by Levine, Nina
“Okay, I won’t google him, but I want you to know this is going to be hard for me. I have to work with him tonight, and it’s going to take all my willpower not to say anything about all this. You better be ready to shower gifts or some shit on me for being a good best friend.”
A smile spreads across my face. Meeting Avery the first week after I moved to Brisbane three years ago was destined. She took me under her wing and made me feel like I hadn’t just made a bad decision by packing up and leaving my home in Melbourne. And she hasn’t let me down since. She’s always got my back. “I’ll be sure to stock up on Chupa Chups. They’ll fit in my budget.” They’re also her favourite lollipops.
“Has the café cut more hours from you?”
“It’s so up and down at the moment. I’ve worked heaps of hours the last couple of days, but I have hardly any scheduled now for the next week. More might come up at the last minute, but I’m having to dip into my savings and I hate doing that.”
“You could ask Luke if he’s got any hours. We had a girl quit the other day.”
“God no. I don’t want to work for the guy I just slept with. That’s the worst idea you’ve ever had.”
“It really is.” She sighs. “Just ignore me today, I’m not with it.”
“What’s going on? Do I need to be worried about you?”
“No, I’m okay, just really tired. My eBay shop has been really busy the last week, so I’ve been working heaps to get the orders out. And on top of that, Helena is having a bad week, so I’ve been trying to talk her off the ledge. I just need a week of sleep and a good lay to get me back to normal.”
Although she’s doing her best to put my mind at ease, I’m not convinced. Avery’s sister, Helena, suffers from depression and Avery is the one who always makes sure she’s okay. She also helps pay for Helena’s study. I don’t know anyone who works as much as my best friend. Between her family, her full-time job with Luke and the eBay store she runs part-time, I’m not sure where she’ll find the time to sleep, let alone get laid.
“Can I help with the eBay orders, babe?”
She’s silent for a beat. Avery hates accepting help. After a lifetime of always being the one who has looked after everyone else, she’s wired this way, and I’m trying to snap her out of it. The answer she gives me tells me just how much she needs me. “I would love your help. Thank you.” Her voice is soft, unlike the usual take-charge Avery she usually channels.
“Consider it done. When?”
“Tomorrow morning. Eight sharp and bring me coffee.” I smile at her return to bossy Avery. I love both sides of her, but this side reassures me that she’s still doing okay. That she’s still fighting the good fight and winning. If the day ever comes where she’s not winning, I’ll be screwed, because Avery is my lifeline to air most days.
“I’ll be there,” I promise. “With coffee.” She has an addiction to Starbucks that I will happily feed if it helps put that smile on her face that I love.
“I wanna know the minute you hear from Luke, okay? Text me.”
I agree and finish the call.
I then check my messages.
Still nothing from Luke.
Nine hours later, I’m staring at Avery as she makes cocktails at Elixir. I’ve come to the bar to see Luke, but he’s nowhere in sight. Avery glances up for a moment and sees me.
I mouth, “Is Luke here?”
She shakes her head and motions for me to give her a minute. Dumping my bag on the counter, I look around, taking in the amount of people here tonight. For nine on a Tuesday night, it’s busy. Luke’s bar is pretty much always busy, but not usually like this at the beginning of the week.
“Luke’s not coming in tonight, Callie,” Avery says when she finishes with her customers. Clearing empty glasses off the counter, she adds, “He called a couple of hours ago to say he had stuff at home to deal with and that he’d organised extra staff to help me.”
Luke never takes time off.
“Did he sound okay?”
She cocks her head to the side. “He hasn’t called you yet?”
“No,” I admit, feeling defeated. It’s silly that I allow myself to feel this way because he made it clear last night he was interested but as much as I try to tell myself that there must be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, I’m disappointed.
“Call him, babe.”
“You know how much I hate having important conversations on the phone. I want to go see him, but I don’t want to force myself on him when he might be dealing with family stuff.”
When he might be dealing with a murdering wife.
Remember her?
You should just walk away now before you get more attached to a man you can’t have.
But I really want him.
But he’s really married.
Shut up.
“Well, text him then,” she says in her bossy voice.
I poke my tongue at her and ignore the grin she unleashes on me before turning away to serve more customers. However, I pull out my phone and send Luke a text.
* * *
Me: I know you’re busy with family stuff, but I feel like we need to talk after last night. When will you have some time?
* * *
Ten minutes pass with no reply and my stomach knots with apprehension. Jesus, this whole sleeping-together-and-then-wondering-where-the-hell-it-will-lead-next thing sucks. Maybe I should just be happy with bad internet dates and the occasional crappy lay. At least I feel like a sane person dating those guys. This thing with Luke is giving me whiplash from the constant back-and-forth my mind has been doing all day. One minute, I’m trusting in the universe and in Luke, and then the next I’m spiralling down into an abyss of why-the-fuck-hasn’t-he-called-me-yet? I’ve driven myself crazy today. I’ve turned into one of those women who count every second of every hour while desperately waiting for a man to call. And, shit, that’s not me. I don’t do that.
Argh.
Enough.
Avery comes back to me once she’s finished with her customers. “Anything?”
I shake my head. “I think I might go ho—”
The sound of my phone ringing causes us both to still.
I check the caller-ID.
“It’s Luke.”
“Answer it,” she says, madly gesturing with her hands.
“Luke,” I say into the phone, my eyes still pinned to Avery. My heart beats faster as I wait to hear what he has to say.
Please don’t let him tell me this was all a mistake.
Dude, he’s fucking married. This can’t be anything but a mistake.
“I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to call,” he says, and I cross my fingers in the way I used to do all the time as a kid when I was hoping for something to go my way.
Callie…
Why can’t you just fuck right off and let me dream for once?
Because you know this is wrong.
“Avery said you had family stuff going on. Is everything okay?” I feel shy with him, which is the weirdest thing. I’m never like this with men. But with Luke, I suddenly feel all jittery—as if I’m full of dread at the same time as hope bursts through me.
“What are you doing at the moment?”
“I’m sitting in your bar trying to figure out if last night was a one-off.” My honesty kills me sometimes, and I cringe as it comes pouring out of my mouth. But I’m not wired any other way.
He’s silent for a moment. “Because you didn’t hear from me today?” His question almost does kill me. If there’s one thing I respect the most in this world, it’s direct communication. I can’t stand doing the dance of hedging bets and not laying it all on the line from the get-go.
“Yeah… But that’s my issue, not yours. You’re obviously dealing with some stuff and if this is too much—”
He cuts me off. “Can you come over to my place?”
“What? Now?”
“Yes. We need to talk.”
No, we don’t.
We could just kiss.
And then you could do that thing where you take your clothes off and—
“Callie,” he says. “Stop thinking and come over.”
Oh, man. His voice has that deep, bossy tone he likes to use on me sometimes. Hell, who am I kidding? He uses that bossy tone on me all the time.
“Okay, text me your address. But honestly, if there are more revelations like there were last night, Luke, I’m not sure I want to know.”
Silence.
Dead silence.
Oh. My. God.
“What else? Tell me right now,” I demand as my heart speeds up again.
He sighs. “Just come over. I don’t want to do this over the phone.”
I do what he says.
And on the drive to his house, I tell myself that I need to put a stop to this now. I am not the kind of woman who sleeps with a married man. I don’t care that he’s practically divorced. Until he has that piece of paper, I need to keep him out of my pants.
Luke answers the door, and I have to work hard not to swoon all over the damn place. It’s not his muscles or his lips or the way his gaze takes in every inch of me that does it. It’s his green eyes and how they lock onto mine before he murmurs my name in a way that no man should ever be allowed to murmur it.
You will not let him in your pants.
You will not let him in your pants
You will not—
He places his hand on my arm, and I almost jolt out of my skin at his touch. I’m pretty sure the talk I gave myself on the way over here has been long forgotten. I’m more than sure that if Luke Hardy told me to jump off a damn cliff, I’d do it. Jerking his chin, he says, “Come in.”
Our eyes don’t let each other go as I step inside. I’m under his spell, and nothing can break it.
And then I hear a woman’s voice, and I freeze.
“Sean, no!”
My head spins.
Totally not what I expected.
Luke’s hand wraps around my wrist, and he leans close so he can say against my ear. “Stop thinking, Callie, and wait for me to explain.”
I suck in a deep breath. “You better hurry up and start explaining, Luke. I’ve had enough surprises to last me a long time.”
A little boy, who looks to be no older than four or five, rounds the corner and rushes down the hall towards us. Luke lets me go so he can put his arms out for the boy to run into.
“Daddy!”
Luke lifts him up into his arms, and a huge smile spreads across his face. I stare because it’s all I can do. Luke hardly ever smiles. Like, I could count the number of times I have seen him smile in the last year on two hands.
“You okay, little man?” he asks the child and my ovaries explode.
Boom.
I. Am. Done. For.
He just keeps on peeling back layers and all I can do is fall a little further with each reveal.
The boy loops his arms around Luke’s neck and presses his mouth to his father’s. “I had more of my puffer while you were gone. Paris looked after me good, so you don’t have to worry.” My heart cracks a little at his words. I can’t help but be affected by a child reassuring their parent that they don’t have to worry about them.
Luke continues to smile at his son, but I see the twinge of regret in those beautiful green eyes of his. “Paris will always look after you if I’m not here to do it, okay?”
The child nods and Luke appears to relax a little.
“Sean, I want you to meet a friend of mine,” he says as he turns to glance at me with a smile. “This is Callie.”
As Sean shifts his gaze to me, a young woman walks down the hall towards us and I'm overwhelmed. After a year of Luke holding me at a distance, he’s introducing me to his life all at once. I love that he’s doing this, but at the same time, I am the kind of person who struggles with change. Conflicting emotions rush at me, and I take a deep breath in an effort to contain them.
Luke takes hold of my hand and gently squeezes. “Callie, this is Sean,” he says, his voice softer than usual. Our eyes meet again, and the smile I see in his gaze reassures me.
He’s got me.
I shift my attention to his son and smile. “Hi, Sean. It’s so good to meet you.”
Sean grins, and it’s all Luke.
He looks so much like his father.
“Hello.” He only gives me one word, but that word means so much to me. It holds a welcome I’m fairly sure his father needs to move forward with whatever this is between him and me.
While Sean and I continue to smile at each other, Luke says, “And this is my sister, Paris.” He gestures between us and adds, “Paris, Callie.”
The petite, brunette woman standing in front of me, who looks so much like her brother, gives me a huge smile. She is younger than Luke, and first impressions tell me she is nowhere near as closed off as her brother. “Hi, Callie. I’m so glad to finally meet you.” She says “finally” as if she’s been waiting a very long time and it sets butterflies off in my tummy.
I return her smile. “I’m really glad to meet you, too.” I’m not really sure what else to say. I only knew that Luke had a brother, Tyler.
Her eyes narrow at me before she quickly turns her gaze to Luke. “He never told you about me, did he?” And then, turning back to me, she rolls her eyes. “My brother likes to keep shit to himself. I’m his half-sister. Same dad. We weren’t close until about five years ago when my mum passed away, and I went to live with Dad. I was a few months off turning eighteen, and he insisted I stay with him rather than on my own. And then when he died last year, Luke took me under his wing, and I moved in here.” She smiles at Luke before adding, “Mind you, I’m not sure if he took me under his wing so much as took advantage of me for babysitting duties.” I’m guessing from the smile passing between them that they adore each other.
Luke’s brows rise. “As I recall, you begged me to let you take on extra auntie duties.”
Paris reaches out for Sean and takes him off Luke. “Come on, little man, you should have been in bed ages ago.” Looking at me, she adds with a grin, “I do remember begging for auntie duties. I mean, who wouldn’t with this little one? He’s so adorable, and he gives the best hugs.”
Luke says goodnight to his son and after watching Paris leave, turns to face me. Silence consumes us for a few moments. I guess we’re both figuring this out as we go—this unexpected turn in our friendship.
“I don’t think we should have sex agai—”
He cuts me off. “If you think I’m buying that, you’re kidding yourself.” Bossy Luke.
God.
God.
How does he do this to me? This curling of my insides until they’re in a knot of desire and confusion and frustration that he’s been doing to me for the entire year I’ve known him.
I square my shoulders. “If you’d just let me finish what I was going to say… I don’t want to be a woman who sleeps with a married man. When I asked you if you were getting a divorce, you didn’t say yes. I need to know what that means before I can even contemplate something happening between us.”
He listens intently to what I say and then scrubs his hand over his face. “Come in.” With those two words, he places his hand on the small of my back and guides me down his hallway to the living room.
Luke’s home is luxurious, and again I’m struck by the fact I didn’t realise how wealthy he is. The house is a double-storey home with high ceilings and open living spaces from what I have seen so far. Floor-to-ceiling glass doors that open up onto a large deck enclose the living room. It looks like Luke must spend a lot of time in his garden because it appears to be beautifully landscaped. The deck and backyard are lit by fairy lights, so although it’s after nine at night, I can see how stunning it is outside.
He leads me to a large, L-shaped cream sofa and indicates for me to sit before taking a seat next to me.
Too close.
He is sitting way too close to me if I�
�m going to have any hope of keeping him at a distance. I might be telling myself over and over that I won’t go there—that I won’t sleep with him again until I know for sure his marriage is over—but I’m no saint. A girl can only do what she can do, and I’m fairly sure my vagina is in charge here, not my brain.
I shuffle across the sofa to put some space between us, ignoring his frown. “I can’t be trusted,” I mutter.
“I can,” he says, but his voice is gruff as if he’s fighting for control of himself.
“So, you have a son with your wife,” I blurt out. I need this conversation to hurry up; I need Luke to somehow give me something, anything, that will make this relationship okay for me to pursue.
I want him, but I won’t take him off someone else.
“Yes. And he’s the reason I had to leave in a hurry last night. Sean has asthma, and he had a bad attack. Paris texted me while I was with you to say that she’d taken him to the hospital.” He pauses for a moment, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve been with him most of today.” I know what he’s saying without actually speaking the words.
“And that’s why you never called me today,” I say softly, remorse filling me that I thought bad thoughts about him today.
He nods and we sit in silence for a few moments before he speaks again. “I am getting a divorce, Callie. It’s just a long and difficult road down that path. That’s all I meant when I said it was complicated. It does my head in most days, and you just caught me on a bad day.”
I want to throw a party. I want to scream my joy to the world, but I know the words “long, difficult road” probably don’t even scratch the surface of what Luke’s been through. To discover the woman you love—the mother of your child—is a murderer and has lied to you for years must be devastating. I can’t even begin to imagine how that must have felt. So, although he’s working towards a divorce, this isn’t as easy as simply leaving the person who betrayed you.
I bite my lip. I’m stalling because my heart is at war with my head and I don’t know which way to run.
Luke knows me better than I realised. “You think too much.” He closes the space between us, and my tummy flutters when his leg brushes against mine. When he cups my cheek, I suck in a breath. His touch is too much, but I’m helpless to stop him. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he says, his face inches from mine.
