by Desirée
“What was Elijah like when he was younger?” I asked curiously, switching the topic. I didn’t want to hear any more about that, because I wasn’t sure how to even respond to it.
“Ahh, that li’l nigga was wild,” Shiloh said with a smile, thinking back. “He stayed wearing my shit, tried to walk and talk like me. Trent was doing his own thing. He never been the following type, but Elijah was up underneath me constantly. So, I sat that nigga down one day and was like, ‘You trying to be put on, li’l man?’”
“How old were you?” I asked.
He rubbed his chin, thinking. “Probably like fifteen or sixteen. He told me he wanted to make his own money, so I said I’ma teach you how to turn ten dollars into twenty, and fifty into a hundred in one night. He was with Ant, Jahiem, and me every chance we got, but Grandma didn’t play those games,” he said with a smirk. “One night, E and I was sneaking back in the house when she woke up and whooped his ass. I’m thinking I’m good to go, but she grabbed me and started hitting me too!” he let out as I laughed. “That’s who I was on my way to go see, to check on her, because I heard she was sick.”
“Ohh,” I said slowly, mouth dropping. “Can I meet her?”
He looked me over slowly before reaching in the back, grabbing this pink-and-green blanket. “Cover up if you going in her house. I don’t know how she’s going to act when she sees you,” he said in a low voice.
I quickly wrapped the sorority blanket around me, almost feeling like I was somehow sinning by having this on me. Looking him over again, I felt even more curious. Not that I was attracted to Shiloh in any shape or form. He looked too much like Elijah, and I was barely attracted to him when we first met, but I could see what Tyree was talking about.
“So, you’re not attracted to me, or I’m not your type?” I asked.
He glanced at me. “You a pretty girl and all, but—” He shrugged as he cut the truck on. “I prefer my women dark. Always have.”
I smiled, thinking about his mom being dark-skin, then remembering his girlfriend at the hospital. She was just as dark. Interesting how attraction works. It always seems like light goes for dark, and dark goes for light.
As soon as he merged onto the highway, he got on the phone. I watched the cars go by, wondering what Elijah was doing and if he even thought about me.
“Yeah, a’ight, bet,” he concluded, hanging up. “Did you already eat?”
“Not really,” I said softly as we pulled off the exit ramp. “What is your grandma doing up this late anyway? It’s almost one o’clock in the morning.”
“She’s probably smoking a joint.” He shrugged as my mouth dropped. Of course.
We pulled into this small neighborhood and turned into the driveway of the first two-story house on the left that sat on a slight hill. There was a small white car sitting outside. The porch light was on, and I heard a dog barking loudly in the back. She had the metal bars on her windows like most houses in the hood.
“Come on. We’re going to make this quick,” he said, getting out.
I hopped out of the truck and followed him with the blanket wrapped tight around me. He rang the doorbell. I could hear Marvin Gaye playing as the door swung open. This tiny, dark-skin woman with a blunt in her hand, wearing a long T-shirt and some basketball shorts with house shoes, stood with a wide grin. Her face was barely aged, with those signature low eyes that ran strong in the family. Good grief.
“Boy, you ain’t tell me you was coming!” she let out as she quickly opened the screen door to hug Shiloh, bringing him down to her height as he kissed her cheek.
“Heard my ol’ lady was sick,” he said.
She smiled before glancing at me.
“Mama, this is—”
“Noelle! Baby, the moment I heard about you, I was telling Ava I had to meet this woman for myself! Come here. Step inside so I can get a look at you. Take off that hot-ass blanket, too,” she demanded.
I quickly looked at Shiloh, who was trying not to laugh. We stepped in, and I immediately started trying to explain myself.
“I’m not Noelle. I’m—”
“So, who are you?”
“Mama, this is Elijah’s girlfriend. I was just trying to take her home, but I wanted to stop by and see you first,” Shiloh cut in.
The woman squinted her eyes at me as if she were trying to remember.
“I’m with Elijah, ma’am,” I said with a nice smile.
Her gaze shifted from Shiloh to me. “Welp, you look better with Shiloh, baby, and that’s the God’s honest truth,” she huffed. I laughed, looking crazily at Shiloh.
“Mama, you can’t be saying that when you meet my girlfriend.”
“I can say what the hell I want. Y’all two,” she said, pointing at Shiloh and me, only to then nod her head with a smile like she knew something we didn’t know.
Shiloh cut her crazy ass off. “What you still doing up anyway? You got a birthday celebration this weekend. I told you we turning up over here.”
She turned her attention back to him with a huge grin, excitement in her weary eyes. “I was telling yo’ uncle I wanted to throw a BBQ, and I want all my kids and grandchildren here. I want all of y’all here this Sunday after services,” she demanded, and he nodded. “Bring yo’ women, too. I want to meet everybody for my ninetieth birthday.”
My mouth dropped. Ninetieth? She barely looked seventy.
“My time is coming soon. I can feel it. I want to see everyone before the Lord calls on me,” she said.
Shiloh rolled his eyes. You could tell he wasn’t the religious type.
“I’ll get everyone, Mama,” he said, taking the blunt out of her hand, trying to take a pull on it. She smacked him so hard he had no choice but to give it back.
“Boy, ain’t no smoking in this house. I done told you that.”
“But you—”
“It’s my house. I do what I want,” she retorted, and he grew silent.
She turned her attention back to me, smiling. “Child, you look hurt. What has my grandbaby been putting you through?”
“What? I’m fine,” I said, shaking my head quickly.
She put her hand on her hip. “I can see the pain in your eyes, baby. Come on.” She took my hand.
The blanket slipped. She took one look at me and my outfit, shaking her head. “Go upstairs to Olivia’s old room and find some clothes for this girl, Shiloh.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he obliged, rushing up the steps.
Sitting down in the well-decorated living room, I started telling her everything from the moment we met until now. I left out the sex, of course, but that was like eating a sandwich with nothing on it. Our relationship was based on sex and only sex. She kept her hands over mine as she stared me down, giving out the best advice I could ever ask for when it came to dealing with these men.
“I helped raise these men to the best of my abilities, and one thing I can say about each and every boy, including those boys who aren’t mine: they love hard, baby. They love hard, and they hurt harder. They need strong women to bring ’em in every once in a while; strong women to protect their feelings, care for them when they need it, and make them feel like they’re your everything. Even though we can protect and provide for ourselves these days, these boys like to feel wanted. When they get out of line, though? You gotta check ’em that first time. Sometimes you gotta put your foot down and say enough is enough.” She slammed her fist down on her thigh for emphasis. “Take my oldest, Shiloh. Li’l boy used to talk back so bad to his mama when he was younger. You want to know what I did? I told him if he don’t start respecting her, my daughter,” she said, pointing at herself, “you and I, we’re going to have a problem. I don’t play that shit, not with my kids. Don’t give a fuck who you are.”
“So, what did you do?”
She smiled, taking a pull on her blunt before blowing the smoke out through her nose. “I grabbed his li’l ass by the shirt, took him outside in front of everybody, and gave him a whooping, making
him apologize. He was crying, everybody was laughing, but I bet you he didn’t say nothing else to my daughter again. I told him if you don’t have nothing nice to say, don’t say nothing at all. So, he didn’t. Hasn’t spoken since,” she said.
I swallowed a gulp of nerves. This family was too much for me.
“I did it because he has such an influence on his siblings that when I see Elijah, who don’t know no better, calling his mama a bitch because he sees his big brother doing it, I got a problem. Put your foot down one time, baby girl, and I promise you, you will start to see a change. If you let these Carter boys walk all over you every chance they get, you are just going to end up losing yourself in the end.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, looking down at myself. I touched my face, feeling the makeup and lack of glasses.
She got up from the couch, feet sliding across the carpet as she grabbed a few pictures from her mantel before sitting back down. The moment I looked at the first picture of all the men and boys who were in the first row, my mouth dropped. Elijah, Trent, and Shiloh were at the bottom, wearing suits and ties, looking so cute.
“This was a picture for Easter. They wanted all the Carter men to pose together,” she said thoughtfully as I spotted Ontrell, who smiled. There were so many of them.
“How old were they?” I asked, pointing at Elijah.
“Oooh, chile!” She sighed, looking up before looking back at the picture. “Had to be six years old at the time. Shiloh was probably ten, maybe eleven, meaning Ontrell was still a toddler.”
She showed me another picture of all the women, and the only one I recognized was Olivia, who smirked a devilish grin, her hazel eyes bouncing off her dark complexion. There was another photo of all the uncles and aunts, with a small baby in the arms of the women. They were standing outside of the church, with the oldest woman in the middle, dressed in white.
“Whose baby? Why is he the only baby in the picture?” I asked, pointing curiously at the small body hugged up tight on the woman.
“This is their aunties and uncles on the Carter side of the family. Big family.” She nodded proudly even though she wasn’t a part of it. “Big family. And the baby? That’s Junie boy,” she said.
She showed me picture after picture. I got to see what Elijah and Trent looked like as kids. Nothing had changed, except for Elijah growing locs. All three triplets dressed alike up until a certain age, which I thought was cute.
“Olivia one day said she wanted to wear pink.” She laughed, shaking her head at the memory. “So, we said, ‘Okay, let’s get you some pink.’ Well, at that age, the triplets were still dressing alike, so we made the boys wear pink too.”
“Oh God!” I laughed.
“Honeeeey, them boys did not leave their room that entire day, crying and complaining about what they had on,” she said as we both laughed.
“So many good times with my grandbabies. There was this other time, Shiloh had the nerve to sneak a girl in this house, thinking I wouldn’t know. Chile, please,” she said, waving me off as I looked at a baby picture of Shiloh, seeing him cheesing with no teeth. He had a head full of curly black hair. “Olivia came rushing to my room to tell me a girl snuck in the house, and with my broom in hand, I bust that door open, seeing he was butt-ass naked in that bed with her. Girl! I nearly beat the ho out of her. I told her, ‘Get yo’ fast ass out this goddamn house!’ He was embarrassed, and the triplets, of course, were watching, laughing at their older brother. I told him, ‘I ain’t having no great grandkids, nigga. Not in my house you ain’t.’ Them girls know they loved them some Shiloh,” she said, shaking her head. “Mmmph. That was Ava’s pride and joy, whether he wanted to believe it or not. But that was her everything when he was first born. He—”
Shiloh came walking down the steps with three black shoeboxes in his hand, face twisted up in confusion. “Grandma, where did these come from? I found these in Olivia’s closet,” he said, voice cold as we both stood up.
“Boy, I don’t know. She was just here a few days ago with her li’l friends.” She waved him off with her hand. “Did y’all eat? Want me to fix you some leftovers?”
She walked in the kitchen as I walked toward him, seeing him place the boxes on the dining room table, looking through them.
“Everything okay?” I asked, seeing stacks of money in each box. One box was already halfway empty.
“Nah,” was all he muttered. “Grandma! We about to go! You good?”
“Now wait a minute! You just got here!” she let out, walking out of the kitchen as he quickly ran up to her, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.
“Love you, Mama. I’ll get everyone to come by Sunday. I promise,” he said before taking the boxes. “Come on.”
I followed him out to the truck. The moment we got in, he cut the light on, looking through the boxes as he handed me one.
“Start counting,” he demanded. I could tell he wasn’t in the mood for games, so I did as told, coming up to about fifteen thousand dollars. The other two boxes total had twenty thousand in them.
“Where did you get all this money from?” I gasped, handing him the box. He looked at me, eyes hard. “What’s wrong?”
“I had over a hundred thousand dollars in these boxes,” he mumbled, jaw muscles flinching as he let out a hard sigh. He was definitely trying to calm himself down. Elijah was the exact same way.
“Soooo,” I said slowly, “is this the money you said Noelle stole?”
“These are her shoeboxes,” he said.
My mouth dropped. “How did it get in Olivia’s room then?”
He started the car, nearly backing into the mailbox as he pulled out in anger without so much as a word. We made one last stop at a gas station before he finally dropped me off at my house. I spotted Elijah’s truck parked in my driveway, and a figure sitting on the porch steps in the dark. Great.
“Shiloh, thanks for—”
“Get out,” he said abruptly.
I quickly opened the door, definitely not in the mood. I got out of the car, leaving the blanket, and started for my door, knowing I didn’t have my keys on me. When Elijah’s head popped up, dreads a wild mess, eyes bloodshot red, all I could think about was what his grandma had said: care for them when they need it most. Luckily, he was only drunk and didn’t need me. I could smell another woman on him from a mile away—not talking about perfume, either. I knew he had sex with someone else, because I could smell her body odor on him.
That’s why he’s on my porch now, ready to cry and whine like a baby. Not tonight.
“Jordyn?” he started, standing up with the keys in his hand.
I just took the keys, feeling his cold fingers as I unlocked the door. I remained quiet as I opened the door. With him trying to follow behind me, I turned around and closed the screen door in his face before closing the main door shut with a lock.
“Jordyn!” he yelled, banging on the door. “I’m trying to say I’m sorry!”
I tossed the keys on the couch, tied my hair up, and went into my room, closing the door behind me without so much as a thought of the man outside my door.
Tia
“Who knows?” I said to Porscha over the phone as I lay back in my bed. Friday night, I was in the middle of nowhere, rubbing cocoa butter on my growing belly. My hair was wrapped up, and I was sitting in a T-shirt with some silk pajama bottoms and thick socks on my feet. I knew there was a lot of shit going on up there in Atlanta, but for once, I didn’t give a fuck. I wasn’t having a bad time down here in Albany, but I wasn’t turning up and balling out like I usually did. I was just chill. I took Noelle’s room, and I’d been relaxing, helping clean up around the house and cook dinner at night. First night, I felt like a stranger because I didn’t even know Noelle, but her overly nice ass got me here with her overly nice family, and I felt like, for once, I belonged somewhere. I wasn’t even thinking about going to Atlanta no time soon. I could see my daughters being raised out here; or maybe I would move to Florida since I wasn’t t
hat far from there.
“Oooh, it’s so packed out here, you really are missing out. This party is about to be something serious,” she said as I heard the car door slam.
I just looked around my quiet room—no TV, everything decorated in pink and yellow, fan blowing in my room to cool me down because I was running hot constantly. I was always running hot for no reason. Yet, there was still peace and quiet. Everyone else in the one-story house was asleep, while I kept my lamp on, staying up, running my mouth on this phone.
“Who is out there that I know of?” I asked, hearing her talk to a few people.
“Umm, oooh! You remember that bitch from biology class last year? Girl, she trying too hard in that dress I know she got from Rainbow. Them heels looking like they giving up on life itself,” she joked, and I laughed.
“She was always a lame anyway.”
“Right?” she said as we both laughed. “Oh, hey, girl!”
“Hey, Porscha!” someone responded back.
“Fake-ass bitch,” Porscha muttered as I shook my head. “Oooh, you are not going to believe this, but they are pulling up as we speak.”
“Who is they?”
“Them Carter boys,” she stated, and my heart started to pound.
“How you know it’s them?” There was silence as I listened to the background. “Porscha!”
“Because they always come in numbers. It got to be like fifteen to twenty-something fucking cars. Damn! They got everybody stopping to see who the fuck about to come out. Look at this shit, pushing Trent in a wheelchair. They oughta be ashamed of themselves!” I rolled my eyes as I listened. “I see Jahiem now getting out his car with a few girls. You want me to call that nigga out?”
“Porscha, don’t—”
“Jahiem!” she yelled as I buried myself underneath the covers in embarrassment.
Oh my fucking God, Porscha. Why do I have to have a best friend like you? Why? Showing out at the wrong damn times.
“Porscha, stop!” I hissed.
“Nigga, you ain’t shit!” she continued. “Tia, this man had you sitting outside his apartment door in the cold, and you telling me I can’t—bitch, whet? Oh, I’m gon’ call that nigga out like it’s roll call in the classroom. Jahiem!”
