by Levine, Nina
Those lips, though.
My gaze is drawn to his mouth, and I trace it in my mind.
I want those lips on me again.
“Callie…”
I drag my gaze back to meet his. So much pain in those eyes. How have I never seen that before? “I’m thinking so many things… That I want you, but that goes against everything I’ve ever believed in. I don’t do married men, and I don’t break up families. And then I think maybe we could just stay as friends while you finalise your divorce, but spend way more time together than we have so we can get to know each other better.” I sigh. “And then I think about how much I loved last night and how much I really, really, want to do that again…” I take a deep breath. “I know I think too much, Luke, but there’s a lot to consider here.”
He rubs the pad of his thumb gently against my cheek and his eyes glaze a little like he’s lost in his thoughts. I wait silently for him to say something, wishing I could take back everything I said. Except for the part about sleeping with him again. That, I want. But I can’t take any of it back because everything I said is the God’s honest truth.
Finally, he speaks. “I want you and I’ll have you. One day. Until then, we’ll run this how you want and do this friend thing.” His voice grows growly when he adds, “But you need to know this is going to be fucking hard. Having you in my life, but not in my bed.”
The thrill of having a man who clearly wants me hits, and I can’t help myself—I smile. Big. Huge.
I open my mouth to say something, but Luke beats me. “I take it that smile means you’re good with this.”
“Yes, but Mr This-Is-Going-To-Be-Fucking-Hard, I need you to know that I feel you. I mean, hell, you’re talking to the girl who just broke her three-month freaking drought.”
His jaw tightens, and he leans close. His lips brush across my cheek, and he murmurs in my ear, “You’re not the only one who’s come out of a long drought.” And then he stands and takes a few steps away from me. He rubs the back of his neck, and I sense how on edge he is.
I stand and move to him. His back muscles tense when I place my hand on his shoulder. “I want to get to know everything about you, Luke Hardy,” I say, and he spins around to face me.
His eyes search mine. “You already know the important bits.”
“No, I don’t.” I rest my hand against his chest. “I don’t know the secrets you keep locked in here. They’re the important bits.”
His intake of breath is sharp, and he wraps his hand around mine. His other hand slides around my waist, and he pulls me close.
Oh, shit.
No.
Too close.
But his lips brush across mine before I can move out of his embrace. His hold is tight, and his message is very clear—he’s in charge here, and if a kiss is what he wants, a kiss is what he will have.
He surprises me, though, and angles his face away from mine. Still keeping hold of me, he says, “I know we’re doing the friends-only thing for a while, but a man’s got needs, Callie. If you put your hands on me, you better be prepared for the consequence of that.”
I’m pretty sure my eyes almost pop out of my head. I knew Luke was bossy—oh, boy did I know—but this is a whole new level of bossy. His deep voice vibrates along my skin, scattering goosebumps while his eyes penetrate my soul. Those intense, green eyes of his will do it to me every time. They’ll cause me to forget everything I’ve ever said or thought and just cling to him for the ride.
He dips his face again, and his mouth finds mine. The moment our lips connect sparks of need burn through me. I’m so damn hot for him, and I can’t control myself. I push my body hard against his and open my mouth to him.
He tastes like whisky, and I make a note to buy some just so I can remember this moment forever. I’ve never loved whisky before, but it may just be my new favourite drink.
This kiss will forever live in my mind. Luke doesn’t simply kiss—he possesses. He takes me mind, body, and soul.
In this kiss, I find hope.
Hope that he will fight for me.
For the us we both want.
Any doubt I had that he wants me is put to rest.
When he ends the kiss, I stand in front of him with my head spinning, trying desperately to get my wits together. “I think I better go,” I mumble. Because otherwise I might jump your bones.
He nods. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” The husky tone of his voice lets me know he’s as affected by that kiss as I am.
Grabbing my bag, I say, “Is there anything else you needed to tell me? After tonight, I’m all out of being able to cope with surprises.”
His eyes hold mine. Unwavering. “No more surprises, Callie.”
Thank goodness.
If Luke were to throw anything else my way, I might just lose my shit completely.
5
Luke
I brace myself.
She enters the courtyard and walks my way. No smile, so I can’t pick her mood. I rake my fingers through my hair and wait in my seat for her, hoping like hell she’s good today. We don’t need another day like we had the last time I came.
As she slides into the seat across from me, her hand reaches for mine. “I’m sorry about the other day, Luke. I was a bitch, and you didn’t deserve that.”
I grit my teeth and nod. She doesn’t look great; she appears sick almost, and I wonder at her new haircut. Whoever did it completely fucked it up. Where her brunette hair used to be long, it’s now shoulder-length and uneven. It looks like someone hacked at it with blunt scissors.
Pulling my hand back, I say, “Sean’s asthma has been playing up so I couldn’t bring him today.”
“Is he okay?” She appears concerned, but I don’t know whether to buy it.
“Yes, he’s fine.” I shift in my seat. “We need to go over some stuff that the investigator wants to know.”
She stares at me for a moment, pursing her lips. “You’re not even going to acknowledge what happened the other day?” Her voice is tinged with defeat. I can’t figure out why she’d even want to go over what happened again. As far as I’m concerned, we both said what we wanted and I’d rather move forward than look back.
“What’s the point, Jolene?”
Her eyes widen. “What’s the point?” she snaps. “I’d say the fact I’m your wife, and we’re trying to work stuff out is the point. If you truly want us to move past what’s happened and rebuild our marriage, we need to dig deep and be as honest as we can be.”
My hands clench and I do my best to contain my emotions. Not an easy fucking thing to do when you’re in the predicament I’m in. “When I told you I wanted to give this another shot and try to put things behind us, I didn’t mean I wanted to dredge up every fucking problem we’ve ever had. Jesus, Jolene, the level of shit our marriage was in before all this happened was almost impossible to deal with.”
“So, what, you just expect us to be able to forget all that and move forward?”
“For Sean, yes. He needs a mother and a father. Together.”
She takes a deep breath and looks around the courtyard we’re in. Prison visits are the low point of my week and today’s visit is the absolute worst. I didn’t want to come, but it had to be done. The courtyard is full of families today, and the noise is almost chaotic, but I’ve learnt to block it out. I’ve figured out how to get through hell each week and survive, albeit a little more lost each time.
Blowing out the breath she took, she turns back to me. “I can’t be in a marriage with two people, Luke. Your mother interfered so much that I thought I would suffocate from the pressure that put on me and on us. I meant what I said the other day about her needing to back off. If she doesn’t, I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.”
I stare in silence at her for a long moment before leaning forward. “You do realise she’s the one paying for your lawyer and investigator? Without her, we can’t afford them.”
Tension settles between us like an old friend.
Jolene taps her fingers on the metal table as a rush of cold wind prickles ice over us. Or maybe it’s just our history that does that. Her eyes avoid mine while she thinks about what I said. I count the minutes of our frigid silence and pray a prayer I doubt will do any good that she is moving one step closer to giving me what I need to be able to put an end to this maddening dance we have to do every week.
“I don’t understand you anymore,” she finally says. “After you stopped believing in my innocence, I thought we were done, but I held out hope you’d come to your senses, and you did. It broke me when you cut me out of your life, and it’s been hard for me to trust in us again. I’m trying hard and working at this. But you? It’s like you came back here and told me you wanted us to be together, and yet you act like that’s the last thing you want.”
I can’t contain myself anymore. I push up out of the seat and pace in the spot behind it. Rubbing the back of my neck, I try like hell to process every thought ramming its way through my mind. Impossible to do, because there are a lot of fucking thoughts rushing through. A lot of conflicting thoughts that I don’t know what to do with anymore.
Coming to a standstill, I give her my gaze. “I do want us to be together, but like I said, we weren’t in a good place for a long while, so this is going to take some time to get back on track. We need to focus on getting you out of here first and to do that the investigator needs some information from you. Can we just go over that today?” My voice is snappy, which is not helpful, but I can’t manage anything more than this. Not today when I’m feeling irritated as fuck that I have to be here.
Her lips press together, and she flinches. “I love you, but I don’t like the man you’re becoming, Luke.”
I sit again, and my eyes bore into hers. Ignoring her, I say, “He needs to know where you were the Monday before your mother died. Can you remember?”
She watches me with the newfound angry stare she seems to have mastered over the last month. I’m not sure she’s going to answer me, and when she does finally open her mouth to speak, I wonder what will come out. “Why does he need to know that?”
Fuck.
I shrug as easily as I can manage. “I have no idea,” I snap. “Does it matter? He obviously thinks this information will help him, so can you just think back to that day please?” I’m going to need a strong drink after this visit.
Her gaze darts away from mine, and she looks beyond me. A long few moments stretch between us before she finds my gaze again. “I’ll have to think about it.”
The tightening in my chest intensifies and as much as I want to slam my hand down on the table and scream at her to try harder to recall, I maintain my calm. Nodding, I say, “Okay. He also needs to know if you ever took the car to that car wash place down near the river?”
Her patience shatters and she stands. Looking down at me with more anger than she’s ever directed my way, she snarls, “I don’t understand the need for this information. And I don’t like the feeling I’m getting that you aren’t on my side. I’m your wife, Luke. The mother of your child! You promised to love me forever the day you married me. For better or worse, remember?” She bends her face closer to mine. “Well, this is the worse part of our forever, and you need to do better. I don’t want to see you again until you’re ready to do that.”
With that, she turns and stalks away from me.
Fuck.
Fuck.
“She’s not going to give me the information you want.” I pace next to my car in the prison car park as I hold the phone to my ear and wait for his response.
“Luke, you know the score here. Either you get that information or we’ll be looking more closely at charging you for your involvement in that armed robbery.”
I grip the phone tighter. “You know I had nothing to do with that robbery.”
“What I know is that you were seen talking to the driver of the getaway car on the day of the robbery. Regardless of whether I can prove any involvement, I can sure as hell screw around with your life while I try. Do you really want that for your son?” His smug voice makes me want to reach through the phone and rip his throat out.
“No, Detective, the question you should be asking yourself is whether you want to put my son through that after every-fucking-thing he’s already been through. I’ve given you all the evidence that proves without a doubt that Jolene committed this murder. I have no responsibility in helping you prove she committed the other one you think she did. And my family has the money to take this further. I’ve played along with this for long enough; now it’s time for me to get my life back. I’ll see you in court if I have to, and don’t think for one second that I haven’t been keeping records of all this because I have.”
I don’t wait for his response before ending the call.
Taking a deep breath, I run through what I need to do.
First things, first—my mother.
Fuck, can this day get any worse?
“Luke!” My mother throws her arms around me when I arrive at the swanky hotel she’s having lunch in. She’s clearly been drinking, but that doesn’t surprise me. It’s what Estelle Ashcroft does well in life. That, and men.
I pull out of her embrace. Eyeing the guy sitting across from her at the table, I say, “Matt. I didn’t realise you two were seeing each other again.” Matt Breen and my mother have a friendship that has spanned roughly thirty years. He also happens to be the father of my half-brother, Tyler, after they had a brief fling. He’s been a constant in our lives and they often socialise. Yet, this lunch looks cosier than usual.
Matt’s mouth flattens. He and I don’t see eye-to-eye on many things—my mother being one of them. He likes to encourage her party lifestyle while I would prefer to see her settle down and get her shit together. Unfortunately, in her forty-nine years, Estelle Ashcroft has carried on her family’s tradition of drinking which her grandfather and father started. The fact she has old money behind her that won’t run out in her lifetime only assists her chosen style of living.
Before Matt can reply, Mum jumps in. “We’re not seeing each other, Luke. This is simply a lunch to discuss Tyler’s new job at Matt’s firm.”
“Because that requires a liquid lunch to discuss,” I mutter. Their body language screams sex, and I’ve spent my entire life watching my mother chase men—I know when she’s sleeping with one.
“Did you just come here to insult your mother?” Matt’s nostrils flare, but I couldn’t give a shit if I’m pissing him off. Nothing much changes in life.
“No, I came to talk with her about a private matter. Are you two nearly finished your lunch?”
Matt stands and drops his napkin on the table. “I have to get back to work. I’ll call you, Estelle.”
He levels one last glare on me before leaving us.
I take the seat he vacated. “Why are you going down that path again?” I ask.
She finishes the Cosmopolitan sitting in front of her—her preferred cocktail. Eyeing me over the rim of the glass, she says, “I’ve known Matt since I was nineteen, Luke. He’s one of my oldest friends. Just because we have lunch together does not mean we are sleeping together.” God, she’s smashed already.
I ignore the slurring of her words because if there’s anyone who can still function when she’s drunk, it’s my mother. “I need to talk to you about Jolene.”
Her face crinkles. “God, what is it now? What has that bitch done?”
“The police came to me about a month ago with evidence they have of another murder they think she committed. They asked me to get close to Jolene again in an effort to get information from her to help them prove her guilt. I told them no, but they threatened to haul me in for further questioning over that armed robbery from last year if I didn’t help them. So, I went back to Jolene and gave her a bullshit story to make her think I wanted us to be together agai—”
Mum cuts me off. “You’ve been seeing her for the last month?” Her words are riddled with disgust. It’s nothing I haven’t
felt the entire time I’ve been part of this charade.
I nod. “Yeah, but only because I don’t need this shit with the robbery to come back and bite me in the ass. Sean needs me at home rather than in prison.”
“But you had nothing to do with that robbery.”
I sigh. “Right. But I did speak to Dermot when he was sitting in the fucking getaway car that day. That’s enough to register on their radar.” I will always regret approaching my old friend when I saw him sitting in that car. No good deed goes unpunished.
“Oh, this is complete and utter rubbish, Luke! They can’t hold that over your head.” My mother always did live in fantasyland. It goes hand-in-hand with never having to get a job in order to afford to live and being able to spend your days flouncing around with your socialite friends.
I rub the back of my neck and force a few frustrated breaths out. It will do me no good to lose my patience with her today. “They have and they are. But I told them today that I won’t do it anymore. I’ve come to ask you if you’ll help me with a lawyer if I need one.” I hate having to ask my mother for financial help, but I spent every last cent of my savings trying to prove Jolene’s innocence back when I thought she wasn’t a woman who could commit murder.
“Of course. You never need to ask me for help. Do you want me to call Barry?” Our current family lawyer.
“No, I want to talk to him myself and explain the details.”
She signals to the waiter to bring her another cocktail. “Do you need me to do anything else?”
I stand to leave. “No, there’s nothing else we can do except wait and see what this detective decides to do now that I’m not helping him.” My chest tightens with apprehension. I hate living my life this way, and it’s become all too familiar over the last two years. First, with waiting for the verdict on Jolene’s case, and now, with this. Always waiting for the police to make their next move.
