By now, I’m squeezing Greta’s hand so tightly, it must be hurting. “Who’s that?”
“The greatest man in all the land. One who will worship her forever.” Letting my hand go, Greta turns around until she spies the clipboard Kody left on the counter. “Now, let’s see what else is on big brother’s punch list, shall we?”
“Greta?”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t want the greatest man in all the land.” Her head snaps my way. My lip trembling, I finish, “I just want Kody. If he can understand why…”
“You said no?”
I nod. Then my heart sinks. “What am I thinking? I lost my shot.”
Greta puts the clipboard down with a snap. “Meadow, first things first. We have to finish the house.”
“Right. The house. Then I have to get my kids.” As much as I want to surrender to the dark, I can’t. I have to move on. I have to live.
Otherwise, why did I give it all up? Squaring my shoulders, I say determinedly, “Let’s finish. Then it’s time for me to go.”
Something flashes across Greta’s face briefly. “Yes, it is. So, tell me where that chair goes?”
I begin to order Greta around while I go to the garage for more furniture. We work long into the night resurrecting this magnificent house. Because for me, the home part disappeared the night Kody left.
Less than a week later, Greta and I are escorting Kristoffer Wilde and Russell through the restored Nature’s Song. I’m as empty a shell as when I first arrived in Montana with one exception.
There’s a small scrap of honor that we managed to pull it off—me and Kody. We repaired one family’s sense of devastation even as we caused one in each other.
Too bad I feel as destroyed inside as Nature’s Song was when I first walked in its doors a little over three months ago. Despite my attempts to contact him, I’ve heard nothing.
It’s over and I have to accept that and move on. I know this is going to be worse than having ended my marriage of sixteen years. The part of my heart Mitch still has a part of is entwined with Elise and MJ; Kody owns the piece that was always exclusively his.
And no matter what, it will always be his.
He may have stopped loving me, but every time Kristoffer and Russell exclaim over the quality of the work, the surge of love and pride I feel is enormous. Lingering behind in the room Jed had stayed in, I run my fingers over the doorjamb.
“I knew all those years ago you were destined to do great things, my love. You just gave the Wildes such happiness.” I blow my breath out so hard, it stirs my hair. “I just wish you were here.”
“I tried,” Greta’s voice comes from behind me.
I can’t manage to turn around. For the rest of my life, I’ll know my words weren’t enough. Maybe it was me who wasn’t, but finally I did the one thing I wanted to do all those years ago. I set Kody free. Finally, I manage, “Maybe it’s better this way.”
“For who? For you? For him?” Greta’s next to me before I manage to find a way to explain my thoughts.
“For him. As long as it’s better for him, then nothing else matters.” My voice is listless.
“What’s next for you, Meadow? Where do you go from here?”
“Back to Juneau.”
“For good?”
I shake my head. “This is where I’m meant to be now. I can’t go back to who I was before everything happened. I’ll spend some time there with the kids. From our calls and the talks with my family, it sounds like they’re finally ready.”
“So, you’ll bring them home—” Greta starts, but I interrupt her.
“I said I’ll bring them here. Kody’s back in Portland. If I was bringing my children home, I’d be bringing them to him.” Before Greta can say another word, I turn my back on the sparkling water and the memories of lying with Kody on the sun-warmed grass.
I wonder if the kids would like living in town. Surely I can find a place there I can afford. The memories here are killing me more each day.
That’s when I notice some activity across the lake. “Oh. I guess someone finally bought the house. I guess I’ll have to let Russell know so he can update our website to advise renters.” Finally turning my back, I walk out of the room.
But the other home is put out of my mind when I catch up with Russell and Kristoffer in the great room downstairs. Russell is explaining, “…ready for Cal and Sam at any time, isn’t that right, Meadow?”
“Yes, but if you could tell Sam the next time he comes I expect to have my children with me? I really don’t need MJ trying to emulate him by scaling the side of the house.” My mind flits back to the first time I met Calhoun Sullivan’s business partner. Mentally, I shudder.
Kristoffer lets out a robust chuckle that seems to echo off the walls. “I’ll let his wife know. He has his own brood; he should know better than that.”
That drags a small curve of my lips. “Why do I imagine the Akin household to be extremely regimented or extraordinary chaos?”
“Because you have exceptional intuition, perhaps?” Reaching into his jacket, Kristoffer pulls out an envelope. Handing it to me, he takes a step back. “That’s for you, Meadow.”
Frowning, I turn it over and over. “What’s this for, sir?”
Greta comes down the stairs and stands next to me, saying nothing.
Kristoffer urges me, “Open it.”
I frown but do as I’m asked. Inside is a check that causes my eyes to widen. “What on earth is this for?” I blurt out.
“For doing an exceptional job. It’s a bonus, Meadow,” Kristoffer explains.
My hand holding the check trembles. I could do so much with this. I could make certain my kids didn’t want for anything, invest it. I could take Mitch back to court for full custody of the kids. Maybe I could be free and find a way back to Kody. And yet, “What did I do except agree to hire Laurence Construction?”
Kristoffer frowns, Russell laughs, and Greta grins. God, the sight of her smile makes me ache, but it assures me what I’m supposed to do deep down. Pulling a pen from my pocket, I sign over the check to Greta and hand it to her. “Will you make certain that’s divided evenly between members of the crew? They’re the ones who made this house sing again.” Turning back to Kristoffer, I explain, “It’s a lovely gesture, but those men and women deserve it. You already do more than enough for me. Truly, your thanks are enough.”
And stepping forward, I hold out my hand.
Kristoffer takes mine. Then he tugs me forward into a tight embrace. “Thank you, Meadow. You will always be welcome in our home. After all,” he adds on as I pull back, “a part of you will live on here. That’s the beauty of this property.”
I nod. I can’t form words. It’s nice to know a part of me will belong to a home.
Somewhere.
Kody
The weather couldn’t be more reflective of my mood. It’s rained for the last week straight since I left Bigfork, as if the heavens are able to shed the tears I can’t.
She said no.
There was no way for me to stay. I barely remember getting back to the lodge let alone the eight-hour drive back to Portland. After stumbling into my condo and immediately coming face-to-face with a picture of Jed, shame washed over me. It was stupid to drive in that condition; what if I’d had a wreck? After all, that’s how we lost him. Grabbing a bottle of whiskey, I muttered, “Sorry, Jed,” before dropping onto the couch and adding to the acid burning in my gut from realizing Meadow doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about her.
She said no.
Bleary-eyed the next morning, I called my sister to find out what the schedule was. What I didn’t expect was for her to show up less than thirty minutes later with coffee and donuts.
The minute I opened the door, I barked, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Greta shoved past me. “I don’t give a shit. You walked off the job, Kody. And so your wants don’t matter. I’ve already fielded calls not only from Meadow bu
t from Russell Covington this morning.”
Fuck. I run my hand over my face. “Send Shane back,” I began.
“He’s working on—”
“Do I own the damn company or not?” I shouted. “For once can someone do what I ask?”
Greta didn’t say a word. She stood there as my hurt lay between us. I stormed over to the floor-to-ceiling windows and gripped my neck hard. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
“What happened, Kody?” she repeated.
I gave voice to the words that had been echoing in my head for almost a day. “She said no.”
Greta hisses out a breath. “I know. What did she say no to? Exactly.”
“To marriage, to me, to everything. What does it matter?” I rub a hand over my heart because of the pain.
I wonder if it will ever truly go away.
Greta made all the necessary arrangements to finish up Nature’s Song, to my surprise deciding to head to Montana to wrap up the punch list herself.
Now, my cell phone is ringing constantly. I miss the serenity of the mountains where calls couldn’t get through. I long for the air that’s so pure you feel your soul’s being cleansed. And, damnit, I want Meadow.
Instead, Greta’s calling me back-to-back, which means something’s wrong. On her third attempt to reach me, I snap, “What?” as I answer.
“You’re a fucking idiot. I don’t know what happened, I’m not entirely sure I want to know, but what? Did you run off and lick your wounds?” Greta bites back.
Maybe I should have answered Amelia one of the six times she called; she’d have been more sympathetic. “What’s your problem?”
“No, Kody. What’s yours? I’ve worked with Meadow all week, and that woman looks like she’s closer to death than she is to living. Then she signed over a six-figure check that I know she could have used to Laurence Construction.”
“What the hell did she do something monumentally insane for?” I yell.
“Because, ‘What did I do except agree to hire Laurence Construction?’ She asked me to divide that check among our crew, Kody. She has no idea you’ve likely sunk a huge bonus on each member of that crew.”
“I swear I’m going to…” Then I freeze when I realize what can I do?
“Exactly. Nothing. You can’t do a damn thing. You don’t have any rights where she’s concerned. You ran, brother. Instead of talking to her, your ego got hurt. Big deal. You know what? The tragedy is, all she keeps saying is that maybe finally you’ll be happy. By the way, I deposited the check. Do with it what you want.” Greta disconnects the phone in my ear.
“Fuck!” I yell to no one and nothing because that’s exactly what I have in my condo. Nothing. I left everything that matters in the shadows of a land carved by a glacier in Montana. “What did I do?” I ask the empty air.
But there’s no answer.
My phone rings again. I frown, not recognizing the ring. Swiping it up, I answer, “Kody Laurence.”
“Well, don’t you sound like you’re in a fabulous mood,” Maris’s laconic drawl sounds in my ear. “I need your address.”
“You have my address.”
“Where you are in Montana, Tinkertoy. I need to send you something.”
“I’m not in Montana. Not anymore.”
There’s a long pause before, “I’ll have the package to you tomorrow morning. Be at home.” Then without another word, she disconnects.
Wondering what Maris has to send me that’s so important, I shove it out of my mind. Deciding to get some work done, I head into my home office. But I can’t get inspired. For months, home has been a hotel room with a stone fireplace, leather chairs, and a deck that showed me infinite possibilities. Now, the cold modern decor I lived in before feels claustrophobic. “At least I can get payroll finished,” I mutter. Stalking over to my glass-and-metal desk, I open my payroll software and pull up my business account.
Then I start choking.
The amount Meadow signed over to Laurence Construction is pending in our account. “What was she thinking?” The amount Kristopher Wilde wrote out to her has enough zeros she would have comfortably been able to take care of Elise and MJ.
What did I do except agree to hire Laurence Construction?
“She loved me. She did that too.” Then what was it? Why did she turn me down? In my mind, I can see the heartbreak on her face as I walked away.
And for the first time since I walked away, I start thinking instead of reacting.
I’m still sitting in the same place remembering every moment I spent with Meadow when there’s a knock the next morning at 9:00 a.m. “Shit. The package.” Stiffly struggling to my feet, I stumble to the door.
After signing for the envelope, I tear open the back.
Inside there’s a manila envelope with Maris’s handwriting. I open that and shake out a sheaf of paper, another envelope, and a photo. I pick up the paper first.
Kody —
I found these when I was going through some of Jed’s old things. I thought you should have them.
— Maris
Bracing myself, I flip the photo over, expecting to see Jed’s face. Instead, I find a picture of me and Meadow. My back is to the camera as we lie facing each other on the grass—a common occurrence. We’re a respectable distance from one another, but there’s a look on her face. Holding the picture as close to my face as I can get it to my eyes, I see everything in her face that was there last week when I asked her to marry me: love, fear, and something else I can’t quite name. It’s terrible to see it captured on film because it means whatever it is has been there for seventeen years, and I still haven’t managed to crack through it.
Setting the picture aside, I reach for the letter. It’s slightly yellowed, and my throat swells as emotions pass from the aged paper through my fingers.
“Just when I need you the most, huh?” I carefully pull open the back flap, and the burn starts before I read the first word, recognizing his handwriting. Hell, it could be a litany over a baseball game and I’ll be thrilled.
My name leaps off the page, and a few words in, I have no doubt Maris read this.
Kody,
Maris is complaining downstairs because I keep playing the same song over and over. I’ve written this letter so many times and I honestly don’t know if I’m going to give it to you. Maybe a hand higher than mine will make the decision when the time is right.
I paid to have the film express developed from the party the other night because I wanted to be sure. And man, I hate being right.
You and Meadow.
I have to admit I’m a little hurt you didn’t say anything. We’ve been friends for two years now. We’ve had talks about all kinds of shit. Did you think I would have told the others you were in love if you didn’t want me to?
But Kody, she’s scared. No, let me rephrase that — she’s terrified.
I overheard Maris talking to Rainey. Meadow’s interested — I’d have to think she was a fool if she wasn’t — but she thinks there’s no way a guy who goes to school at MIT wants anything permanent with a girl like her. She believes she’s meant to live in Alaska for the rest of her life. However crazy that sounds to a guy like you. And she’s resigned to holding her feelings back, to suppressing what she’s feeling until you go.
It sounds crazy, but when you’ve lived this life, experienced the tranquility here year after year, it’s hard to imagine anything else your life. Nothing short of a bomb is going to blast you from this place.
Or maybe a love so strong you’re willing to do anything for it. Trust me, I know. I have the same worries about Maris.
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Am I trying to warn you to be cautious about your feelings about Meadow or to go all in and take her with you? Maybe I’m just terrified because I saw the expression on her face last night and I know what it means.
It means she’s going to let you go to live your life because she’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy.
I know that expression because it’s the same one I’ve seen in the mirror each time you guys leave at the end of a summer. It’s the knowledge you may never come back, but I pray to God that wherever life takes you, I hope you’ll be safe and happy.
It’s an expression of love, fear, and agony because nothing hurts so much as wishing nothing could change.
Fuck. Maris just threw the fuse box to my room. Now I have to go beat her ass. By the way, where are you motherfuckers? You all took my car to go somewhere and we need to get the ferry soon to head back to work. I hope you assholes left some gas… oh, hell no. Tell me you guys didn’t just come back into my house smelling like crab and not bring me some.
Bastards.
Anyway, I guess I’ll finish another draft of this the next time we come up.
The letter is unsigned. I fling it onto the coffee table in front of me before my tears wreck the ink so carefully penned on the school-lined paper. Picking up the photo, Jed’s words spark memories long suppressed. “I remember that night. I remember the next day. It was Nick’s birthday, and Maris was pissed because we wouldn’t stick around one more day.”
And Rainey and Meadow came by. I gave her a hug goodbye that brought the same smile from the photo to her face.
And Jed recognized it for what it was.
I’m just about to open my mouth to say something else when my phone rings. Pulling it from my pocket, I answer immediately, “Maris…”
“You were blind then, and if you left her, you’re a fool now. I don’t care about what happened. She’s alive. You both have a chance. Now, fix it.” Then she hangs up.
Everything inside me still shaking, I make two phone calls. One to confirm the work on the house I bought in Montana is underway. The other to my sister. Her grouchy “What?” makes me wonder if she was sleeping.
“When are you coming home?” I don’t want an audience for when I go back. I want to sit Meadow down and explain I’m not going away. We’ll figure out the rest, but she needs to know she can rely on me to not leave. Not that I have a great track record.
Return by Land (Glacier Adventure Series Book 2) Page 26
