“Yeah, well, Bosler’s a pretty good role model, even if he does get cranky sometimes.”
“And he understood when you told him you were staying?”
“Yeah. Like Grandma and your dad though, I think he believes I’ll regret it, but he simply shrugged and said there’s always next year. Competition for a hotshot crew here will be tight though. Speaking of, Zeb keeps making noises about wanting to know my training regimen. I’m telling you, you could make extra dough as a personal trainer.”
“Have Zeb meet us at the park some morning. No fee. I enjoyed doing a plan for you, but not sure I want to make a career out of it. Your friends are always welcome at my place, though.”
“Oh, I’m not sure he’s a friend yet, but he’s at least not as skittish around me. Even let me get away with cursing the other day. Guess sharing a tent for a week has a tendency to make unlikely bonds.”
“That it does.” Garrick laughed knowingly.
“And who knows what I’ll end up doing as a winter job.” He pulled into the long gravel drive for Garrick’s dad’s small acreage, horses grazing in the pasture closest to the road, house and outbuildings farther back.
“Whatever you end up doing, you’re going to be good at it. You can do anything you want, and I’m going to support you no matter what.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.” He let Garrick get away with stealing a fast kiss after he parked, and he almost said it right then. Those words. The ones he knew Garrick was waiting for. But then his dad was bustling out of the house and the moment passed. Or maybe he chickened out. Either way, no words were said, and they drifted away from heavier topics to lighter subjects like whether to let Cookie go off-leash with the farm dogs, a pair of older mixed hounds who were world-weary cowboys to Cookie’s youthful energy and sparkly accessories.
Eventually, Cookie did get them to run and play with her before she settled under a lounger while they hung out by the pool. If Garrick’s dad had an opinion on Rain’s outfit, he kept it to himself, humming happily as he grilled, same habit that Garrick had when he cooked. It was cute, the way Kenny and Garrick were so similar and so close to each other. Seeing them together, side by side, debating how to season their steaks, it was easier to believe that maybe all his dad really did care about was that Garrick was happy.
When he went inside to get a soda from the kitchen, he saw a row of pictures of little Garrick on the wall in the hall—T-ball and football and holidays through the years. Lots of sports and horses and gap-toothed smiles.
“Had him up on a horse before he could walk.” Kenny came up behind him carrying an impressive platter of vegetables. “And I’m just saying this once. Y’all can raise a pack of socialist vegetarians. But they’re gonna learn to ride. Some things are nonnegotiable.”
Dazed, Rain followed him back out to the patio. Kids. Huh. That was...unexpected. And almost as scary as Garrick saying the L-word and professing a willingness to follow Rain’s dreams, whatever they were. But it wasn’t an entirely unwelcome idea either, and he tried to figure out what the appropriate response was.
“Dad. What did you do to Rain?” Garrick called from where he was floating in the deep end, arms resting on a small inflatable raft. “He looks like you’ve been telling some of your ghost stories.”
“Just letting him know that my grandkids, they’re gonna know their way around a horse.”
Garrick’s slow blink was comical. Oh good. Rain wasn’t the only one caught off guard. “You mentioned kids to Rain?”
“Well, yeah.” Kenny shrugged as he arranged food on the grill. “You told me he’s sticking around. Figured I better get my bid for grandkids in while y’all are still in that lovey-dovey phase where you might want to make an old man happy. Speaking of, I’ve got a lead on a horse about to retire from a program down in Klamath Falls. Sweet girl, used to wearing an accessible saddle and working with wheelchair users. Think you’d be interested in saddling up if she comes here for her golden years?”
“You deciding you need another horse is the least surprising part of this whole conversation.” Garrick laughed. “And you’re right. I’ve missed riding. I didn’t want to talk about it much because it felt like one more thing I couldn’t do anymore. But maybe it’s like driving—I can get it back if some adjustments are made.”
“Exactly.” Forget kids and words he hadn’t yet said and uncertainties about the future. He was so damn proud of Garrick right then, proud of all the ways he was reconfiguring his expectations. His willingness to adapt made Rain all the more sure that maybe they could weather all those uncertainties together.
“I’ll ask Stephanie what muscles we can work on so I can use an accessible saddle. But, Dad, you need to stop scaring Rain.” He gave a nod in Rain’s direction. “Baby, ignore him. He finally got grandkids from my sister. He knows perfectly well that my spare room is a gym.”
“I didn’t say no.” Rain drank in Garrick’s slack-mouthed, wide-eyed expression before he dove into the pool, a perfect swan dive that probably surprised Garrick about as much as his words. But he wasn’t saying them simply for effect—the possibility, once raised, was...intriguing. One of those many varied future paths they might find themselves on, and as scary as not knowing was, it was also damn exciting. Adventures waiting to be had.
“I like him.” Garrick’s father was laughing hard when Rain finally surfaced.
“Me too.” Still shaking his head, Garrick captured him for a fast embrace. Again, Rain was this close to saying the words, but they had an audience, and somehow it was easier to joke about a future with kids than to utter three little words.
So he ate his weight in grilled vegetables and watched Garrick and his dad tease each other and let the last of that fluttery feeling drift away. This was going to work out. He might have to learn to ride a horse, but this would work out.
And as the evening light faded, a perfect once-in-a-lifetime central Oregon sunset of pinks and purples, he knew beyond a doubt that he’d found that thing that gave him purpose and made him the kind of happy everyone seemed to want for him and it was right here, the future lurking in each of Garrick’s easy grins and loving looks. He’d spent years searching for the right shiny thing to run toward, but it turned out that what his soul truly wanted was a reason to stay. Everything else could figure itself out in the coming years. He had what he needed, right here.
Garrick’s dad ducked inside to retrieve some marionberry sorbet for dessert. He wasn’t gone more than fifteen seconds before Garrick was stealing another kiss, and suddenly the words came startlingly easy, gliding over his tongue like he’d said them a thousand times before.
“I love you too.”
“Yeah?” Garrick grinned broadly. “Dad didn’t scare you away?”
“Nah. It’s going to take a lot more than some horses to scare me away.”
“Or grandkid talk?”
“Even that. I’m sorry I didn’t say the words earlier when you did. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. More... I’m working on believing that this is going to work out, that I’m actually going to get what I was afraid to let myself want. Trust. It’s hard.”
“I get it. And I’m right there with you. It’s not easy to trust in the future, but I’m trying hard to not let fear hold me back from what my heart truly wants.”
“And it wants me?”
“Always.” This time when Garrick leaned in for a fast kiss, Rain gave a happy sigh and met him halfway. Neither of them might have all the answers, but he did believe with all his heart that they were better together and that his future, whatever it might be, was infinitely brighter with Garrick in it. Loving him was both the scariest thing in the world and the simplest, and like Garrick, he wasn’t going to let his fears stop him from doing exactly that.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Winter Solstice
“Smile pretty,” Garrick’s sister ur
ged from her position by the paddock gate as she held up a camera. Her family had arrived that morning, prepared to stay the holiday week, and Garrick’s dad hadn’t wasted any time in hurrying them all to the barn and horses. Rain was counting down until their solstice party that night, but he hadn’t protested the idea of a short ride. The weather was too perfect to not be outdoors—crisp and clear and cold. Nothing like a soggy Portland winter, that was for sure.
“You sure you’re okay riding double, Rain?” Garrick’s sister paused her picture taking to get that worried-mom furrow to her forehead.
“Yup.” Rain tightened his grip on Garrick’s nephew. Kenny had the youngest in front of him, and it meant something to Rain that Kenny trusted him enough to let him ride with the other kid.
“He’s put in the time this fall, learning the ropes.” Garrick’s dad’s approval felt like the fleece lining of his jacket—warm and fuzzy. Learning to ride had been far more fun than he’d expected, and watching Garrick and his dad bond over the experience had been more than worth a few missteps along the way. “Old Blue stands around and pines for their visits.”
“And the new horse seems to love Garrick.”
“Dad’s retirement program for her is practically a luxury retreat,” Garrick joked, but Rain knew how hard he’d worked with his physical therapy to make riding in the adaptive saddle comfortable. “But Honey’s a great horse. Being able to ride again, that’s been awesome.”
His tone was light, but his eyes were serious, an emotion there that Rain wasn’t entirely sure how to name. It was similar to when Garrick had completed the purchase of his specially modified car, how he’d seemed proud yet vulnerable at the same time. Confident too, the way he talked to Honey now, a cowboy side Rain hadn’t realized he had. And seeing him gain it back, well that had been one of the highlights of the past few months for Rain.
And far from rendering Rain unnecessary, sharing the progression of both riding and driving goals had brought them closer together. He’d wholeheartedly cheered Garrick’s first solo drive, secure in his place in Garrick’s life. It had taken a few months to get there, but he trusted now, on a deeper level than he’d even thought possible.
When their eyes met, he tried to tell Garrick without words how happy he was. Later, everyone would gather at their place, work friends, his family, and Garrick’s. The prospect should be scary, but instead, all it did was fill him with a giddy sort of joy. Their place. Grandma had gently mentioned at a certain point that she wanted her spare room back, and he’d realized that it had been months since he’d spent the night there. So, he’d packed up his things and rather than live out of suitcases, he and Garrick had assembled a second dresser for the bedroom, and Rain had gotten to work on his holiday knitting and decorating projects, and that had been that. Shirley joined them for food several times a week, and Rain helped her whenever she let him, and together, they’d all fallen into a routine that worked for them.
“Tomorrow we can do a longer ride. You’re off, right, Rain?” Kenny asked as he made a slow circle around the paddock, much to the little kid’s delight.
“Yup. I’m working weird hours for the holidays. I volunteered for Christmas Eve since so many people wanted off for that, so I got today and tomorrow off. I wanted Christmas Eve anyway since that’s the big party for our residents in the morning.”
Surprising almost everyone, including himself, Rain had taken a job at a retirement community after the fire season had ended. His main job had started out as driving the community’s shuttle van, but he’d quickly moved into filling in for an activities director out on maternity leave and doing whatever other odd jobs needed doing, like holiday decorating.
“Adams and Ryland better watch out if they want you for a crew next summer.” Kenny laughed as he pulled up even with Rain’s horse.
“Oh, I’m still working out with Garrick to be ready for a fitness test. My friend Zeb is too. The woman I’m filling in for will be back from leave, and there’s a good chance I can work both places over the summer.”
As far as long term, he still wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted, but he was making his peace with not having all the answers yet. He’d come to really enjoy the work with his hand crew, and the thought of being back out there in some firefighting capacity come fire season made his insides dance. Anticipation, as it turned out, was its own adventure—having things to look forward to, things to return to, and things to try anew.
“Ready to head out?” Garrick asked as his sister opened the gate.
“Yep.” Rain had seldom meant his agreement more. Lead or follow, he was in this thing for good now. He was totally ready to head out, see what the future brought them both.
* * *
“Doing okay?” Shirley paused in setting out food to give Garrick an appraising glance.
“A little sore,” he admitted. His hip flexors were still getting used to the special saddle, and the kids had begged for a longer ride than initially intended. But damn, being up there on Honey, hanging out with his dad and the rest of the family, had been more than worth a little discomfort. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed riding until he had the chance to do it again. He hoped his dad knew how grateful he was to him for making that possible.
“Well, try not to overdo.”
“Says the woman who’s been baking all week,” he teased. Garrick and Rain were hosting, but Shirley had been bustling about all week with preparations too. It was funny and more than a little surreal, seeing his once-dream bachelor pad transformed for a gathering of friends and family. He’d held plenty of parties here, but nothing compared to this. Endless strings of white lights twinkled both indoors and outside, the firepit was roaring on the back patio, and the table groaned with the ever-growing buffet as more people arrived.
Garrick’s dad had contributed a fresh-cut tree, which stood in the front window, baby gate around it to keep Cookie from stealing the colorful ornaments Rain had produced—an eclectic mix of miniature stockings he’d knit along with discount store finds and a few additions from Shirley. Even Garrick had been goaded into crocheting little snowflake ornaments, something he’d found surprisingly hypnotic, a nice way to relax while Rain and Shirley worked on their holiday knitting projects.
“All this food looks amazing.” Garrick’s dad snagged a muffin from the basket on the table. Garrick couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his dad so happy, all the visitors and holiday prep rubbing off on him in a way they hadn’t in years. He’d even made sure that there would be a veggie roast for Rain for Christmas dinner in a few days. Garrick’s sister and dad would cook a big meal and the kids would get Santa presents, and Garrick couldn’t wait to see his dad’s place filled with the sounds and smells of the season.
“We made it!” Someone must have opened the door to let in Rain’s parents, who arrived with yet more food for the table and hugs all around.
“Is there anyone you didn’t invite?” Garrick’s dad shook his head as he took in the gathering. Rain’s brothers and Harper stood near their parents, while other friends like Bosler and Zeb mingled with some of Garrick’s old crowd. “Surprised Rain didn’t add some of his residents.”
“Maybe next year.” Rain’s smile was wide and pleasure clear in his words whenever he talked about his new job. Every day he came home with fresh stories about helping this resident with groceries or that resident with hanging pictures, going above and beyond what the community paid him for. It wasn’t a hotshot crew, but in a lot of ways, Garrick had never seen Rain happier, and he was so glad that he’d backed off and given him the space he needed to apply widely to different jobs as the fire season had ended. And if Rain’s growing collection of muscles was any indication, he wasn’t going to have any worries about making it onto a crew in the summer.
“Heck, it feels like half the town came as it is.” Garrick gestured around the packed house. This was nice. More than nice. Fe
lt like his chest could scarcely hold this much joy and happiness. And Rain wasn’t the only one happy with work. Garrick had stayed on with the forest service after fire season had ended, helping Ryland and Adams plan for the spring controlled burns and working dispatch for winter crews. He was always going to miss smoke jumping, but there was surprising satisfaction in his new role.
And more than a little of that was having Rain and his bottomless enthusiasm to come home to. Even on boring paperwork days, he could look forward to some new recipe, some silly story or some new Cookie antics. Having this place truly become a home for both of them was a pleasure he hadn’t seen coming and one he wouldn’t trade for anything.
Leaving Rain to his family, he slipped on a jacket and wheeled out to check on the small group by the firepit. Linc had a steaming cup of coffee while Jacob was playing tug-of-war with Cookie and her new favorite toy, a fake leopard-print slipper Rain had produced recently. It was something of a private joke between them as it also matched a sexy leopard-print robe Garrick had given Rain some weeks back, and the toy never failed to make Garrick smile.
“There you are. Been waiting to catch you alone.” Linc gave him a smile. Garrick still wasn’t used to how much more his friend smiled these days, thanks largely to Jacob. “We’ve got Jacob’s family gathering on Christmas, so we’re giving you your present early.”
“I don’t need a present,” he protested.
“Yes, you do. Yours for us arrived yesterday. Nice taste.” Jacob laughed.
“That was Rain’s doing!” He laughed because of course Rain had remembered the threat about matching pajamas from their Pride double date and followed through on it, finding ridiculous ones with paw prints on them. And how damn amazing was it to be here now, hint of snow in the air, Rain still around, to the point of doing joint presents.
“Card said it was from both of you, and regardless, this is for you.” Linc pulled a white envelope out of his coat pocket and handed it to him. Jacob stopped playing with the dog long enough to watch Garrick open it, and Rain slipped out onto the patio right as Garrick was reading the slip of paper inside.
High Heat Page 27
