Lost Light

by Michael Connelly

  “This is pathetic,” Andre finally said. “And there’s nothing here. She treats him fine. Better than I would.”

  “You want to see it through, Harry?” Burnett asked.

  I nodded.

  “I think you’re right. She’s clean. But there’s something coming up. He had visitors last night. I want to see that. You can fast-forward if you want. It was near midnight.”

  Andre worked the toggle and sure enough at 12:10 A.M. on the surveillance clock two men entered the room. I recognized Parenting Today and his partner. The first thing Parenting Today did was walk behind Lawton to turn off the baby monitor on the bureau. He then signaled his partner to close the door. Lawton’s eyes were open and alert. He’d been awake before they had come into the room and the camera had activated. His eyes moved about in their sunken sockets as he tried to track the agent moving behind him.

  “Mr. Cross, we need to have a little talk,” Parenting Today said.

  He moved forward past Cross’s chair and reached up and turned off the television.

  “Thank God for that,” Andre said.

  “Who are you people?” Cross rasped from the screen.

  Parenting Today turned and looked at him.

  “We’re the FBI, Mr. Cross. Who the fuck are you?”

  “What do you mean? I don’t —”

  “I mean who the fuck do you think you are, compromising our investigation?”

  “I don’t—what is this?”

  “What did you tell Bosch that put the fire under his ass?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He came to me, I didn’t go to him.”

  “Doesn’t look like you can go anywhere now, does it?”

  There was a short silence and I could see Lawton’s eyes working. The man couldn’t move a single limb but his eyes showed all the body language necessary.

  “You’re not FBI,” he said gallantly. “Let me see badges and IDs.”

  Parenting Today moved two steps toward Cross, his back blocking our view of the man in the chair.

  “Badges?” he said in his best Mexican accent. “We don’t need no steenking badges.”

  “Get out of here,” Cross said, his voice the clearest and strongest I had heard since I first visited him. “When I tell Harry Bosch about this, you better watch your ass.”

  Parenting Today turned in profile to smile at his partner.

  “Harry Bosch? Don’t worry about Harry Bosch. We’re taking care of him. Worry about yourself, Mr. Cross.”

  He leaned down now, putting his face close to Cross’s. We now could see Lawton’s eyes as they looked into the agent’s.

  “Because you are in harm’s way. You are trespassing on a federal case. That is federal with a capital F. You understand?”

  “Fuck you. And that is fuck you with a capital F. You understand?”

  I had to smile. Lawton was doing his best to stand up to him. The bullet had taken away his body but not his spine and not his balls.

  On the screen Parenting Today moved away from the chair and to the left. The camera caught his face and I could see the anger in his eyes. He leaned against the bureau, just out of the reach of Cross’s view.

  “Your hero, Harry Bosch, is gone and he might not be coming back,” he said. “The question is, do you want to go where he’s gone? A guy like you, in your condition, I don’t know. You know what they do to guys like you in lockup? They wheel them into the corner and make them give blow jobs all day. Nothing they can do about it but sit there and take it. You into that, Cross? That what you want?”

  Cross closed his eyes for a moment but then came back strong.

  “You think you can pull that off, then take your best shot, Big Man.”

  “Yeah?”

  Parenting Today came off the bureau and up behind Cross. He leaned over his right shoulder as if to whisper in his ear. But he didn’t.

  “What if I take my shot here? Huh? How would that be?”

  The agent brought his hands up on both sides of Cross’s face. He took hold of the plastic breathing tubes that were attached to Cross’s nostrils. With his fingers he crimped the tubes closed, cutting off the air supply.

  “Hey, Milton . . . ,” the other agent said.

  “Shut up, Carney. This guy thinks he’s smart. Thinks he doesn’t have to cooperate with the federal government.”

  Cross’s eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth to gulp for air. He wasn’t getting any.

  “Motherfucker,” Burnett Biggar said. “Who is this guy?”

  I said nothing. I watched silently, the anger rising in me. Biggar had it right, though. In the lexicon of cop talk “motherfucker” was the ultimate expletive, the one reserved for the worst offender, the worst enemy. I felt like saying it but my voice wouldn’t come. I was too consumed by what I saw on the screen. What they had done to me was nothing compared to the humiliation and scarring they were putting on Lawton Cross.

  On the screen Cross was trying to speak but couldn’t get the words out with no air in his lungs. There was a sneer on the face of the agent I now knew was named Milton.

  “What?” he asked. “What’s that? You want to talk to me?”

  Cross tried again to talk but couldn’t.

  “Nod your head if you want to tell me something. Oh, that’s right, you can’t nod your head, can you?”

  He finally let go of the tubes and Cross began to pull in air like a man coming up out of the water from fifty feet down. His chest heaved and his nostrils flared as he tried to recover.

  Milton came around in front of the chair. He looked down upon his victim and nodded.

  “You see? That’s how easy it is. You want to cooperate now?”

  “What do you want?”

  “What did you tell Bosch?”

  Cross’s eyes flicked up toward the camera for a moment and then back to Milton. In that moment I didn’t think he was checking the time. I suddenly thought that maybe Lawton knew about the camera. He’d been a good cop. Maybe he knew what I had been doing all along.

  “I told him about the case. That’s all. He came to me and I told him what I knew. I don’t remember it all. I got hurt, you know. I got hurt and my memory isn’t so good. Things are just starting to come back to me. I —”

  “Why did he come here tonight?”

  “Because I forgot I had some files. My wife called for me and I left him a message. He came for the files.”

  “What else?”

  “Nothing else. What do you want?”

  “What do you know about the money that was taken?”

  “Nothing. We never got that far.”

  Milton reached forward and held the breathing tubes again. He didn’t crimp them this time. The threat was enough.

  “I’m telling you the truth,” Cross protested.

  “You better be.”

  The agent let go of the tubes.

  “You are finished talking to Bosch, is that understood?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, I’m finished talking to Bosch.”

  “Thank you for your cooperation.”

  When Milton moved away from the chair I saw Cross’s eyes were downcast. As the agents were leaving, one of them—probably Milton—hit the wall switch and the room and screen dropped into darkness.

  We stood there staring at the screen and in the minute before the camera cut off we could hear but not see Lawton Cross crying. They were the deep sobs of a wounded and helpless animal. I did not look at the two men with me and they didn’t look at me. We just watched the dark screen and listened.

  The camera finally—thankfully—cut off at the end of the minute but then the screen came alive again when the room’s light was flicked back on and Danny entered the room. I checked the time on the screen and saw this was only three minutes after the agents had left the room. Her husband’s face was streaked with tears. Tears he could do nothing to hide.

  She crossed the room to him. Without a wo
rd she climbed onto the chair in front of him, her knees alongside his thin thighs. She lowered her hips onto his lap. She opened her bathrobe and pulled his face forward to her breasts. She held him there and he cried again. No words were spoken at first. She quietly and tenderly shushed him. And then she started to sing to him.

  The song I knew and she sang it well. Her voice was as soft as a breeze, whereas the song’s original voice carried the rasp of all the world’s anguish in it. I didn’t think anybody could ever touch Louis Armstrong but Danny Cross certainly did.

  I see skies of blue

  And clouds of white

  The bright blessed day

  The dark sacred night

  And I think to myself

  What a wonderful world

  And that was the hardest part of the surveillance to watch. That was the part that made me feel the most like an intruder, as if I had crossed some line of decency within myself.

  “Turn it off now,” I finally said.

  24

  The defining moment for me as a police officer did not occur on the street or while I worked a case. It occurred on March 5, 1991. It was during the afternoon and I was in the squad room in Hollywood Division ostensibly doing paperwork. But like everybody else in the squad I was waiting. When everybody started leaving their desks to gather at the televisions I got up, too. There was one in the lieutenant’s office and one was mounted overhead on the wall by the burglary table. I didn’t get along with the lieutenant at the time so I moved to the burglary pen to watch. We had already heard about it but few of us had actually seen the tape yet. And there it was. Grainy black-and-white but still clear enough to see and to know that things would change. Four uniform cops gathered around a man flopping on the ground. Rodney King, ex-con and now speeding scofflaw. Two of the cops were wailing on him with batons. A third kicked him while the fourth controlled the juice for the Taser gun. A second larger ring of uniforms stood around and watched. A lot of jaws dropped in the squad room as we looked up at the screen. A lot of hearts fell. We felt betrayed in some way. To a man and woman we all knew that the department would not withstand the tape. It would change. Police work in Los Angeles would change.

  Of course we didn’t know how or whether it would be for better or for worse. We didn’t know then that political motives and racial emotions would rise up over the department like a tidal wave, that there would later be a deadly riot and complete tearing of the city’s social fabric. But as we watched that grainy video we all knew something was coming. All because of that one moment of anger and frustration acted out under a streetlight in the San Fernando Valley.

  As I sat in the waiting room of a downtown law office I thought about that moment. I remembered the anger I felt and I realized it had come back to me across time. The recording I had of Lawton Cross being abused was no Rodney King tape. It would not set back law enforcement and community relations decades. It would not change the way people viewed police and decided whether to back them or cooperate with them. But it had a clear kinship in its sickeningly pure depiction of the abuse of power. It didn’t have the juice to change a city but it could change a bureaucracy like the Federal Bureau of Investigation. If I wanted it to.

  But I didn’t. What I wanted was something else and I was going to use the recording to get it. In the short run at least. I wasn’t thinking yet about what might happen with it or with me further down the road.

  The law library I sat in an hour after leaving Biggar & Biggar was lined with cherry wood paneling and bookshelves full of leather-bound volumes of law books. In the few open spaces on the walls there were lighted oil paintings depicting the law firm’s partners. I stood in front of one of the paintings studying the fine brushwork. It showed a handsome man standing tall with brown hair and piercing green eyes set off by a deep tan. The gold plate on the top of the mahogany frame said his name was James Foreman. He looked like everything a successful man should be.

  “Mr. Bosch?”

  I turned. The matronly woman who had escorted me to the library now beckoned to me at the door. I went to her and she led me down a hall thickly carpeted in a soft green that whispered money with every step I took. She led me to an office where a woman I didn’t recognize was waiting behind a desk. She stood up and offered her hand.

  “Hello, Mr. Bosch, I’m Roxanne, Ms. Langwiser’s assistant. Would you like a bottle of water or coffee or anything?”

  “Uh, no, I’m fine.”

  “You can go on in, then. She’s waiting.”

  She pointed me toward a closed door to the side of her desk and I walked to it, knocked once on it, and went in. I was carrying a briefcase I had borrowed from Burnett Biggar.

  Janis Langwiser was sitting behind a desk that reminded me of a two-car garage. She also had the twelve-foot ceiling and the cherry wood paneling and shelves. She wasn’t a small woman. Rather, she was tall and slim. But the office made her look diminutive. She smiled when she saw me and I did likewise.

  “They never asked me if I wanted bottled water or coffee when I came to see you at the DA’s office.”

  “I know, Harry. Times have certainly changed.”

  She stood up and reached her hand across the desk. She had to lean forward to make it. We shook hands. I met her when she was a rookie filing deputy in downtown criminal courts. I watched her grow up and handle some of the biggest and toughest cases. She was a good prosecutor. Now she was trying to be a good criminal defense attorney. Rare was the prosecutor who made a whole career of it. The money was too good at the other table. Judging by the office I was in, Janis Langwiser was sitting pretty at that other table.

  “Have a seat,” she said. “You know I’ve been meaning to track you down and call you. You just turning up like this today is great.”

  I was confused.

  “Track me down for what? You’re not repping anybody I put in the clink, are you?”

  “No, no, nothing like that. I wanted to talk to you about a job.”

  I raised my eyebrows. She smiled like she was offering me the keys to the city.

  “I don’t know what you know about us, Harry.”

  “I know you were pretty hard to find. You’re not listed in the phone book. I had to call a friend of mine at the DA’s office and he got me the number.”

  She nodded.

  “That’s right. We’re not listed. We don’t need to be. We have very few clients and we handle every legal detail that crops up in their lives.”

  “And you handle the criminal details.”

  She hesitated. She was trying to judge where I was coming from.

  “That’s right. I’m the firm’s criminal expert. That’s why I was meaning to call you. When I heard you retired I thought this would be perfect. Not full-time, but sometimes—depending on the case—it gets hot and heavy. We could really use somebody with your skills, Harry.”

  I took a moment to compose my answer. I didn’t want to offend her. I wanted to hire her. So I decided not to tell her that what she was suggesting was impossible. That I could never move to the other table, no matter what the money was. It wasn’t in me. Retired or not, I had a mission in life. Working for a defense attorney wasn’t part of it.

  “Janis,” I said, “I’m not looking for a job. I sort of already have one. The reason I’m here is because I want to hire you.”

  She giggled.

  “You’re kidding,” she said. “Are you in trouble?”

  “Probably. But that’s not why I want to hire you. I need a lawyer I can trust to hold something for me and take the appropriate actions with it if necessary.”

  She leaned forward in her desk. She still was at least six feet away from me.

  “Harry, this is getting mysterious. What is going on?”

  “First off, what is your normal retainer? Let’s get the client thing out of the way first.”

  “Harry, our minimum retainer is twenty-five thousand dollars. So forget about that. I owe you for all of those airtight cases you br
ought me. Consider yourself a client.”

  I pushed the surprise off my face.

  “Really? Twenty-five grand just to open a file?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Well, they got the right person for it.”

  “Thank you, Harry. Now what is this thing you want me to do?”