Elbow-Room: A Novel Without a Plot

by Charles Heber Clark

  Produced by Curtis Weyant, Tim Koeller and the Online DistributedProofreading Team.

  ELBOW-ROOM

  _A NOVEL WITHOUT A PLOT_

  BY

  MAX ADELER

  1870

  AUTHOR OF "OUT OF THE HURLY-BURLY," ETC., ETC.

  ILLUSTRATED BY ARTHUR B. FROST

  Frontispiece]

  PREFACE

  If every book that contains nothing but nonsense confessed that factin its preface, the world would have been saved a vast amount ofdreary reading. Most of such volumes, however, are believed by theirauthors to be full of wisdom of the solidest kind; and confession,therefore, being impossible, the reader may learn the truth onlythrough much tribulation. The writer of this book freely admits, atthe outset, that it contains only the lightest humor, and that itssingle purpose is to afford amusement. At the same time, he claims forit that it is wiser and far more useful than many more solemn booksthat have been published, with the intent to regenerate mankind, byauthors who would regard such a volume as this with feelings of scorn.

  This is simply an effort to tell stories of a humorous character; andalthough the attempt may not be so successful as it has been in thehands of others, from Boccaccio downward, it has at least one qualitythat some greater achievements do not possess: it is absolutely purein thought, word and suggestion. If it is filled with nonsense, thatnonsense at any rate is innocent. It is modest, cleanly and withoutmalice or irreverence. A worthier and nobler work might have beenwritten; a purer work could not have been.

  What its other merits are he who reads it will discern. To apologizefor it in any manner would be to admit that it has grave deficiencies,and such an admission the author would not make even if his conscienceimpelled him to do so. The book is offered to the reader with theconviction that if the man who laughs is the happiest man, it maycontribute something to the sum of human felicity.

  The story of the French horn, related in the twentieth chapter, willrecall to the reader of the "Sparrowgrass Papers" an incident relatedin that most charming book of humor. Perhaps it ought to be said thatthe former narrative was at least suggested by the latter.

  The artist who has illustrated the book, Mr. Arthur B. Frost, deservesto have it said of him that he has done his work skilfully, tastefullyand with nice appreciation of the humor of the various situations.

  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER

  I. THE ADVANTAGES OF ELBOW-ROOM

  II. THE TERRIBLE MISHAP TO MR. FOGG'S BABY

  III. INTERNAL NAVIGATION.--AN UNFORTUNATE INVENTOR

  IV. THE FACTS IN REFERENCE TO MR. BUTTERWICK'S HORSE

  V. SOME EDUCATIONAL FACTS

  VI. THE EDITOR OF "THE PATRIOT"

  VII. HOW MR. BUTTERWICK PURSUED HORTICULTURE

  VIII. THE MEETING, AND ITS MISSIONARY WORK

  IX. JUDGE TWIDDLER'S COW

  X. OUR CIVIL SERVICE

  XI. FUNEREAL AND CONJUGAL

  XII. A NEW MRS. TOODLES.--POTTS' ADVENTURES

  XIII. THE RACES, AND SOME OTHER THINGS

  XIV. RESPECTING CERTAIN SAVAGES

  XV. LOVE, SUFFERING AND SUICIDE

  XVI. MR. FOGG AS SPORTSMAN AND SPOUSE

  XVII. HOW WE CONDUCT A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN

  XVIII. THE MATUTINAL ROOSTER

  XIX. AN UNRULY METER.--SCENES IN A SANCTUM

  XX. HIGH ART

  XXI. CERTAIN DENTAL EXPERIENCES.--AN UNFORTUNATE OFFICIAL

  XXII. JUSTICE, AND A LITTLE INJUSTICE

  XXIII. THE TRAMP WITH GENIUS AND WITHOUT IT

  XXIV. THE DOG OF MR. BUTTERWICK'S, AND OTHER DOGS

  XXV. A PERSECUTED JOURNALIST

  XXVI. THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF DR. PERKINS

  XXVII. GENERAL TRUMPS OF THE MILITIA

  XXVIII. THE MISDIRECTED ENERGIES OF MR. BRADLEY

  XXIX. THE TRIALS OF MR. KEYSER, GRANGER

  XXX. MR. BANGER'S AUNT

  XXXI. VARIOUS THINGS