As I drive to downtown, I wonder what Meadow will think when I tell her I bought us a summer house here in Bigfork. This way, she won’t miss Montana as much when we have to leave to head back to Portland. “And I’m sure Elise and MJ will love the city as well,” I muse aloud.
Within a few hours, I’ve signed all of the papers and Ms. Rupi has faxed my offer to the owners, a family who inherited the home from their deceased parents. Meanwhile, I’m on my way to Nature’s Song.
When I step in, I grin at the first thing I see. Meadow and Shane are engaged in a paint war. Meadow’s sneaky, I’ll grant her that. She’s just slashed a streak of beige through Shane’s long hair. Deciding to help my foreman out, I wrap my arms around her. “Go for it, buddy,” I encourage him.
“Oh gross,” Meadow squeals as Shane uses the roller with the same color up the side of her face.
But I’m the one she kisses—right before she sticks the paint brush in my ear and runs for her life.
I pause before I chase her out into the yard when I spy the house across the lake. Yeah, I’m never letting her go.
Not for any reason.
“What made you become a builder?” Meadow asks as she slides her hand up over my chest beneath the blanket we’re wrapped in.
We’re lying on the grass near the water’s edge at Nature’s Song watching the sun come down as the carpet installers finish the last of the rooms. My fingers tangle in the ends of her ponytail as I contemplate the answer.
The build is just about wrapped up. There’s not much left, even on the punch list. The last of the crew has gone back to Portland, though Shane reminded me again that he’d love to be the foreman of an office here in Montana. I practically had to shove him into the truck after Meadow smothered him with hugs and effusive thanks.
“Growing up with so many sisters, I was dragged into all these girlie things.”
“Tea parties?” Meadows voice is overflowing with amusement.
“Those I actually tolerated. Mom fed me cookies.” I grin over her head at the memories. “It was the dolls. All I wanted to do was play with skateboards and bikes, and instead Candy or Vicki were shoving a doll in my hand for me to dress.” I shudder in remembrance.
Meadow is bravely trying to hold back her laughter. I tip her face up to mine and drown in the love shining from her eyes. And in that moment, I realize no home is as important as the one we’re building right here between us. Pressing a kiss on her nose, I recall, “All their friends had these whacked-out doll mansions, RVs, and pools for these plastic toys. But we didn’t have a lot of money. So, I remember asking my dad if we could make something for Vicki’s birthday.”
Meadow presses up on an elbow so she’s looking down at me. “What did you make?”
I bark out a laugh. “A swimming pool that originated from Vicki’s old baby tub. Dad and I built a box around it from 2x4s and painted it white. We even painted pink flowers on the side.”
“What happened when you gave it to her?”
I tuck my arm under my head, the memory burned in my mind. “Nothing.”
“What?”
I pull her back down where I want her and finish the story. “She was entranced with the Princess Victoria doll my parents got her, sweetheart. It was about a week later, after I refused to play with any of my sisters mind you, that I heard Vicki screech at one of our neighbors, ‘I’m sorry. That pool is exclusive only to Princess Victoria’s dolls. It was created by the Crown Prince Kody.’ I ran to my window, and there was Vicki, chucking some girl’s doll across the lawn.”
“Oh,” Meadow mumbles before breaking into gales of laughter. “What did your mom do?”
“She shut down the pool and all its occupants due to a virus outbreak for a week. When it reopened, ‘Princess Victoria’ had suffered amnesia and poor thing had become a mere commoner.”
Meadow rolls to her back dying with laughter. “I. Love. Her. Does she take in strays?”
Rolling onto my stomach, I capture her face between my hands, “Meadow, you’re hardly going to be a stray after we’re married.”
I think you might be able to hear the fish jumping in and out of the lake after I bungled that proposal.
Meadow squirms out from beneath me and sits up. “Married?” Her voice is caustic, and the look on her face makes my gut churn.
“Where did you think this was going?”
She scoots back. “I don’t know. But Kody? Marriage?”
I get to my knees. “I’m in love with you. I’ve told you that.”
“I love you too. But Kody, it’s not just me.” My heart begins to relax.
A smile breaks out across my face. I grab her hand and press it against my heart. “I’m well aware of that. Don’t worry about Elise and MJ, my love. They’re going to love Portland.”
“Portland? We can’t move to Portland.” Her voice takes on a high pitch I haven’t heard in a long time and—my heart thumps loudly in my chest—usually only when she’s dealing with her ex. “Our lives are here.”
I open my mouth to tell her about the surprise of the vacation house I purchased so she understands we’re not going to lose the toehold on this place where our love began again, when she holds up a hand. “Stop. Stop right now. I need you to listen to me.”
Sitting back on my haunches, I mentally brace myself. It’s a good thing I do.
Taking a deep breath, Meadow whispers, “This year has been one of the worst in my life. I lost everything I put my faith in. I may not have gone into my marriage being completely in love with my husband because there was a man who held on to a part of my heart, but I’m not certain I want to jump back into another one so quickly. I need to know who I am before I accept a man into my life, present one to my children.”
“You didn’t seem to have a problem with that the last few months,” I bite off.
Meadow winces but continues. “I am tied legally to Mitch and our custody agreement until MJ turns eighteen. Until such time I take him back to court and fight for sole custody, which I am not in a financial state to do, I am bound by that agreement. That hasn’t changed. So, moving to Portland? That’s out of the question.”
“I have enough money to…”
“It’s not your fight.” Her words stop me cold.
“What do you mean, it’s not my fight?” I reach out to brush a piece of hair away from her face, but she jerks back. My heartache is just about to kill me.
Then again, so do her next words. “Why the need to ask me now? What’s the big rush?”
“Maybe because I stupidly waited for seventeen years?” Somehow, the words make their way past the lump in my throat.
Her face pales. “No one asked you to. You’re the one who walked away telling me to be happy.”
I can’t stay near her. If I do, I’m going to crumble. I made a hash of it, yes, but for the second time in my life, I’ve laid my heart at Meadow’s feet and she’s turned it away. Pushing myself to my feet, I get a few feet away before I turn back. Meadow is still where I left her. She hasn’t moved a muscle. “Is this what you want, Meadow?” What lies between us is so much more than land. What lies between us is what has been there from the beginning. The past.
This is what Brad warned me about. Suddenly, it hits me with such clarity, I want to fall to the grass and turn back time and have never met Meadow Jones. Anger floods my system. And yet, everything I learned about loving a woman comes from her. I try one last time. “Once I leave, I won’t be back.”
She pushes to her feet. The blanket falls to her feet. “If that’s what you need to do, Kody. I have to do what I need to. Please stay. Talk with me. Try to understand.”
Moments ago, we were laughing. Now, she’s wearing her vulnerability, her pain. And just like the last time, I put them there. “Damnit.” God. I turn away, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes. “Is this what you want?” My question is torn from my soul.
“I have to deal with the repercussions of the man I married. And you? A
ll I want is for you to be happy.”
I feel her hand on my shoulder, warm and strong. A shudder races through me. Her fingers tighten in response.
Turning, I meet her luminous eyes. There’s an expression on her face I don’t understand. With it comes this urge to apologize. I open my mouth, but she just lays the finger of her other hand on my lips.
Then she destroys me.
“I have to tell you once while we’re standing in the shadows of the place we rebuilt, that like our love, it withstood the test of time. I only hope that today, tomorrow, twenty years from now, you’ll understand why I’m saying I can’t marry you. But always understand I’m going to be in love with you long beyond that.”
Even as I fight shedding tears, Meadow reaches up and brushes a kiss on either side of my cheek. Lingering for just a moment, she whispers, “Be happy, love,” before she steps back.
“Meadow?”
“Yes?”
“Next time you need a friend to rescue you, don’t count on me. I’m not sure my heart can go through this a third time.”
As Meadow physically recoils away from me, I tear off.
This time, I don’t look back. I wouldn’t be able to see if I did.
Back at the lodge, I’m throwing my stuff into bags as quickly as I can. I’ll sort it out when I get back to Portland. There’s no way I can stay here and finish the house now.
My phone rings with Greta’s ringtone. I answer it without saying hello. “I’ll be back in the office tomorrow.”
She has the nerve to laugh. “That’s cute, Kody, but that’s not why I’m calling.”
“I’m not kidding, Greta. Find someone to take my place out here. I’m on my way home.”
Greta sobers. “You’re not kidding. What happened?”
I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it. Everything’s too raw. “She said no.”
“You asked her to marry you?” Greta screeches in my ear.
I actually have to pull the phone away. “As monumentally stupid of a decision as that was, yes. And”—my body starts to shake—“God, G. She said no.” The dam bursts, and raw sounds come keening out of my throat.
For a few minutes, I can’t breathe. I don’t know if I speak. All I know is the pain that’s causing me to bleed inside is coming out my eyes. “The last time I felt like this, I spent the better part of a week drunk with the guys because Jed had died,” I confess.
“You’re not driving in this condition,” my sister decrees.
“I have to. If I stay, I’ll beg. I’ll do anything.”
“She’s an idiot.”
“Maybe it’s me.” My head is in my hand. “Christ, I can’t breathe.”
Greta says fiercely, “It’s not you. And that’s it. You’re not driving. I’m calling Jennings.”
“I can’t leave my truck here,” I argue weakly because the truth is, I want to leave. I want to put as much distance between myself and Bigfork, Montana, as I can.
After a few minutes of silence, Greta decides, “Jennings can have one of his guys fly someone back there who can drive it home. The most important thing is getting you here. Okay?”
“All right,” I agree because right now, I can’t do much more. “Thanks, sister.”
“You’re hurting. You’d do the same for me.”
“If you’d ever tell me who hurt you, damn straight I would,” I rasp, alluding to the man who had broken my little sister’s heart in the past.
She lets out a sad sound. “Some hurts, Kody, just can’t be fixed.”
“That’s kind of how I feel right now.”
“I won’t let you down.”
It might be small, but there’s a kernel of light in my heart. Family can get you through anything, even the sacred hell love inevitably brings. Knowing I can do exactly what I did when Jed died and begin drowning my sorrows in a bottle, I make my way to the mini bar. “Why did you call?”
“I’m not so sure I should tell you now.”
Twisting off a small cap to a bottle of scotch, I toss my head back and finish it with one pull. The burn in my stomach matches the one in my heart. “Go ahead. I can handle it.”
“The Realtor in Montana called. The papers transferring the property across from Nature’s Song to become the property of Laurence Construction were completed.”
My stomach churns. I race toward the bathroom. I begin retching over the porcelain toilet as the drink I just downed comes hurling back up. “Not now, Greta!” I manage, to stop her screeching through the phone.
After all, a man has a right to have his heart break in peace especially when all of the jagged pieces are slicing through him.
Meadow
As I struggle to move a wing chair through the front door, I catch sight of the sun glimmering off the fishing boats on the lake.
I wish it was pouring. It would match my mood.
I can’t even take pleasure in the restored Oriental rugs I paid to have delivered with the extra money. There’s one spot that wouldn’t come out, but according to Mrs. Jobber, “That stain appears to be as old as the rugs themselves. To remove that blemish would be to strip a large portion of the history from them.”
Her words resonated within my aching heart.
I’ve sent Kody multiple messages only to be met with silence. Everything from a simple “Hi” to a “Can’t we figure out a compromise?” to an “I miss you.”
Finally, I went back to my daily habit of wishing him happiness. After all, the love I have for him is enough to let him have what he so desperately deserves, a wife and family of his own.
As for me, “It’s better than nothing,” I say aloud.
An unfamiliar voice says, “I’d say it’s remarkably more beautiful than that. So are you.”
I drop the chair with a thump. Leaning on the door is a gorgeous redhead dressed in jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt. “Your hair’s darker than the photos Kody has of you, Greta,” I blurt out.
She smiles and the waterworks start again—his smile gracing her face. “God, is the pain never going to end?”
I don’t know if she intended to do this when she came in, but soon I’m engulfed in another strong pair of Laurence arms for a hug. They’re just not the right ones. We stay like that until I manage to pull back and ask, “Why are you here?”
“Well, I certainly didn’t expect to be hugging you. That’s for damn sure.”
I sniffle. “I bet not.”
“At first I thought about coming to punch out the woman who broke Kody’s heart, not once but twice.” I wince. “But it’s so clear to see how unhappy you are as well, Meadow.”
“How could I be happy? He’s gone. And my explanations weren’t the greatest. I’ve tried to contact him since, but nothing.” Walking away from her, I move over to where I can see the landscaping being repaired from where the dumpsters and equipment sat on it for months.
“He offered you everything,” Greta reminds me.
I whirl on her. “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you understand there’s a part of me that wanted nothing more than to capitulate and say yes?”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I’ve lived for too many years because of a man, a marriage. I need to prove I’m strong enough to do it on my own and have a man love me enough to let me. Even if it’s just for a little while.” And my heart is breaking because I know never will there be another man anywhere who will love me the way Kody did.
Is my pride worth that?
Then I recall the call I had from Elise and Mitch last night. “It has to be.”
“What has to be?” Greta’s voice startles me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I was thinking about my children.”
“What about them?” Greta comes closer.
“That for the first time in a year, I heard excitement in their voice, for an adventure, and even to see me. God, is it impossible to understand I have to put them first? That their happiness supersedes my own?” When she doesn’t
respond, I fling out, “What would they think, Greta? ‘Gee, Mom’s been gone three months and here she is in a new home, giving us a stepdad? How cool is this!’ No.” I give a tight jerk of my head. “It would set them back. Maybe if it was just me, but it’s not. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, Kody left. I went to talk with him, and he was already gone.”
“Did you tell any of this to my brother?”
Anger and pain rise as I recall trying to plead with him to give me a chance to explain. “No.” I swallow hard. “He was too busy telling me I shouldn’t count on him.” Wildly, I realize I can’t do this. I can’t be here where so much of Kody has been absorbed into the essence of Nature’s Song.
I make a mad dash for the door when Greta’s words pull me up short. “I need to tell you a story.”
I start to object, but she overrides me. “Once, there was this boy. And he grew up hearing all about love. It was both a blessing and a curse, you see, because by knowing what it was, he recognized it instantly but could never escape it.”
“Greta.” I start to move away, but she reaches over and grabs my wrist.
“The young boy’s parents were so in love, they had seven babies to satisfy that love. As a family they grew up together, one and all, though it should be noted there were times the boy often wanted to murder the youngest of the children.”
I give a watery laugh as I recall the story of how Sandra recently drove Kody nuts about prom. Greta winks at me. “But the boy knew, as did the others, they were raised with more riches than any others in the land for they were given the wisdom of spotting true love. Now, as most stories go, here’s where tragedy strikes. The boy grew into a man and realized he was in love. And so did she, but she already belonged to another. In his heart, she was always his. And he would always be hers, much was the way of his family.”
“All I wanted was for him to be happy.”
“And he was,” Greta assures next. “Every time he saw your face, each time your souls brushed, every time you spoke.” Her eyes remain sad even as her lips curve. “But the man has a lot of the boy still in him. He’s frustrated because he had to wait. Had he not seen the heart of his love before now, I believe he might not have been so clumsy, so impatient when it was time to expose who he really was to her.”
Return by Land (Glacier Adventure Series Book 2) Page 25
