped me off at a group home the next morning.

  “You know, I always wondered why my mom left me instead of packing her bags and taking us away. But now that I know what my father has been up to all these years, I’m sure she was doing what she thought was best.”

  “Have you thought of looking her up?” Cliff asked, brushing her hair over her shoulder.

  “I did when I joined the FBI. Both she and my father disappeared without a trace. We knew where my father had been, obviously, but I wonder if he did something to my mother.”

  “After what we’ve learned, that seems like a distinct possibility. How do you feel about that?”

  “I don’t know. It is hard to mourn someone you haven’t seen since you were seven, you know?”

  Cliff understood that she wasn’t waiting for a response from him as she peered out over the lake. The sun began to peek over the horizon, instantly warming the air around them. He stared at her in awe, his eyes drawn to Alexis’ chestnut hair glimmering in the early morning light. She entranced him. By her strength, her wit, her beauty, Alexis was a woman that deserved far more than Cliff could give her. She deserved a gentle man that could fill her days with romance and love. Cliff’s heart lost the ability to provide those things more than ten years ago.

  “We should probably head inside. I’m sure Amy and her family are on their way over. Cassidy was supposed to bring you some clothes.”

  Cliff rose from the dock first, holding out a hand to Alexis to assist her. She struggled with the crutches, a set he had in his closet leftover from one of his missions that didn’t quite go as planned. He didn’t want to hamper her independence, knowing that she would rather persist through the pain, but as she struggled with every step, Cliff hold back any longer.

  “Hold those crutches,” he commanded as he swept her effortlessly into his arms. The fact that she didn’t argue shocked him. She must have been in more pain than she let on.

  Cliff continued to trek up the hill trying to find a balance between moving too fast to get her back to his house and settled in bed and moving too slow just so that he could keep her in his arms. He didn’t know how long he was going to have her and he selfishly wanted to enjoy every second.

  The forest blocked out the light of the sun, launching them back into the bleakness of the early morning. Alexis’ hold tightened around his neck, but Cliff wasn’t afraid. Not of these woods. He’s walked them so many times he could find his way through them blindfolded. So many of the trees had cameras installed from his security system that he knew if something was nefariously lurking around.

  “You know, I made it down here in the dark without a single worry, but now that I’m able to fully take it all in, I just want to say, I was an idiot.” Cliff joined in her chuckle. He understood what she meant. Venturing out into the woods of an unknown place wasn’t her smartest decision.

  “Yeah, but you have good instincts. And you did find me.”

  “That’s true.”

  She nuzzled closer to him, adjusting the crutches in her hold. Something was weighing her down though, he could sense it by the way she wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

  “Cliff?” There it was.

  He could feel her stare pinned to the side of his face, but he made no move to turn his attention toward her.

  “Yeah?”

  “I have a question about one of the photos. The one on your mantle,” she began and Cliff’s heart began to seize. Sweat gathered along the back of his neck, right at the hairline. If he were carrying anyone else, he would drop them on their ass, pack up his things, and move to a new town to start over again. But he couldn’t do that to Alexis when she needed him most. “Who is the woman in the photograph?”

  She sensed his uneasiness at the question and tried to backpedal, stuttering an apology, but the wound has been freshly opened. They stepped through the edge of the woods, the cabin in view, and from across the field, Cliff could make out a caravan of cars and trucks heading their way. Their time of solitude was about to be broken. But her question weighed heavily on him. Cliff was alarmed at his desire to share this secret with her, to share a piece of himself that she wouldn’t find in any of his files, he had removed them himself on purpose.

  The words tumble forward, surprising him. “That woman was my wife.”

  Her grip around his neck tightened and he wished he was able to read her thoughts, but as Cliff took a second to peer down at her, he could read it clearly on her face. She was so expressive. A mixture of anger, confusion, and joy all gaped up at him through her eyes. They were wide like a child’s. Her lips parted with her slackened jaw, but it was the slight tilt at the corner of her mouth that had him explaining more.

  “Being a military wife wasn’t easy, and Stacy couldn’t handle me being gone for so long. She began abusing prescription medications thinking that she could keep it hidden. It wasn’t something like heroin or cocaine, but opioids are just as powerful.”

  “What happened?” Alexis whimpered against his neck.

  “She wanted her next fix more than she wanted her next breath, and she was willing to do anything and everything to get it. The police were never able to determine if it was murder or suicide. It happened when I was on my first tour.”

  “Oh, Cliff. You both were so young,” she cried as they reentered the cabin through the back door. He didn’t want to hear her pity; he’d heard enough of it since Stacy’s death, which was why only a few in Carson knew that he was previously married at all. The blame and guilt of her death still weighed heavily on his shoulders. “I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through.”

  I
n the bedroom, Cliff settled her back on the mattress, but as he began to pull away, she settled her good hand on the side of his face. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

  Cliff reached up and clapped her wrist in his hold, letting it linger, unsure if he wanted to keep her hand on his face or pull it away. The strength in her touch was addictive, his own personal drug. He wondered if this was what Stacy had been fixated on. His gaze swept across her face, cataloging her features to memory.

  Their bodies were so close, too close. If Cliff moved just a few inches, he could bring their lips together, taking the taste he’d been dreaming of for years. But as he contemplated his next move, Alexis made it for him. She leaned forward and in one swift motion, sealed their lips together. His spark of awareness ignited immediately and he had to mentally refrain himself from gripping her in his arms and tossing her across the bed to have his nefarious way with her. Instead, he rooted himself to the floor allowing Alexis the chance to explore his mouth. He opened up to her willingly as her tongue licked at his lips. She tasted like heaven and mint and Cliff realized she found the spare toothbrush he had left her in the bathroom this morning.

  A knock on his front door sounded causing them to pull apart at the interruption, Alexis groaned at their loss of contact.

  “I’ll go let them in. You can take your time joining us.”

  Rose painted her cheeks and Cliff grinned at her reaction to their kiss, something he wanted to repeat soon.

  Lifting her chin with his finger, he waited for her eyes to meet his. “We’ll do that again once everyone leaves.”

  Playfully Alexis replied, “Promise?”

  “The entire town couldn’t keep me away.”

  Hating every step as he moved away, Cliff reached into his dresser, pulled out a T-shirt and quickly covered his chest. He did the same with a pair of camouflage shorts, removing his gym shorts in the process.

  “I’ll bring back Cassidy’s clothes when she arrives.”

  “Oh, that would be great. I can’t believe I get to wear one of her designs,” Alexis said with elation. If she were able, Cliff guessed that she would clap her hands together while bouncing up and down on the bed. Her excitement was palpable. He may be a military man, but even he knew that Cassidy was the world’s most sought after designer.

  As he stepped toward the door at the sound of another knock, Alexis reached her hand out and clutched his arm, wanting his attention.

  “Cliff. Thank you. . .for sharing that with me.”

  He knew that she referred to the story about his wife, but he didn’t want to let the feelings of hurt and betrayal ruin their intimate moment.

  Gazing down at her Cliff said, “Don’t worry, we’ll share some more kisses later.” He winked as she released her hold on him and headed out of the bedroom hoping that his visitors were enough of a distraction to keep his thoughts far away from their kiss. Otherwise, he’d be too busy counting down the seconds until he can do it again.

  ***

  Voices filtered into the room and Alexis tried to count them. Four at first, but continuously growing. She couldn’t pinpoint which one belonged to whom and that left her nerves in shambles.

  After her night of sleep, Alexis felt considerably better. The ache in her shoulder remained, but it was not as sharp as before. Now, it was more of a dull ache, the same with her leg. Even as a kid Alexis had been a quick healer. She remembered Logan advised her to keep weight off of her left for a few days, but he should know that she was not one to follow directions.

  As she waited for a set of clean clothes to dress in, Alexis thought back to what she just learned about Cliff. A widower wasn’t the first thing that would have come to her mind when describing him, but now that she knew, she could see that it made up a big part of who he was. She couldn’t imagine losing someone you loved when you were thousands of miles away. It was no wonder he kept himself closed off from others. But why had he agreed to help protect her? That was another point she needed to bring up with him. Alexis was afraid that the longer she spent in this town with him, the stronger her feelings for him may become, and that could only put them both in danger. And if her father got wind of Cliff in her life, a bullseye would be painted in bright red on his back.

  But her father and his group were coming for her anyway. When? She had zero doubts that he was biding his time. Someone that was able to take himself off the map and radar of the FBI, DEA, and probably every other government agency in existence was used to taking his time to get what he wanted. What Alexis couldn’t figure out was what her role was in all of this. Maybe the conversation today could help answer that.

  Feeling like a lifetime has passed, Cliff strolled back into the room, bags upon bags of clothes dangling from his arms. God, he was gorgeous. Even dressed down he had a powerful air about him. And that damn T-shirt looked like it wanted to rip itself in half just to give the world another glimpse of his perfect chest. She was one lucky girl.

  “I think she brought you her entire store,” he joked as he sets the bags on the bed.

  Alexis leaned over and started rummaging through the contents. A red dress caught her eye and she held it up, eyebrow cocked in question.

  “How long does she think I’m staying? A year?”

  “It’s hard to say. Maybe Cassidy just wanted to make sure that you had options.”

  Giggling, Alexis pointed out, “Where in Carson would I ever need to wear a dress like this?”

  She watched in awe as he delicately slipped the material from her hands and glided his thumb back and forth across the dress. “Maybe not in Carson, but there are some beautiful restaurants and wineries close by.”

  “Oh,” she mumbled, watching him in reverence as he gently placed the dress back on the bed. “Um, did she happen to pack any undergarments? Otherwise, I may need to take a trip to the local department store.”

  Cliff’s throat bobbed and Alexis couldn’t help but smile knowing that she caught him off guard with her question. She didn’t care if she wore plain cotton or supple silks, Alexis had always loved lingerie. Being in the FBI didn’t leave her many options in that department when she was on the field. Sweat and silk didn’t go very well together.

  Silk sheets on the other hand, was something she could get behind. Or on top of. An image of her and Cliff rolling around on his bed came to mind and she found herself blushing, the heat rising on her cheeks and flaming her skin. Alexis ducked her head out of his view, but she was too slow. His grin widened as he crouched down to her eye level.

  “Tell me what you were thinking just now.”

  Alexis raised her head in defiance. “I wasn’t thinking about anything.”

  “Yes, you were.”

  Schooling her features, Alexis hoped that Cliff dropped the subject, but he met her stare head-on.

  They played a mental game of cat versus mouse, and though Alexis was usually triumphant against her colleagues, she found herself melting into Cliff’s stare with each passing second.

  With a grunt she relented control, “Fine, I was just thinking of silk sheets, if you must know.”

  Reaching out, he fingered the edge of her shirt, sliding his hand back and forth. Alexis sucked in a breath as the back of his fingers caressed the soft skin of her stomach. She involuntarily sucked in her waist.

  “What kinds of things with sheets? Did you imagine lying naked on top of them? Maybe with a man pressing you down against the silk?”

  “Um. . .” she replied, licking her lips. His eyes followed the movement of her tongue as it peeked out.

  “Did you imagine me pressing you against the silk sheets, Alexis?” he asked, his voice huskier than before. The sound had her body quaking under his touch.

  “Um. . .” she repeated, wholly lost in a fog of his making.

  “That’s what I thought.” Straightening his stance, Alexis instantly felt the air cool around her. “Think about how it would be in real life instead of a daydream. Need any help getting dressed or could y
ou manage?”

  “I. . .” she started, then had to clear her throat to continue. “I think I can manage. Thanks.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you out there.”

  Cliff closed the door with a soft click and Alexis sifted through the clothes again, settling on some undergarments she found, a blue sundress, and a pair of flat brown sandals. The dress she’d chosen had buttons going down the front and she assumed that it would make it easier to put on. Disappointment flourished as it took her a few extra minutes to maneuver the material around her hands to get the button through the loop. By the time she got all thirty of the buttons secure, Alexis began to feel a bit light-headed. She hadn’t grab anything to eat before she went on her journey to find Cliff this morning and she could only hope that he had something she could snack on in front of his friends without looking like a pig. In the back of her mind, she recalled Amy’s visit the night before and the mention of food.

  Alexis took one look in the mirror and scrutinized herself. Bruises marred her skin, scratches and cuts ran up and down her arms and legs. She was quite a sight. Running her good hand along her neck, she realized that her locket was missing. The only piece she had to remember her family. Alexis swore that she had it on when Heath had shoved her into the back of the vehicle two days ago.

  Knowing this was as good as she was going to look, Alexis secured the arm brace in place, opened the bedroom door, and stepped into the hallway. Immediately her sense of smell filled with the aroma of pancakes. A loud grumble sounded from her stomach and she couldn’t fight against the laugh.

  Moving farther down the hall, Alexis hoped to sneak her way into the kitchen unnoticed and help herself to that wonderful scent, but just as she turned the corner, she bumped into Cassidy.

  “Oh, excuse me. I’m sorry,” Alexis mumbled as she braced an arm against the wall.

  “That was completely my fault. It’s good to see you, Alexis, though not under these circumstances.” Cassidy’s eyes trailed up and down Alexis’ body, clapping her hands during the process. “I see you found something to wear. That is one of my favorite dresses. It’s part of my summer line.”