The Mirror of Kong Ho

by Ernest Bramah

  LETTER VII

  Concerning warfare, both as waged by ourselves and by a nation devoid of true civilisation. The aged man and the meeting and the parting of our ways. The instance of the one who expressed emotion by leaping.

  VENERATED SIRE,--You are omniscient, but I cannot regard the fear whichyou express in your beautifully-written letter, bearing the sign of theeleventh day of the seventh moon, as anything more than the imaginingsprompted by a too-lavish supper of your favourite shark's fin and peanutoil. Unless the dexterously-elusive attributes of the genial-spokenpersons high in office at Pekin have deteriorated contemptiblysince this one's departure, it is quite impossible for our greatand enlightened Empire to be drawn into a conflict with the northernbarbarians whom you indicate, against our will. When the matter becomesurgent, doubtless a prince of the Imperial line will loyally sufferhimself to Pass Above, and during the period of ceremonial mourningfor so pure and exalted an official it would indeed be an unseemlydesecration to engage in any public business. If this failed, and anultimatum were pressed with truly savage contempt for all that is sacredand refined, it might be well next to consider the health even of thesublime Emperor himself (or, perhaps better, that of the select andever-present Dowager Empress); but should the barbarians still advance,and, setting the usages of civilised warfare at defiance, threaten anengagement in the midst of this unparalleled calamity, there will be noalternative but to have a formidable rebellion in the Capital. Allthe barbarian powers will then assemble as usual, and in the generalinvolvement none dare move alone, and everything will have to beregarded as being put back to where it was before. It is well said, "Thebroken vessel can never be made whole, but it may be delicately arrangedso that another shall displace it."

  These barbarians, less resourceful in device, have only recently emergedfrom a conflict into which they do not hesitate to admit they were drawndespite their protests. Such incompetence is characteristic of theirmethods throughout. Not in any way disguising their purpose, theyat once sent out an army of those whom could be the readiest seized,certainly furnishing them with weapons, charms to use in case ofemergency, and three-coloured standards (their adversaries adoptinga white banner to symbolise the conciliation of their attitude, anddisplaying both freely in every extremity), but utterly neglecting toteach them the arts of painting their bodies with awe-inspiring forms,of imitating the cries of wild animals as they attacked, of clashingtheir weapons together with menacing vigour, or any of the recognisedartifices by which terror may be struck into the ranks of an awaitingfoeman. The result was that which the prudent must have foreseen. Themore accomplished enemy, without exposing themselves to any unnecessaryinconvenience, gained many advantages by their intrepid power ofdissimulation--arranging their garments and positions in such a way thatthey had the appearance of attacking when in reality they were effectinga prudent retreat; rapidly concealing themselves among the earth on theapproach of an overwhelming force; becoming openly possessed with theprophetic vision of an assured final victory whenever it could be nolonger concealed that matters were becoming very desperate indeed; andgaining an effective respite when all other ways of extrication werebarred against them by the stratagem of feigning that they were otherthan those whom they had at first appeared to be.

  In the meantime the adventure was not progressing pleasantly for thosechiefly concerned at home. With the earliest tidings of repulse it wasdiscovered that in the haste of embarkation the wrong persons had beensent, all those who were really the fittest to command remaining behind,and many of these did not hesitate to write to the printed papers,resolutely admitting that they themselves were in every way betterqualified to bring the expedition to a successful end, at the same timeskilfully pointing out how the disasters which those in the fieldhad incurred could easily have been avoided by acting in a preciselycontrary manner.

  In the emergency the most far-seeing recommended a more unbending policyof extermination. Among these, one in particular, a statesman bearingan illustrious name of two-edged import, distinguished himself by theliberal broad-mindedness of his opinions, and for the time he even didnot flinch from making himself excessively unpopular by the wideand sweeping variety of his censure. "We are confessedly a barbariannation," fearlessly declared this unprejudiced person (who, althoughentitled by hereditary right to carry a banner on the field of battle,with patriotic self-effacement preferred to remain at home and encouragethose who were fighting by pointing out their inadequacy to the task andthe extreme unlikelihood of their ever accomplishing it), "and in orderto achieve our purpose speedily it is necessary to resort to the methodsof barbarism." The most effective measure, as he proceeded to explainwith well-thought-out detail, would be to capture all those leastcapable of resistance, concentrate them into a given camp, and thenat an agreed signal reduce the entire assembly to what he termed, ina passage of high-minded eloquence, "a smoking hecatomb of women andchildren."

  His advice was pointed with a crafty insight, for not only would such acourse have brought the stubborn enemy to a realisation of the weaknessof their position and thus paved the way to a dignified peace, but bythe act itself few would have been left to hand down the tradition ofa relentless antagonism. Yet with incredible obtuseness his advice wasignored and he himself was referred to at the time by those who regardedthe matter from a different angle, with a scarcely-veiled dislike, whichtowards many of his followers took the form of building materials andother dissentient messages whenever they attempted to raise their voicespublicly. As an inevitable result the conquest of the country tookyears, where it would have been moons had the more truly humane policybeen adopted, commerce and the arts languished, and in the end so littlespoil was taken that it was more common to meet six mendicants wearingthe honourable embellishment of the campaign than to see one capturedslave maiden offered for sale in the market places--indeed, even to thisday the deficiency is clearly admitted and openly referred to as TheGreat "Domestic" Problem.

  At various times during my residence here I have been filled with amost acute gratification when the words of those around have seemed toindicate that they recognised the undoubted superiority of the laws andinstitutions of our enlightened country. Sometimes, it is true, upon amore detailed investigation of the incident, it has presently appearedthat either I had misunderstood the exact nature of their sentimentsor they had slow-wittedly failed to grasp the precise operation of theenactment I had described; but these exceptions are clearly the outcomeof their superficial training, and do not affect the fact my feeble andfrequently even eccentric arguments are at length certainly moving themore intelligent into an admission of what constitutes true justiceand refinement. It is not to be denied that here and there exists aprejudice against our customs even in the minds of the studious; but asthis is invariably the shadow of misconception, it has frequently beenmy sympathetic privilege to promote harmony by means of the inexorablelogic of fact and reason. "But are not your officials uncompromisinglyopposed to the freedom of the Press?" said one who conversed with me onthe varying phases of the two countries, and knowing that in his eyesthis would constitute an unendurable offence, I at once appeased hismind. "By no means," I replied; "if anything, the exact contrary isthe case. As a matter of reality, of course, there is no Press now, theall-seeing Board of Censors having wisely determined that it was notstimulating to the public welfare; but if such an institution waspermitted to exist you may rest genially assured that nothing couldexceed the lenient toleration which all in office would extend towardsit." A similar instance of malicious inaccuracy is widely spoken ofregarding our lesser ones. "Is it really a fact, Mr. Kong," exclaimed amaiden of magnanimous condescension, to this person recently, "thatwe poor women are despised in your country, and that among theworking-classes female children are even systematically abandoned assoon as they are born?" Suffering my features to express amusement atthis unending calumny, I indicated my violent contempt towards the onewho had first uttered it. "So far from despising them," I continued,with i
ngratiating gallantry, "we recognise that they are quite necessaryfor the purposes of preparing our food, carrying weighty burdens,and the like; and how grotesque an action would it be for poor butaffectionate parents to abandon one who in a few years' time could besold at a really remunerative profit, this, indeed, being the principalmeans of sustenance in many frugal families."

  On another occasion I had seated myself upon a wooden couch in oneof the open spaces about the outskirts of the city, when an aged manchanced to pass by. Him I saluted with ceremonious politeness, onaccount of his years and the venerable dignity of his beard. Thereuponhe approached near, and remarking affably that the afternoon was good(though, to use no subtle evasion, it was very evil), he congenially satby my side and entered into familiar discourse.

  "They say that in your part of the world we old grandfathers areworshipped," he said, after recounting to my ears all the most intimatedetails of his existence from his youth upwards; "now, might that beright?"

  "Truly," I replied. "It is the unchanging foundation of our system ofmorality."

  "Ay, ay," he admitted pleasantly. "We are a long way behind themforeigners in everything. At the rate we're going there won't be anytrade nor work nor religion left in this country in another twentyyears. I often wish I had gone abroad when I was younger. And if Ihad chanced upon your parts I should be worshipped, eh?" and at theagreeable thought the aged man laughed in his throat with simple humour.

  "Assuredly," I replied; "--after you were dead."

  "Eh?" exclaimed the venerable person, checking the fountain of his mirthabruptly at the word. "Dead! not before? Doesn't--doesn't that seem abit of a waste?"

  "Such has been the observance from the time of unrecorded antiquity," Ireplied. "'Obey parents, respect the old, loyally uphold the sovereign,and worship ancestors.'"

  "Well, well," remarked the one beside me, "obedience and respect--that'ssomething nowadays. And you make them do it?"

  "Our laws are unflinching in their application," I said. "No crime isheld to be more detestable than disrespect of those to whom we owe ourexistence."

  "Quite right," he agreed, "it's a pleasure to hear it. It must be agreat country, yours; a country with a future, I should say. Now, aboutthat youngest lad of my son Henry's--the one that drops pet lizards downmy neck, and threatened to put rat poison into his mother's tea when shewouldn't take him to the Military Turneyment; what would they do to himby your laws?"

  "If the assertion were well sustained by competent witnesses," Ireplied, "it would probably be judged so execrable an offence, thata new punishment would have to be contrived. Failing that, he wouldcertainly be wrapped round from head to foot in red-hot chains, and thusexposed to public derision."

  "Ah, red-hot chains!" said the aged person, as though the words formed apleasurable taste upon his palate. "The young beggar! Well, he'd deserveit."

  "Furthermore," I continued, gratified at having found one who sointelligently appreciated the deficiencies of his own country and theunblemished perfection of ours, "his parents and immediate descendants,if any should exist, would be submitted to a fate as inevitable butslightly less contemptuous--slow compression, perchance; his parentsonce removed (thus enclosing your venerable personality), and remoteroffsprings would be merely put to the sword without further ignominy,and those of less kinship to about the fourth degree would doubtlessescape with branding and a reprimand."

  "Lordelpus!" exclaimed the patriarchal one, hastily leaping to theextreme limit of the wooden couch, and grasping his staff into asignificant attitude of defence; "what's that for?"

  "Our system of justice is all-embracing," I explained. "It is reasonablyheld that in such a case either that there is an inherent strain ofcriminality which must be eradicated at all hazard, or else that thosewho are responsible for the virtuous instruction of the young have beengrossly neglectful of their duty. Whichever is the true cause, by thisunfailing method we reach the desired end, for, as our proverb aptlysays, 'Do the wise pluck the weed and leave the roots to spread?'"

  "It's butchery, nothing short of Smithfield," said the ancient persondefinitely, rising and moving to a more remote distance as he spoke thewords, yet never for a moment relaxing the aggressive angle at whichhe thrust out his staff before him. "You're a bloodthirsty race in myopinion, and when they get this door open in China that there's so muchtalk about, out you go through it, my lad, or old England will knowwhy." With this narrow-minded imprecation on his lips he left me, noteven permitting me to continue expounding what would be the most likelysentences meted out to the witnesses in the case, the dwellers of thesame street, and the members of the household with whom the youth inquestion had contemplated forming an alliance.

  Among the many contradictions which really almost seem purposelyarranged to entrap the unwary in this strangely under-side-up country,is the fact that while the ennobled and those of high official rank arecourteous in their attitude and urbane--frequently even to the extentof refusing money from those whom they have obliged, no matter howprivately pressed upon them--the low-caste and slavish are not onlydeficient in obsequiousness, but are permitted to retort openly to thosewho address them with fitting dignity. Here such a state of thingsis too general to excite remark, but as instances are well called theflowers of the tree of assertion, this person will set forth the mannerin which he was contumaciously opposed by an oblique-eyed outcast whoattended within the stall of one selling wrought gold, jewels, andmerchandise of the finer sort.

  Being desirous of procuring a gift wherewith to propitiate a certainmaiden's esteem, and seeing above a shop of varied attraction asuspended sign emblematic of three times repeated gild abundance I drewnear, not doubting to find beneath so auspicious a token the fulfilmentof an honourable accommodation. Inside the window was displayed oneof the implements by which the various details of a garment are joinedtogether upon turning a wheel, hung about with an inscription settingforth that it was esteemed at the price of two units of gold, nineteenpieces of silver, and eleven and three-quarters of the brass cash of theland, and judging that no more suitable object could be procured for thepurpose, I entered the shop, and desired the attending slave to submitit to my closer scrutiny.

  "Behold," I exclaimed, when I had made a feint of setting the deviceinto motion (for it need not be concealed from you, O discreet one, thatI was really inadequate to the attempt, and, indeed, narrowly escapedimpaling myself upon its sudden and unexpected protrusions), "thehighly-burnished surface of your dexterously arranged window gave tothis engine a rich attractiveness which is altogether lacking at acloser examination. Nevertheless, this person will not recede from aperhaps too impulsive offer of one unit of gold, three pieces of silver,and four and a half brass cash," my object, of course, being that afterthe mutual recrimination of disparagement and over-praise we should inthe length of an hour or two reach a becoming compromise in the middledistance.

  "Well," responded the menial one, regarding me with an expression inwhich he did not even attempt to subdue the baser emotions, "you HAVEcome a long way for nothing"; and he made a pretence of wishing toreplace the object.

  "Yet," I continued, "observe with calm impartiality how insidiously therust has assailed the outer polish of the lacquer; perceive here uponthe beneath part of wood the ineffaceable depression of a deeply-pointedblow; note well the--"

  "It was good enough for you to want me to muck up out of the window,wasn't it?" demanded the obstinate barbarian, becoming passionate in hisbearing rather than reluctantly, but with courteous grace, lessening theprice to a trifling degree, as we regard the proper way of carrying onthe enterprise.

  "It is well said," I admitted, hoping that he might yet learn wisdomfrom my attitude of unruffled urbanity, though I feared that his angleof negotiating was unconquerably opposed to mine, "but now its manyimperfections are revealed. The inelegance of its outline, the grossnessof the applied colours, the unlucky combination of numbers engraved uponthis plate, the--"

  "Damme!" cried the utterly
perverse rebel standing opposite, "why don'tyou keep on your Compound, you Yellow Peril? Who asked you to come intomy shop to blackguard the things? Come now, who did?"

  "Assuredly it is your place of commerce," I replied cheerfully,preparing to bring forward an argument, which in our country never failsto shake the most stubborn, "yet bend your eyes to the fact that at nogreat distance away there stands another and a more alluring stall ofmerchandise where--"

  "Go to it then!" screamed the abandoned outcast, leaping over hiscounter and shouting aloud in a frenzy of uncontrollable rage. "Clearout, or I'll bend my feet--" but concluding at this point that someprivate calumny from which he was doubtless suffering was disturbinghis mind to so great an extent that there was little likelihood ofour bringing the transaction to a profitable end, I left the shopimmediately but with befitting dignity.

  With a fell-founded assurance that you will now be acquiring a reallyprecise and bird's-eye-like insight into practically all phases of thiscountry.

  KONG HO.