Finding Happiness in Los Angeles

by Oliver Markus Malloy

  "No, I want you to get out," I demanded.

  "Why? For what?" she asked with an annoyed tone in her voice.

  "I overheard your conversation with Purple. You're just using me as a place to stay until Purple gets out of jail in a few weeks, and then you want to run off with her. I don't have time for this shit. I'm not a Bed and Breakfast. Just go."

  "You can't just leave me here at Walmart," she said angrily.

  "Call one of the other guys you're fucking behind my back. I'm sure someone will give you a ride if you promise to suck their dick," I said. "If you don't get out of the car, I'll drop you off at the Sheriff station down the street."

  Now that the jig was up, she didn't even pretend or try to deny anything anymore. She clicked on one of her phone contacts and called some guy. In a flirty voice she said: "Hey baby, listen, I was wondering if you wanna see me tonight."

  I waited patiently for her to finish her quick call. I knew that if she had somewhere else to go, it would be easier for me to get rid of her.

  "Can you drop me off in Cape Coral?" she asked.

  "Sure, why the hell not?" I replied sarcastically. I drove her over the bridge to Cape Coral and dropped her off in some guy's driveway.

  VERONICA AND WENDY

  "I've been heartbroken. I've broken hearts. That's part of life, and its part of figuring out who you are so you can find the right partner."

  Heidi Klum

  Having all these girls coming and going didn't go unnoticed. Last year, Veronica's mom Rachel had moved in next door from me, shortly after she had Veronica arrested at my house.

  Veronica and Wendy were both released from jail a few weeks ago, and they were now staying with Rachel until they could find their own place.

  So now my ex-girlfriend, and her mother, and her little ugly garden gnome girlfriend were living next to me. Apparently the universe has a sick sense of humor.

  Sometimes Veronica and Wendy were sitting on Rachel's lanai and saw me park my car and walk to my front door with different girls.

  At first we all just ignored each other. Then Veronica started to yell hi whenever she saw me walk by alone. I kept ignoring her.

  One day Veronica suddenly messaged me on Facebook, telling me how great she and Wendy were doing and that I should be happy for her. "I want us to be friends," she wrote.

  I wasn't ready to be friends with her, after all the pain and grief she had caused me. And I definitely didn't want to be friends with Wendy. Stupid ginger.

  So my responses on Facebook were pretty vicious. I told Veronica I knew she and Wendy were using drugs again. There was just no possible way two hardcore drug addicts, living with an addict mom, were going to stay sober.

  "You're wrong!" Veronica wrote. "We have both been clean for months!"

  Of course that was a lie.

  Over the next few weeks, Veronica slowly wore me down. The more she kept writing and saying hi, the more normal it became for me to talk to her.

  One night she messaged me that she needed $200. I told her I didn't care and she wasn't gonna get a penny from me. Ever. She wrote that her mom had spent all her money on Xanax, and now she couldn't pay her electric bill. Veronica acted like she was the responsible adult, and she needed to come up with the bill money, or they were all gonna be screwed without an AC.

  "How about I borrow the money from you and pay you back? And as collateral I'll let you hold on to my TV," Veronica suggested.

  I knew all her tricks by now. Holding on to her TV as collateral until I get my money back simply meant I was never getting my money back, because I just bought an old, used 22 inch TV for $200. No thanks.

  A few days later she messaged me again and asked me if I could give her cash, if she sent me money through Paypal, from her dad's credit card.

  It was pretty obvious that she was trying to come up with money any way she could, because she was on drugs again.

  Eventually the condo right above her mom's condo was vacant, and Veronica's dad, the crazy truck driver, rented it for her.

  She tried dealing drugs again. A bunch of other addicts were coming and going at all hours of the day and night.

  One evening Veronica and Wendy came knocking on my door. "Can we talk to you?" Veronica asked.

  I grudgingly let them in. We sat down on the couch and chatted for a bit. Then Veronica finally cut to the chase: Wendy was still on probation and failed her drug test, when her probation officer found cocaine in her urine earlier today.

  As soon as he was going to report it to the court, the judge would issue a warrant for her arrest. So it was only a matter of time before the cops were gonna show up at the front door of their new apartment above Rachel's.

  "Can we stay with you?" Veronica asked. "The cops are not gonna look for us at your place. They'll go knock upstairs, and when they see no one is there, they'll leave. We'll be safe here at your place."

  Unreal. So my ex-girlfriend, who constantly cheated on me and broke my heart over and over because all she ever did was lie to me and fuck other people behind my back, asked me if the most recent person she had been cheating on me with could hide from the police at my place. After Veronica herself had hidden from the police at my place last year, and I almost went to jail for aiding and abetting a fugitive. And now she was asking me to risk my neck again, to hide her stupid ginger girlfriend. Sure, why the fuck not?! What could possibly go wrong?

  Unfuckingbelievable.

  And yet, a tiny part of me wanted to say yes. While Veronica, Wendy and I were making small talk, Veronica mentioned that she had seen me with a few different girls. She asked me if I was serious about anyone.

  Since she kept talking about how much she and Wendy were madly in love, I felt stupid not having anyone to love. So I said: "Yeah, I still care about Lucy. But things are complicated. She's using again, and I can't be around that."

  "Yeah, Lucy is a sweetheart," Wendy said. "I like her. I think you two would be great together."

  What the fuck did she know? She didn't know me from a hole in the head. How would she know if Lucy and I would be good together?

  That's what I was thinking, but I didn't say it out loud.

  "I read your book," Wendy said. "It was really good."

  Veronica agreed: "Yeah, the book was great. It was really good the way you described everything. But Wendy hated the sex scenes with you and me."

  Veronica laughed. She thought it was hilarious. Wendy gave her a dirty look and elbowed her. "Yeah, I didn't like reading about that," she admitted. "Oh, and I'm not an ugly freckle-faced gnome."

  We all laughed. To be fair, Wendy really wasn't that ugly. She had a cute face, freckles and all. I just didn't like her, because Veronica had been fucking her behind my back when they were in jail together.

  And now Wendy of all people wanted to hide at my place? Who's brilliant masterplan was that?!

  During our conversation, I had mentioned the threesome: "Oh guess what? Remember when you told me about how hot Emily is, when you were still in jail?"

  Veronica nodded, but then caught herself: "No, I never said she's hot."

  Wendy gave Veronica another dirty look: "Why would Oliver say you called Emily hot unless you did call her hot? I don't think he would lie about that."

  She elbowed Veronica again, harder. She wasn't kidding anymore. She really was mad. She knew first hand how slutty Veronica acted in jail.

  "And remember when you and I were gonna have a threesome with Anita?" I asked and smirked.

  Veronica laughed, but Wendy was getting even more upset. "You said that part of the book wasn't true!" she yelled at Veronica.

  I liked how easy it was to drive a wedge between Veronica and Wendy. Maybe this would be my final revenge for everything she had done to me. Maybe I could break them up. That would make me happy. Germans have a word for that emotion: Schadenfreude. Enjoying someone else's misery.

  Or better yet, maybe I could have a threesome with Veronica and Wendy, and then break them up. Fi
rst I'd make both of them spread their legs for me. And let each one jealously watch while the other one enjoys getting fucked by me just a little too much for an alleged lesbian. And then I'd ruin their lives.

  Yesss! Sounded like the perfect revenge plan!

  Ok, yeah, that was pretty mean. But the things Veronica had done to me over the years were so much worse. They always say karma is a bitch. But karma wasn't doing squat. I was gonna have to help karma along.

  So anyway, that's what I was thinking, while Veronica and Wendy asked me if they could stay at my place. I told them I'd think about it.

  Veronica wanted to make sure I'd make the right decision: "We could both live with you. All three of us together! We could have so much fun! And do things together!"

  Veronica and I both knew what she meant: a threeway relationship, like the one she had proposed with Anita last year.

  Hearing about my threesome with Anita and Emily made Veronica feel left out. Now she was trying to tell me we could have threesomes with Wendy, without saying it out loud. She didn't think Wendy was very bright. It was obvious from the way she was always explaining things to Wendy like she was a child.

  But Wendy wasn't as stupid as she looked. She knew exactly what Veronica was talking about. She gave her yet another dirty look. But at this point she was desperate, so she was willing to risk it, just to avoid getting arrested.

  I told them again that I'd think about it and let them know by tomorrow morning.

  Over night, Wendy dyed her long red hair platinum blonde. She thought that would make her look different enough to avoid arrest if they accidentally ran into the cops at the mall or something.

  REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED NAKED

  "There is more pain than pleasure on earth. Every satisfaction is only transitory, creating new desires and new distresses, and the agony of the devoured animal is always far greater than the pleasure of the devourer."

  Arthur Schopenhauer

  The next morning I woke up because Veronica was at my door. She said the cops were quicker than anticipated. They came really early in the morning and arrested Wendy in Veronica's apartment upstairs. So now Wendy was back in jail, and Veronica was out alone.

  "I don't wanna stay by myself in the apartment upstairs," Veronica said. "Can I stay with you?"

  "Yeah, of course."

  We went upstairs together and she packed a few clothes and stuff. Then we went back downstairs, sat on my couch and tried to watch a movie.

  "I'm kinda glad Wendy went to jail," Veronica said. "She's so annoying. Just a dumb little girl, but she has a huge crush on me. I've been wanting to break up with her, but I didn't have the heart. This makes it easier."

  I turned the movie off and we talked for a while. She told me she liked the book, even though it was hard for her to read how much pain she had caused. "The book made me feel really bad," she claimed. "And it bothered me to read about you having sex with other girls. But I'm glad you wrote the book. It was a real eye-opener. And it's cool that I'm in a book now! I feel like a celebrity!"

  Somehow she didn't really sound remorseful at all. She probably just said that it made her feel bad because she thought that was what she was supposed to say. But I think in reality she was proud of herself for being such a great con artist and always finding new ways to manipulate and use people.

  It was getting late. Time for bed. Veronica did some drugs in the bathroom and then got into bed next to me. We looked at each other and smiled.

  "Wanna fuck?" she said with a big grin.

  "I thought you'd never ask," I laughed.

  She took her panties off and sucked my dick until it was nice and hard. Then she lied down on her back and I got on top of her. She was wet and I slipped right into her.

  After a few minutes she began to moan: "Don't stop! Don't stop!"

  I didn't have sex with Veronica in forever. I hated her guts and I didn't think I would ever be on good terms with her again. And yet, here she was, in my bed, spreading her legs for me.

  Veronica's phone kept buzzing all night. It was Wendy, trying to call her collect from jail. But Veronica didn't answer. She had no interest in talking to Wendy right now. Right now it was more important to fuck me.

  "Don't stop! Don't stop!" she kept moaning.

  I have to admit, that turned me on. I couldn't hold it in and came in her.

  "Nooo! Did you just bust a nut in me?" she complained. "I was just about to nut too!"

  I hated when she used hooker slang like "nutting." It sounded so vulgar.

  She kept thrusting her hips into me, trying to make me fuck her a little more so she could cum too. But it was game over for me.

  She needed to cum. She craved the release. She tried to finger herself, but that didn't do it for her, so she gave up after a few minutes. She let out a frustrated groan.

  Oh well, sucks to be you!

  If only Wendy was here to see this.

  Then Veronica got up and cleaned herself off. "You got a nice cock," she said with a laugh. "I forgot how good it feels when you fuck me. It's so thick. I can really feel it when you push it in. I almost nutted. Next time let me nut first, before you nut in me."

  The way she said that sounded like she didn't feel much down there, when she had sex with other guys. Even though I knew that every word out of her mouth was either a lie or designed to manipulate someone, I couldn't help but feel flattered. Sometimes you just wanna believe it's true, when someone compliments you.

  When I first met Veronica a few years ago, she was gorgeous. Skinny and tall, with long platinum blonde hair. So feminine. She looked like an Elf from Lord of The Rings.

  But even these short past few years of jail and drug use had already left their marks on her. She had changed a lot. She didn't look feminine anymore. She purposely tried to look masculine. She shaved one side of her head in jail, because suddenly everyone in jail decided that it looked good to have a buzz cut on one side of your head, and long hair on the other.

  But it didn't take Veronica long to realize how ridiculous she looked. So she buzzed the other side of her head as well, and tried to look like Justin Bieber. The Bieber look was popular among lesbian inmates. And Veronica was prettier than Snickers, so she actually looked more like Justin Bieber than Snickers did.

  The way she talked changed too. She tried to sound more masculine and more ghetto. And when she argued with Wendy, she'd say things like "get off my dick."

  I hated when she talked like she had a dick. That's probably why the thought of her "nutting" was such a turn-off.

  And she had a few more tattoos: Urban's name on her ankle. Jasmine's name on her wrist. And a new, huge tattoo of Wendy's name across both of her boobs. It completely ruined her beautiful breasts. And I had to keep looking at Wendy's name when I fucked Veronica. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

  Veronica had a few other tattoos here and there. None of them looked appealing. Today's short-haired, tattooed Justin-Bieber-Veronica was a far cry from the beautiful Elf-like Veronica I fell in love with a few years ago.

  But I wasn't fucking her because I loved her. I didn't even like her. I just fucked her because I could. Sooner or later Wendy would find out about this, and she would be really upset. I got a kick out of that.

  The next morning, Veronica finally answered Wendy's call, while we were still lying in bed. She told Wendy how much she loved and missed her, and that their bed was so empty without Wendy. She told her she was about to get up and go downstairs and help her mom with some chores.

  "Why are you lying to her?" I asked after she hung up. "Why don't you just tell Wendy it's over and that we're back together?"

  "That would crush her," Veronica replied. "I have to let her down easy." Then she laughed: "To be honest, I never break up with anyone. I just push them until they break up with me. I keep fucking other people, until the person I'm with has enough and breaks up with me."

  Alrighty then. Pretty twisted. But whatever. I didn't really care. I just love
d the way all this played out. Veronica had cheated on me with Wendy. Then they moved in next door from me, and rubbed their stupid happiness in my face. And now Veronica was in my bed, sucking my dick and letting me cum in her. I guess if there was such a thing as karma, this was it. This was as good as revenge fantasies get.

  I didn't care how long this situation was gonna last. Just the fact alone that as soon as Wendy went to jail, Veronica couldn't wait to hop back into my bed, was satisfying enough already. Every additional time we had sex was just another cherry on top. And by now I had so many extra cherries, I could make a Black Forest cake.

  I hadn't talked to George in a few days. We met at Chen's for lunch and I proudly told him the latest gossip: "Guess what? Wendy is back in jail, and Veronica is staying with me!"