Guilty

by Siobhan MacDonald

  He let the question go unanswered. He was trying to focus. He looked groggily at Sophie as she calmly zipped open a pocket in her jacket to take out a handful of long black tie-wraps. She drew up briskly behind him.

  He could hear her breath. He twisted his head to see what she was doing, watching as she secured his wrists to the spokes of the chair. He grimaced as a second plastic bracelet cut into his skin. She pulled the tie-wrap even tighter.

  ‘Christ!’ he cried.

  ‘Good,’ came Sophie’s satisfied response. He could feel her breath hot against his neck. She got to her feet. ‘Now we can start.’

  She walked purposefully back to the other side of the table. It had been laid with two place settings. One for Alison and the other for Luke. They watched in silence as Sophie plated up a dish for Luke from the casserole in the centre of the table.

  Putting the lid back on the casserole, Sophie sat and put her hands in her lap. She was unruffled, expressionless. It was a Sophie that Luke didn’t recognise. His eyes flitted around the room. He glanced at the laptop on the table and saw that it was indeed covering the driveway.

  ‘Where’s Nina?’ he asked again. He tried to mask his fear.

  ‘All in good time.’

  ‘And the dog? Where’s the dog?’

  ‘He’s a noisy creature.’ She picked up a spare fork. ‘He’s in your basement.’

  He must have left it open last time he’d been down. He’d been distracted looking for the lump hammer.

  Sophie scooped up a forkful of stew from Luke’s plate. She held it to his lips across the narrow table.

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  ‘You’ll need to keep your strength up. You must eat. Come on, open.’

  The prongs of the fork jabbed his lips and, gagging, he opened his mouth.

  ‘Now eat.’

  He forced himself to swallow. One forkful, followed by another.

  ‘I can’t,’ he protested.

  ‘You can,’ said Sophie sternly. ‘I know what it’s like to be told to eat when you’re not hungry.’ She looked from Alison to Luke. Her expression was grave. ‘I know what it’s like to feel sick in every bone of your body, to be shaking inside with fear and anger, and then have people telling you to eat.’

  Her voice was brittle and her eyes hard glass pebbles.

  She stood up, studying them both, and said, ‘I think it’s time.’

  She reached for the laptop, turning it towards her. ‘Let’s see what’s on the cameras, shall we?’

  She tapped briefly on the keyboard before turning the laptop back to face Luke and Alison.

  ‘Sadly, I know what’s on this one. There’s no need for me to look.’

  At first, Luke couldn’t figure out what he was looking at. He squinted his eyes, improving his focus. It looked like a buoy, bouncing on the surface of the water by the steps in the boathouse. He squinted some more.

  Alison was first to register what they were watching. As Luke processed the blurry image, the breath left his body.

  The Boathouse

  It was Nina. He could clearly make out her head in the water. She was in the boathouse. He guessed she was standing on the bottom step, and from the position of her arms he also guessed that she was tied up to the handrail by the boathouse steps. Her head flailed from side to side as the water washed above her shoulders. Luke watched in horror. He could see her fear.

  Sophie shifted in her chair. An odd expression on her face, looking almost sad. Her eyes darted from Luke to Alison.

  ‘Cruel, isn’t it, to see your child like that?’ She picked up her fork.

  Luke’s eyes darted from the laptop screen to Sophie. He spotted a shake in her hand. She steadied it by clenching the fork until her knuckles went white. She scooped another mouthful.

  ‘Open up,’ she instructed Alison.

  ‘Stop this now,’ said Alison. ‘Before it goes too far.’

  ‘I know how you feel.’ Sophie studied her. ‘You don’t feel like eating, do you? You’re not even hungry. But, eat you must.’

  Alison’s eyes widened as Sophie jabbed the laden fork against her mouth.

  ‘I want you both to know I derive no pleasure from this.’ Sophie directed her gaze at Luke. ‘It’s what people said as we waited for news. They thought they were being kind. “Eat,” they said. “Keep your strength up. You’ll need your strength for later.”’

  ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ Alison spluttered food from her mouth. Particles landed on the table.

  ‘You don’t recognise me, do you?’ said Sophie.

  Alison studied her. ‘No.’ She was cautious. She shook her head. ‘I meet scores of people every day. I shake lots of hands. I don’t recognise you. Should I?’

  ‘You shook my hand once. Quite a while ago now. Fifteen years ago, in fact. You looked into my eyes and told me how sorry you were.’

  Alison looked at her blankly.

  ‘No? Doesn’t ring a bell? I can’t say I’m all that surprised. I suppose I don’t really expect you’d remember me from fifteen years ago. You must look into a thousand faces and say stuff like that a million times over and never mean one word of it.’

  Sophie’s delivery was slow and deliberate.

  ‘You told me how sorry you were for my loss, that your father wasn’t well and couldn’t come to my child’s funeral, and how much he wanted to be there. He sent his condolences, you said. You took my hands, and you cried with me. You shook my husband’s hand too. Remember now?’

  The colour drained from Alison’s face.

  ‘You lost a child?’ Alison looked for confirmation.

  ‘My child was killed,’ said Sophie. ‘Murdered.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I still don’t see …’

  ‘My seven-year-old child was killed on the day of her first communion. She was playing on her bike and she was mown down on a quiet road and left for dead. Ploughed into and left with internal injuries, cut and bleeding into her white dress. A hit-and-run.’

  Alison went very still.

  ‘I remember that now … so sad.’

  Sophie’s eyes were locked on Alison.

  ‘She was seven.’

  ‘Her name was Mary …?’

  ‘You can’t even remember her name?’

  ‘I’m sorry – I thought it was Mary.’

  ‘Her name was Maisie – Maisie Sweetman. And it was your car that mowed her down and killed her. You murdered her.’

  Alison looked up at Sophie. ‘I think you’ve made a horrible mistake here.’

  ‘Don’t play the innocent with me.’ Sophie was calm. ‘I know what happened. You know too. People like you never pay for their mistakes. People like you get away with everything – even killing a child.’

  Alison opened her mouth to protest.

  Sophie dismissed her. ‘Spare me. Luke’s already confessed. Appears he had a crisis of conscience after all this time. Had to dump the burden he’s been humping around all these years. He owned up to Terence Black.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘I work for Terence. I guess Luke never mentioned he was seeing a therapist?’

  ‘You’re talking nonsense.’

  ‘So he never mentioned it then. You two never shared much, except maybe …’ She broke off, glancing at the laptop before quickly looking away.

  ‘For pity’s sake,’ pleaded Luke, ‘let Nina go. Untie her before it’s too late. None of this has anything to do with her.’

  Nina was arching her head, trying to escape the waves that were splashing against her face. Her long hair swirled and eddied on the water’s surface. Luke tried not think how cold the water would be. The longer she was in, the more her core temperature would drop. He had no idea how long she’d been in already.

  ‘You can’t mean to do this. This isn’t you, Sophie. You’re a good person. Let her go.’ He tried again.

  ‘You only have yourselves to blame,’ she said. ‘You’re the ones who brought Nina into this when you knocked
my daughter down fifteen years ago. On the twenty-seventh of May to be precise. That’s how I caught you, Luke.’ She stared at him. ‘It was the date that caught my eye.’

  Luke stared back blankly at her, waiting for her to explain. ‘It must have been around your third session, when Terence left the box for shredding on his desk. I thought I’d help him by doing it. It was only by chance that I even glanced at those pages.’ She paused. ‘He’s a great one to scribble and doodle.’

  Luke’s mind was racing, desperately trying to think of a way to get her to let Nina go.

  ‘I thought I was imagining things at first.’ Sophie traced a carrot about the plate. ‘It seemed like such a coincidence. There I am, feeding sheets into the shredder, when I see a date, the twenty-seventh of May. I was curious, given that’s the day Maisie was killed. Terence had drawn a stick figure in a bubble. It looked like a fairy or a butterfly to me. Next to it, he’d scribbled the words “First Communion”. And then the words “hit and run”. You can imagine the impact that had.’

  She looked from Luke to Alison.

  ‘Of course, it might have been coincidence. Unlikely. But I had to be sure. So I got the key for the filing cabinet. I studied your folder, Luke,’ she paused, her expression black. ‘Terence’s notes showed that you’d been drinking … that you and your wife were looking for a shortcut home through the Talbot Estate when you were involved in an accident. An accident.’

  The word was like poison in her mouth.

  ‘He’d written down that you did not check the victim, that you made no interventions and that you were suffering a delayed reaction – a post-traumatic stress disorder.’ She spat the words as if they caused her distaste.

  ‘Sophie—’

  ‘Don’t interrupt! I realised of course that it was Maisie. I realised that the man coming to my place of work, attending my employer for counselling, was none other than the man who had killed my child. Can you imagine how that felt?’

  Images from the moment of impact flashed through his mind. And on the screen, in the here and now, he was witnessing his own child dying right in front of him.

  ‘Horrendous … devastating …’ he stumbled over the words, knowing no response would be adequate.

  ‘What is it that you want here, Sophie?’ Though petrified, Alison managed to sound businesslike. ‘Compensation?’

  Luke turned. ‘Alison—’

  ‘Compensation?’ Sophie cut across him. ‘You think I can be compensated for the killing of my daughter?’

  ‘I don’t think that at all,’ said Alison, quietly. ‘What happened to your daughter … to Maisie … was a tragedy. A terrible, terrible accident.’

  ‘An accident? There you go. That word again.’ Sophie was incredulous. ‘Don’t try that on me.’ She pointed with the fork. ‘My daughter was mown down and you and your husband left her for dead. There was nothing accidental about that.’

  She pointed at Luke.

  ‘It’s your behaviour I really don’t understand. Over these past few months, I’ve tried. It was why I needed to get close to you in the first place. I had to understand how any of this could happen. You spend your day saving lives, helping children. Something inside you made you want to work with children. I’ve tried to get inside your head. What kind of a doctor are you? What kind of a man are you?’

  Luke was staring into the abyss. Soon, he’d have the deaths of two children on his hands. He had to make Sophie understand that he’d believed her child to be dead when the car had driven away.

  ‘I thought—’

  ‘I know exactly what you thought. You feared for your careers. You were a successful couple. Alison was the face of so many children’s charities, and you, Luke, were a respected children’s doctor. I understand all that, I do really.’ Her tone was icy, full of hate. ‘The political system, the judicial system, they protect people like you.’

  ‘I think I have some idea of how you feel,’ said Luke. ‘Please, Sophie, I’m begging you to leave Nina out of this.’

  ‘You know how I feel? I’ve lost everything. Even Maisie’s cat. As long as Fidget was alive, I always felt that some part of Maisie lived on. I doubt you know how I feel. Tonight, however, I’m going to remedy that.’ She drew in a deep breath. ‘Tonight, I’m going to give you both a little insight into how I felt back then.’

  ‘Jesus, Sophie! Nina’s going to drown. Just look at what you’re doing. Look!’

  Nina wouldn’t last much longer. The wind was whipping up, the water level continued to rise. The cruiser was rocking side to side.

  ‘I don’t need to look,’ she said. ‘I know exactly how this feels. This is for you.’

  ‘I’ll do whatever you want,’ he implored her. ‘Please let Nina go.’

  ‘Begging doesn’t work, Luke. That night, fifteen years ago, I tried making all kinds of bargains with God. I don’t know what I did to deserve what happened but God didn’t hear me that night, the night Maisie lay in hospital. “It’s in God’s hands now” – that’s what everyone said to us that night. Friends, family, the trauma team. And I prayed and prayed. I prayed so hard I nearly bled. It didn’t matter. Maisie died.’ She paused. ‘But who knows?’ she added, shrugging. ‘God may listen to you tonight. We’ll find out soon.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Luke struggled for control.

  ‘Whatever happens out there to Nina tonight will not be my doing. I’m not the one who decides. I’m just an instrument in all of this. People told me I had to accept what happened to Maisie. That acceptance was part of the grieving process. A priest told me not to look for reasons. That it was somehow part of God’s great plan.’

  ‘This is all about revenge?’ asked Alison.

  ‘I see I’m going to have to spell it out.’ Sophie took a breath. ‘This is not about revenge although I was of course consumed by that for years.’ She broke off and looked at Luke. ‘You need to know how it was for me and my husband that night. You need to know what it felt like. You need to feel every moment of that torment too. You need to know what you’ve done to me, what you’ve taken from me. What happened to my daughter was an act of God. Tonight, one way or the other, what happens to your daughter will also be an act of God.’

  Sophie checked from Luke to Alison.

  ‘As we’ve been hearing from the insurance companies, all this flooding is an act of God. That’s when the idea came to me. That’s when it struck me that the time was now. This way, I can show you what I experienced fifteen years ago.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Alison whispered.

  ‘It’s simple. Today the sluice gates were opened further up the river to help alleviate flooding up in the midlands. The levels here have been rising ever since. Just how far they rise remains to be seen. Your daughter is out there in the water, cuffed to the wall. If God wills it, the waters will rise enough for Him to take her, just like He took Maisie. If it’s not her time, He may spare her. Either way, we’ll find out soon.’

  Feel My Pain

  Staying in control was the only way Luke could get Nina out of this. He knew he had to think of something. The water was continuing to rise, slapping angrily around Nina’s face as she fought to keep her head above the waves. Hypothermia would set in soon. He willed her to fight on. She was tiring, her situation grave.

  Sophie caught his eye. ‘I used our special handcuffs.’

  She had cuffed his daughter to the handrail with the handcuffs she’d used for their sex games? It was grotesque.

  ‘I see from your expression, it offends you.’

  ‘What’s she talking about?’ Alison’s voice was small.

  ‘It’s my experience that your husband enjoys a bit of role play. He likes blindfolds, wearing a hood. He likes to be cuffed to the bedpost when—’

  ‘Please! Spare me.’

  ‘It’s something I would have liked to have been spared myself. Do you really imagine I wanted to get into bed with my daughter’s killer?’

  ‘So why did you?’ asked Luke. ‘I
never forced myself on you.’

  ‘“Why?” you ask. Because I had to get to know you. Because I had to get inside your head. For my sanity I needed to understand how a man dedicated to saving lives could behave as monstrously as you did.’

  She stopped. She leaned across the table.

  ‘I did it because I had to get close to you. So I could understand you. So I could kill you.’

  The air crackled with tension.

  ‘Kill me then,’ he said. For the first time since this ordeal began, Luke felt a glimmer of hope. There might be a way to save his daughter. ‘No one would blame you. Free Nina, then do whatever you want with me. What happened has nothing to do with her.’

  ‘That’s not what all of this is about. Don’t you see? Why would I put you out of your misery? No one put me out of mine. I want you to walk in my shoes. For a while at least.’

  ‘I understand,’ he tried again. ‘I do, really. But think of the satisfaction you’d have in taking my life.’ He angled his head, indicating a knife on the table.

  ‘If I wanted I could take all your lives.’

  ‘Stop,’ Alison pleaded. ‘This is insane.’

  ‘I agree. What you did to me was also insane.’ Sophie turned to Luke. ‘That day in Terence’s office, when I found out who you were – I decided what to do. I was going to get you into my bed and I was going to kill you. That was my original intention. Before that I was going to make you hurt.’

  Sophie stood. She gathered the knives and forks. She settled them in pairs across each plate. She looked at Luke and shuddered.

  ‘I had my doubts about whether I could physically go through with it all. The revulsion I felt for you was so … so completely overwhelming. The thought of Maisie’s killer near me in that way, it made me ill. I was sure you’d see my loathing, that I wouldn’t be able to hide it. I didn’t realise how much I’d need to drink before I could bring myself to touch you. So I got wasted.’ She spoke mechanically. ‘I thought I might be able to do it if I didn’t have to look at your face. I couldn’t hide my revulsion. So I made you wear the hoods and eye masks.’ Her voice lowered. ‘I whipped you that first night, remember? I wanted to flay you, to tear the skin from your back, and your thighs, your chest … but something told me it wasn’t right. That the pleasure of killing you would be short-lived. Because you would not feel any more, you would be nothing, you would not exist. You would never know the pain I felt. The only way I could get relief was for you to experience what it was like for me and Kevin.’