His One Regret: Sons Of Lost Souls MC Book Four

by Hunter, Ellie R.

With my cigarette between my lips, I bring my bike to life and swallow thickly.

  Kristen is watching me from her daughter’s grave and it’s now that I let a tear fall for the girl I love beyond reasoning.

  * * *

  Rayna won’t be settled, and I can see her upset as I ride beside my mom’s car all the way back to the cabin. It’s not until I get her out and hold her to me that she stops crying and immediately falls asleep.

  “See, all she needed was her daddy,” mom coos, grounding it in.

  I can barely roll my eyes before she’s using her spare key to let us in.

  Stepping across the threshold hits me like a brick to the head. It’s cold and it has nothing to do with the weather. The sun is warm today. It’s because she isn’t here. This is what it’s going to be like from now on, Rayna and me coming home without her.

  Mom sets about turning the heat on and making Rayna a bottle ready for when she wakes. I sit on the couch and focus on my baby girl’s breathing, hoping she dreams of her momma.

  “Things will change now she’s been buried.”

  “No, shit, mom. I can feel it already happening.”

  She sits on the arm of the chair, her concern clearly obvious as she looks at the two of us.

  “What Kristen said, she’s isn’t right. She’s grieving and it doesn’t let you see things clearly.”

  “She is right, India should never have been there. She should have been at home with Rayna. Or at school where Kristen wanted her. She should’ve been anywhere but at the club.”

  Her phones goes off and she’s quick to find it in her purse and silence it. She fires off a quick message and then looks at me.

  “I have to get back to the club, you should come. The brothers are there to support you, they’ll be there for you.”

  I know they will, but I’m not interested.

  “I’m tired, Rayna needs quiet and I want to spend time with her. I just need her today.” I’ve missed her.

  She’s the closest I have to India now and shit isn’t flying when it comes to her. I won’t make the same mistake twice.

  Cas

  A funeral isn’t any easier when it’s not a brother being laid to rest. Twenty, thirty years ago I would have felt nothing standing beside my brothers and watching her casket being lowered into the ground. Yet, today, India had me feeling all sorts of shit. Looking into what kind of future we’ll have now she’s not around. She wasn’t particularly a big part of the club, but she was laced through the brothers and somehow her absence will be worse.

  Tal works quietly behind the bar and I can’t remember how long he’s been prospecting for. It feels like a year, but lately, time has slowed, and it could have been a few months.

  I should really test him, I mean, he’s seen more than his fair share of trouble with us, but I need to see it in his eyes how loyal he is, to the club. How loyal he is to me.

  “Prospect,” I call out and his head shoots up and looks over at me.

  Holding my hand up, I signal for him to come over and wait the few seconds it takes him before he’s standing in front of me.

  “Prez, what can I do for you?”

  “How are finding the club?”

  “Fine,” he says, warily.

  “You’ve seen a lot of shit lately, it makes an impact on a brother who’s worn the patch for years, there’s nothing wrong in admitting the death, the blood, the torture has got to you.”

  “Cas, I swear it to you, it hasn’t.”

  “Why not? It’s got to me and I’ve done some sick shit in my time.”

  “I don’t feel shit like that.”

  Now he has my full fucking attention. “Sit.”

  He pulls the chair out opposite me and there isn’t one single shred of emotion on his face.

  “Care to explain?”

  He shrugs and says, “Blood, death, I’ve seen it all in my life, it doesn’t affect me anymore. My dad said I was broken, but I never felt it myself. I just think that this shit is a part of life and if you don’t get used to it, it will break you.”

  “And what exactly have you seen?”

  “When I was six, we had a house intruder and he raped and killed my mom and made me watch. Throughout, she sang me my favourite lullaby and she told me not to be scared.”

  My eyes have widened, I know this because I feel the cold air stinging my eyeballs. My jaw works overtime trying to speak but I can’t form any words to say out loud.

  “When he was finished with her, he looked at me and told me I was lucky I was a boy, or he’d take me too. At the time I didn’t understand what he meant but as I got older, I did.”

  “And?” I push him.

  “And, I’m glad I wasn’t a girl either.”

  That’s some sick fucking shit. I thought nothing in this world could shock me anymore, and yet I’m shocked shitless at how blasé he is telling me his story.

  Cocking a brow, I ask, “It doesn’t affect you at all?”

  “Nope. Is their anything else you need to know?” he asks like I’m asking about the weather.

  “Just one thing.”

  “Sure.”

  “You watched the only woman in the world who would love you unconditionally be raped and murdered, and you felt nothing. How can I trust you with my back, the back of my brothers?”

  “No-no, you’ve got this wrong. I can never explain it properly,” he says, shaking his head in frustration. “The club is the only thing that makes me feel anything.”

  “What does it make you feel?”

  “My blood surges being here, being surrounded by everyone. I will have the backs of every brother who wears the patch until the day I die, no questions asked, no reasons too small.”

  His voice carries the same level tone throughout and yet, I believe every word he speaks.

  “Cas, if you patch me in, I will be a Lost Soul through and through.”

  Leaning forward, I rest my arm on the table and go to reach for my smokes, until I remember I don’t fucking smoke anymore.

  “At the next meeting I’m going to give you your first vote, I doubt the others won’t patch you in. Usually we’d fuck around with you, but I hope you understand this isn’t the time for shits and giggles. The club is under strain and it’ll be a while before the good times come around again, because they will come again. They always do.”

  He nods and again, there is nothing on his face. Was my face like this when I first met Michael? I was an angry kid and an angry guy, but I always had the hate inside me to focus on. I wonder what Tal has to focus on if he feels nothing. Perhaps it should worry me, but for a reason I don’t know yet, I’m not worried.

  “Come with me.”

  I head down to the basement with him trailing behind and stand just inside the door, training my eyes on Ellis tied to the chair.

  “Tell me what you feel when you see him this vulnerable and under our roof.”

  “Personally I feel nothing for him but there is a building excitement knowing he will die soon.”

  “If I asked you to kill him and then bury his body without being seen, would you do it?”

  “You’re my president, I’ll do what you ask of me.”

  Stepping forward, I cross the basement and pull up a chair in front of our guest.

  “Why haven’t you killed me yet?” he grunts, his lip still oozing blood in the corner.

  “Huh, life doesn’t evolve around you, Ellis. We have shit to do, we’ll get to you when we’re good and ready.”

  He snorts.

  “You mean, you’ve got to deal with your son because he’s grieving the loss of his fiancé? Say, how did her funeral go? Were there plenty of tears? Did Leo weep for his love? Did it touch your black heart?”

  Kicking my foot out, it connects with his shin and he grunts in pain. It’s a small relief and quickly vanishes.

  “Who will care when you die?” I ask him and the grin is wiped from his face.

  “How’s Harper?” he asks in return, cho
osing not to answer my question.

  “She’s doing well, she’s happy to be home where she belongs,” I say, not giving him what he wants.

  “You lie,” he says, laughing, knowing he’s somehow right. “After what I did to her, she won’t come back here. She has balls, but they’re not that big.”

  Tilting my head, I take him in. I try to see what really hides behind his eyes and after a beat, there’s nothing to be found. No remorse. No fear. Nothing.

  “What did you do to her?”

  “How did you feel when you found out she was your kid? Especially as I was beating her black and blue when you did. Come on, I really want to know how it felt when you heard she was yours.”

  I’ll indulge the little prick if it’ll get me some answers.

  “I was pissed, I wanted to kill Lily for ruining my family.”

  This gets a reaction from him, a glimmer of annoyance and shock. I push on, trying to cause more.

  “I didn’t want to hear Harper was my daughter, I had my wife and I had my sons…”

  “Your life was perfect and yet you failed to see Harper is perfect too?”

  There is only emotion from him when talking about Harper. In a fucked up way, I think he truly cares for her. “My life was far from perfect but it’s the closest it’s ever been, and she was going to ruin it.”

  “What changed? She told me how far you travelled to bring her home, back to me.”

  “Once the shock wore off and I wrapped my head around the fact she was my blood, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for her.”

  “And now you don’t even know where she is,” he says, laughing again. “You had such a short period of playing daddy to her and then poof, she was gone. She stole my cash from me so she can last a couple of weeks on her own. I hope she gets to her meds, who knows when the crazy will set in.”

  “She’s already home, JJ is with her and she has everything she needs.”

  “Again, you’re lying, it’s okay, I know you don’t want to show weakness in front of me. I must admit, I left her in bit of a state, she’s gonna need her meds and maybe a hospital.”

  Shooting forward, I wrap my hand around his neck and lean in real close.

  “I don’t know if it’s down to patience or the fact I really want you to fucking hurt, but I have the power to hold you down here for weeks, maybe months if that’s how long I need. You’re not going to die until I lay my eyes on Harper, that’s when I’ll decide how slow and painful you’ll die by the scars on her heart and body.”

  Pushing him away, the chair nearly topples with him on it and I latch my boot on the leg and keep it straight.

  “She’ll never come back because I broke her. I made her do something that will eat her soul until there is nothing left of her if she has to look into the eyes of you, her precious new brother, her uncle, her cousin, her aunt, even her mother.” A cold smarminess covers his face and it sends a shiver down my spine. I don’t trust it at all.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Tell me, if you had to choose between who I killed, India or Leo, who would you choose? Your son, a patched in Lost Soul or a woman, an innocent connected to the club with many roots?”

  The boxes to my right catch my attention, it’s all Oak’s old things, fucking wish he was here right now. When I don’t answer, he carries on, “You’d choose Leo. No one would blame you, he’s your son, your blood, your first born. There isn’t a person out there who wouldn’t choose blood over water. But what if someone had to choose blood over blood, someone they knew their whole lives or someone they only found out was related in later life? Do you think that makes a difference?”

  Shaking my head, he can’t be saying with I think he’s saying.

  “I see the cogs turning, I can wait for it to click into place.”

  Pressing my lips into a thin line, I can’t say the words because if I do, that means Harper chose her brother over her cousin.

  “Harper chose India to die. I asked her, do you want to save your brother? Of course she said yes. I said, what would you do to make sure he didn’t die? And do you know what she said?”

  I stay quiet, my breath begging to escape my chest.

  “She said, she’d do anything.” His smile sends another shiver down my spine. “Anything? I replied.”

  “Shut up, story time is done.”

  “Oh, Cas. It’s only just beginning. Harper chose her cousin to die to save her brother. Your daughter saved your son, but do you think he will see it like that? You will never have your perfect family now. How could you when your boy will always want to kill her for taking the mother of his child away?”

  “You profess to love my kid but you destroy her, piece by piece.”

  “No I didn’t. She proved to me she was capable, and she did.”

  “First you beat her and then you make her choose between her family and you wonder why she stabbed you in the leg?”

  Rolling his head, his neck clicks in two different places and the earlier smugness is starting to fade.

  “Harper and I have our ups and down, we always get over them.”

  “I don’t see how this time,” I point out. “You claim she’ll never come back but if you haven’t noticed, you’re tied up and going nowhere but your grave when you die. Harper still lives and she’ll be happy, and you’ll be nothing.”

  “I always have hope. You have to have an abundance of hope when dealing with her,” he says, his grin returning. “How loyal is your prospect?” he asks, nodding at Tal over my shoulder.

  Shit.

  I forgot he was down here with us.

  “You don’t know anything about loyalty,” Tal spits out.

  “Maybe not, but how will you face the brothers when they vote you in and you know it was Harper who chose to kill India?”

  “I feel nothing.”

  And I have to make sure he doesn’t.

  “Of course you don’t,” Ellis huffs and looks back to me. “What about you, Cas? How will you face Slade, Zach, your son?”

  Pushing up out of my chair, it topples over, and I storm out of the basement. Tal is quick on my tail after the prospect locks him in and I head outside, taking a lung full of air to help clear my head.

  “Give me a cigarette,” I order turning to face him.

  “I can’t do that, you’re sick.”

  “You want the patch?” I threaten. He nods but doesn’t move to give me a smoke.

  “Give me a fucking smoke, prospect, or I’ll rip that cut off your back and shove it down your throat.”

  “Give him a cigarette and I’ll break all your god damn fingers. Get out of here.”

  Spinning around, Sparky walks up behind me and shoos away the prospect with the flick of his wrist.

  “What’s going on?” he asks, going for his own smokes and then thinks better of it.

  Grabbing his arm, I haul us around the back of the clubhouse and make sure no one is around.

  “Ellis told Harper to choose between India and Leo, she chose to save Leo.”

  I don’t need to repeat myself. He heard me perfectly clear and the colour draining from his face tells me he did.

  “You believe him?”

  “I do, it’s why she didn’t and wouldn’t come back. She kept saying about me protecting her, that she wouldn’t make me choose, I know what she was banging on about now. It didn’t make sense then, but it does now.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  My head is swimming with ideas, and they all lead back to wanting her home.

  “I need her back, JJ needs his wife, but I can’t have him telling everyone that shit. I can’t have them looking at her, knowing she chose India.”

  “You already have a plan, what is it?”

  “I’m going to have him taken to the old mill, only you, JJ, the prospect and I will know.”

  “How will you bring her home?”

  “I’ll let you know. Fill JJ in and be at the old mill at midnig
ht. I’ll sort the rest out.”

  With a hand shake, he goes on his way and I pull my phone out. I rattle off a text to Harper’s number and hope she still has her phone.

  ‘I know the truth and I’m going to protect you. Meet me tonight at midnight, at the old mill, it’s off Sandy Road. I promise as your father I am doing everything to protect you. Come home.’

  * * *

  The house upon returning is quiet and only the light coming from the upstairs hall is coming from Leo’s old room.

  I take the stairs one step at a time, tired and rushing at the same time. Alannah is clearing up the mess Leo made, and a pile of broken crap is sitting outside his door. Luca can help take it out in the morning.

  “Hey,” I say, getting her attention as I lean against the doorframe.

  “I wasn’t expecting you home this early.”

  She picks up the last empty whiskey bottle and dashes it in the trash bag. I’ve always told her everything, knowing she’s at my side every single time and I hope that stands tonight.

  “Come downstairs, we need to talk.”

  Her brows knit together but she puts down the trash bag and we go down to the kitchen.

  I grab the hidden bottle of whiskey Leo didn’t get his hands on and two glasses. Sitting at the table, I pour us a drink and slide one over to her.

  “What’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

  “Don’t be scared, babe. I found out the reason he killed India and not our boy.”

  Her hand wraps around the glass but she doesn’t lift it to her mouth.

  “Go on.”

  “He made Harper choose between them. She chose India.”

  “Oh my god, no. Why do that to her, I thought he had some strange sick love for her?”

  I shrug, not wanting to acknowledge his sick fantasies again.

  “Who told you this?”

  “He did and yes, I believe him. It makes sense, she said she couldn’t come back because I couldn’t protect her from the people she would need protecting from.”

  “What do you plan on doing to fix that?” she asks, warily.

  “I’m going to protect her. I’m having Ellis taken out to the old mill late tonight and I’m going to kill him. I can’t afford for the brothers, for Slade and Leo, to find out it was Harper.”