Wilde Freak (Rock Stars on Tour, #4)

by Candy J. Starr

  She patted my hand. “Of course. In the meantime, is there anyone you need to contact? Your phone is at the desk. I’ll get it for you.”

  My phone had survived intact, but Fiona hadn’t? Anger rose in me at the unfairness. I wanted to punch someone, but who could I punch? God? Fate? The cab driver?

  I took a deep breath to control that anger, but the effort caused me pain.

  I nodded to the nurse. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but there were people who needed to know. Madeline, Fiona’s manager, was one. Even with Fiona no longer working, there were business things to be taken care of. The other one was Ash. Ash Savage, my ex-bandmate from back in my pop star days, Fiona’s ex-boyfriend and best friend to both of us. Ash didn’t just need to know, he’d kill me for not telling him.

  The nurse returned with my phone. I stared at it for a long time. There wasn’t a crack or even a scratch on the screen. I knew it was stupid, but I hated that phone so much for coming through the accident unscathed.

  I turned it on, and the background image came up. The photo we’d been looking at in the cab. It’d seemed so long ago that we’d been standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, Fiona clowning around while I took photos. Now, this might be the last photo I’d ever have of her. I touched the screen, wanting to touch her, not just a photo. Even in the still image, life oozed from her.

  I got up Madeline’s number but couldn’t bring myself to press the button. In the end, I chickened out and sent her a text, telling her I’d update her when I knew more.

  Then I brought up Ash’s contact. He couldn’t be fobbed off with just a text message. Maybe, if I waited a little bit, I’d have concrete news for him.

  But I waited and waited, with nothing more to tell.

  Later that night, I had to call him. I pressed his number, then almost hung up as it rung. I’d probably go to voice mail, anyway.

  “Hey, Matty. What shit have you gotten yourself into now?” he asked. Then he chuckled.

  “Ash,” I said.

  I couldn’t say any more. My voice cracked, and I almost lost it.

  Ash’s chuckling stopped. “Shit, mate, are you okay? You sound like hell. What’s happened?”

  Sounds buzzed in the background of the call, people talking around him. In the hallway outside my room, a trolley clanged. I shut my eyes. If I didn’t say the words, they’d never be real.

  “Matty? Matty? Are you there?”

  I steadied myself. “It’s Fiona,” I said.

  “Damn. Another bender?” Concern filled his voice. And with Fiona’s drug problems in the past, I could understand him jumping to that conclusion.

  “No.”

  I tried to keep talking, but I hated saying the words out loud. I wanted to pretend that Fiona had just popped out to do some shopping, and she’d breeze in the door any minute. I wanted to block out the thought of her somewhere in this hospital, fighting for her life.

  “Matty?”

  I had to tell Ash. I couldn’t call him like this, get him concerned, then not explain.

  “We had a crash, and...”

  I dropped the phone. I wasn’t sure what else to say. Ash kept talking, his voice coming out distant and tinny from the phone on my lap. I had to pick up that phone.

  “Ash?”

  “Is she...”

  “She’s in the operating theater now,” I told him. “Nobody knows a thing.”

  He made a sound like he was sucking in his breath. I wasn’t sure what else to tell him. There was nothing else.

  “Where are you? I’ll jump on a plane. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

  “Paris, but hold off. I’ll know more soon.”

  To my ears, it seemed like someone else was speaking. Someone calm and rational, saying the words I was supposed to say. I kept holding the phone to my ear, but no more words came out. Ash didn’t speak, either. The silence buzzed, and while it would’ve been easier to talk to fill in the void, the effort to form words was beyond me.

  “Tell me as soon as you know anything,” he said eventually.

  “Sure.” I hung up and went back to waiting.

  There was a crack in the beige wall opposite me. I stared at that crack. If I kept my gaze on it, I wouldn’t see the equipment or the curtains or the bed. I wanted to forget I was in hospital. If I could just make my mind go blank, it’d be easier to cope.

  I should call my family. I knew they needed to know, but talking to Ash had taken so much out of me. I toyed with the phone, but I knew no matter how much I reassured her, Mom would freak out.

  A nurse came in with a tray of food. “Can you eat?” she asked.

  I shook my head, then waved for her to take the food away.

  “Just a few bites. You really need to have your medication with food.”

  “Will the medication made me sleep?” I asked.

  I didn’t want to be out of it. What if there was news and I missed out on it because I was asleep?

  The nurse bustled around, putting some pills on a tray for me. “It might make you a little groggy, but you’ll be awake. It will help manage the pain, though.”

  “Surely, you must know something,” I said. “It’s been hours.”

  She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’ll call through and see if there’s any updates.”

  I nodded.

  She came back a while later. “The doctor will be down to see you soon. She’s still not out of danger, but if she’s survived this long, there’s a good chance. There’s extensive damage, but they’re doing all they can.”

  I took my pills, then went back to staring at the crack in the wall. It seemed that was all I had in life. This room had become my entire world, and that world was a prison, keeping me away from Fiona.

  Being confined to this bed frustrated the hell out of me. If I could take action, if I could punch someone or yell or even bargain, I would.

  Finally, a doctor came to speak to me. “She’s out of the operating theater,” he said.

  I sat up. “So, she’s okay?”

  “She’s not out of the danger zone yet. We need to monitor her for the next few days. She’ll be in the ICU.”

  “I can see her?”

  “She won’t be awake until tomorrow, and I’m not sure you’re well enough.”

  “I need to see her. I need to be with her.” I tried to sit up. “Please.”

  He slowly shook his head, but he called for the nurse. It took a bit of organizing, but they took me up to Fiona’s ward in a wheelchair. I held my breath as they wheeled me in. I wasn’t sure what to expect.

  Chapter 4: Matty

  I WANTED TO RUSH TO Fiona, to hold her in my arms, but with all the equipment around her, that would be impossible.

  The nurse wheeled me to her bedside, close enough that I could hold her hand. I entwined my fingers in hers. She looked so tiny and frail in that bed with all the machines attached to her. Bandages covered her face and most of her arm.

  “Doctor Roche will be here in a minute,” the nurse said.

  After he came in, Doctor Roche went through Fiona’s injuries. I didn’t follow most of what he said, but it seemed she’d had her lungs lacerated.

  “It was lucky that someone trained in first aid was there to help,” he said.

  I nodded. I couldn’t remember any of that. Why had I blacked out? I should’ve been aware enough to help her.

  “She has other injuries too,” he said. “Several dislocated limbs and soft tissue damage to her face. She’ll need more surgery when she’s strong, and maybe, eventually, plastic surgery for the scarring.”

  “The facial damage isn’t permanent, though?” I asked.

  The look of disgust from the doctor hit me with a jolt. Did he think I cared about that? Just the fact that Fiona had survived was enough for me but I knew if she woke up with a scarred face, she’d have trouble coping.

  “It’s too early to tell, and her recovery is our main focus at the moment,” the doctor said. “If her appearance is the mo
st important thing for you, maybe it’s better you don’t spend too much time—”

  I put my hand up to stop him, shaking my head. “It’s not about me,” I said. “I’m just not sure if she’ll deal well with injuries to her face.”

  He looked from Fiona to me.

  “She was a model,” I added.

  I didn’t want to say that Fiona’s self-esteem was still very wrapped up in her looks. How even a stupid photo of her looking less than her best had upset her.

  “If she gets through the next week, she’s going to need to spend a lot of time in rehabilitation,” Doctor Roche said.

  I nodded. I had a thousand questions I wanted to ask him, but right now, I wanted him to leave so I could have some time alone with Fiona. Every breath she took, every beep on that machine, became precious to me, because they meant she was alive.

  Finally, the doctor left.

  I rested my forehead against Fiona’s hand. Her skin felt so cold. I wanted to warm her, but I was afraid to mess with any of the equipment attached to her. If I could only hold her hand, I’d hold it with all my might. If I held it for long enough, my strength might flow into her.

  Eventually, a nurse came in. Nurse Lucy. “You have to go back to your room,” she said. “You need to get your rest.”

  “No. I can’t rest unless I’m with her.”

  Nurse Lucy screwed up her mouth. “I’ll bring a tray of food, and if you eat it, we might be able to let you stay an extra hour.”

  “That’s blackmail,” I said.

  “Yeah, I’m an evil bitch. What you going to do about it?” She grinned. “And you need to keep your strength up. Skipping meals isn’t going to do her any good.”

  I’d eat every bite of that meal. If it meant more time with Fiona, I’d do anything.

  Fiona let out a little murmur. I stood up, watching her in case she woke up. She just twitched a little, as though having a dream.

  When Nurse Lucy returned, I asked her when Fiona would be conscious again.

  “Maybe not for the next few days.”

  The nurse put the tray of food on the table near me, then checked Fiona’s details and wrote things on her chart.

  Fiona twitched again.

  “Is she supposed to do that?” I asked.

  The nurse nodded. “Yes, it’s fine. It’s just the nerves reacting.”

  I stayed by Fiona’s side for as long as I could, but eventually, they made me go back to my room.

  “Can’t I sleep here?” I asked. “I’m fine in the chair.”

  “You need to keep your strength up. There’s a long haul ahead,” the nurse told me. “When she wakes up, you want her see you strong and healthy.”

  I thought I wouldn’t sleep, but they must’ve given me something, because I didn’t wake until morning. Not long after that, Damo visited. He brought in flowers and gifts from everyone on the tour.

  “How is she?” he asked.

  “Out of surgery. Doing well,” I told him.

  He smiled. “That’s good to hear.”

  “They think she’s going to have a long rehabilitation. We might need to talk about that.”

  He nodded. “We’ll worry about that later. The main thing is for you both to recover.”

  Then he held out a bag to me. Pajamas! Not having to wear this stupid hospital gown would give me back a whole heap of my dignity.

  “Crow and Elijah are packing up your room this morning. We’ll get your bags sent here. I just hope you have nothing private sitting around, because Elijah will never let you hear the end of it.”

  I gave him a weak grin. “Nothing too bad.”

  “We’ll be back in Paris after Barcelona, so we’ll pop in to see you. Polly and Fay really wanted to come in with me, but I wasn’t sure you’d cope with that.”

  I nodded. As lovely as they both were, I preferred to be alone.

  When he left, it felt like my connection to my past life went with him. There was only the two of us alone in this city, me and Fiona. We didn’t know anyone here, no one to lean on. I had to get strong and do it fast, because Fiona needed me.

  Chapter 5: Matty

  AFTER I’D BEEN CHECKED and medicated, Nurse Mary wanted to give me a sponge bath.

  “Hell no,” I told her. “I can shower myself.”

  “Damn. That was going to be the fun part of my day,” she said with a wink. “If you think you can handle it, I’ll get everything ready. You’ll need to use the shower chair because you shouldn’t be standing for long. And there’s a handy buzzer in there. Don’t be worried about using it if you feel dizzy or anything like that.”

  I nodded. A shower would be amazing. I hadn’t realized how gross I felt until she’d mentioned it.

  “Once you’re done, you can put on your fancy new PJs and go up to see your lady love,” she said. “Although the shower might tire you out.”

  She wasn’t wrong about the shower. I’d never known showering could take so much effort, even though I was sitting down on that weird chair. As much as I wanted to see Fi, I had to sit down for a while to recover.

  I gave Ash a quick call and told him to hold off on visiting. “She’s out of it at the moment. And I’m not sure if she’ll want visitors for a while.”

  “You have to tell the doctors about her addiction,” he said.

  Damn. I hadn’t thought of that. I’d talk to them about it today.

  “Listen, Matty,” he said. “Don’t play the tough guy. Don’t hold it all in. If you need help, or just someone around for support—hell, even if you just need a shoulder to cry on, let me know. I can hop on a plane any time. Alice will come with me. If not me, then call your parents. You have people who care.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.

  “Don’t just keep it in mind. Act on it, mate.”

  When I got to Fiona’s ward, not much had changed from the night before. I swept her hair from her face and lightly traced my fingers over the bandages, weeping inside over the damage that had been done to her. I’d been responsible for this, and I had to make it right.

  I sat down and held her hand. I wasn’t sure what else to do, except sit there watching the machines.

  One of the nurses came in. “You should talk to her,” she said. “Even if it seems like she can’t hear you, nobody knows for sure. Your words might not reach her, but the sound of your voice might be soothing.”

  I nodded. That made sense.

  I just stared at Fiona’s hand until the nurse had left and we were alone.

  “Ah, Fi, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. You’re alive, and that’s an amazingly beautiful thing. Nothing in this world makes me happier than you being alive.”

  It seemed like her fingers tightened a little around my hand, but maybe I imagined that.

  “You’re in the hospital, and everyone here is lovely. You’re getting the best care, and, little by little, you’re growing stronger. Soon, you’ll be awake, and we’ll be able to talk properly. No matter what, I’ll look after you. I promise you that. I’ll look after you for as long as you need.”

  I couldn’t see much of her face because of the bandages, but she seemed peaceful. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I sat silently for a while, and soon my breathing fell into the same pattern as hers.

  If I couldn’t talk, I had to do something.

  There was a song from back in my old boy band days that Fiona really loved. I began singing it to her, quietly at first, because I felt like a bit of an idiot singing away like that, but as the song progressed, my voice grew stronger.

  When I finished, I started another song. One of the Freaks’ songs this time. Singing helped. It helped me, at least, so that’s what I did. The hospital and all that tragedy seemed to dissolve around me. It was just Fiona and me and the song. It made me believe that everything would work out and be back to normal soon.

  At the end of the song, someone clapped, and I spun around to see Dr. Roche standing in the doorway.

  “It’s
not every day we have a real rock star performing in here,” he said.

  “I’m hardly a rock star,” I told him. “I stay in the background.”

  He walked into the room. “Still, you’re a talented man.”

  I moved out of the way while he checked on Fiona.

  “I’ll be out of your hair shortly,” he said.

  “Actually, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” I told him.

  I went on to explain about Fiona’s struggle with addiction. He wanted to know exactly what she’d been taking.

  “I’m not completely sure,” I told him. “I wasn’t around her all the time. Pills, booze, coke. I think that’s mainly it.”

  He nodded. “Opiates? Heroin or the like? I saw no signs of injection.”

  “I can’t be totally sure, but I don’t think so. I think she was more into the party drugs. I can check with her manager, but even she wouldn’t know exactly what Fiona took.”

  The doctor clicked his tongue. “We’ll have to take that into account with her treatment. It will make things more difficult, but we don’t want to set her down the path to further addiction.”

  That made sense.

  “She’s a fighter,” he said. “I guess she’s got a lot to live for.”

  I nodded. “I fell in love with her when I was just a kid, really. She’d walk into a room and light it up with the life force in her. You’d hardly believe it, seeing her like this, but she just buzzed with life, so vibrant and bright that she made everything around her look dull.”

  Although I spoke to the doctor, my eyes never left Fiona’s face.

  I couldn’t even pinpoint when that vitality stopped being natural and had become enhanced by the drugs she took. Back in those days, we’d all worked insane schedules. We were products, pumped for as much money as we could make, then thrown away once we were no longer of use. Drug use went with the territory. If it meant more hours of work or looking brighter for the camera, they’d be freely given.

  Then, after work, at a club or a party, everyone wanted to be friends with the celebrity. If drugs bought that friendship, you’d be offered them in spades.

  I’d been lucky to have such strong family support. I’d always wanted to be able to look my parents square in the eye, so I’d pushed the temptation away. But Fiona had never had anyone to look after her except her manager. I’d been there for her, and so had Ash, but we were just as young and stupid.