Lady and the Gamble: A Sweet Victorian Romance (The Colby Brothers Book 2)

by Peggy Ann Craig

  Her eyes widened in sudden awareness. Was that what love felt like? Was she in love with Ryan? Her eyes widened even further.

  Was Ryan in love with her?

  His earlier revelation that he was unable to commit had sent her hopes spiraling downward, but the look he gave her after the kiss contradicted those words. He must have felt that same raw and palpable emotion as well.

  She searched the horizon eagerly for Ryan’s approaching form, hoping that when he did he would kiss her again. She tried to scold herself. Tried to instill morals and proper behavior, but the woman in her had awoken and her heart pulsed its first wanton beat. She desperately wanted, nay, needed to explore those new found feelings. Sooner rather than later.

  From the hilltop, a carriage rolled into view before Ryan leaped out and ran back to the shelter where Evelina waited for him anxiously.

  He did not stop until he had stepped inside the small culvert forcing Evelina to step back to give him room. It was a small nook and they stood merely inches apart. She gazed up at him with admiration clearly shining from her eyes. Even if she had wanted to conceal her feelings, she was far too naïve and inexperienced to know how.

  “Are you okay now?”

  “Yes.” She blinked, suddenly confused. “I mean—pardon?”

  “I was just wondering if you are feeling better now?”

  “Am I feeling—better?”

  “Yes, better.” He smirked as if silently laughing at her. “You were starting to become hysterical.”

  She blinked and looked at him for the first time. Really looked at him. What she saw left her feeling suddenly cold. He was gazing down at her with an emotion she had least expected to see. Not passion, not desire, not longing, and definitely not love. It was a look she had seen a dozen times and had come to resent. Pity.

  He gave her an impish look. “Sorry about the kiss but I had to distract you.”

  “I beg pardon?”

  “You were starting to lose it and I had to do something quick.”

  Oh God.

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “Sweetheart.” He narrowed his eyes as if he knew his next words would sting. “You were headed full-fledged into a nervous breakdown. I didn’t know how to snap you out of it. I did the first thing that came to mind.”

  She gasped and took a step away from him only to hit her back against the stone bridge.

  “How dare you!”

  “Calm down–”

  “I will not calm down!” She exclaimed and glared up at him. “And don’t you dare try kissing me again. I can assure you I was not having an anxiety attack.”

  She knew that was a downright lie but her feelings were so horribly hurt she didn’t know what to say or how to react.

  He cocked his head and made a face. “Listen, you don’t have to hide it from me, Evelina—”

  “Take me home right this minute.” She fought back the urge to cry, refusing to do so in front of him. Of all the stupidest, childish, and foolish things to think. She had actually thought he had kissed her out of love.

  He sighed. “It’s still raining.”

  She glanced past him and sure enough, the rain continued to pelt the earth. However, at that moment she cared less what the weather was doing, she just needed to put distance between Ryan and herself.

  However, no matter how strong her convictions to storm out of that little shelter, she did not move a single muscle. She couldn’t. All she could do was simply stare at the rain with despair, wishing ardently she possessed the poise to make that exit with a grace she could only dream of.

  “I know what happened to you that day on the bluffs.”

  She froze, her gaze ricocheted back to his face. “What?”

  “Your father told me what happened.”

  A numbness swept over her body.

  “You know you can’t let it dictate your life like this, Evelina.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

  “You have to learn to face your fears.”

  “I want to get out of here.”

  “Please listen to me, Evelina—”

  “No, I do not. I need to leave. Right now.”

  He exhaled heavily and slunk back against the stone bridge. “The world isn’t against you.”

  She made a loud scoffing sound and looked away insulted. “I know that!”

  “Do you? Look at the way you live your life. Holed up in your parents’ house.” He frowned. “That isn’t living, Evelina. It’s no way to live your life. Especially someone so young. You are missing out on so much.”

  She froze at those words.

  “I want to help you.” He reached out and touched the side of her cheek. “I want to help you regain your confidence.”

  She flinched and jerked her face away from his hand. “I don’t need your help. I’m perfectly happy the way I am.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t care what you believe.”

  There were a few minutes of silence before he stepped out of the shelter and stared back at her while rain showered down around him. “Then come out here and show me.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why should I?”

  “Because it’s only rain.”

  Indignation flared up in the pit of her stomach. “I know its only rain.”

  “Then what are you afraid of?”

  “I’m not!” She retorted.

  “Liar.”

  She gasped. “You are rudely mistaken.”

  “Then join me.”

  With her animosity peaking, she spat out at him, “Now who is the crazy one?”

  He actually smiled. “I never called you crazy.”

  “You certainly are implying it.”

  He looked suddenly serious. “I don’t think you’re crazy.”

  This made her pause shortly. She herself wondered if at times she was indeed a raving lunatic. It was only rain after all. The logical part of her brain tried to reassure the irrational part that her paranoia was unfounded, that she had nothing to fear. But it didn’t make a smidgeon of difference. She couldn’t shake the feeling.

  Beneath her chest, her pulse began that old familiar chaotic pounding. Why couldn’t he just drop it? Why couldn’t he just leave things as they were? Her body started trembling and she unconsciously rubbed her arms. She tried to take several deep shallow breaths to control the rising panic, but she recognized the signs. Knew what was about to happen. In desperation, she shot Ryan an imploring look. Silently begging him for help.

  “It’s okay, Evelina.” He smiled at her in the rain. “You can trust me.”

  This made her pause. With a sorrowful exclamation, she looked at him and their earlier conversation came back to mind. He had been honest about his intentions. That she could say about the man. And if she were being truthful with herself, she would admit that she did indeed trust him. Probably more than anyone she had ever met. But not with her emotions. He had created a deep sadness within her she couldn’t yet explain but somehow knew it had to do with the fact he could never return her feelings.

  “I just want to go home.”

  His shoulders drooped and he simply stared at her in the rain until at last he nodded before reentering the little nook only to sweep her back up into his arms and hurry off to the carriage. Though it was still raining, it had eased considerably yet this did not seem to slow his steps. She doubted it was on account of her obvious fear of being out in the rain. Rather she sensed he no longer wished to spend time with her and the sooner he put distance between them the better. Evelina tried to suppress the unhappiness this thought evoked. But somehow couldn’t manage to bring herself to it.

  Sadly, the opinion of others was only one of the several anxieties that have plagued her for years. However, it wasn’t the fear of how Ryan saw her that caused this sudden bout of sorrow. Yes, it did trouble her, but it was the realization itself that she wou
ld lose him before he ever had the chance to know the real Evelina that hurt the most.

  But who was she kidding? The fact was Evelina wasn’t capable of winning anyone over. Let alone a man with such caliber as Ryan Colby. Her insane phobias were doomed to force her to live a long miserable life alone.

  They rode the distance back to her parent’s home in silence. The storm had ceased entirely by that point which Evelina was grateful for. The sound of rain pounding the carriage along with her distressed thoughts would have been enough to send her over the edge. The storm passed as quickly as it had arrived with the sun re-emerging after its path. As the carriage pulled up in front of her family home, she paused in her train of troubled thoughts to notice a rainbow arch over the little blue house like a colorful halo. She hadn’t seen a rainbow in years.

  “Look how beautiful that is.” Her eyes lit up as she slid forward in her seat and stared at the view.

  Ryan lowered his head to see past her shoulder and out the window. “Yes. I quite agree.”

  She glanced back at him startled at how close his voice was to discover him merely inches from her face. But he was not staring out at the rainbow but at Evelina instead.

  Uncomfortable with his close proximity, she scooted further away from him on the bench.

  “How long has it been since you’ve seen a rainbow, Evelina?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Twelve years perhaps?”

  Her eyes shifted and locked gazes with him. She didn’t like how he was always reading far too much into her. She much preferred to remain a closed book.

  “Perhaps.”

  He watched her quietly for a little while longer than asked softly, “What happened to you that day?”

  She frowned. Hard. His watchful gaze was unnerving enough, but now he was treading in dangerous waters.

  “I-I think I’d like to go in now.”

  His expression remained bland as he looked deep into her eyes until at last, he said, “I hope someday you will trust me enough to let me into this protective cocoon you have imprisoned yourself inside.”

  She found herself unable to speak for she suddenly coveted the same thing. Her world was a dark lonely place and she wished ardently there was someone who could rescue her from it. But she didn’t voice any of those thoughts.

  He sighed bleakly at her silence then turned away. She watched and waited for his words of finality, convinced this was the moment when he renounced any interest in Evelina forever. She feared her unsound mind had finally turned him away. And if that hadn’t done it, then her obvious unrequited performance after he bestowed her with that jolting kiss probably sealed her fate. However, when he eventually did speak, she was completely stunned.

  “I hope you allow me to see you again.”

  That was the last thing she expected to hear. If anything, she had wholeheartedly expected to hear words of rejection and apologies on his part. And though she would have adamantly tried to prevent it…crying and sobbing on hers.

  His gaze slid back to her face. “Aside from that bout of rain, I was rather enjoying myself.”

  She gave a start. The gloomy shadow hovering over her heart lifted slightly. She too had enjoyed their afternoon together. Immensely. However, the moment it ended for her was just before that bout of rain. Along with that heart-stopping kiss. And she would have loved to been able to tell him so but found herself sitting silent instead. To hear him speak so coldly about his feelings toward love and relationships left her feeling far more dejected than she would have readily admitted.

  As if sensing Evelina’s thoughts, he said in a hushed tone, “Unless you’ve had a change of heart.”

  She looked at him and found him watching her closely. Exhaling softly, she said, “I-I’m not sure.”

  “Or perhaps you want the fairy tale?”

  Evelina felt her back stiffen and held his gaze in return. She was ashamed to admit it, but she had for just that split moment wished for that fairy tale ending. Have Ryan fall madly in love with her and sweep her off her feet. However, his flat words were a reminder that those kind of things were not in the cards for Evelina. She knew that. She had simply forgotten. Her father said she should consider herself lucky to secure a husband like Ryan Colby. A girl like herself ought to be grateful even to have such an offer. Yes, his proposition sounded horribly lonely but at least she could be assured he’d never discover her secret. If he had no intentions of fathering her any children, she assumed he had no wish to consummate their marriage. Which was probably for the best as she would never be the type of wife who could provide him with a family.

  “Or perhaps you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” she responded quietly.

  He looked taken aback.

  “I’m a sensible girl, Mr. Colby. Not a romantic.”

  His gaze held hers for several long moments. Not appearing entirely convinced, he nevertheless said, “I’m glad to hear that.”

  He continued to watch her closely and Evelina worked hard to come off as cold and indifferent. It must have worked for he eventually said, “Then allow me to rectify that and get to know you better.”

  She had to douse the immediate spark of delight his words caused, reminding herself that what he said and what he felt were remarkably different. The man flirted with words as often as he changed his socks. “I’m also not a senseless girl, Mr. Colby. I’m fully aware it is the Lady Evelina you do not wish to part from. There is no need to try to flatter me.”

  He frowned. “It was not my intention to flatter you. Contrary to what you may think of me, I do have principles. No boat is that important. I am being sincere when I say I enjoy spending time with you and would like to be friends.”

  “Oh.”

  "I find you very interesting."

  “Interesting?” she exclaimed, offended. “I’m not a novelty that you can discard of once you get bored.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Wrong choice of words.” He apologized. “I meant what I said earlier though. I want to help you.”

  “What makes you think I want to be helped?”

  “I see a spark within you that desperately wants to be lit.”

  She shifted uncomfortably at his accurate portrayal of her. Drawing her brows together, she asked, “Why do you care?”

  “Because I do like you, Evelina. And no matter where this relationship goes between us, I want you to be happy.”

  She turned away and inhaled deeply, disturbed by his words and her own thoughts and stared out at the wet city glistening in the sunbeams spewing from the clouds. The rainbow over the little blue house slowly dissolved along with the light within Evelina. Turning towards him, she forced a smile on her lips and surprised herself by saying, “It was a lovely outing prior to the rain. Perhaps we could try again sometime.”

  He produced a sincere smile. “I’d very much like that.”

  Lord, he had a nice smile. It really could undo the worst of acts.

  “My parents are hosting an engagement party for Victoria on Friday evening. I’m expected to attend.”

  “Naturally.”

  “Along with a guest list of thirty or so of my parent’s closest friends and family.”

  “I see.”

  “I much prefer not to attend but seeing as I’m her sister it can’t be avoided.”

  He chuckled. “Ah, and you are far too timid to go it alone? Are you asking me to be your escort, Evelina?”

  She shrugged and straightened her wet skirts. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine—”

  “I’d be honored.”

  Jolted, she couldn’t stop her gaze from shooting his way and when she did, she caught her breath. He was looking at her with such admiration that she nearly believed he felt the same way about her as she did about him. However, she was quickly learning that Ryan Colby made a habit of trifling with one’s emotions. Particularly hers. She had best learn to grow a thicker skin or melt whenever he so much as glanced her way.
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br />   Chapter 10

  Friday evening found Evelina standing outside the community hall where Victoria’s engagement party was being held. From outside, she heard the merry gathering and instinctively drew back, prolonging her entrance.

  “What’s wrong?” Ryan stood next to her, staring down at her anxious face.

  “Nothing.”

  “Obviously something.”

  “Just give me a few minutes.”

  He frowned. “Are you not well?”

  “I’m fine, thank you, I just need a few minutes to gather myself.”

  “Whatever for?”

  She didn’t say anything just stared at the building with its windows full of silhouettes moving about within. Ryan followed her gaze and comprehension dawned in his expression.

  “Ah, I see. You are uncomfortable with the number of guests.”

  She inhaled sharply hating that he pinpointed her flaws so easily. Trying to deny his allegation, she snapped, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  He snorted in disapproval, apparently not believing her. “You really do have a fear of crowds. I didn’t realize how serious it was.”

  “I don’t have a fear.” She tried to defend herself. “I simply feel awkward.”

  “Of what?”

  She hesitated then said, “Staring.”

  “Staring? You believe they will all stare at you?”

  She shifted self-consciously at his disparaging tone and raised her voice slightly in defense. “They always do.”

  “Don’t be foolish. Why would they stare?”

  “Because I’m different.”

  “How?”

  “I just am.”

  “You’re no different from the rest of us.”