Forgiveness: A Lords of Carnage MC Christmas

by Loveling, Daphne

  Jewel

  “Come on, Santa! Can we get a little ‘Ho, ho, ho’?”

  Sydney holds up her phone, trying to get the best angle to take pictures of her and Brick’s three kids — Sienna, Landon, and Logan — with Smiley, who graciously agreed to don the jolly fat man’s suit for our party. Landon and Logan, three year-old twins, are squirming on Santa’s knees, refusing to sit still like the toddler tornadoes they are. Sienna, at six, stands at Santa’s right side, prim as a princess. Her copper hair is done up in ringlets and a black velvet ribbon. She’s the picture of a little girl who’s trying to be nice and not naughty to remain in Santa’s good graces.

  I wander up, bouncing TJ in my arms. Kneeling, Sydney clicks shot after shot, until finally the twins have had enough and wriggle out of Santa’s arms. They race away, off to find some mischief to get into. Syd turns to me.

  “I can’t believe they’re growing so fast,” she sighs wistfully as she stands. “God, two or three years from now, Sienna probably won’t even believe in Santa anymore.”

  “It is crazy,” I agree. “TJ isn’t even two yet, and I already feel like he’s going to be grown up before I have a chance to blink.”

  “Do you want to get a picture of him with Santa?” Sydney asks, nodding toward Smiley. “Looks like his lap is free.”

  I laugh. “I tried a bit ago. TJ threw a holy fit. He is not on board with the fat dude in the red suit. Maybe next year.”

  “I hope we do this again next year,” Sydney says, sweeping the room with her gaze. “This is fun. I know the men complained about it, but it’s great for the kids.”

  “We will,” I promise. “Since we got it done once, next year will be even easier. And twice in a row is a tradition. After that, the guys won’t have a leg to stand on.”

  Sydney laughs. “You’re devious.”

  “I think I might have learned that from Jenna,” I chuckle.

  “Santa, you can take five!” Sydney calls out.

  “About time. What’s Kris Kringle gotta do to get a drink around here?” Smiley booms.

  “I’ll be your personal bartender,” I tell him. “For old time’s sake.”

  I head over toward the bar, Timothy still in my arms. Thankfully, Brooke’s foster daughter, Lila, is standing a few feet away. “Li, could you take TJ for a bit?” I ask her.

  “Sure thing!” she grins. “Come here Bruiser. What do you say we go play blocks or something?”

  I smile after them, watching TJ make a fascinated grab for Lila’s red curls, as he always does. Lila’s just turned fourteen, and she’s turning into a real beauty. She’s a tomboy through and through — tough as nails, and one of Brooke’s most avid students at her gym. I make a mental note to tell Brooke what an amazing job she’s done with Lila, and what a special young woman she’s turning into.

  As I grab the ingredients for Smiley’s request — a White Russian — I breathe a happy sigh looking around the clubhouse at all the friends and family gathered here. It truly feels like a joyous event, and a definite success. All the men seem like they’re in high spirits (lubricated by adult beverages, of course). I can tell all the same that something went down with the club in the last couple of days. I’m guessing it had to do with Abe Abbott. The atmosphere among the Lords feels like a tension has lifted, somehow. I want to ask Angel about it, but I don’t want to wreck his good mood.

  Later, maybe. Or not. Maybe I’ll just let it go, and be thankful for whatever happened.

  Speaking of Angel, he and my brother Jude walk in the front door just as I’m finishing up with Smiley’s drink. Jude’s old beater car is acting up, and the two of them went over to the club’s shop, Twisted Pipes, to take a look at it.

  “Hey, there,” I greet them both. “You figure out what was wrong with the car?”

  “Yeah, it’s the alternator, like I figured,” Jude says. “Hawk says he’ll help me replace it after Christmas.”

  “That’s nice of him,” I say.

  “You’re tellin’ me,” he smirks. “It’s gonna save me a shitload of money. Merry Christmas to me.”

  Jude goes behind the bar and grabs a Coke, then wanders off. I can’t help but notice he winds his way over to Lila and TJ almost immediately.

  “Hey, babe,” Angel murmurs, coming up behind me. He wraps his arms around me and playfully bites at my neck.

  “Whoa, careful!” I giggle. “That tickles! You’ll make me spill Smiley’s drink!”

  “Well, go over and give it to him, then come back to me,” Angel orders, pulling up a bar stool.

  “Yes, sir!” I mock salute my husband and take the White Russian over to Smiley, who thanks me and tries to take a sip of it through the long white beard he’s attached over his shorter gray one.

  “You could just take that off, you know,” I point out. “It’d make drinking a lot easier.”

  “What, and blow my cover?” Smiley asks, sounding shocked. “What would the kids think if they saw me?”

  I laugh and can’t help but lean over to give him a hug. “You’re a good man, Smiley. Lucy is lucky to have you.”

  “Oh, now, don’t tell her that,” he chuckles. “She’s liable to dump me, just out of sheer contrariness. She prefers to think she’s a saint for putting up with me.”

  When I go back to Angel, he flashes me the wide, cocky grin I’ve come to know so well. “You’re back to bartending at the clubhouse, then?” he asks.

  I punch him in the shoulder. “Only for Smiley. He’s doing the Lord’s work over there with the kids.”

  “You think any of them really think he’s Santa?” Angel draws me against him. I breathe in the warm, familiar scent of him. All man. All mine.

  “They want to believe in the magic, so they do,” I reply. “Next year, TJ will, too.”

  Just then, Jenna and Ghost come over to join us. I see Angel’s grin slip a little, and his muscles tense just enough that I notice.

  “Hey, Jewel,” Jenna nods, then turns to Angel. “Hey, big brother. You still mad at me?”

  “Yep. I’m mad as hell.” Angel pauses. “But I understand.”

  Jenna exhales. “Whew. Well, I guess that’s all I can ask for. So, you forgive me?”

  “Eventually,” Angel growls. “Don’t push it.”

  Jenna snorts. “You know you love me.” She glances toward the far corner. “Did you see that Dad is here with Trudy?”

  The four of us all look over. “Yeah,” Ghost grunts. “What’s that about?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I hesitate. “I think they might be dating,” I murmur. “Or getting ready to.”

  “What?” Jenna’s eyes widen.

  “They came into the Smiling Skull for drinks. Abe said they were just there to talk about old times.” I cock my head. “But they look kind of cute together, don’t you think?”

  “I am not at all sure I’m ready to wrap my mind around Trudy and Dad dating,” Jenna admits, looking dazed.

  “Well, we don’t know that they are. It’s just a hunch I have.” I pause. “But whatever it is, I hope they’re happy.”

  The four of us sit together. Ghost and Angel drink and joke around, Jenna and I chat and watch the kids laugh and play together. Lila has handed TJ off to Jude now, and is showing Mariana some jiu jitsu moves while the other kids look on. As we watch, Lila comes at Mariana, who maneuvers herself under Lila and successfully flips her over her shoulder, landing her on the floor. The kids gathered around them whoop and pump their fists, clapping.

  Jenna calls over to them. “No fighting inside!” she warns.

  A group of Lords next to us erupts in raucous laughter.

  “Darlin’, in this clubhouse?” coughs Bullet, wiping his eyes. “There’s a fight in here at least once a week!”

  Jenna sticks out her tongue at him. I go over and take TJ from Jude. “I’m not gonna have my son get a roundhouse kick to the face,” I mock-scold as Jude hands him over.

  “Oh, Auntie Jewel,” Mariana rolls her
eyes at me, like a true tween in training. “I have much better control than that!”

  On the way back to our table, I see Abe and Trudy stand up. Abe makes eye contact with me, and I realize the two of them are coming over to us. My stomach flips unpleasantly. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but I do know this could go south very quickly.

  “Well, what do we have here?” Abe’s eyes lock onto TJ, his mouth spreading into a wide smile. “Is this my grandson?”

  I glance uncertainly at Angel. His face is carefully neutral.

  “This is Timothy James,” I say, holding him up for my father-in-law to see. “TJ, meet your grandpa.”

  “Can I hold him?” Abe asks, his voice coming out in a croak. I see there are tears in his eyes.

  “TJ, do you want to go to Grandpa?”

  My beautiful son shows us his baby teeth in a wide grin, and holds his arms out. Abe gathers him into a hug, and settles TJ on his hip. “Look, Trudy. My grandson. My third grandchild.” He eyes me. “And my daughter-in-law.”

  Angel doesn’t say anything. But the most important thing right now is, he’s not asking his father to leave. It’s a start.

  “Welcome home, Abe,” I say, feeling tears prick my own eyes.

  “He’s a beautiful baby,” Trudy remarks, pursing her lips. “You know what? I need a refill on this drink. Jewel…”

  I cringe instantly, sure she’s going to treat me like the bartender and ask me to get it for her.

  But instead, she looks at me with an expression that almost looks like an apology.

  “Looks like your drink’s empty, too,” she finishes, nodding at the table where my glass is. “Wanna come get a refill with me?”

  “Um… sure,” I murmur, trying to hide my shock.

  As we walk away, Trudy whispers to me under her breath.

  “You’re good at this, you know. Being queen of the club. Better than I ever was.”

  “I…” I flush pink, so surprised I can’t find my words for a second. “Thank you, Trudy.”

  We’re at the bar now. The two of us set our glasses down and wait for the prospect to refill us.

  “Abe is so relieved, you know?” She continues. “That things are working out. He loves his kids. He really does. He’s just made a lot of mistakes.” She lets out a dry laugh. “I can relate to that.”

  “You two seem to be getting along really well,” I say cautiously.

  “Yeah, well. He and I are the same generation. We understand each other.” She lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “We both know what it’s like to have regrets. To look back on the past and feel like all you see are endings.”

  Despite everything that’s gone between us in the past, I feel a sudden sympathy for the woman standing before me.

  “You know, it seems like sometimes, what you think is the end of something is really a new beginning,” I offer. “In fact, that’s kind of how Angel and I got together.”

  “Yeah? Maybe you’re right.” She lifts her glass, smiling, clinks it softly against mine. “You’re all right, kid.”

  I should feel insulted by her words, maybe. But instead, I just feel strangely at peace.

  “You too, Trudy,” I smile back. “You, too.”

  Epilogue

  Angel

  One Year Later

  “You want another beer, old man?”

  “Don’t mind if I do,” Abe agrees. He leans back against the couch cushions with a grunt and hands me his empty bottle. “But two’ll have to be my limit. I gotta drive Trudy home after this.”

  “Damn right you do,” Trudy agrees from over near the Christmas tree. She bounces TJ on her lap, who’s jabbering away at Tudy and doing his best to destroy the cloth reindeer ornament in his hands. “I still got my dish to make for the potluck tomorrow.”

  “What are you making?” Jewel asks. She nudges the step stool over to the tree with her foot and steps on the first rung, holding on to the wall for balance.

  “Hey,” I bark. “What are you doing?”

  “Just trying to put the top ornament on,” she shrugs. “Angel, it’s not that high.”

  “Like hell it ain’t,” I grunt. “Let me do that. You’re staying safely on the ground this Christmas. You can do it next year.”

  I help her back down and take the glittery angel from her. Jewel gives me an eye roll, but her cute smirk tells me she’s only joking. She places a hand on the swell of her stomach. “You’re far too protective, Angel Abbott. You know that?”

  “Ain’t no such thing. Now git. Go sit down. You’re gonna tire yourself out.”

  Jewel’s not all that far along in the pregnancy, but I don’t give a damn. I hear her sigh, which ends in a soft chuckle as she sits down next to Trudy. “What is it with these domineering Abbott men, anyway?” she complains to her.

  I place the angel on top of the tree. Trudy somehow convinces TJ to give up the reindeer ornament and put it on as well. Then Jewel grabs the remote for the Christmas lights and puts it in his dimpled hands. “TJ, push the button! Make the tree light up!”

  Frowning, he gives all of his concentration to pressing the switch. A second later, the tree erupts in a rainbow of color and light. He shouts with glee, dropping the remote in his excitement. “It’s lighted up!” he crows, squirming off of Trudy’s lap to start jumping and dancing around.

  “Wish I could get as excited as this little one does about pretty much anything,” Trudy quips, but she’s smiling wider than I’ve ever seen her do.

  “I think he’s had a little too much hot chocolate,” Jewel says ruefully. “I’m just hoping he crashes before it’s time to put him down tonight. This might be the last Christmas Eve for a while that he goes down without wanting to wait up for Santa Claus.” She glances at me and groans, her eyes telegraphing the prospect of nighttime battles for years to come.

  “Everyone knows Santa doesn’t come if the little children in the house aren’t asleep,” Abe rumbles. “That’s the best blackmail around.”

  “Speaking of which, I should probably get TJ ready for his bath,” Jewel murmurs, getting to her feet. “Come on, buddy, let’s splash out some of that sugar high in the tub with your toys.”

  “You need any help with him?” Trudy offers.

  “No, but if you were inclined to put the dinner dishes in the dishwasher, that would be great,” Jewel replies gratefully.

  “Say no more.” Trudy gets up and heads into the kitchen.

  “I swear, those two women sure have mended some fences,” Abe grins, turning to me. “I know Trudy can be pretty prickly. I appreciate Jewel letting her come around with me, Angel. That’s a good woman you’ve got there.”

  “Don’t I know it.”

  “It’s funny,” he continues, suddenly serious. “I know I wasn’t a very good father, for the most part. But there’s a part of me that thinks you learned from me, anyway. From my negative example.” Abe peers at me and continues, voice growing hoarse while he speaks. “I’m proud of you, Gabriel. Proud of who you’ve become, without my help. You’re the man I should have taught you to be, but didn’t. I’m glad my fuckups didn’t fuck you up.”

  I don’t say anything for a few seconds. I ain’t in the habit of blowing smoke up people’s asses. I’m not gonna pretend what he says about his role as my father isn’t true, because we both know it is.

  “You’re makin’ up for it in your old age, old man,” I finally grunt. “I’ll give you one thing, though. You’re turnin’ out to be a better grandpa than you were a dad.”

  “I know it.” Abe chuckles. “Jenna and Ghost’s kids, and your TJ, are the lights of my life. And that bun Jewel’s got bakin’ in the oven… well, I can’t wait to spoil that little thing rotten. Thank Christ for second chances.” He pauses. “I don’t take any of that for granted, son. I’m happy as hell to be given my life back. And I’m happy as hell to be here to see you with a good life. And a wife like Jewel. She loves the hell out of you, Gabriel. She loves you the way your mother loved me,
back when we were first together. You take care you don’t take her for granted.”

  As always happens when my dad mentions my mom, a flare of anger lights inside me. My first impulse is to bark out that Abe has no fuckin’ right to give me advice about how to treat my wife.

  But I ain’t gonna let myself lose my shit over something like that. And I ain’t gonna ruin fuckin’ Christmas Eve for Jewel. That shit is water under the bridge. It’s all over now. And my dad’s trying. That’s good enough.

  “Looks like you get a re-do on that one, too,” I remark instead, nodding toward Trudy in the kitchen. Trudy and Abe aren’t officially a couple, as such. But they sure do keep each other’s company an awful lot. And because of that, it seemed natural as anything to invite her here for Christmas Eve along with him. I’d bet money that by next Christmas, the two of them’ll be living together.

  “No.” Abe shakes his head sadly. “I don’t get a re-do. I fucked my family life up, and my marriage, too. There’s no going back to fix that. But at least I do get a chance to prove I learned from my mistakes.” He looks at me. “You gave me that.”

  “No. I didn’t.” I frown. “The club gave you that.”

  He gives a little nod. “Okay. Sure. But either way, whatever happened, good or bad, I want you to know I never would have blamed you for it.” He pauses. “I love you, son. And I loved my family. But somewhere along the line, I started loving power more. Biggest mistake of my life. And I thank you for giving me the chance to try and make up for that, as much as I can. I wanted to tell you that, face to face. Man to man. Father to son.”

  The two of us sit, nursing our beers, not talking. Trudy finishes up with the dishes, then announces she needs to get back home. She and Abe call out a goodbye to Jewel in the bathroom, telling her they’ll see us at the clubhouse tomorrow.

  I sit back down on the couch and flip through some channels on the tube. When TJ’s done with his bath, I take him from Jewel.

  “I’ll put him to bed,” I tell her. “You go relax. I’ll be out in a while.”