36 Questions That Changed My Mind About You

by Vicki Grant

  CHAPTER

  9

  The next day, Hildy drove Gabe and a couple of his friends to the pool after school, then went upstairs and hung out in the weight room with Max. She did that a lot. She’d put on some cozy workout wear, then sit on unused equipment and entertain him while he pumped iron. It was the perfect arrangement. She could honestly tell her mother she went to the gym, and Max had a distraction from the monotony.

  He wanted to know what had happened with Evan the other night but Hildy just shrugged it off. “It got awkward once his girlfriend showed up.”

  “Girlfriend?!”

  They bickered for a while about whether Evan had the emotional and physical capabilities to maintain a relationship. That seemed like a good sign to Hildy. Clearly, Max hadn’t seen what had actually happened. She let him rant on for a while about Evan, then told him about her plans for getting together with Bob.

  Max’s jaw dropped. “Why, you vixen you!”

  The guy on the leg press machine turned and looked. Hildy blew him a kiss, then said to Max, “You think I’m nuts.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve been wrong before. I mean, only this week, I could have sworn you were asexual. And anyway, what difference does it make what I think?” He picked up some barbells and began his repetitions. “You’re going to do it. I can see that. And as the parent figure in this relationship, I understand that sooner or later I’ve got to let my little birdie out of the nest—but can I give you some advice?”

  “You’re going to do it,” she said. “I can see that.”

  “Don’t meet up with him yet. Make him sweat a while. You know what Xiu says: ‘Treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen.’”

  “Like how mean?”

  “How many questions you got left?”

  “Seventeen. Eighteen. Something like that.”

  “String him along for nine or ten more. Make him hunger for you.”

  “One minute you’re worried about me being alone with him. Now, you’re saying deny the lion food until right before I throw myself into the den.”

  “No one likes to ravage on a full stomach. Take it from me.”

  He got out the big weights, lay on the bench, and made Hildy spot for him. She hated this part because she really wasn’t strong enough to help if the barbell fell. She also didn’t like the intense look he got on his face when he was lifting something that heavy. She was worried he could blow a blood vessel in his eye and she didn’t want to be around to witness it.

  “What if he doesn’t wait? What if he just wanders away?”

  “Do I even have to answer that?” Max let the weight fall back into its cradle. A vein on his neck throbbed rhythmically.

  “Yes.”

  “Hildy. You don’t want anyone who ‘just wanders away.’ This is a potential lover, not an Alzheimer’s patient. If you dangle your fruit and he can’t be bothered to—”

  “Don’t say ‘dangle my fruit.’ That’s revolting.”

  “Okay. If he’s not into you enough for a little flirtatious back-and-forth, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  “But—”

  “No but.”

  “He could—”

  “Just no. Seriously. What are you? Boneless chicken that’s past its best-before date? You don’t have to mark yourself down for quick sale.”

  He wiped his hands on his shorts and gripped the weights again.

  “I don’t like being so passive.”

  “You’re not being passive. You’re actively ignoring him. It’s a time-honored strategy.”

  “You know I’m going to throw this back at you, don’t you? Next time, you’re offering yourself up to some undeserving slob—”

  “I don’t do slobs, Hildy. Please.”

  He grunted and heaved his arms up. Hildy found the whole process disgusting.

  Max let the weight bounce back down, then wiped the sweat off his face and armpits.

  “You’ve got nice arms,” she said.

  “Yeah, I do. And my legs are pretty damn hot, too.”

  “Remind me not to compliment you again.”

  “Why?” He motioned for her to follow him over to another machine, then started moving toggles and levers around. “What’s the matter with knowing I have nice arms? It’s the truth. You should know the truth about you, too, and, more important, you should enjoy it.”

  “Okay. So what’s my truth?”

  He settled himself into the footrests. “Nice try, but no way I’m being the gay best friend, listing your good points for you. That’s just so clichéd and, frankly, sad.”

  “Yeah, well, then who’s going to? Straight guys haven’t exactly been lining up to sing my praises.”

  “They have. You just haven’t been listening. Which is no doubt a good thing.”

  “Why?”

  “Because this is what would happen. They’d butter you up, your ego would soar, then they’d disappear and you’d think ‘Oh no! I’ve been tricked into believing I’m actually a good, worthy, and adorable person when actually I’m not!’ Then you’d hurl your little self off the Cliff of False Confidence. And who’d be expected to pick up your broken body and nurse you back to health? Me. No, thank you. If I’m going to be giving anybody a sponge bath, it’s the guy in the green T-shirt at six o’clock. Now hand me that towel again.”

  Hildy picked it up with two fingers and gave it to him.

  “Maybe I’ve been watching too many Disney features, Hildy, but I can’t help thinking you need to find the truth within yourself. That’s the only way you’re going to believe it—and discover the strength to build your own beautiful ice castle in the sky! Don’t let me say another thing until I’ve done seventy-five.”

  She took a couple of steps back so she wouldn’t get sprayed with sweat, then helped him count. She kind of liked his idea about putting off meeting up with Bob for a while. She felt more in control online than in person.

  Max finished his routine and wanted to take a sauna, so Hildy left him to it.

  She went to the women’s changing room and got into her bathing suit. (A cute faux-retro number with a halter top and a hint of a skirt.) She swam a couple of lazy laps until Gabe and his friends were ready to leave.

  “What stinks?” Gabe said when they piled into the Volvo. “It’s like parmesan cheese dog barf in here or something.” While the boys riffed on that idea, Hildy found herself thinking about her father—his car never used to smell—and something Max had gasped out between repetitions:

  “Problem with you Sangsters is you expect perfect. I never did. It just wasn’t an option. You start liking boys in third grade? You know you’re no Cossack’s idea of the perfect son. Eighty percent of everything Dad’s ever said to me involves either thermal units or ratchets, so he’s not winning Father of the Year, either. And mother-daughter time round our place ain’t much better. Mom and Katya can’t be left alone together for more than five minutes without scratching each other’s eyes out. But, weirdly, we’re kind of happier than you guys. We’re comfortable with the idea that we’re screwups. Must be awful just figuring that out now.”

  She let a minivan pass, then pulled out of the parking lot. Max’s little speech kind of bugged her. She found it so lazy. What if Nelson Mandela or Taylor Swift had let themselves think that way? They didn’t just cave and let the white guys and/or bullies get their way.

  Things could be fixed.

  Her family could be fixed.

  She looked into the rearview mirror. Gabe was rolling his eyes back, imitating his math teacher going nuts over a wrong answer. “Want to go to Cousin’s for smoked meat? Maybe we can bring Dad back some of that German sausage he likes.”

  CHAPTER

  10

  There were a couple more notes on the kitchen table when they got home. Amy had been called in to the hospital to deal with a three-car pileup. Greg was at school catching up on some admin stuff. There was apparently plenty of vindaloo left over for supper if they wanted it.

  “Just us f
or dinner again?” Gabe was only twelve and a half but was huge for his age, so Hildy sometimes forgot he was still technically a tween. She was just thinking how upsetting this might be for him when he pumped his fist in the air and went, “All right!”

  It cracked her up. It’s like what Principal Sangster always said: Kids are resilient.

  Gabe was supposed to practice clarinet but she let him play some bizarre Korean video game instead while she made omelets. He never complained about omelets, especially if they were heavy on cheese and bacon and light on identifiable vegetable matter.

  They ate them in front of the TV.

  “Dad’s busy a lot these days, huh?” She was poking around, trying to find out how Gabe was doing.

  He shrugged. His hair was dark and so curly it stayed wet for hours. Sponge Sangster, she thought.

  “He’s being a jerk.” Gabe had never said anything like that before.

  “Why’s that, you think?”

  “How’m I supposed to know? His hemorrhoids acting up again or something. I dunno. He’s always on my case.”

  “He’s having a rough time. Cuts to the school budget. Mrs. Atkinson quitting like that. Vandalism. It’s a lot to deal with.”

  “So he’s got to ruin everybody else’s life.”

  “Maybe if you just—”

  “Maybe if you just shut up.”

  “Gabe.”

  He clanged his plate onto the coffee table and loped off. “I’ve got to feed the fish. Since I’m the only one who cares about them anymore.”

  “Gabe.”

  Did he know what was up? Hildy couldn’t tell. He’d always been such a happy kid. Weird, but happy. Dad and him, in the shed or at the aquarium, with their various obsessions that no one else quite got.

  She put the plates in the dishwasher, put the milk in the fridge, and headed to her room. As she walked down the hall, she saw Gabe sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, staring blankly into the fish tank. It kind of broke her heart.

  She made herself do some yoga and tried to concentrate on her breathing. She was in no mood to talk to Bob again. It might be better if she just pretended to forget about their “date.”

  But then she saw his message come up, and of course she took it. She didn’t even hesitate. The heart is a weird thing.

  QUESTION 20

  BOB SOMEONE: Hey

  HILDY: Hi

  BOB SOMEONE: So whats ur answer? u going out with me or what

  HILDY: I’m not sure I’m ready to see you yet.

  BOB SOMEONE: So we just forfeit the $40

  Hildy: Nice spelling. And I said *yet.

  BOB SOMEONE: meaning?

  Hildy: That we do a few more questions online and I think about it.

  BOB SOMEONE: *OVERthink about it

  HILDY: Maybe.

  BOB SOMEONE:

  HILDY: Very funny.

  BOB SOMEONE: so when are we going to do the questions?

  HILDY: Ready when you are.

  BOB SOMEONE: now?

  HILDY: Yeah.

  BOB SOMEONE: Ok # 20. “what does friendship mean to u?”

  HILDY: Laughter. That’s important.

  HILDY: And a shoulder to cry on.

  HILDY: Someone with whom to celebrate the good times.

  BOB SOMEONE: With *whom

  HILDY: Someone who doesn’t bug me about the proper use of prepositional pronouns.

  BOB SOMEONE: then I’m out

  HILDY: Guess so.

  HILDY: Someone who wants what’s best for me.

  HILDY: Someone to tell me the truth when I need to hear it.

  BOB SOMEONE: u ever think of going into the greeting card business?

  HILDY: Hey, you asked.

  BOB SOMEONE: what happened to *a different perspective?

  HILDY: Are you keeping notes? I feel like I’m in a courtroom drama. Anything I say can and will be used against me. Fine. Perspective too. So what does friendship mean to you?

  BOB SOMEONE: a beer occasionally. someone I can hit up for money when necessary

  HILDY: Ah. The amazing richness of male friendships.

  BOB SOMEONE: thats not all. someone to shoot hoops with altho its getting harder & harder to find anyone to play these days. Kong made me stop

  HILDY: You and your little imaginary friend.

  BOB SOMEONE: best kinda friend. they never complain about the style of skirt Im wearing

  HILDY: Haha

  HILDY: I just realized something.

  BOB SOMEONE: theres no point in doing the rest of the questions & u should just say yes?

  HILDY: Wrong. That you have the advantage. You had the questions all week. You could have rehearsed all your answers.

  BOB SOMEONE: could have I suppose if I didn’t have better things to do

  HILDY: Such as?

  BOB SOMEONE: anything

  HILDY: How do you know Jeff is even going to pay you? Maybe the questions all had to be answered at the university.

  BOB SOMEONE: u see anything that said that?

  HILDY: No.

  BOB SOMEONE: me neither. he better pay me

  HILDY: Otherwise this would just be a waste of time.

  BOB SOMEONE: no it wouldn’t

  HILDY: It wouldn’t?

  BOB SOMEONE: No u really helped me with my spelling & vocabulary

  HILDY: You’re incorrigible. (And I wish you’d start putting periods at the end of your sentences.)

  BOB SOMEONE: incorrigible! another new word! question 21

  HILDY: Not so fast, buster. I’m not satisfied with your answer. Is that really all you want from a friendship? The occasional beer?

  BOB SOMEONE: no & money & a pickup game of something from time to time. thats all most guys want. ask around

  HILDY: What about someone to talk to?

  BOB SOMEONE: what about it

  HILDY: Do you guys talk about stuff?

  BOB SOMEONE: yeah

  HILDY: Like what?

  BOB SOMEONE: sports music girls youtube videos

  HILDY: Who do you talk to about important things?

  BOB SOMEONE: those aren’t important?

  HILDY: You know what I mean.

  BOB SOMEONE: what? love death the meaning of life?

  HILDY: Yes. Stuff like that.

  BOB SOMEONE: nobody

  HILDY: Really?

  BOB SOMEONE: ok. U

  HILDY: Are you joking?

  BOB SOMEONE: sadly no

  HILDY: And, worse, you’re only talking to me about it because someone is paying you $40.

  BOB SOMEONE: sadly yes. NOW can we move on to the next question?

  HILDY: Just let me dry my eyes…

  QUESTION 21

  BOB SOMEONE: “what roles do love & affection play in ur life?”

  HILDY: Is that a real question? Or are you flirting with me?

  BOB SOMEONE: is that how nerds flirt?

  HILDY: Yes. Nothing like a psychology study to get the heart all aflutter.

  BOB SOMEONE: whatever works. atq

  HILDY: Is that you being all manly and forceful?

  BOB SOMEONE: u think I’m going to answer that? I’m not stupid. atq

  HILDY: “What roles do love and affection play in your life?” What does that even mean? How can I answer something I don’t understand?

  BOB SOMEONE: just do ur best. extra points for effort

  HILDY: I guess an important role. And I think I would have said a good role.

  BOB SOMEONE: *would have said but…

  HILDY: It’s not that simple.

  BOB SOMEONE: nothing with u is

  HILDY: True.

  BOB SOMEONE: so go on

  HILDY: I grew up in a loving and affectionate family. My friends love me. I know that.

  BOB SOMEONE: even Iris?

  HILDY: You’re obsessed with Iris.

  BOB SOMEONE: no just want an honest answer. the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. this is a courtroom drama remember

  H
ILDY: Ok. The Whole Truth. Iris might not love me as much as she once did, but Max and Xiu are true-blue.

  BOB SOMEONE: there’s another *but coming

  HILDY: You have very good emotional antennae.

  BOB SOMEONE: i love it when u talk dirty—but could u please just finish ur answer

  HILDY:… But I guess friends and family aren’t enough. It’s probably natural to want more.

  BOB SOMEONE: meaning

  HILDY: You know what I mean.

  BOB SOMEONE: clearly ur not talking about a pet given the way u treated poor old kong

  HILDY: Clearly. OK. Where do YOU stand on the love and affection front?

  BOB SOMEONE: Depends what u mean by love & affection. Are we talking physical?

  HILDY: If you want.

  BOB SOMEONE: Then I’m a big fan

  HILDY: Oh, right. I remember your ideal day had a bit of that.

  BOB SOMEONE: it did. more than a bit if I’m being honest

  HILDY: ARE you being honest?

  BOB SOMEONE: trying my best

  HILDY: What about the emotional part of love?

  BOB SOMEONE: That plays no role in my life

  HILDY: That’s sad.

  BOB SOMEONE: don’t cry for me

  HILDY: Argentina.

  BOB SOMEONE: ???

  HILDY: You don’t know that song?

  BOB SOMEONE: no

  HILDY: Sorry. It’s a song from this old musical called Evita.

  BOB SOMEONE: what roll did u play

  HILDY: Who says I played a *role?

  BOB SOMEONE: did u

  HILDY: Yes.

  BOB SOMEONE: what? Evita?

  BOB SOMEONE: i knew it

  HILDY: Could we just drop the joking around? I shouldn’t have started it. You just told me something important and I was disrespectful.

  BOB SOMEONE: i don’t care. altho i wish u’d quit saying everything about my life is *sad. maybe I think having friends who wear weird skirts is sad. ever think about that?