“How’s that?” Clive inquired.
Ryan met her father’s gaze, snapping him out of his thoughts. “That I wasn’t able to help Evelina. I failed her.”
Though he hated imagining her with any other man the truth was, he had serious misgivings she would be able to secure a decent husband without the Lady Evelina. And she needed to. He didn’t want Evelina spending the rest of her life alone. She needed someone to look after her and help her face her phobias or at the least keep them at bay. Her father couldn’t live forever.
Clive watched him for a moment and said, “I’m not sure about that. She recently started seeing a psychiatrist.”
He nodded. “Yes, she told me. But that had nothing to do with me. She sought help when I wasn’t even around.”
“So what will you do now?”
“I’m riding south to Toledo to join the crew of the Spartan. It’s a clipper headed for Boston.”
“Boston, eh?”
“Ya, they had stopped at Placid looking for extra crew hands after they had taken on some wet railroad ties up in the Soo.”
“That will make for a heavy load.”
“I’ve always wanted to sail the ocean. This could be the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.”
“I see.” He paused. “I suppose you’ve got to follow your heart.”
“I do.”
“You will be gone long then?”
“Yes, but I don’t have any intention of ever coming back here, Clive.”
“So this is goodbye?”
“Yes, that is if we don’t meet up on some voyage again.”
“Not likely. I’m getting too old and have asked to be assigned shipyard duty. I want to spend more time with my family. Retirement for me is spending less time out on the water.”
“Then I suppose this is goodbye.” He held out his hand.
Clive hesitated before reluctantly shaking Ryan’s hand. “I can’t deny I wish this had a different ending but I wish you well Mr. Colby.”
“You’ll say goodbye to Evelina properly for me, won’t you? We didn’t part on good terms.”
“Of course.”
With a nod and a dispirited heart, Ryan left the man standing in the shipyard watching him leave. Though he had admitted they might never see each other again, he had no idea how nearly true that could be. If he had, Ryan most likely would have reconsidered his departure.
* * *
It had been nearly nine days since he joined the clipper, Spartan, in Toledo. He had managed to join the crew just as it had pulled out of port. It sailed for the Welland Canal where it connected Lake Erie to Lake Ontario and allowed ships to bypass the Niagara Falls safely from one lake to the other. From there, they sailed north to the mouth of the St. Lawrence and beyond where they navigated several more canals and locks along the St. Lawrence Seaway until ultimately reaching the Gulf of St. Lawrence. They had just left the calm waters of the gulf behind and were approaching the mouth of the Atlantic Ocean when a storm brewing on the horizon greeted them.
Down in the crew quarters, Ryan raked a hand through his hair and concentrated on the cards before him as the ship rocked back and forth. Lady luck had abandoned him once again. The cards were not in his favor that evening but surprisingly he wasn’t concerned. His heart was no longer in the game. Perhaps it was on account he was a bit more cautious when placing wagers. Or that the stakes involved were far less meaningful. Either way, he had no qualms tossing the cards aside when a crew hand came running down the hatch steps to holler for all hands on deck.
He leaped to his feet, snatched up his oilskin from a nearby hook, and then climbed out of the crew quarters only to be greeted by a harsh gale above deck. Rain and wind pelted him as he scrambled to join his fellow sailors aloft in the sails. The ship was easily reaching speeds of nine knots if not more regardless of the developing storm. He had never been on a faster ship. It effortlessly handled the rolling waves beneath her with ease. High winds made for choppy water but the clipper maintained a steady speed, hitting each wave with a resilient force. The skies opened up and showered the wooden deck causing the plank floor to become saturated and making traction dicey.
Ryan gripped the port rail and turned his gaze toward the vast gulf before him with its dark but infinite horizon. Somewhere out there the Atlantic Ocean awaited and Ryan’s lifelong dream was about to be realized. Already he tasted the salty sea on his lips for the first time as the vessel crashed into yet another wave sending a surge of seawater onto the deck. He had waited for this moment for as long as he could remember, however he would have to postpone his triumph, as the looming storm was more pressing and required his entire focus.
Not to mention, for some inexplicit reason, his level of impending excitement was not nearly as high as he would have anticipated. He blamed it on his troubled thoughts consumed with Evelina then he cared to admit. Even to himself.
The ship lurched causing Ryan to lose his train of thought and directed his attention back to the task at hand. The sea came ashore once again as the vessel broke yet another surge. When they set sail earlier that morning the gulf had been calm but the closer they approached the sea the rougher the waters. He glanced up at the bridge and spotted the captain at the helm demonstrating his skilled seamanship as the ship remained steadfast in the unrelenting storm. It was the crew’s job to reef the sails to help reduce speed as the storm showed no signs of easing up.
Ryan climbed the rigging of the mizzenmast to the sails above. The ropes were wet and slippery but years of practice developed a sure footing. He reached over, grasped the line of the sail, and on the call, began furling inward. It was heavy with rain making the job thus more difficult and admittedly less pleasant. He breathed hard as he worked in unison with the crew line. He was drenched from top to bottom. The oilskin was useless against the storm and only felt twice as heavy and cumbersome.
The ship lurched suddenly, nearly knocking Ryan off the yard he was working on. He snatched the closest rope at the very last second preventing him from falling to his death in the churning waters below. Swiftly, he wound his arm around the line for security and found his footing on the slick riggings once again.
“You okay there, Colby?” The first mate shouted over the storm to him.
He gave a thumbs up before grasping the sodden cloth yet again. He glanced out to the angry sea behind him just as another monster wave slammed against the stern causing the ship to give another lurch. Thankfully, he had secured himself properly that time around and anticipated the hit. His gaze drifted inland to the distant horizon from where they had just departed. Though the sky was overcast, it was not as dark and ominous as the skyline that awaited them in the opposite direction. Ryan squinted his eyes against the high winds to look down at the angry sea thrashing beneath him. He had never seen a more ferocious storm.
It took some doing but the crew managed to secure the sails while leaving the jib sail upright to keep the ship from sailing off course.
Ryan scrambled back down the rigging then proceeded to secure as much loose gear as he could. He had just made his way to the starboard side when he felt the bow of the clipper lift clear out of the water. The ground under him suddenly sloped sending him sailing down the deck toward the stern. Before he reached the end, however, the clipper slammed back onto the ocean’s surface after cresting what Ryan could only assume was a rogue wave.
When the ship hit the water, it propelled his body and lunged him airborne. As nimble as a forest animal, he snagged hold of a rail at the last second and held on as the storm battered around him.
“Colby!” Someone shouted for him and he glanced back and saw two fellow crew members show up out of nowhere and help him back on deck.
“What in damnation happened?”
“We hit a rogue.” The crewmember confirmed his suspicion. “It snapped the hold below and caused a leak. We need as many deck hands below to bail incoming water.”
Ryan ran after the two fellow crewmembers to see
what needed doing. As soon as he stepped through the hatch to the decks below, he discovered a foot of water covering the bottom. And it was only rising. He cursed silently to himself. As a sailor, he knew the risks involved every time he went out on the water. Still, he couldn’t prevent alarms going off in his head. He pushed aside his fear and immediately grabbed a bucket and began bailing water. In the core of the ships hold were the heavy railroad ties, now saturated from the incoming ocean.
Ryan hadn’t been at the task long, when a loud groaning noise erupted from beneath the railroad ties. It all happened so fast, there wasn’t an instant for him to get his bearings or to realize what was happening. The next sound he heard was far more menacing and had him nearly stopping dead in his tracks. The wooden planks of the ship’s bottom began cracking.
“She’s going to snap!” someone hollered.
“Abandon ship!” the first mate shouted. “She’s going to sink!”
The crew scrambled up the ladders to the storm pelted upper deck and headed straight for the lifeboat. Voices raised in alarm were shouting all around him but he tried to remain calm knowing he had to keep his wits about him. He released the pulley that secured the lifeboat and lowered it to the sea. However high winds wrestled with the vessel and whipped it around like a toy boat. The ocean rocked the now noticeably tilted ship causing him to struggle with his footing. He glanced frantically out at the loose dingy and watched in horror as one of the lines on the pulley snapped cutting the lifeboat free. Minus any crewmembers.
Ryan' felt his heart plummet. Realizing he was about to face death, the only thought that ran through his mind was that he would never see Evelina again.
Chapter 14
Back in Detroit, Clive was smoothing out the edge of a stave with a block plane while working in the shipyard when some commotion coming from the courtyard interrupted his task. He glanced up and spotted a dockhand pinning a sheet of parchment to a column near the dry docks. A small crowd of inquisitive onlookers had gathered around him. Curious himself, Clive laid down his tool and headed over to the small group to find out what was going on. As he did, he realized the parchment the man was posting was that of a ship’s manifest list.
“What’s this?”
“We got a telegraph that the Spartan sunk in the Gulf of St. Lawrence.” He told him. “A search party returned no sign of the crew. They’re all presumed lost at sea.”
“The Spartan? Don’t think I recognize the name,” Clive said trying to recall any ship by that name.
“A clipper from Duluth. She docked here about a week ago looking for extra crew hands while on route to Boston. Apparently, they had also stopped at several other ports along Lake Huron.”
Clive frowned, as something sounded very familiar about that.
“Word has it they had taken on a heavy load of wet railroad ties up in the Soo which might have caused the clipper to sink.”
Clive’s stomach dropped.
“Let me have a look at that list.”
The sheet the dockhand had nailed to the column had a list of twenty or so crew names. His eyes scanned the list quickly.
Ryan Colby’s name leaped off the page.
“Oh no,” he exhaled sharply. He shut his eyes briefly, automatically giving respect to his fellow sailors who risked their lives every day and had now paid the ultimate price. Upon opening them once again, he released a sorrowful sigh and rubbed his hand over his eyes to swipe at tears that had quickly formed. Lifting his head, he glanced in the general direction of home. How was he going to break the terrible news to Evelina? She was going to be devastated. Ever since her horrible accident, she had resented the water and everything it had taken from her. Now it had claimed Ryan as well.
Putting his tools away, he mentally prepared himself and made his way home.
* * *
Evelina sat in the drawing room along with her sisters as they worked on their needlepoint. Her gaze drifted to the window and noted what a remarkably warm and beautiful day it was considering autumn was just around the corner. The sight of her father walking hurriedly toward home caused her to frown. It was a weekday and usually he was down in the shipyard at work.
When she heard him enter the house, she put her needlework aside, pleased with the unexpected break in routine. She produced a smile as she waited for him to enter the room, however before it fully formed, she took note of the crestfallen look on his face and knew in a heartbeat something was wrong. The corners of his usual laughing eyes were weighed down.
Instinctively, Evelina wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him but for whatever reason she remained seated. Motionless. A horrible, horrible feeling of trepidation snuck into her already sense of paranoia. A feeling that was only confirmed when his gaze scanned the faces of his daughters until it fell upon Evelina. Merely to have the deep sorrow in his eyes intensify.
“Evelina.” He quietly said her name and the most dreadful feeling swept over her.
“No.” She cut him off prohibiting him from speaking further, to say the words out loud.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” May entered the room, surprised to see her husband. “What are you doing here?”
He said quietly, “There’s been an accident.”
“Accident?” May’s expression turned to concern. “Are you hurt?”
“No, not me.”
“Then what is it? What has happened?”
He continued to stare at his youngest daughter, and then silently shook his head. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
She rejected his words, refused to accept his apology. “Why are you looking at me? I have nothing to do with the water.”
“It’s Ryan. He’s been in an accident.”
There it was. The words she forbid herself to hear. Her breathing stopped. She fought hard to regain her breath. It couldn’t be true. She rejected the water years ago to prevent it from ever hurting her again. It just wasn’t possible.
Shutting her eyelids with a heaviness that threatened never to allow her to open them again, she willed her inner self to remain calm, which was far too difficult for Evelina. Her entire world she faced daily on eggshells as it were. However, amazingly she heard herself ask with a sense of composure to her voice that surprised even herself, “What type of accident?”
“The ship Ryan was on has sunk. He, along with the rest of the crew, are officially listed as lost at sea.”
Her eyes flew open, a spark of hope breathing life back into her numb heart. “What do you mean “lost at sea”? Ryan doesn’t sail the ocean, he sails the Great Lakes.”
“After he left here on his last visit, he headed south to Toledo and joined a crew on a voyage to Boston. But the ship never arrived. They dispersed a search party to recover any survivors—or bodies. Unfortunately, they have been unable to locate either.”
A grief-stricken gasp escaped her lips, her breath coming out on a shaky note. “I don’t believe you. I can’t believe you.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but it’s true.”
It was the sincerity in his voice, however, that Evelina could no longer deny. Not that she honestly believed her father would be so cruel as to lie to her about something so tragic. But it was far easier for her to think he would then to face the truth of his words.
That was when her bottom lip began to quiver. Her eyes watered swiftly but she denied them release. Instead, she got up on wobbly legs and said, “If you’ll excuse me.”
“Evelina.” Her father attempted to reach out to her hoping to comfort her in some way she was sure, but all Evelina wanted at that moment was to be alone.
Like a pitiful creature whose heart had been ripped out of its chest, Evelina made her way out of the room and down the hall to her bedroom. Once inside, she quietly shut the door behind her and simply stood there staring at the walls. Tears continued to pool in her eyes but she forced them at bay not allowing them to flow. For if she did, it would be as if she acknowledged Ryan’s fate. Instead, she shut down her emot
ions and senses. It was as if every organ in her body ceased working one after the other. Starting with her heart. She became numb and no longer felt human or alive. She felt empty. So utterly hollow.
Walking over to her bed, she slowly undressed. With each piece of clothing, she removed a layer of humanity. Peeled away the tiers of emotion that had caused so much pain. With the loss of Ryan, she lost something valuable whether she had known it or not. She had barely clung to the thread that still kept her on this earth, but now, she was ready to let it go. Give it all up. Life for Evelina had always been an everyday struggle. Without Ryan at her side, what was even the point?
Pulling back the covers of her bed, she crawled underneath and stared lifeless at the lantern on the night table next to her. A tear silently escaped and slid down her cheek on to the pillow below. No sobs or any other sounds escaped her throat. Instead, she crawled out of her earthly skin and kept herself tucked in dark safe corner away from reality. One in which no one could reach or hurt her. There was no longer any energy of strength to react. There was nothing. Just a big void.
She remained like this for several days. Her mother came to check on her and tried to encourage her to eat, but she rejected any food. Her siblings tried to coerce her out of her room to sit before the open window and fresh air, but again she did not.
For exactly thirteen days, she remained in her room and refused to leave. Some claimed she was in mourning but Evelina knew it was far more than that. Her spirit had left her body and all that remained was her lifeless corpse.
When she had her accident twelve years ago, she had withdrawn from society, terrified of getting further hurt. Then Ryan came along and awakened something in her. For the first time since the accident, she had felt alive again. She wanted to crawl out of her protective shell and risk getting her toes wet.
But never again.
She should have heeded her own warning. Refused to get involved. Refused to open her heart to another. For she realized now that she loved him dearly and the pain of losing him was far greater than any other pain she suffered before in life. Even the pain she felt that horrible day so many years ago on the rocky bluffs.
Lady and the Gamble: A Sweet Victorian Romance (The Colby Brothers Book 2) Page 18
