by Ivy Smoak
The music died away and Mr. Hill tapped on the microphone. “Let’s give a hand to our homecoming king and queen, James Hunter and Isabella Pruitt.” He clapped his hands together as Isabella and James walked up to the stage where the band was set up. “It’s tradition for the king and queen to have a dance,” Mr. Hill said and stepped to the side of the stage as Isabella and James walked on.
Isabella grabbed the mic from him. “And it’s tradition for the queen to make a speech,” she said into the microphone.
“No, that’s not…” started Mr. Hill.
Isabella directed one of those glares I thought was reserved for me right at Mr. Hill. He shut his mouth.
Isabella cleared her throat. “Who’s having a fun night?!”
Tons of students cheered.
James stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets. He must have tossed his torn tux jacket. There was what looked like a footprint on his white dress shirt. And he was sporting a black eye. He looked like he’d rather be anywhere in the world than on that stage with Isabella. And I didn’t blame him.
“James, come here,” Isabella said. “You lost your crown earlier in that silly bit of argy-bargy.”
James didn’t move. So Isabella walked over to him and put his crown back on.
“Perfect,” she said as she placed her hand on the side of his face.
He grimaced.
“Speaking of perfection,” Isabella said into the mic. “I recently discovered that I have a baby sister. It was the most unexpected but brilliant news. I’ve always wanted a sibling. Sissy! Sissy, where are you? I want to officially introduce you to everyone.”
My traitorous fellow classmates parted like the red sea.
Kennedy and I were just standing there with everyone staring at us. The ticking in my head stopped. This was the explosion I was expecting. God, what was she going to do?
“Oh splendid,” Isabella said. “Don’t you all love her tiara? I thought it would be perfect for her to wear one tonight. The princess to my queen. Do we have a spotlight? Can we put a spotlight on my sister?” She looked over at the DJ.
He just shrugged.
“Fine. Be unhelpful.” She turned back to me. “Brooky, I’ve been having so much fun getting to know you.” She put her hand to her chest. “You’re the sister I’ve always dreamed of. And it’s so nice that my friends are your friends. And your friends are my friends. Isn’t that right, Kennedy?”
I turned to Kennedy. “What is she talking about?”
“What?” whispered Kennedy. “Isabella’s actually super cool. We’ve been hanging out all night. She kept telling me how pretty I looked. And she made sure I never ran out of punch shots.”
What the hell is happening right now?
“So I just wanted everyone to know that there’s a new girl in town,” Isabella said. “My little sis. She’ll be unforgettable at Empire High. Just like me. And just like tonight! Cheers, Sissy.” She realized she didn’t have a glass so she just lifted the mic in the air. “Love you!” she shouted.
Everyone started clapping and cheering. When had everyone lost their minds?
“And now I shall dance with my king. Future hubby,” she said and put out her hand to James.
He slowly pulled one hand out of his pocket and put it into hers.
“Smile for the pictures,” she hissed at him before Mr. Hill took the mic back.
“Your homecoming king and queen,” Mr. Hill said and everyone cheered as the music started up again.
I watched James in what looked like the most miserable dance of his life. When the song finally ended, he pulled off his crown and practically ran away from Isabella. And right into Rachel’s arms. Rachel laughed, stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. He put his crown on top of her head and kissed her back as another song started.
Well, at least the whole revenge thing had worked out for him. Me? Not so much.
What did it mean that they were back together? That James believed Matt? Or that he just forgave Rachel? Or that he was just too drunk to have any idea what was happening? It felt like my head was spinning when Isabella appeared right in front of me with a huge smile on her face.
“I came over to dance with my new besties!” she said.
“The elephants are coming!” Kennedy and Isabella both laughed like it was some kind of inside joke. And if it was, I definitely wasn’t getting it.
Had Kennedy forgotten about the fact that Isabella had destroyed all of my clothes just a few hours ago? Or the fact that she made it her mission to torture us at school?
As if Isabella could read my mind, she shouted, “I’m so sorry about your clothes, Sissy. It was a moment of weakness. I’ll replace every single thing that Sir Wilfred destroyed.”
So we were going back to the dog lie?
“He’s just a baby! He doesn’t know any better.”
Mr. Pruitt told me it was Isabella and her friends. Why did she keep being fake nice to me?
“Besides,” said Isabella as she danced with Kennedy. “You look amazing in vintage. I’m sorry I ever said otherwise.”
That actually kind of felt genuine. Maybe because she was smiling at me like she wasn’t internally screaming at me.
“Thanks?”
“And blue really suits you.”
All the words were nice. But I couldn’t trust her. She was hateful.
“Come on,” Isabella said. “What can I do to make you forgive me? I want us to start over. To be real sisters.”
My first instinct was to tell her to bite me. But I was worried she actually would. Or that she’d get Sir Wilfred to bite me. “I’m just going to need some time,” I said.
“Time. Well, we all have plenty of that.” She started hopping up and down with Kennedy.
No we don’t. We never had enough time. I blinked fast, trying not to think about my mom and my uncle. Someone like Isabella didn’t understand how precious time was.
It was too hot in here. Too loud. Too fake. God, where was Miller? I turned toward the doors and practically ran straight into Matt.
Chapter 35
Saturday
For just a second, when I saw Matt I was relieved. He’d been there for me after my uncle died. He’d literally been my shoulder to cry on. He was the only reason I didn’t fall apart. But it was just as easy to remember all the bad. And I’d had to cry on someone else’s shoulder because of him.
I took a step back before I did something else stupid. Miller was already mad at me. I’d already made enough mistakes for one night. I was exhausted mentally and physically. And I knew if I danced with Matt, he’d be wonderful and sweet and as irresistible as always. I knew my heart couldn’t take it.
“You promised me a dance,” he said and put out his hand.
I looked at his face. I didn’t think Rob was telling the truth. Yes, it did look like Matt was a little drunk. But he didn’t look angry at all. He looked…goofy. There was a big grin on his face. And his eyes looked so eager.
Don’t look at his puppy dog eyes. “Matt, I think it would be better if we talked tomorrow. Kennedy and I were just leaving.”
“It looks like Kennedy’s still dancing. And so are you. With me.” He looked confused about what he just said. “Yeah. That made sense.” He put his hand out again. “I’ve been waiting all night. I haven’t interrupted you. I just…we’re running out of time. It’s almost midnight.” He looked so hopeful.
I did tell him I’d save him a dance. And could tonight really get any worse? It was better to have this conversation and get it over with. I’d hear him out. And then I’d finally have all the facts about everything and maybe I could make a freaking decision so my mind didn’t explode.
I took a deep breath. “Okay. One dance.”
“That’s all that you need. I mean, all that I need.” He shook his head, then grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. “All that we need.”
God, I forgot how good he smelled.
He rested his chin on top of
my head. “I forgot how nice your hairs smell. Hairs? Or is it hair? It’s hairs because there’s lots of them. They’re so pretty. I love all of them.”
I laughed. “Matt?”
“Yes?”
“Are you drunk?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I think someone may have spiked the punch. And I drank a lot of it while I waited for you. Why’d you make me wait all night while you danced with everyone else?”
Because I’m worried I’ll hate your explanation. Or that I’ll understand it and fall for you even harder. I didn’t know how to answer him when my thoughts were at war.
He dropped his head lower, nuzzling his nose into my hair. “I’ve missed you,” he said, forgetting his question.
I’ve missed you too.
“Did you like my song?” He pulled back so he could look down at me. “It was for you. I was singing just for…” He lifted his hand and booped me on the nose. “…you.”
Yup, Matt was wasted. “Your song was perfect.” And hilarious. Almost as hilarious as he was being right now. His finger was still on my nose so I grabbed it and pulled his hand down. Now we were awkwardly slow dancing on one side and holding hands on the other.
“I’m not a good singer,” Matt said, his goofy grin spreading. “But I’ll sing it again if it’ll make you forgive me. I’ll sing it forever. Oh, let me sing it again right now. I need to find my backup dancers.” He tried to take a step back from me.
I held on tight to his hand so he wouldn’t leave. “Once was enough, Matt. You don’t have to sing it again.” I tried not to think about the fact that I was clinging to him. Or about the fact that out of everyone I’d danced with tonight, it was easiest to breathe in his arms.
The grin on his face grew. “So we’re good? You forgive me?”
“Matt, I don’t even know what you did.”
“Oh yeah, that. That’s so…James wasn’t listening. I was trying to explain. But no one’s listening to me. Why didn’t you listen?” He shook his head like there was a fly buzzing around him.
“I turned off my phone, so I didn’t see your texts. You never tried to explain it to me in person. You ran after James at lunch and just left me sitting there. You didn’t come to school for days.”
He stopped shaking his head. “But I told you. I told you I was worried about him.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “You’re strong. You’re so fucking strong. I knew you’d be okay. But I didn’t know that James would be okay. He needed me.”
I swallowed hard. “I’m not strong.”
“Yes you are. You’re the strongest person I know. You lost your mom. And your uncle. And you freaking live with Isabella and that horrible family. You’re strong, baby. And you smell so good.” He dipped his nose into my hair again.
I blinked fast so I wouldn’t cry. I wasn’t strong. I was lonely and scared and I’d run straight into Miller’s arms. What had I done?
“James needed me,” he said again. “I didn’t want him to hurt himself. I couldn’t leave him alone, even though he wouldn’t even let me in his stupid house. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He pulled me closer like he was scared I’d disappear.
Part of me just wanted to forget everything. Drunk Matt was somehow even more endearing than sober Matt was. And clearly I wasn’t strong. Because I was seriously considering dropping the whole subject without questioning him more. I tried to stop smelling his cologne so I could think straight. “What did you do with Rachel?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone. She and James got in a fight at some dumb party this summer. And she came to me crying. I went to give her a hug because I hate when people cry. Baby, I hate when you cry.” He pulled back and stared into my eyes. “I hate that I make you cry. I just want to make you happy.” He reached out and ran his thumb beneath my eyes even though I wasn’t crying.
“Matt, focus.” I grabbed his hand. “What happened with Rachel after you hugged her?”
“She freaking kissed me. She kissed me and I pushed her away. But Wizzy must have seen. And she thought something else had happened. But I swear, Brooklyn. I didn’t kiss Rachel back. I didn’t sleep with her. I don’t want anything to do with her. I love you. I’ve only ever loved you.”
“Matt.” My voice cracked.
“James hates me. He won’t listen. And Rob believes him over me. I lost my best friends. I don’t want to lose you too.” He hiccupped. “I should have tried to explain it to you before I ran after James. But he’s like a brother to me. And I didn’t want to lose him. But I lost him anyway.” He hiccupped again.
“I’m sure if you explained…”
“Explained what? That I didn’t kiss his girl? Fuck that, he kissed mine. You’re mine. He’s not allowed to kiss you.” Matt ran his thumb along my lower lip. “Mine.”
My heart didn’t stand a chance with him. “You swear you didn’t sleep with Rachel?”
“Mine,” he said again. It was like he was entranced by my lips.
“Matt, focus. You didn’t sleep with James’ girlfriend?”
He lowered his eyebrows. “No. Why does everyone keep saying that? Why does everyone think I’m a monster?”
“I don’t think you’re a monster.”
“Yes you do. You don’t answer my texts. I’m a monstrositor. Monstrocitini. No. That’s not it.” He snapped his fingers. “Monstrosity.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He wasn’t a monster. He’d gotten caught in Isabella’s path just like I had. I didn’t know how to explain the last week. I should have looked at my phone. But I was angry and hurt. “I was terrified living at the Pruitts’. And you disappeared on me. You didn’t explain to me what happened. You just let me sit there thinking the worst. I thought you hadn’t been keeping the secret to protect James. I thought you’d been keeping the secret to protect yourself. And you didn’t care that you had to keep me a dirty little secret in the process.”
“No. No.” He grabbed both sides of my face. “Didn’t you hear my song? You’re not a dirty little secret. That was what the song was about. I should really sing it again…”
“Matt. You made me feel like one.”
“No. No, that’s not how you were supposed to feel. You’re supposed to feel loved. Because I love you.”
“I didn’t feel loved. You acted like you loved me in private. But then whenever we were in public you treated me like nothing. Like I was invisible. No one should be treated the way you treated me. That wasn’t love.”
He breathed in and out slowly, tickling my skin with his breath. “I’ll love you out loud then. I’ll tell you all the things I love about you right now. I love how soft your hair is. And I love that you put me in my place when I’m an idiot. I love that you laugh at my jokes even if they’re not funny.” He laughed like his own comment was funny and then looked serious again. “I love playing football. And barbeques are great because of all the burgers. Wait, I’m supposed to be talking about you.”
He took a deep breath. “I love the way you look at me. I love the way you look when you look at me…like your whole face lights up.” He put his hand on my face, covering my eyes. “Oops.” He removed his hand. “I think I probably look like that when I look at you too. And I love your skin.” He ran the tip of his nose across my cheek. “It’s even softer than your hair. And you always smell like fresh air. Even when it’s hard to breathe in the city. I love that you don’t care about money like everyone else in my life does. I love that you haven’t asked me once what I want to be when I grow up. For the record, I want to take over my dad’s company but he’s going to give it to Mason. Which isn’t really fair because I think I’d be really good at it. But I won’t even get a chance. A few months ago I even did a SWOT analysis for why he should be doing more digital advertising than traditional print advertising. I made a stupid slide show and everything. And he told me he didn’t have time to even see it. Digital advertising is the future and he doesn’t believe in me enough to even hear me out.”
>
God, Matt. He was rambling, but I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to know every confession he had. Drunk Matt was honest and talkative. Not angry.
“I love that you don’t care about what other people think of you. Not even me. Especially not me when you’re mad. I kinda even love when you’re mad. Because you stare at me with all this heat in your eyes and it makes me hard. It’s so hard to control myself around you because you’re so beautiful. I love talking to you. And I love that you’re wearing sneakers with your dress. It’s cute but somehow fucking hot too. You look amazing.”
I looked down at my Keds. He was the only one that noticed them all night. He was drunk. I knew that. But he still noticed things about me that no one else did. He saw me. He knew me. And he wasn’t embarrassed of me. He was just worried about his friend. Ex-friend. He’d made a few mistakes, but I certainly had too.
“Does that answer your question?” he asked. “I don’t remember what you asked. Did you even ask a question?” He laughed and put his chin on top of my head again. “Your hair smells so good.”
“You’ve mentioned that.”
He leaned forward, putting more of his weight on me. “I didn’t like it when you kissed James. Can you please not do that again?”
“I promise I won’t do it again.”
“And you won’t sleep with him, right? Because I’ve been waiting really impatiently to be your first. Do you know how often I have to take cold showers because of you?”
I laughed. “No, I don’t.”
“A lot. But I jerk off thinking about you more than that.”
I swallowed hard. Drunk Matt was definitely honest. “A lot, huh?”
“Mhm.” He moved his lips to my ear. “I need to tell you a secret. I don’t think I mentioned this yet, but I’m a little drunk tonight.”
“Oh you’ve mentioned it.”
“Well that’s not the secret. The secret is that it’s okay if you want to take advantage of me. I won’t press charges.”
I laughed. “Maybe a different night. When you’ll remember.”
