BLONDE

by Cassie Knight Rodriguez

  "Maybe you two have a bad argument when it happens and he says something he doesn't mean?" Elias suggests, shrugging. "And you get all passive-aggressive and decide you're not going to talk to him anymore and then that'll be the last words you hear."

  "Yeah, but you'd stop that from happening," Austen said, dismissing the thought.

  "Fair point," he replied. "Unless something major happens and I’m not around, but even then, I’d make time for you. I’ll always be around, Aus."

  "Maybe something drastic happens and I fucking lose it and kill myself," Austen laughed dryly, pondering the future. Elias's eyes widen and he cut Austen off from continuing his thoughts.

  "Austen Drew Nixon, you're not killing yourself!" Elias shouted, taken aback by the response. "I wouldn't dare let that happen either and you know that. Don’t you even dare joke about it, I swear to God, I will never let you do that ever again. Ever."

  "I mean, yeah, you're right," the natural blue said, shrugging. "Sam and... and him are starting to have things in common... And I... I don't know. I'm overthinking this, I know, but... I mean, Elias, I love him, but is this what I want?"

  "What do you mean?" Elias asked. "And I think you may be over thinking it a little. Sam isn’t acting at all like Zack. I don’t mean to pull up bad memories, but you have to really think about what you’re saying. Do you really think that Sam is causing the same pain that Zack caused you? Personally, I don’t think he is. He’s not… hitting you and he’s… he’s not… touching you, right?"

  "No, he’s not… doing that to me, but I don't wanna be so... conflicted and stressed all the time, but I can't just... pull myself away from him, Elias, I can't. I love him so much and I just... I want him all to myself this time, I don't want fucking Chloe, I, I just... Conflicted doesn't look good on me, Elias," Austen explained, sitting up on his bed.

  "Conflicted doesn't look good on anybody," Elias said.

  "I'm just trying so desperately. I wish-" Austen began, pausing once he heard a sniffle.

  Austen looked over at Elias, who was sat in the desk chair, leaning against the chair's back, playing with a Rubix cube. Austen's laptop was open, facing away from him, and he attempted to look over at the screen but Elias quickly moved the laptop away from Austen's view. The natural blue furrowed his eyebrows at the curly-haired boy, wondering what was so secretive on his laptop that he couldn't see. Then he heard it.

  Elias was skyping Sam through Austen's computer.

  "Elias, what the fuck?!" Austen yelled, standing up from the bed quickly. He zoomed over to Elias, staring the laptop that confirmed his suspicions.

  "He needed to hear what you were feeling and it's not like you were going to talk to him!" Elias said defensively, standing up from the desk chair, blocking Austen from accessing his laptop. "I’m sorry for invading your privacy and completely violating your trust, Austen, but there was no other good way to do this. Communication is important and god forbid either of you have it."

  "I want to tell you how I feel, too," Sam said from the computer, his voice scratchy and weak. It sounded as if he had been sobbing for hours on hours, and with how blotchy and red his face was and the way his lips quivered as he spoke, it seemed to prove itself true.

  Austen crossed his arms, scowling at Sam, though trying to fight back tears of his own at the same time. He wanted to be angry at Sam, but he knew better than to be passive-aggressive and ignore his problems. He decided he was going to be an adult about this, especially since he had technically been an adult for six years now. However, he also decided that to "reward" himself for doing the right thing, he was going to be as blunt and whiny as he wanted to be.

  "Why?" the natural blue asked Sam, knowing he had no need to expand the question. Sam knew what he was asking about and he'll be damned if he doesn't. Though Sam wasn't physically in the room, Elias could feel the thick tension between the two boys, and he was beginning to get mildly uncomfortable. He was tempted to text Adrianna to see if she could diffuse the situation but soon remembered that she was close friends with Chloe and that that would most definitely not end well. He didn't want to make his baby girl choose sides.

  "I don't know," Sam answered after what felt like an eternity of discomforting silence. Austen fumed at the response.

  "You don't know? You don't know?!" Austen said, his voice rising in volume the more he continued to repeat the infuriating words. "How do you not fucking know?! You're the one who made the choices, you're the one who was half-naked in bed with her, you're the one who didn't even at least break up with me first!! You said you wouldn't do what Zack did, Sam, and now you're fucking with my emotions, you're fucking with my head, you rip me to shreds! I didn't ask for this head rush but it follows me anyways and you're just- You're making it worse!! You hurt me, Sam, what you did is wrong. I don't care what she said, you cheated. I don’t care what you think either. I don’t care if we’re technically not dating, you still confessed your feelings for me and I feel hurt by the fact that you’d go and do this to me. You’re doing what you promised you wouldn't and I'm feeling so conflicted because, god, I fucking love you, Sam, but I, I can't do this if you're, if you're going to do what you said you wouldn't. You broke a promise, a really important promise, and, just, I'm becoming what I hated and your talk is so inviting, but you're just, you're just hiding her from me and there's gotta be a reason and I know you're cheating, Sam, don't even deny it. You made that choice! How do you not know why?! I'm trying so desperately, Sam, I'm dying to be your everything and all you seem to want is her."

  The room was filled with silence, with the exception of Austen's heavy breathing, trying to calm himself from continuing on with his angry tirade. He wanted to keep yelling, to keep ranting, to keep screaming at Sam and letting out all of his true feelings.

  "Don't be like him, Sam," Austen spoke softly, a wave of feeling extremely vulnerable crashing over him. The sadness within him was beginning to overpower the anger in him, and he thought to himself that it was probably because he had been angry for so long, he was emotionally exhausted. He didn't doubt the thought and agreed with himself. He was drained.

  "I don't want to be like him," Sam said quietly. "I never want to hurt you, never like he did, Aus."

  "Don't call me that," Austen snapped. "You lost your privileges to call me nicknames. Don't fucking call me anything but my name."

  "I-I'm sorry," Sam stammered, taken aback by Austen's sudden anger. He almost asked if he had been taking his pills, but he knew that Elias had been keeping an eye on him and he trusted Elias with Austen’s life. "I just, I don't- You were so... so, broken... after him. I don't... I don't want to hurt you like that, I don't want anyone to hurt you like that."

  "Then don't," Austen said, the anger quickly fading away once more.

  "I'm so sorry, Austen," Sam said quietly, wiping the tears from his eyes.

  "I just, I just don't want to hurt anymore, Sam," the natural blue said, tears running silently down his cheeks.

  "I won't ever hurt you again," Sam responded quickly, looking up through the computer screen. "Just, please, Austen."

  "One thing," Austen said sternly. "No more Chloe. Not when you're alone. Please."

  "Okay," Sam nodded. "No more being alone with Chloe."

  I WANNA LIVE INSIDE YOUR MIND NEXT TO YOUR FAVORITE SONGS

  AUGUST 7TH

  Classes were going to begin soon. Austen had come to the decision that he was indeed going to drop out, therefore he had to move out of his dorm with Elias and into his own place. Sam tried to convince him to move into his house, saying that his father was okay with it, but Austen had denied. Not only did he feel uncomfortable sharing a home with Sam's dad (he couldn't even remember his name!), but he was scared of what could happen if Chloe ever butted her way back. He trusted Sam - somewhat - but he most certainly didn't trust Chloe.

  He was moving into his apartment today, thanks to Adrianna, who said her older brother was the landlord and would let Austen have cheaper rent
until he was able to get onto his own feet. Austen didn't have much, especially since most of his things were at his parent's house back in San Antonio, therefore moving would be easy for him. That is until Sam's father decided that Austen was in dire need of more furniture than just his mattress and computer desk (that Elias let him have). And that is how Austen ended up with a coffee table, dining room table, a decent sized HDTV, and full-sized bed frame from Ikea.

  Austen had been wary of letting Chloe help him move out of the dorm and into his apartment, especially since Sam was helping him move as well, but he couldn't argue with Adrianna. He knew that Adrianna knew - Elias told her - about the issues that had happened between him, her and Sam. Adrianna promised him that she'd make sure that Chloe didn't interfere with Sam and Austen, but the natural blue wasn't sure how she was going to do that when they all had to work together to carry some of the heavy furniture that Sam's dad had bought.

  "I think that's it, of the furniture at least," Elias said once he and Sam had put down the coffee table in Austen's living room.

  "No, Ilyas, there's some more in Sam's truck," Sammy said, shaking his head. Elias rolled his eyes, knowing that "Ilias" was as close as Sam's dad was going to get with remembering his name.

  "How much more?" Austen asked. Sammy shrugged.

  "A few light-weight things," he answered. "I believe there are some organizers, a bookcase, and a nightstand."

  "Geez, Dad, how much did you buy Austen?" Sam groaned. Sammy chuckled.

  "Not enough, I should have gotten Autumn more!" Sammy laughed. Sam rolled his eyes but cracked a smile. He was glad that his dad was okay with him being bisexual and that his dad loved Austen. Sammy had joked that Sam should move in with Austen while they're at it, but Adrianna's brother put an end to that quickly. Austen was glad of that, for he was unsure of how he was going to tell Sammy that now was not the right time for Sam and him to live together.

  "Well, come on, let's go get it!" Adrianna said, motioning Elias, Sammy, Chloe, Sierra, John and Steve out the door. Darren and Justin were supposed to come help Austen move originally, but they had emergency last-minute plans. Austen wasn't sure what, but he didn't mind. He had more than enough people helping him move the minuscule number of things he had. If anything, there were too many people around. Most of them were just standing around for "moral support."

  "Thanks," Austen said quietly, turning towards Sam. Sam furrowed his eyebrows, walking towards Austen, pulling him into an embrace.

  "For what, Aus?" Sam asked as Austen returned the hug, resting his head on Sam's shoulder.

  "For helping me move," Austen answered. "I know you didn't want me to drop out, and, I, I never want to disappoint you."

  "You didn't disappoint me by dropping out," Sam said. "I was a little sad, yes, but if this is what's right for you, then, by all means, do it. As long as you're happy and doing what's good for you, I'm happy and proud."

  "I love you, Sam," Austen said quietly, feeling comforted as Sam slowly swayed the two side-to-side.

  "I love you, too, Blueberry," Sam replied, kissing the blue's forehead, smiling.

  The two stood there for a few moments before Adrianna and Elias had returned with a large box that had a picture of a chocolate-brown nightstand on the side.

  "I know y'all are, like, back together 'n shit, but you are the one that's moving, so you could help," Adrianna said, smirking at the two boys. Sam laughed while Austen rolled his eyes, heading out the door and down the stairs to help everyone get stuff out of Sam's truck.

  "Thank you so much for driving my boyfriend away," Sam said. He was about to head outside, following Austen, before Adrianna stopped him.

  "I did that for a reason," Adrianna said. "I want to say a few words to you."

  "Are you going to scold me for what I did?" Sam asked. "Because I've never regretted something so much in my life, Adrianna, and I feel horrible. I don't deserve him, I know, not after what I did."

  "Well, I was going to scold you, yes, but you've probably heard the same thing a thousand times," Adrianna said. Elias looked up from behind one of the boxes, obviously eavesdropping, and nodded quickly.

  "Trust me, he's heard an earful from both me and Austen," Elias said. "I still don't approve them getting back together."

  "Babe, shh," Adrianna said, shooing him. "I don't either, not yet anyway, but that's not the point!"

  "Can we get to the point?" Sam asked, furrowing his eyebrows. He was uncomfortable.

  "Yes," Adrianna nodded, looking over her shoulder to make sure none of the others had returned yet. She had asked Steve and John to make sure Austen didn't come back for at least five minutes so she could tell Sam what she needed to. "Look, I'm beyond angry at you and Chloe. Especially Chloe, since I know she's the one who pressured you into it. And Austen isn't my friend anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. I want to see him happy, and you make him happy, but I swear to god, Sam, if you ever hurt him like that again-"

  "Okay, Adrianna, let's not bring violent threats into this!" Elias said quickly, cutting Adrianna off. Adrianna rolled her eyes and muttered out a quiet "fine."

  "My point is, don't hurt him again. Don't go near Chloe and I'll make sure she doesn't go near you. You're on the thinnest fucking ice, Sam, and I swear, if you break it, you're gonna fucking regret it. Even if I'm not here to make sure you get what you deserve, you will be punished," Adrianna finished. She glared at him before moving past him to go place the nightstand box in Austen's bedroom.

  "I'm not going to make that mistake again," Sam said, mostly to himself, though he knew that both Elias and Adrianna had heard him.

  "You better not make any mistakes this bad," Adrianna said from the other room. The conversation dropped and they were left in a silence.

  Moments later, Steve, John, and Austen had returned with boxes in their hands, mostly full of Austen's clothes and such. Sammy was behind them, carrying a second nightstand.

  "Thanks again, Mr. Lane," Austen said, putting down the box.

  "No, no, Boston, no need to thank me!" Sammy said, smiling widely. "You're my son's boyfriend and I love ya to death, kiddo, so I'm gonna treat you like you're my own. Can't wait for you to be my son-in-law one day, kid!"

  "Oh, uh, y-yeah," Austen stammered. "It's, uh, it's Austen."

  "Right, my bad, Dawson!" Sammy said.

  "Austen."

  "Yes, Allston."

  "Right," Austen nodded, giving up on correcting Sam's father. He was never going to get it right.

  "Well, boys, I've got to get to work, so I'll be heading out now," Sammy said, waving. "Love you, Sammy! See you later, Eliade and Allston!"

  "See you," Elias and Austen said, waving goodbye to Sam's dad. Once he left, Austen and Elias turned to face Sam.

  "Is he ever going to get our names right?" Elias asked. Sam shook his head.

  "Never," he answered. "Ever since Mom died... He's been like that. The only names he remembers that aren't his own are Mom's and mine."

  "Your mom died?" Adrianna asked.

  "Yeah, but it was a long time ago," Sam said, shrugging.

  "My mom's not doing so well," Adrianna said. "How do you cope with it?"

  "I didn't really understand what was going on because I was young," he answered. "I'm sorry."

  "It's alright," she responded.

  "Babe, you always have me if you need me, okay?" Elias said quietly to Adrianna, rubbing her back comfortingly. She nodded, wrapping her arms around his torso. He smiled. "You have big sparkling eyes."

  "We have the biggest sparkling eyes," the two said.

  Austen looked over at Elias, alarmed, as did Sam, recalling that Elias had said that the last words he'll hear from Adrianna, the words on his wrist. Both of their wrists. Elias had said they shared the same last words, the words on their wrists, they're going to die.

  "No, no, no," Austen began to mutter, panic rising in his chest. He was going to lose Elias or he was going to lose Adrianna or he was going to lo
se them both and he couldn't handle that. "Fuck, no, no, no!"

  Austen ran out of the living room and quickly into his bedroom, breathing heavily. He sat down in the corner of the room, bringing his knees to his chest.

  Both Sam and Elias quickly followed the natural blue, heading towards him slowly.

  "Aus, honey? Are you alright?" Sam asked him. He shook his head.

  "N-No, you- you, you and Adrianna..." Austen stammered, looking over at Elias, unable to catch his breath.

  "What about Adrianna and me?" Elias asked him, sitting down next to him. He shook his head quickly, the thoughts racing through his mind quickly.

  "No, no, no, Elias... Can't- C-Can't lose, Adrianna, you, no, no, no," Austen rambled quietly, rocking himself back and forth in an attempt to calm himself. "S-Soulmates... d-die."

  "What?" Elias asked, confused. Austen held up his wrist and pointed at the words.

  "S-soulmates," he said once more, jabbing his finger into the tattooed words on his wrist. "Die."

  "Soulmates die," Sam repeated. Austen nodded, grabbing his hand and lifting up his arm, pointing at his wrist.

  "Die," Austen whimpered. Elias looked down at the words on his wrist, realizing why Austen was panicking.

  "Oh, oh no," Elias said quietly. "Adrianna... Adrianna is... Going to die… Or I’m gonna die, oh my God."

  "I can't lose either of you," Austen cried. "I can't, I, I can't, I can't!"

  "I- Oh, god, Austen, oh my god," Elias said, his eyes widening in fear. Elias stood up and quickly ran back out to the living room, scanning for Adrianna, to only find Steve and John standing in confusion.

  Austen and Sam followed Elias out, hoping to see her face, but to their dismay - and Elias's - she was nowhere to be found.

  "Where is she?" Elias asked. "Where is Adrianna?!"

  "Going to work. Said she was going to be late," John said, looking over at Steve, silently asking him why Austen, Sam and Adrianna looked so worried.