His One Regret: Sons Of Lost Souls MC Book Four

by Hunter, Ellie R.

  “You’re really going to let me do this.”

  “He took from you, you take from him. It’s how I work, it can help and or it don’t.”

  “It’s black or it’s white.”

  “It’s simple.”

  She smiles but it’s not real. I’ve seen enough fake happiness over the years to know a plastered-on smile when I see one.

  “Harps, come here.”

  JJ doesn’t even have to finish before she’s back in his arms. “Do you hate me?” she asks him, and I cut my eyes to Sparky.

  “Never,” he promises her, but I can see the implications this secret is already having on him. He might not feel the weight of it yet, but he will, one day he will wake up and look at his brothers and feel the guilt.

  He kisses her briefly and then the anger comes.

  “You run again, and that’s it. I’m not going through this shit again.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Hearing her voice, Ellis comes around and his groans fade out as he sees Harper here.

  “There’s my girl,” he sneers. “You betray me time and time again, but it only makes me want you more.”

  “Shut your mouth,” Sparky grunts hauling the chair back to its feet with Ellis still shackled to it.

  JJ lets go of her and comes over to me, keeping his eyes on Ellis.

  “Harper isn’t taking his life,” he tells me.

  “Harper asked for this, and I’m not going to refuse it.”

  “Son, she isn’t as fragile as you’d like to think she is. If she wants this then she should have it. He’s physically and mentally tried to break her, time might tell that he has, she should be able to look back and know for sure he’s gone because she took him out.”

  He’s not listening to his dad; he’s not taking any of it in. He’s thinking like a husband and I can’t blame for that.

  Behind JJ’s back and over Sparky’s shoulder, Harper quietly makes her way over to the table holding Sparky’s blade.

  Her fingers wrap around the hilt and she eyes the shine on the blade. Ellis watches her and I find it weird. He looks at her with such adoration it’s hard to believe they’re not a couple. He is in love with her and it’s all in his head. She walks over to him and leans over to whisper something in his ear. I can’t guess what she’s saying watching him. His eyes close in ecstasy and he smiles.

  “You should have known this would end like this?” she says, standing to full height, not moving away from him.

  Her voice catches JJ’s attention and he and Sparky quit their bickering. A low growl comes from him when he sees her near Ellis, but he doesn’t move or say anything.

  “Dying can’t be that bad if you’re the one taking my last breath, in one way, I’ll always belong to you then.”

  Harper jerks back at his words and her hold on the knife loosens.

  She leans back into him and struggles as she digs around in his shirt pocket. I’m not sure what she’s looking for but after a couple of minutes, she pulls out a gold ring and JJ curses under his breath.

  It’s her wedding band. She slides it on her finger and sighs with relief.

  “I could never belong to you, I already belong to my husband.”

  JJ relaxes beside me and he digs his smokes out. He goes to light it before Sparky nudges him and he looks sheepishly over at me.

  “I’m going to watch you die, but I won’t be the one who gives you the satisfaction of taking your last breath.”

  His smile is wiped off and she walks over to JJ. She presses the blade into his hand and leans up on her toes, pressing her lips briefly to his lips.

  “Kill him for me.”

  He winds his hand around the back of her neck and kisses her back hard. It’s all over in seconds but it’s connecting them once again.

  In the dead of night, Ellis sits in silence, his eyes trained on Harper, even when JJ blocks his view his eyes never move.

  “Any last words?” JJ asks, stopping in front of him.

  “Yeah,” Ellis grins, spitting a glob of blood onto the floor. “Tell Leo I’ll keep his girl warm for him on the other side.”

  Air hisses through my teeth in a rush of anger and before I can do anything, JJ is plunging the knife into Ellis’s stomach, repeatedly. He falls back on his heel, breathless and drops the blade. It clangs on the floor and then nothingness as we listen to Ellis choke on his blood and then, nothing.

  His head falls forward and he’s gone. JJ grips onto his hair and lifts his head. With his free hand, he clenches it into a fist and drives it into the lifeless head. It lands in a sickly position, hanging backwards and JJ wipes his bloody hand on Ellis’s jeans.

  “Keep that warm, asshole,” he mutters and turns to Harper. “Now I’m taking my wife home.”

  Together, with his arm around her, they walk outside, and the roar of his bike is all we can hear.

  “We’re going to have to watch them, brother.”

  “No shit,” I murmur. “You know what’s worse?” I ask him.

  A sense of lightness overtakes me, and I smile. I smile with genuine fucking joy. Everything, as usual after the storm, is calming and returning to normal and I feel stronger than ever, filled with faith in the hope I’m not facing a death sentence just yet.

  “A shit load more,” he chuckles. “But enlighten me, what’s worse than my son and your daughter trying to put their lives back in order?”

  I’m not worried as such about that, they have us and the club, the old ladies, they have a support frame like no other.

  “We’ve got to bury a body.”

  “You forgetting we brought the prospect?” he snorts.

  Over my shoulder, Tal is still standing by the door and I jerk my chin at Ellis’s lifeless body.

  “Maybe the cancer is clearing and now my mind is betraying me. I forgot he was there.”

  “That’s why I’m your VP, I’ll be at your side to pick you up when you need it.”

  “You want to suck my cock too?” I laugh at him being so soft and my chest lightens with every syllable I release.

  “Please, can you still get it up?” he retorts and moves out of the way as Tal drags the body by us.

  “My lungs fucked me over, nothing else,” I assure him and we both laugh. “Seriously though, we’ve got a lot of shit to sort out,” he says, finally lighting a cigarette.

  “When don’t we?” I shrug, stepping outside.

  “True.”

  At least I’m back on my bike, until I hear otherwise from the doctors, I’m taking my new burst of strength and vitality as me getting better, and I’m not going to waste a second.

  There are more secrets inside the patch now and I’m going nowhere, I’m going to make sure the club revives itself and these secrets stay buried. For the sake of my brothers, my son, my patch, I’ll keep the rotten weight of secrecy in my heart, so they don’t have to.

  Alannah

  A mother’s worry never leaves. It can fade, but it always returns when you least expect it. An old lady’s worry is there too, always wondering if her man is going to make it home that night after leaving that morning. I’ve worried about Cas for too many years to keep count.

  Now, I worry for the club because of him. I worry for my son and my granddaughter. It fills me and it’s why I’m sitting in my best friend’s kitchen at two in the morning. Luca left and returned to the club hours before I left the house, unable to stand being alone with my thoughts and the voices describing the worst scenarios that could come in the very near future.

  “What was it like with Ellis?” I ask her and she grips onto her coffee mug tighter.

  Bonnie is one of the strongest women I know. She’ll give it to me straight, and she won’t hold anything back from me.

  “I was scared, and I don’t scare easily. At one point, he was seconds away from burning Victoria alive, I saw his eyes, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it, until India started provoking him and he got distracted. If Leo and Harper didn’t show up when
they did, he would have killed many more than he did.”

  The prospect who lost his life will be buried with other Lost Souls at the cemetery, but it’s sad for me to admit, I didn’t know him.

  “The whole time we were on edge, his unpredictability knew no bounds, Alannah. It reminded me of my brother for a moment.”

  It’s no surprise this ordeal has resurfaced memories she’s longed moved on from. Joe was his father’s son and crazy as they come. A long time ago, he tried forcing Bonnie to leave with him and to take JJ with them. She wouldn’t leave Sparky and when her brother realised this, he tried to kill her. She got in there first and killed him and as far as I’m aware, she hasn’t lost sleep because of it for years.

  “Everything is falling apart. India’s gone, Leo and Rayna are as lost as lost can be. Luca would rather stay at the club then stay with me and it’s not because of the patch. Something is going on between him and Victoria, and while all that’s distracting me, Cas still has cancer and might not even be around sooner rather than later. My family is slipping through my fingers and no matter how many times I fist them, the feeling never goes away.”

  I finish my confession explosion and my cheeks are stained with tears. My chest shudders from the rush of breath and I drag my sleeved wrists over my eyes. A dam has burst inside me and I feel no better for it.

  “Your family is going nowhere, Lana. Leo will find his way again, it’s life’s way. He has Rayna to focus on and he’ll show you how strong he is because he has no other choice. As far as Cas is concerned, he isn’t leaving you, nor his boys, or the fucking club. Not even a bullet has taken him out, he’ll beat this disease, you just watch.”

  It’s so easy to believe her because I want to so badly, but I just don’t know anymore.

  “Talk to me about Harper, we haven’t caught up on much lately. How are you feeling about her now?” she asks, knowing how to keep me going.

  Sparky sent her a quick text a couple of hours ago letting her know JJ had his wife back.

  “I’m glad she’s back. It will be one less thing for Cas to stress about. Truth be told, I was looking forward to getting to know her.”

  “And now?”

  “I still do, but with Cas keeping her secret from the club, I’ll be expected to stand behind her if or most likely when it all comes out.”

  “She’s my son’s old lady, I will be expected to as well.”

  “But you won’t want to?”

  “I will, I don’t think differently of her because she chose India. The man was out of his mind, it’s on him, not her.”

  “I understand that, but this club has been my life. I don’t remember a time where Slade wasn’t my friend, my family. Harper is Cas’s daughter with another woman and while I’ll do my duty as his old lady, it doesn’t feel right to me and I can’t find it anywhere in me to change my mind. I’m sorry.”

  The kitchen falls silent apart from the clock ticking on the wall. I don’t have anything against Harper for being Cas’s daughter, it’s the secret he has taken on and kept from his brothers I have a problem wrapping my head around. The secret is weighing my stomach down and makes me feel sick.

  “What about Lily? She’s still hanging around, you worried about her?”

  “No,” I answer with no hesitation.

  My relationship with Cas is solid, we have too much history between us for me to start worrying about her with him. I’m the one he lies in bed with in the dead of night, telling me how much he hates her and not for my benefit, he would kill her if he could and wouldn’t lose a minute of sleep over it.

  Minutes roll by and another two hours have passed before our phones go off alerting us to a message.

  They’re on their way home. Sparky riding to Bonnie and Cas to me.

  Without looking at each other, we put our phones down and chuckle. “After all these years, we still have them trained well.” Bonnie is the first one to say it and I nod and then my smile falls.

  “Secrets always come out, what they’ve done tonight, what they’ve taken from Leo and Slade, it’s going to haunt over everyone.”

  She pushes up out of her seat and collects our empty mugs. “And we’ll do what we’ve always done…we’ll stand by our men. That shit hasn’t and will never change.”

  * * *

  The drive home is worse than the drive to Bonnies. Before, I knew what Cas had planned but nothing had changed. Now, I know he’s coming home because it’s done, and nothing can be changed to right his actions.

  I love my husband and no matter what I feel, I’ll stand at his stand. But this time, it’s harder.

  I make it back before him and I make it to the top porch step before I sit and wait for him.

  This isn’t how I imagined our lives would be, I hoped all the shit was long behind us. I’ve never put too much curiosity into the future, trying to plan life out and control outcomes, I’ve lived for the moment, taking a day as it comes, but what I wouldn’t give to know the future.

  Cas rides up not long after and I stand as he parks up. I take him in from his boots to the top of his head as he climbs off his bike, that he shouldn’t be riding.

  He’s covered in dust and dirt, but I can’t see any blood or injuries. He walks over and stops at the bottom of the porch.

  There are five steps sitting between us, but it feels like a gulf.

  “It’s done then?”

  He nods. “It’s done.”

  Hearing the confirmation from his mouth, my stomach drops once again.

  “What are you going to tell the club?”

  “I have no idea,” he says, taking one step up towards me. “Coming home knowing you’re waiting for me is all I’m sure of.”

  He takes the next four steps up to me and a mere few inches remain between us.

  This man, my husband, is my life, my entire world. Having him in front of me, my worry settles a fraction. I move closer and wind my arms around his waist.

  Like I told Bonnie, I will stand at his side whenever he needs me, every single time, but the light is far from Willow’s Peak. The darkness hangs heavy over us and I put my trust in him to make this right. He has to, for the sake of the Lost Souls, he has to make this right.

  “No matter what happens, I love you.”

  “Yeah, babe. I love you, too.”

  JJ

  I can’t concentrate. If I don’t pull over, I’m going to end up crashing and we’ll end up on the side of the road just as dead as Ellis.

  Her arms are the tightest they’ve ever been around me when she’s been on the back of my bike but it’s not enough to calm me.

  I steady the bike after I come to a stop and lean forward to climb off before her.

  She stays sitting on the bike, watching my every move. Tiredness and pain is pouring from her in droves but I’m too fucking angry with her to try and take it away from her.

  “Set aside you made me look a fucking fool running off like you did, do you know what I’ve been through, not knowing where you were but knowing you were with him,” I say, my words scathing with anger. “You promised it was you and me, and then you take off, purposefully putting yourself in danger, not only that, you fucking run from me when you could have come home!”

  My rising voice fills the night around us and she just sits there, staring at me like I should get over myself.

  “You know why I couldn’t come back,” she says so quietly I barely hear her.

  “No, I hear why you couldn’t, but what I know is you didn’t trust that I would stand with you against any fucker and support you blindly. Yet, one text from Cas, and you come running. What the fuck, babe? I’m really struggling to understand.”

  She slips off my bike and comes at me, feral and manic. She pushes at me and I stumble back, shock coursing through me.

  “You’re struggling to understand?” she shrieks. “You don’t get to talk to me about anything. You weren’t there-”

  “Nor should you have been!” I roar, stepping closer t
o her.

  She’s pissed me off many times over the last couple of years, but I’ve never been angry with her, not this level of anger.

  “At least I’m still here for you to yell at, India isn’t, I had to choose between my cousin and my brother, no one is telling me shit about what is right or wrong, they aren’t telling me what I should feel. I desperately wanted you, but what I did…” she pauses and shakes her head. “I love you, Jay, you know how much I do, but I’m not going to apologise for wanting to believe in my dad. I thought if he could follow through with his promises, I could believe that you wouldn’t hate me. I could believe I could come back. It’s not about not trusting you.”

  I want to go to her desperately, but I can’t get over the rage. “It fucking is, because you’re my old lady,” I yell. “You trust me, you trust me to be at your side and understand the decisions you make. That’s how you go back there.”

  “She dead because of me,” she screams back at me, shoving at my chest again. I can take it, and I will.

  “And that is the last time those words leave your mouth,” I scream back at her.

  Reaching out, I pull her against me and wrap my arms around her.

  “We have so much more to deal with, but for now, you’re going to come home to the club and we’re going to act like tonight didn’t happen, and when anyone asks, you called me, and I came and picked you up.”

  It’s not as easy I’m making it sound, but I send a prayer up and put every ounce of hope I have left that for once, we can catch a break.