Dead Wolf Walking

by Veronica Blade

  Autumn. Zack nudged me with his elbow. We’ll figure it out, okay? Same way we always do. Easy for him to say when it wasn’t his parents in grave danger. But his words soothed me. I bit back the fear and my limbs steadied.

  “As I was saying,” Cedric redirected to the audience, “each one of us is indebted to these werewolves, to some degree or another. Specifically Autumn and Zack. I invite all of you to show your gratitude by joining me in a centuries-old ritual.”

  Dathan stepped forward. “Drinking from a vampire has been illegal for centuries. We outlawed it because of werewolves like Ulric and a few humans. We have no intention of ever revoking this law. However, for tonight only, King Cedric and I agreed to honor these two brave werewolves who risked their lives for us all. His Majesty and I will go first.”

  The people in the crowd talked amongst themselves and I glanced at Zack. Are you going to do this? I asked.

  He stared straight ahead. Haven’t decided yet.

  Dathan handed the dagger to Cedric, then held out the goblet for him. Cedric pressed the blade across his wrist and blood streamed into the cup. “For Zack and Autumn,” Cedric began, “who without their acts of bravery, I would truly be dead.”

  Although I appreciated the sentiment, the whole thing seemed exaggerated to me. We’d been fighting for our own lives as much as theirs. Not that I minded the benefits of vampire blood, but taking on their characteristics felt more like acquiring side effects. I didn’t want to become more of a killer than I already was.

  I laid a hand on Cedric’s arm and directed my thoughts to Dathan. I’m not sure about this. Maybe some aspects of your personality, well, maybe they’re not good for me. I’m not comfortable with how easy it was for me to kill.

  Dathan rolled his eyes. You mean how easy it was to protect yourself when you needed to and how much more prepared you were to fight for your life? His face grew solemn. Sharing my power doesn’t make you any less of what you are. Your decisions are still yours to make. My blood only makes you stronger and more capable of doing what must be done. Besides, you’re not just taking the worst from me and everyone here who’s offering. You’re taking the best of us as well.

  Does this mean that they’ll all be able to keep tabs on me? That was the last thing I wanted.

  No, Cedric rubbed his healed wrist on the edge of the cup and the last bit of blood dribbled over the rim and down the inside. If they were to ingest your essence, yes. But you’re not giving anyone your blood. It is they who are giving a piece of themselves to you, which means you’ll be able to sense them when they’re nearby. And knowing whether a vampire is friend or foe may come in handy.

  I swallowed, noting the other vampires stepping forward to make their offering.

  Enjoy this moment, little one. This is the ultimate gift from a vampire. It means they’re accepting you into their vampire family as lifelong blood brothers. Dathan turned to the crowd again, cut his wrist, and let his blood stream into the goblet. Braulio went next, then Regis, Tony and Kayla, followed by every vampire in the vicinity.

  “Zack, you too.” Dathan motioned him to the front and offered him the goblet. “Half of this is yours.”

  Dathan explained it to me a bit more, I told Zack. It’s okay. I’m going to drink my half.

  Zack hesitantly took the goblet. He sipped, his gaze roaming the room. After a few gulps, he clenched his jaw and slowly pushed the goblet toward me. As he turned away, I imagined how difficult it was for him to put it down. How difficult it would be for me.

  Goblet in hand, I braced myself and downed the rest of the blood. I stared at the remaining film on the inside of the cup and stifled the urge to lick every drop. I commanded myself to set the cup down as I studied the faces of the vampires who had participated in the ritual. They were connected to me now. Family. I’d been swathed in a protective cocoon—by my own natural enemy.

  Strangely, I was consumed with the hunger to hunt down any werewolf—or any other species—who would dare hurt my friends for their own selfish desires.

  Through their blood, they’d passed on to me the instinct and drive to ensure their survival. Ulric can’t feel this connection with those he drinks from or he couldn’t slay them, I told Dathan.

  He gave a slight inclination of his head. A little of our blood has a positive effect on other species. Too much makes you go mad.

  I blinked and refocused on the crowd. Nearly every vampire in the room was bowing their head before Zack and me. My eyes misted and I glanced at Zack. Wow, he said.

  Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT

  Autumn

  Now that we could roam the palace at will, Cedric’s council relocated from his private suite to their own quarters. On the off chance that he and Dathan had missed a mutinous werewolf-hating vamp, he wanted Zack and me to sleep in his suite, as well as Alura and Renzo. Since he didn’t have enough rooms for us each to have our own, we still had to double up.

  Zack hadn’t spoken a word to me since the blood ceremony, thoroughly avoiding my gaze at all times. He’d even suggested to Cedric that Alura sleep in the bedroom with me. He commandeered the sofa while Favianne and Renzo took Dathan’s room. I didn’t know where Dathan had gone but, for all I knew, he could’ve gone back into slumber.

  I shuffled my heavy limbs to bed, rolled over, and allowed the tears to leak out in silence. For the first time in weeks, I’d spent the night without him. I woke after a restless night, more tired than when I’d gone to sleep.

  After commanding my body to get out of bed, I got ready in slow motion, dreading another day of estrangement from Zack. While I caught up with Favianne over breakfast, he was nowhere to be found. Later, I helped Cedric with a computer issue and still no Zack. He popped in close to lunchtime while I was texting my mom, but he was gone so quickly I didn’t get a chance to wave hello.

  With every hour I endured, Zack was more distant with me. I rubbed my chest, thinking how much further away he’d be by the time tomorrow rolled around. And then it would be time to go. I might never see him again. Would I even get a chance to say good-bye?

  I wasn’t sure anymore whether or not I’d done the right thing by breaking up with him. But if I changed my mind, what was the point? Zack would probably take off with his parents before I had a chance to fix things with him anyway.

  After lunch—which he ate in another part of the palace—Zack left for a walk with his mom and dad to talk things out. Too queasy to eat, I dashed up to my room to freshen up and then puttered around, contemplating whether I should pack now or wait until the last minute.

  Dathan darkened the doorway—I could sense him without looking. I swiveled to offer him a smile. “What’s up?”

  “You should eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.” I slunk to the window—praying I hadn’t gotten the tendency to brood from Dathan—and searched the grounds for Zack.

  “You’re lovesick.”

  Irritation welled up in me. “And?”

  “So you admit you’re in love with him?”

  “Doesn’t matter. I dumped him and he’s fine with it.”

  “And you dumped him because...?”

  I sighed. “Because even separately we’ll have a difficult time surviving with the barriers we already have. And if anything happened to Zack because I was too selfish to let him go, I may as well die.”

  “So dramatic.” Dathan clucked his tongue. “Life is too beautiful to let it pass without having exactly what you want. Especially if you have all eternity.”

  “Yeah?” I quirked one brow. “This from one of the biggest sourpusses I’ve ever met?”

  “Oh, the cruelty.” He clutched at his heart, then grew serious, cocking his head. “Even ancients like me can change. Having you and Zack here somehow breathed life into this dead soul.”

  I wouldn’t read too much into that comment. Because I seriously doubted he was any less crazy than before. “You’re not a dead soul. You’re just... scary.”

  He studied me, tilting his he
ad. “I’d hate to think I scared you.”

  I offered him a mischievous smile. “Not as much.”

  “Good.” And then he disappeared.

  What the hell was that? Whatever. I had packing to do. My parents would arrive tomorrow and I didn’t want to hang around pining over Zack any longer than necessary.

  As that thought formed in my head, I knew I’d be missing Zack for a hellishly long time. I couldn’t imagine ever getting over him.

  Chapter TWENTY-NINE

  Zack

  After almost a full twenty-four hours stewing at both my parents for keeping me in the dark, my anger toward them had eased up only a little. One day I’d completely forgive them. But not today and I wasn’t going to make it easy on them.

  I sat on the stone bench and sipped on my bottle of root beer, staring off at the trees swaying in the distance, the rows of colorful flowers and precisely pruned shrubs. “Let’s hear all your excuses so I can get on with my day.”

  My mom raised one eyebrow. “I can understand why you’d be angry, but I still expect you to be respectful and listen to your father’s explanation. We’ve earned at least that,” she chastised.

  No one could put me in my place like Mom. I softened my tone. “I’ll listen but I can’t guarantee it’ll make a difference.”

  Renzo—also known as Lucio, also known as Dad—narrowed his eyes. “You’ve already decided we can’t be forgiven?”

  “I don’t know... did I only imagine you guys treated me like a child these past few days?”

  “Zack! I raised you to give others the benefit of the doubt.” My mom’s eyes flared and I hung my head, knowing she was right and I wasn’t being fair. “Your father and I spent some time talking and I think you may feel differently when you hear what he has to say.”

  I chewed the inside of my mouth to stifle the temptation to point out that whatever was about to come out of Renzo’s mouth was probably a result of coaching from my mom. I sighed and leaned against the back of the bench. “I’m all ears.”

  “With that kind of optimism, I guess I have nothing to lose,” he said wryly, his mouth tightening as he kneeled in front of me. “In all the centuries I’ve been alive, I’ve done too many things I’m not proud of. As I wrote in the letter to you years ago, sometimes I questioned even having a soul.”

  I remembered that letter. I’d read it every time my mom had gone into the hospital and I’d felt lost or lonely. I’d read it when the stress of going to school and working had gotten to be too much. I’d read it when I was trying to keep my mind off Autumn. And I’d read it just to remember my dad.

  Crap, I was already weakening.

  A slow smile crept up on his face. “And then I met your mother, and for some crazy reason she loved me.”

  My mom entwined her fingers with his and a pang of longing coursed through me. I’d never have that with Autumn, the knowledge that she’d be there for me day after day, her love never wavering. Autumn didn’t feel that way about me anymore. My stomach twisted. I glanced away and took another pull from my root beer bottle.

  Renzo rested a fist on my knee. “And then you came along. You were the one thing in my entire existence that I did right.”

  My brows shot up and I used the mouth of the bottle as a pointer as if I were targeting him. “And that’s why you abandoned us?”

  Renzo threw his head back and sighed. “I’d been mauled. Your mother believed I’d died, mourned me, and held a memorial service. Was I supposed to break werewolf law and risk her life by exposing the existence of werewolves? Not that I was in any shape to return. I was in excruciating pain with no one to help me, and unable to feed. Meds don’t work well on us, by the way, because we metabolize them so quickly.”

  I sat the bottle on the bench and folded my arms over my chest in a gesture that must have appeared childish. What did I care what they thought? They were the ones who had to prove themselves, not me. “That doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me you weren’t dead.”

  “Mm-hm.” His mouth slanted and irritation swept over his face. “Because six-year-old boys are so good at keeping secrets.”

  “I didn’t stay five forever.” I groaned in frustration and straightened my spine. “You had years and years to do it. What about when I turned sixteen? Seventeen? How did you convince yourself then?”

  “I didn’t.” The worry lines between his brows smoothed out. “We either turn humans or we cut ties with them. In order to have you in my world, I would have had to rip you out of there without your mother ever knowing who took you or what happened. I couldn’t do that to either of you and I didn’t think she would survive it. So I chose to give you the chance to go to a normal school without the burden of knowing that in a few years, you could be serving the werewolf king. Or on the run.”

  Renzo waited a beat, measuring his words. “Not contacting you was probably the most unselfish thing I’ve ever done and it took everything I had not to seek you out. I couldn’t know you like I wanted to, yet every part of me needed you in my life. Instead, you shared a life with your mother, which you wouldn’t have had if I’d come back. And more time with your aunt Cara and uncle Mac, your cousins.”

  My chest expanded and I gave in a little bit more. Bits and pieces of images flickered through my mind. I couldn’t make out my dad’s face, but I remembered how I felt as a little boy. I remembered how much he loved and doted on me. I’d been his whole world and he had always made sure I came first.

  To cover how spineless I was rapidly becoming, I snapped up the bottle, downed the rest of the soda, and slammed the bottle on the bench. “Still no excuse for keeping the truth from me the last few months, letting me believe you were a scout, that you were a danger to Autumn.”

  “That was regrettable.” Renzo lowered his gaze, his chin nearly touching his chest. “I’ve never been one of the good guys, Zack. Thinking of anyone but myself has never come easy and I haven’t always made the right decisions. But I’m trying.”

  Well, at least he knew he was an ass. And I appreciated his effort to change that, even if he wasn’t always successful. “Go on.”

  “Had I been less selfish, I would’ve been forthcoming upon seeing you at the coffee shop. But I was convinced that after all this time, you’d feel no connection to me whatsoever. I didn’t want our relationship built on obligation, so I set about trying to create a real bond with you.” He held his mouth straight and thin, his eyes full of sorrow and regret. “At which I failed miserably. So much for clean slates.”

  I wished I could change the past, but I now understood why he’d made those choices. I couldn’t blame him any longer. As I stared at the man kneeling in front of me, Renzo faded away, replaced by my father. He was just a guy, desperately trying to reconnect with his son the best way he knew how.

  Words bottlenecked in my swollen throat. I took a moment to steady my voice. “But... why would either of us want a clean slate when what we had was already great?”

  His brows furrowed and I plowed on. “I remember when I was five, before you disappeared, and we went to the zoo. It was hot and we’d been there all day. I could barely keep my lids from drooping, but I had to see the lions. So you carried me on your shoulders, even though you’d been up all night taking the redeye and had only gotten in that morning.”

  “You remember all that?” His voice broke on the last two words.

  “Of course. I worshipped you.” Still did. I rose to stand and he did too.

  He slowly inclined his head and stretched out a hand. I gathered him in a bear hug, my eyes burning and blurring.

  “I’m so proud of you,” he said, slapping me on the back.

  When he released me, I asked, “And your reason for not telling me my mom wasn’t dead?”

  Renzo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Uh...”

  “No.” My mom patted his hand before addressing me, her eyes begging me to understand. “Telling you about me wasn’t possible since he was trying to save my life the first
day without the humans realizing I wasn’t dead. Then you were gone. When he confided in me that he’d reconnected with you, but not in a good way, I suggested he not say anything yet. Especially given that we had no idea if I’d make it as a vampire and I could be destroyed at any moment. That allowed him more time to make things right with you.”

  That made sense and, in retrospect, I should never have gotten so annoyed with my mom. Anything she did, she did with conviction that it was the right thing to do. How could I stay mad at her for that? Though I wish they’d told me, none of us could change the past and undo what we’d done. I had my parents back and they weren’t going anywhere. I finally had everything I’d been wishing for.

  Except Autumn. I had no clue what to do about her. The thought of her not being with me wherever I went next made me feel as hollow as the bottle I’d just emptied.

  “One thing you should know...” Renzo’s gaze shifted uncertainly, darting to my mom then back to me.

  Crap, this was going to be bad. And he knew I wasn’t going to enjoy it. I persuaded myself to stand there and take it. “Spit it out.”

  “I convinced Autumn that it was in your best interest to be on your own.” His jaw tightened.

  I wasn’t sure what to think of that confession, but I didn’t think my dad was trying to be a douche. He was trying to come clean and I figured I should let him. “But you changed your mind?”

  “Your mother filled me in on what it was like before, that you always seemed sad. She felt guilty for burdening you with her condition but then Autumn came into your life and everything changed. You were happy with her.” He hung his head. “I’m sorry I interfered.”

  I laughed once. “You say that because you don’t know Autumn. She doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do. If she bought what you had to say, it’s because a part of her already believed it. And I let her feed me that line because a part of me believes it too.”

  “Zack, if you truly love Autumn, talk to her.” Renzo exhaled, shaking his head. “You don’t want to leave it this way. Even if you only have one more day together, she should at least know how you feel about her.”