IT WAS ALWAYS YOU

by Erika Kelly

  “A scene?” When he looked around to see what she was talking about, his gaze landed on Gigi.

  The eye-to-eye connection exploded in her chest. A fireball of anxiety ripped along her nerves. Why the hell had she drawn his attention?

  Surprisingly, the thing that brought her back into her own body was the hurt that flashed in his eyes. No, it wasn’t hurt. It was…longing. But it disappeared so quickly she wondered if she’d imagined it.

  “Well, if isn’t a little Lollipop.” He said it with a grin, like he was being cute.

  Yep. Totally imagined it. Everyone stopped talking and stared at her. Shame burned a fiery path down her spine.

  “What do you mean?” It took a moment for his girlfriend to make the connection. “Oh, my God, you’re the lead singer of the Lollipops. I’m not used to seeing you without your get-up.”

  She hated Cassian Ellis. Hated him. “I am.” The country star had made her feel legitimate, like she belonged. Leave it to Cassian to make her feel like a fraud.

  “How fun.” The woman’s smile seemed genuine.

  “Hope you brought your knee socks,” Cassian said.

  Fucker. “Why? Did you want to borrow them? A little role play with your girlfriend?”

  “Oh, it’s not—” the woman began.

  Cassian snugged an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders, hauling her up hard against him. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Lollipops might be for kids, but we like our fun a little more grown up. Right, babe?”

  The girlfriend rolled her eyes. “Okay, Casanova. Let me grab some salad, and then we can sit down.” As she moved around him, he swatted her ass and said, “Sure, babe.” But she just threw him a look over her shoulder. Really?

  What was that? Gigi had no idea what was going on, but she’d obviously forgotten for a moment there that he was an elite athlete. He’d always go for the first down to win.

  And sparring with him would only make her look naïve and young.

  Why had she engaged with him? She wished she’d stayed in her room—or at least handled herself better. Because now he knew she was still hung up on the past.

  When she turned to give Grant an apologetic smile, she found he’d already gone back to the table.

  Her shoulders sagged in defeat.

  Can I please have a do-over?

  Chapter Four

  As soon as she sat back down, Kevin began his speech. “Please go ahead and eat—don’t let your food go cold—while I get you all up to speed. Let me just start out by telling you how awesome it was to let the hospitals know about our last-minute additions. Everyone loves the Mavericks, so Cassian, you’re going to be quite popular this week. And we’ve got a couple kids who are going to love Gigi from the Lollipops.”

  Cassian hummed a few bars from “UpBeat,” and people laughed.

  Kevin shook his hips. “Hey, now, don’t get me started. You’re going to get the whole restaurant on their feet, dancing. Okay, so, first up, tomorrow the hospital’s throwing a fair for the patients and their families at a community center, and you guys will provide the entertainment. This is going to be especially fun, because we’ve got a little boy who’s obsessed with penguins. So…we’ve arranged a visit from the zoo.”

  A few people gasped and murmured, No way, that’s so cool. Kevin smiled. “Right? We’ve also got a couple of die-hard country fans, so Grant, you’ll play for them in the main room.” He smiled at the actor. “There’s a reading nook inside, so if you want to read to the kids, that space is all yours.”

  Macy nodded. “Sounds good.”

  Kevin pointed at Cassian. “Your coach is overnighting some logo wear to the hotel, so as soon as it gets here, we’ll race over there with it.” He gave a faux-serious expression to the group. “Try not to stay out too late tomorrow night, because the next morning we leave at nine AM for Salina, Kansas. Now, there, we’ve got a seventeen-year-old boy with leukemia.”

  As Kevin continued to lay out the schedule for the next week, Gigi forced her attention on her dinner. Though she felt Cassian’s eyes scraping over her skin like nettles, she refused to look at him.

  Because if she did, he’d see so much more than anger. He’d see she hadn’t forgotten the good, sweet memories.

  I belong with you.

  Every time she remembered the feel of her hand in his, the way he’d looked at her like she was the light drawing him out of the darkness, her heart just twisted.

  That night at the party, yes, okay, she’d kissed him. But he’d kissed her back, and it had been real. You can’t fake a response like that.

  She should know. She’d never felt anything like it since.

  When she couldn’t take it anymore, she looked up, wanting to read his expression and see if he felt even an ounce of regret for having destroyed their friendship.

  But he wasn’t looking at her. He was smiling, as his girlfriend gazed up at him.

  God, they made a gorgeous couple. So sexy and glamorous.

  Rage rushed her, and she had to check the impulse to lob a roll at his head.

  You are so stupid. Getting all worked up over a kiss from nine years ago?

  Are you kidding me? He’s had seven million kisses since then.

  He’d forgotten her. Moved on.

  When the presentation ended, everyone started chatting. She heard people talking about going to the bar after dinner, but she couldn’t do it. She would give one hundred percent of herself on this tour—starting tomorrow. Tonight, she needed some time alone.

  Kevin came up to her. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Yes, of course.” She pushed her chair back and followed him a few feet away from the table. “What’s up?”

  “Is there going to be a problem between you and Cassian?”

  “No, of course not.” Oh, God. How humiliating.

  “Okay, good. I thought I picked up some tension between you two. See, the thing is, we’re really glad to have him with us, but he’s got some bad press at the moment, and it’s extremely important that it not impact the tour.”

  “Then why is he here?”

  “Can you imagine what would happen if we didn’t allow people on these tours who had something going on in the press?” Kevin asked with a smile. “That would get really complicated. So, our policy is to not give it any attention, keep the focus on the kids.” He paused, his expression turning serious. “It just…it can’t be on the Lollipop and the Bad Boy Quarterback.”

  The weight of embarrassment crushed her down to the size of a pebble. “I promise you there will be no problems. I’ll be one hundred percent focused on this tour.”

  “Great. Just what I want to hear. We’re actually adding a few more visits since you joined. There are a lot of kids who want to meet you.”

  “I can’t wait to meet them.” Honestly, they’d bring her as much joy as she brought them.

  If she kept that in mind, it would be a great week.

  Cassian swiped the bathroom mirror with a hand towel before he started shaving and looked into the face of an asshole.

  Well, if it isn’t a little Lollipop.

  That was his first sentence to Gigi in nine years.

  As regret scored his heart, he stopped scraping and closed his eyes. Jesus, he’d never get that image out of his brain, the proud jut of her chin, all while her eyes screamed hurt and humiliation.

  I did that. I hurt her.

  Again.

  Okay, well. New day, fresh start. Tilting his head back, he shaved his neck. In his defense, he hadn’t been expecting to see her. He’d choked, plain and simple.

  Because she’d been looking at him with disgust.

  That’s because she thought you were flirting in front of your “girlfriend.”

  Who just happened to be the same woman he’d held naked in his arms in a tabloid photograph. The same woman he’d supposedly had a threesome with.

  Nice. Way to reinforce her shitty impression of him.

  He turned on t
he faucet and rinsed the razor, before drawing it back over his jaw.

  “Knock knock.” Amie entered his room from the adjoining one. “Okay, I printed out the schedule, so now you have a physical copy. The guys get into Calamity tomorrow. I’ll meet with them in the morning and get their groups worked out. Well, except for Dean. But he’ll be there on opening day.”

  His friend had an opportunity to visit his new girlfriend—an actual princess—so he was grabbing the chance.

  Finished shaving, Cassian peered out of the bathroom. “You confirm the teachers for the electives?”

  “Yes.” Amie read notes on her phone. “Let’s see. Callie’s committed to teaching art for all three sessions. Delilah can’t do a daily class, but she’s going to take the kids to the farmer’s market Saturday mornings and then do a cooking class. And Meghan’s psyched to do yoga—” She glanced up to find him heading for the luggage stand. Gawking, she immediately looked away. “Jesus, Cassian. Put some clothes on. There are some things a girl can’t unsee.”

  He stood in nothing but his boxers. “You’re the one who walked into my room without knocking.”

  “I knocked.”

  “You said the word, as you barged in. Now, turn around and let me get dressed.” He grabbed his jeans off the top of his suitcase and stepped into them. While there, he glanced at his cell phone and saw a few text messages.

  Tyler: Need a favor

  There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for Gigi’s dad.

  Cassian: Anything.

  Tyler: 10 year old kid’s obsessed with penguins, so we’re bringing in two from the zoo. Want to give him something he can take home. Got a car waiting for you at the valet desk. Get directions for toy stores and see if you can find a stuffed penguin.

  Cassian: You got it.

  Tyler: Thanks.

  “Everything okay?” Amie asked.

  “Yeah. I’ve got to run an errand, though. Anything else we need to discuss before you head back to Calamity?”

  “Just those money transfers, but let’s wait until I pull all the receipts together for the new equipment we bought. I’ll have it done by the time you get back to the hotel.”

  “I might not come back.” Who knew how easy it would be to find a stuffed penguin? “Might have to head straight to the community center. Just send a PDF of the receipts to me.”

  “Or I can stop by the center. I checked, and it’s on my way to the airport.” When she saw his alarm, she said, “Would you chill out? I’ll text you when I get there, and you can meet me in the car, so no one sees us together.”

  She’d come on the trip to go over last-minute camp business—but only on the condition that they not be seen together in front of fans or press. He didn’t need to stir up more speculation about the nature of their relationship.

  “Everyone’s going to have their cameras out. Not going to risk it.” Pulling on his jersey, he stepped into his running shoes and headed out the door. “Thanks for coming out here with me. I’ll see you in a week.”

  “Hey, Cassian?”

  Holding it open, he glanced back at her, wondering at the hesitation in her tone.

  “Is there anything going on between you and the Lollipop?”

  A shock of sensation ripped through him. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to make a connection between him and Gigi. “No, why?”

  “Just…the way you two went after each other last night. I mean, you obviously have history.”

  “Her dad coached me in high school, so we’ve known each other a long time. But, as you can see, she can’t stand me. And that’s never going to change.” Not while there are headlines about me having threesomes.

  “She’s not, like, the love of your life and you’re secretly hoping to get back with her or something?”

  Heat flooded his body, and it took a hell of a lot of self-discipline to remain disinterested.

  “No.” How the hell had she picked up on that? Was he that obvious? “Why’re you asking?”

  “Just the way you looked at each other. Sparks all over the place. But, okay, if you say so.”

  Yeah, they had sparks, all right. She could have ignited his clothing with all the sparks shooting out of her eye sockets. “See you later.” He let the door fall shut behind him.

  On his way down to the lobby, he texted Kevin, letting him know Tyler had sent him on an errand, so he wouldn’t be taking the van. Once outside, he put on his sunglasses and hit the valet station. “Good morning. Tyler Cavanaugh told me there’s a car waiting for me.”

  “Yes, sir. She’s already in it.”

  “She?” He glanced over to find Gigi getting into the driver’s side of a Chevy. “Hang on. There’s only one car?”

  “Yes, sir. As far as I know, only one car was rented for your group.”

  “Thanks.” He strode over, but she’d already slipped inside and shut the door. He rapped on the window.

  Ignoring him, she shifted into Drive.

  “Hey.” She was going to leave without him. He banged on the window. “Hey.”

  When she gave him an impatient look, he made a circular motion with his hand. Roll down the window.

  Pushing the button on her side panel, she cracked it. “What?”

  “Your dad rented this car for me. I have an errand to run for him. But don’t worry, I can bring you back your caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream.”

  She gave him a withering look. “I’m not hijacking your rental car to make a coffee run, you idiot. But, since I’m already running an errand for my mom, I’ll talk to my dad and see what he needs, too. See ya.”

  He gripped the window frame. “Hang on. Your dad doesn’t ask much of me, so you can bet your ass when he does, I’m going to do it.”

  “Aw, such loyalty. Shame it doesn’t extend to your girlfriends.” She checked her rearview mirror. “Look, you go back inside. I’m sure there’s been a shift change with the staff, which gives you a whole new group of playmates. So, you do what you’re good at, and I’ll take care of business for my parents.”

  “Thanks for that hot tip, but—shew—those ladies wore me out last night. Guess I’m not as young as I used to be. Listen, you can drive away right now, but I think you know if you tell your dad you’re going to do the errand for me, he’s going to know we’re not getting along. Which means one of us is going to get pulled from this tour. Which one do you think it’ll be?”

  “Wow, you’ve really honed your assholery over the years. I’m impressed. Get in.”

  She popped the lock, and before she could change her mind, he opened the door and dropped onto the seat, reaching between his legs to shift it back as far as it went.

  “Where to?” She idled under the portico.

  And, oh, man, did she smell nice. Different than the teenager who’d carried the scent of lavender and vanilla in her clothing but familiar in a way that gave him a soul-deep wallop of recognition.

  Mine.

  “We need to get a stuffed penguin.” He typed Nearest Toy Stores to Me into his phone. A few came up. “Penny Whistle’s the closest.”

  “Do you know if they have them?”

  “I’ll find out.” He hit Call. It felt so strange, sitting in a car beside her again after all these years, talking about penguins, like it was just a normal day.

  But it wasn’t normal. Because everything had changed.

  She’d dyed her once-dark hair to platinum blonde, and her body had filled out, giving her a lush ripeness that, coupled with her take-no-shit spirit, was a real turn-on.

  “Nice outfit, by the way.” He noticed she’d replaced the ripped jeans, hoodies and Uggs of her high school days with knee socks and combat boots.

  No, she didn’t look much the same at all.

  And yet…his soul stirred in recognition. He felt the pull deep down.

  “Fuck off.” She kept her focus on the oncoming traffic.

  Which meant she didn’t catch his grin.

  “Penny Whistle,” a man ans
wered. “How can I help you?’

  “Hey, I’m looking for a stuffed penguin.”

  “Nope. Sorry. That’s one we don’t have.”

  “Okay.” But he wasn’t showing up without one. “The thing is, we’re visiting a boy at the Cancer Center this afternoon, and he’s got a thing for penguins.”

  “Ah, okay. Gotcha. That’s real nice. Let me think about that…” The man went quiet for a moment. “You know what your best bet’s gonna be? The Maritime Center downtown.”

  “Excellent idea, thank you.”

  “You got it. Good luck.”

  Cassian disconnected. “He said to try the Maritime Center.”

  “Great idea. Well, I’m supposed to get cupcakes with penguins on them, so why don’t you start calling bakeries and see if you can find someone who can do that for us? We can hit the Maritime Center while they’re working on our cupcakes. If we’re lucky, you’ll get a woman on the line and you can work your charms on her.”

  He deserved everything she gave him, so he kept his mouth shut. Holding up his phone, he spoke into the mic. “Bakeries near me.” A list came up, and he called the closest one.

  “Good morning,” a woman said. “Hanson’s Bakery.”

  “Hey, we need about…” He glanced to Gigi.

  “Three dozen?” she said quietly.

  He nodded. “Three dozen cupcakes. Right now.”

  “I can do that.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

  “That’s great…but can you do it with penguins on them?”

  The woman laughed. “Ha. That’s a good one. When do you need them by?”

  “By noon.”

  “Nope, not a chance. Sorry.”

  “I understand.” And he was pretty sure he’d hear the same answer from every bakery, so he needed a solution. “But we’re delivering them to the Children’s Cancer Center. There’s a little boy obsessed with penguins, so any suggestion you have will be appreciated.”

  “Oh, man. You know how to get to a girl. Okay, well, unless you special order, I doubt you’ll find a bakery who can pull it off for you, but there could be a compromise. There’s a party store in the Cuperton Mall. You know the animated movie Penguins? I’ll bet you can get plates and napkins and probably even something to put on top of the cupcakes from it.”