IT WAS ALWAYS YOU

by Erika Kelly

  “You’re right about that.”

  “Yeah, I know I am. Look, I have to go. I’ve got to do some damage control.”

  “I don’t want you to go like this. I want—”

  “You have to get to camp anyway. We’ll talk later.”

  He followed her back inside his house and watched her head up the stairs to get ready. Every step away from him raised his anxiety another notch. He didn’t want her to leave.

  It felt like she was slipping out of his grasp.

  * * *

  Later that afternoon, after the meeting with his security team, Cassian left his office and hurried along the hallway. He needed to get back out there, see how Walker was doing in today’s elective. Everyone on his staff would be watching, monitoring, the boy’s behavior, but Cassian felt the greatest sense of responsibility.

  As he passed Amie’s office, he heard her voice. Hushed, urgent. Upset.

  He’d been focused on himself. How the leaked photographs impacted his relationship with Gigi and his career. But, of course, Amie had a lot at stake, too.

  Obviously, now wasn’t the right time to check on her, but…it sounded like her boyfriend was giving her hell. I could talk to him, let him know nothing’s going on.

  Like he’d believe me—with my reputation?

  For so many years, he’d skimmed by, not giving a shit about anything outside football, and now the consequences were hitting him fast and hard. His behavior was impacting other people. People who mattered.

  He’d just let her know he was there for her. He cracked the door open.

  “I don’t know what more I can do.” Her back to him, Amie had an arm tucked across her stomach, staring out the window onto the football field. “If this isn’t enough, then…God, I just…of course I want this. You know I want it more than anything.” She turned and saw him, giving him a plaintive look, and then said, “I have to go. Well, there’s nothing I can do right now, and I have a camp to run, so let’s just talk later.” She disconnected and tossed her phone on the desk.

  He gave her a chin nod. “Everything all right?”

  “It’s just…it’s not fair. I have no control over anything.”

  “Steve’s breaking up with you?”

  She cocked her head. “Steve? Oh.” She shook her head dismissively. “I don’t know. He’s not speaking to me. Why would he? In the past two weeks, he’s seen me all over social media with you. That…” She flicked a hand at the phone. “Was my agent. I didn’t want to say anything, because you obviously have enough of your own stuff to deal with, but I might lose my job. They were already discussing whether being naked in your arms violated my morals clause, but now…this second time? It doesn’t look good.”

  He’d wondered about that. “Is there anything I can do? You want me to talk to someone, make it clear we’re not together?”

  She shook her head. “I mean, it’s not like cheerleading’s a career. It’s meant to be a stepping stone. Well, I’m almost thirty, and I don’t have a next step. Which is why getting back on the show matters so much to me. I mean, I don’t even know what I can be this late in life. It’s too late for me to go into broadcasting, which was my major. I need to get back on the show, and I don’t know how. And I just feel scared and hopeless…” She tipped her head back, blowing out a breath. “I’m a take-charge woman. I make things happen, but right now I have no control over anything.”

  He’d talked to her before about careers, and she’d made it clear she didn’t want to coach cheer or be a fitness trainer. She didn’t want to open a dance studio. Besides, he didn’t think she’d want to discuss her career options right now. So, all he could do was reassure her that he was handling the photographer situation. “I get it. I’m feeling the same way about this guy who’s following me around.”

  “This guy? You mean you know who’s taking the pictures?”

  “I just met with my security team, and they’ve gone over the footage in both hotels. It’s definitely the same person. In Aspen, the guy entering the room that overlooks the pool is wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt. The guy who caught the images last night came out of the bathroom. He was wearing cargo shorts and a baggy T-shirt. They’re wearing different ball caps but carrying the same camera bag.”

  She seemed surprised. “Is he working alone?”

  “It looks like it.”

  “So, how do we get him?”

  He trusted Amie—she’d done a great job running his camp and helping him organize the parties he threw for the guys before and after, but he knew how badly she wanted to get on the TV show. How far would she go? If she were behind this, wouldn’t she be freaking out that they were coming close to discovering the guy’s identity? He watched her carefully, as he said, “We’ve also got footage of a rental car.”

  “Do you have the license plate? If you do, we can get the police involved. They can see which hotel he’s staying in. He has to be staying somewhere in town.”

  Cassian couldn’t believe the relief he felt. He didn’t like accusing Amie, but he had to consider every possibility. “We can’t get the police involved, because all the pictures were shot in public spaces. But we’re going to see if a clerk at the rental agency’s willing to help us out. I’m also hiring more security, because I’m done being stalked. This place…”

  “I know. It’s your sanctuary.”

  “It was bound to happen. I chose to run my camp where I live, but to the extent I can preserve its privacy, I’m going to. If I bring the paparazzi, I ruin things for a lot of people. I’d hate to have to shut down my camp.”

  She looked horrified. “That’s not going to happen. I saw the shots. There’s no indication which hotel or which parking lot. No one can figure out the details.”

  “It’s not hard to figure out a location.”

  “Oh, God.” She let out a shaky breath.

  “What?” Did she know something?

  “It’s just…this camp is so good. We’ve worked so hard, and the kids get so much out of it. If the paparazzi start showing up, the guys might stop coming. One of the reasons we get so many players here is because of the anonymity. If that changes…” She gazed up at him, eyes glazed with tears. “I love working here.”

  “Hey, we’re not closing our doors, and no one’s bailing on me.” Yet. “We’ve got a lot of people on this.” Before he left, he wanted to address her boyfriend. “If you want, I can talk to Steve, reassure him we’re not a thing.”

  She snatched a tissue out of the box. “He knows about your rule, you know? That you don’t hook up with women you’re going to see again. That’s one of the reasons he’s always been so comfortable with me working with you. But now this—two pictures in less than two weeks? He feels like a fool.”

  “I can talk to him, if you think it’ll help.”

  “What about you? Are you in trouble for this? I didn’t even ask.”

  “For being seen with two beautiful women?” He shrugged, faking a big smile. “Listen, I have to check on Walker, but we can talk about this some more, if you want. I’ll let you know what we find out.”

  He started out the door, when she said, “Cassian? Is everything okay with Gigi? I mean, she’s caught up in this, too.”

  “I can’t imagine a Lollipop carousing with someone like me’s a good thing for her career, but…” He shrugged, like Not my problem.

  “What were you doing with her last night? I mean, why were you carrying her?”

  Fair question. “It was her idea to give Walker another chance. She came with me. I was just…really damn happy she’d gotten through to him.”

  “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you? Anyone can see the way you look at her.” She came around the desk. “You can tell me, you know.”

  “There’s nothing to tell. I know her through her dad—been friends a long time.” He didn’t like lying, but he had no choice. He’d done enough harm to Gigi.

  He’d protect her at any cost.

  Chap
ter Fifteen

  Cassian stood on the side of the field, watching the running back drills. After a rough morning, the kids had asked if they could try again in the afternoon. He liked that. How much they cared.

  “Foot back, shoulders squared.” Andre had the kids working on stance. “You’re leaning, Walker. What’s bad about leaning?”

  “It tells the other team where I’m going to run.” Walker sounded bored. “But I’m not leaning.”

  Andre gave him a challenging look.

  “I’m not.” Walker straightened. “This isn’t leaning.”

  Cassian noticed the other kids’ frustration. Once again Walker was disrupting their session. “Walker.” He flicked his fingers. Come here.

  The boy’s features pinched into a foul expression. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Cassian didn’t waver. Letting out a huff of indignation, Walker started off toward him.

  “Andre doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Walker said.

  “Of course he knows. The guy averages eight yards per carry.” He stopped and faced him. “But we’ve already talked about respect, and badmouthing the man who volunteers his time to help you learn your position is unacceptable.”

  He scowled. “Are you sending me home again? Jesus, make up your mind.”

  “Instead of asking me that question, which makes it all about you, I’d rather hear you tell me how generous Andre is to give up his very limited free time to help you out. I’m not sending you home, but I do want to talk to you about something.”

  “Talk later. This drill’s almost over. Can I get back to my group now?”

  Cassian pinned him with a hard look. It took a few seconds, but the boy finally relaxed his stance. “Yesterday, I asked you about your goals. You said you wanted to drive fancy cars and live in a mansion. But, today, I want a serious answer. Why are you here?”

  At this point, he recognized the kid’s facial expressions. He really hoped the boy had the courage to get real with him.

  Walker dug the toe of his cleat into the grass. Without looking up, he said, “I like football. I want to play on my school’s team.”

  Thank Christ. “That’s a good reason. And we’re here to help you get on the team. But, if that’s your goal, why aren’t you listening to what a professional player’s telling you to do? You’ve got less than a week here. You could really up your game if you just paid attention, instead of fighting every step of the way.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I can promise you right now if your attitude is whatever, you’re not going to make it to the next level. And, trust me, you’ve got a lot of levels to pass through to make it to Andre’s.”

  “I have natural ability. Everyone says so.”

  “That and five bucks will get you a burger and fries. But it won’t get you on a team. Look, think of it like this. You’re at the bottom of a mountain. No one’s allowed at this base camp unless they have natural ability. So, that’s a given. That’s your ticket in. Now, you’ve got to make it all the way to the top of the mountain. Ninety-nine percent of the guys standing beside you won’t make it to the top. You know why? They’re going to get distracted. They’re going to want to party with their friends or blow off practice, or they’re going to get sick of working so hard when it looks like they’re getting nothing out of it. And there will be a lot of days when you think you’re not getting better, will never get better. The only guys who make it to the top are the ones who push through those days and keep on working their asses off. You hear me?”

  “Yeah.” He stopped digging and looked Cassian right in the eye. “I hear you.”

  This is good. Really good. “When I was your age, I went to my first football camp. I came home thinking I was a badass. I was going to be a football god. But a week later, I got a letter in the mail. Turns out, coaches send the athletes evaluation forms. So, I’m reading mine, and of course I’ve got all tens for the drills. I kicked ass at them. Scored high for athleticism, agility, speed, but I got the lowest possible score for coachability. I didn’t even know what that meant, so I ignored it. Until I applied for an elite camp in Florida a few months later and didn’t get in. Couldn’t believe it. I was the best, right? But guess what? Coaches won’t work with kids with attitude. Why? Because if you’re not open to learning from them, then they can’t help you. That was my wake-up call.” Because he’d hated letting Tyler Cavanaugh down. “After that, I became the most coachable football player the world had ever seen.” He grinned.

  The kid looked down at his grass-stained shoes. “I want to make the elite team.”

  Well, hell. The kid was finally getting real with him. At the end of the season, Cassian hosted one last session. He and the coaches picked a total of twenty kids—the best athletes from the summer—and held an intensive one-week session. No more art or cooking. Just football. Watching tape, talking strategy…everything to get them on the right path.

  “I wish I’d known that from the beginning.” In fact, in the form the campers had to fill out about their dietary restrictions, allergies, and sleep issues, there was a box at the bottom that asked if they were able to attend the final session if invited.

  Cassian couldn’t remember if Walker had checked the box or not.

  “If you really want that, you have to step it up. When Andre tells you what to do, you do it. You don’t challenge him. You either say, Yes, sir, or ask him to clarify. In fact, the more you express an interest in learning, the more attention you’ll get. Look, in a lot of situations you want to hold your cards close to your chest. Like, you have a crush on a girl, and you don’t want her to know. But in football? The more interested you are, the more you get out of it. Does that make sense?”

  Walker nodded.

  He clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m really glad you told me about the elite team. Now, show Andre how much you want it.” He held up his hand and ticked off a finger. “Be the first to show up at practice and help set up and break down.” He ticked off another one. “Listen to your coach.” And another. “Lead the others by helping them—not distracting them.” And a fourth. “Keep your focus on making the elite team. When you get pissed off, when someone has the great idea to break into the director’s office—remember what making the elite team means to you. Can you do that?”

  His expression said, I can do anything. “Now, can I get back there?”

  “And we’re back to square one.”

  Walker grinned. “I got this. You’ll see.” He took off.

  For the first time, Cassian felt hope for the kid. He was so glad he hadn’t sent him home.

  Thanks to Gigi.

  Energy rolled in. Excitement spiked with the anxiety of not knowing how she was handling this morning’s headline.

  He needed to see her. Needed to make sure they were all right.

  He’d skip dinner with the campers and go to her house.

  “I just don’t understand why you’ve changed your mind.” Her mom’s gaze flicked to the rearview mirror as she braked for a stoplight. “You said yourself you could work here just as well as your home studio.”

  “Grant’s got a meeting in LA anyhow.” On the one hand, she was thrilled the country star was down to record a duet with her. On the other…she was leaving Cassian.

  And it broke her heart.

  No, no, no. Not going to sink into the abyss. She had no choice.

  “Where do things stand with the label?” her mom asked.

  “Dale’s disappointed. She ‘expected better of me.’”

  “That’s just ridiculous. You did nothing wrong.”

  “I agree, and my manager says being carried by Cassian Ellis doesn’t violate the morals clause, so they can’t break the contract. But it doesn’t matter what we think. Dale’s the one with all the power.”

  “Maybe you should take this duet with Grant to a different label. Somewhere less restrictive.” Her mom turned off I-191 and onto the two-lane road that led to the air strip.


  “Mom. We’ve been over this. My best shot is to reinvent myself through Clean Beatz. No one wants a demo from a damaged Lollipop. It’s fine. Besides, I’ll get more work done in LA.”

  Her mom was quiet for a moment. “You don’t think Cassian cheated on you, do you?”

  “No.” She knew the strength of his feelings for her—his kisses didn’t lie. “But he just refuses to see Amie’s game. She’s good, believe me. An amazing actress. But the fact that he can’t see how hard she’s coming onto him means it’s just going to keep happening. He didn’t have to untie Amie’s bikini top. He could’ve told her to do it herself. He didn’t have to sweep her off the diving board half-naked. Dad would never do those things.”

  “No, he wouldn’t. But you don’t doubt Cassian’s love for you, do you?”

  No. “It’s hilarious that you’re telling me to stay with a guy who’s in the press for threesomes and infidelity.” She shook her head. “After what you did to keep us apart, now you want me with him? When he’s actually hurting my ‘potential’? That’s rich.”

  “I’m sorry, Gigi. I’m sorry that a choice we made caused you so much sorrow. You know how much we love you, right?”

  “I do. Whatever. None of this matters anymore. I’m trying to build a future. And I can’t do it with all of Cassian’s drama.”

  “Well, I’m sad to see you go.” Her mom glanced out the side mirror, concern creasing her forehead. “I don’t like the empty nest.”

  “Mom, seriously?”

  “What? Why do you say that?”

  “You kept us constantly busy. We were never home.”

  “Of course you were home.”

  “Can you think of one time you let us just be lazy and watch TV all day?” Or even for a few hours?

  “I was trying to help you find your passions. And it worked. You’re a successful musician, Lulu’s a Cordon Bleu chef, and Coco’s making chocolates so special they go in Academy Award goody bags.” That pained look in her mom’s eyes made Gigi think about Stella.