Rules

by Doe, Anna B.

Finally, the elevator dings open. I can barely wait for everybody to get out before I push inside, pressing the button for the fourth floor.

  If it’s possible, it takes even longer to get to the ICU, the elevator stopping on every fucking floor. The people drag in and out like they’re on a picnic, making me want to scream in frustration.

  Gritting my teeth, I watch the floor numbers rise, and when that irritating ding rings and the door slides open, I dash out without a backward glance.

  “Sir, you can’t…” I can hear somebody yell down the hallway. “Sir!”

  I turn around in the direction of the voice, and as if on cue, I can see Andrew’s back disappearing around the corner, a short nurse running after him. When she realizes she won’t catch him, she turns around to the other nurse sitting at the station. “Call security.”

  Shit.

  “There is no need for that,” I interrupt as I come closer.

  They both take me in with weary eyes. Not that I can blame them; I’m sure that I look a mess and Andrew… well, he looks like he just got out of a bar fight and lost.

  “And you are?” the older one asks.

  “Maximillian Sanders. We’re here to see Jeanette Sanders. She was admitted earlier this evening.”

  She still doesn’t believe me—I’m not sure whether to be frustrated or impressed—because she asks, “I’ll have to see an ID, young man.”

  Groaning, I pull my wallet out of my back pocket, and slide out my ID, shoving it in her face. “See?” Happy now you old bat? is what I really want to ask, but somehow I hold it in. “Can I go and see my sister now?”

  She gives me my ID back, clearly not happy. “She’s in the last room down the hall. Family only.”

  I guess that last part refers to Andrew.

  “He’s family,” I grit out. No way in hell am I letting this old hag throw him out. Not if there is a possibility Jeanette might need him when she wakes up. She’s the only one who matters in this whole situation. The only one who can decide who stays and who leaves. And if she doesn’t want Andrew, I’ll throw him out myself.

  Not waiting for her answer, I turn on the balls of my feet and stalk away. I run down the hall, not caring about disturbing other patients. My breaths are frantic, heart beating rapidly in tune with my sneakers stomping against the tiles.

  The door is left ajar, and I can hear soft murmurs coming from inside. I stop in my tracks just as I reach the doorway.

  “Are they okay?”

  My eyes land on her small body sprawled on the white, too-big-for-her-slender-frame, clinical bed. I inhale loudly, the smell of antiseptic and sickness entering my lungs.

  “Anette,” I choke out, moving closer. Tears burn in my eyes. I have to blink a few times before I somewhat clear my vision enough to decipher the lines of her face. But what I see makes me choke up even more.

  I lift my hand, wanting to touch her, but not daring. She’s so patched up, I’m afraid even the lightest of touches will bring her pain.

  Her hair is a mess, dried blood glistening on the short strands under the fluorescent light. Her face is a palette of colors; different shades of purple and red color her skin in way of scrapes and bruises, and what’s not damaged is ashen white. They put a collar around her neck that prevents her from moving her head and possibly causing further injuries while one of her arms is in a cast and strapped over her chest for support.

  She looks broken and bruised, and I have never felt more helpless in my life.

  I curl my hand around the railing of the bed to stop myself from touching her.

  “What…” I stop, unable to hold it in. Rubbing my hand over my face, I wipe the moisture clouding my eyesight.

  You need to calm the fuck down. She needs you.

  My lungs expand as I take in one shaky breath. “Is she…”

  The sound of the door opening has me turning around, stopping me from asking anything.

  “Max, you’re here,” Dad says, entering the small room. I can hear the surprise in his voice as he looks between me and Andrew with curiosity.

  He looks like he’s aged ten years since I last saw him. There are wrinkles on his face that weren’t there this morning. His dark hair is a mess, and there are dark bags underneath his eyes that stand out against his fair skin.

  “Yeah.” I can see his curious glance in Andrew’s direction, so I offer an introduction. “Dad, this is Andrew. He’s one of my teammates.”

  Dad steps closer, offering his hand, but Andrew barely nods in acknowledgment before his full attention is back on Jeanette.

  “And Jeanette’s boyfriend,” he offers nonchalantly, as he grasps her hand in his.

  I’m not sure how he can do it. With all the machines and tubes that are connected to her and just the sight of her lying in the bed, I’m scared that if I just look at her for a second too long she’ll fall apart.

  “Oh.” Dad gives me a quick look. “I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.”

  I shrug. It’s not like Jeanette has been open with anybody about her dating status.

  “Has she woken up?” Andrew asks my dad.

  “Not a peep since she got here.”

  I close my eyes, letting the words sink in. How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? It feels like an eternity, but it couldn’t have been that long. If I could only hear her voice, see her open her eyes, even if just for a second… But my wishes are in vain, and she’s still sleeping. There is a mask covering her nose and mouth, helping her breathe.

  “What the hell happened, Dad?” I ask the question that’s been bothering me since I got the call. Nothing adds up. If Jeanette knew she was pregnant, she wouldn’t do anything reckless that would endanger her life. I know it just like I know the sky is blue and the grass is green. She wouldn’t risk her baby no matter what.

  I reach forward, gulping down hard before I let my finger graze her forehead slowly. It’s one of the rare spots on her body that’s left undamaged, but I’m still trying to be as tender as I can, brushing her hair away.

  “She lost control of her car. I tried to stop her, warn her not to drive. She’s not used to driving in the snow, but you know your sister… She was driving fast, and the roads were icy and slick. The other car came from the opposite direction, blinding her temporarily, and she started to slide. I guess she got scared, because she tried to brake, but the only thing it did was make her car spin off the road.”

  “That just doesn’t make any sense.” I shake my head, trying to push away the images of Jeanette rolling in the car. “Jeanette doesn’t drive fast. And she’s always nagging me about ditching my demon motorcycle.”

  A low moaning sound draws my attention, making me forget about the conversation. I open my eyes, looking down at Jeanette.

  Andrew’s already leaned down, looking intently at her face. “Princess?”

  “Anette,” I call softly, letting my conversation with Dad go for now. “Can you hear me?”

  Open your eyes, Anette. Just open your eyes, please.

  “Open your eyes, beautiful,” Andrew voices my words.

  Jeanette starts to stir, and I can see her eyes move behind her still-closed lids. My heart kicks up a notch, waiting. I want to reach for her hand, but Andrew is already holding her and I don’t want to overwhelm her, so I grasp the railing until the metal cuts into my damp skin.

  “Open those beautiful eyes for me, Princess,” Andrew pleads.

  There is so much emotion and vulnerability in his voice I almost don’t recognize it. It feels like the whole room is still as we wait for her to open her eyes. And then, after what feels like forever, they finally, fucking finally, flutter open. Almost as soon as we get a glimpse of those silver irises, they’re closed again, a frown forming between her brows. It takes her a few times, the bright light making it hard for her to adjust, but she doesn’t give up.

  The whole time, Andrew whispers soft words of encouragement, not for a second caring who might hear him and what they’re thinking.

 
“D-drew…” Her voice is raw and raspy. Her eyes are finally open, and she looks between the two of us with confusion written on her face.

  “Shhh…” He presses his finger against her lips, his eyes closing, head falling down. And then I see his shoulders shake. It’s just for a few seconds, a moment of weakness, but for the first time, I see it. I see the guy my sister has seen all this time. A guy she fell in love with, but more importantly, a guy who looks at her like she’s his whole world.

  “How do you feel?” I ask softly, giving Andrew a moment to compose himself.

  “L-like…” Her tone is a rough stutter, words spoken slowly. “L-like a… t-train ran me o-over.”

  Her statement throws me off a bit, but I don’t know why I’m surprised. This is Jeanette we’re talking about. A strangled laugh comes out of me as relief settles in.

  “Don’t joke like that,” Andrew scolds lightly. “Or I’ll have to tie you to me so I can keep my eyes on you at all times.”

  She rolls her eyes playfully. Her lips part, but no words come out. Her whole body goes still.

  “Jeanette?” I call, but she’s not looking at me. I’m not even sure if she can hear me. Her eyes are glued over the edge of the bed.

  Looking over my shoulder, I notice Dad standing close to the door and looking at us worriedly. He’s been so quiet, I almost forgot he’s with us in the room.

  “Y-you…”

  “Jeanette, I’m so…” he starts, but Jeanette cuts him off before he can even begin.

  “Out!” That one word is spoken so fiercely, with so much contempt and anger, it has me taking a step back. “G-get o-out.”

  I look between my dad and sister, not knowing what the fuck is happening. Dad shakes his head, crying. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him break like that in my life. Jeanette’s eyes are filled with tears too, but she holds them in, not backing down on her words.

  What the hell is happening here?

  “Dad?” I ask, confused. I stand stoic between the two of them, not knowing who to look at for an explanation, but I don’t get a chance to ask more, because Andrew’s hard stare connects with my fathers.

  “She wants you out, so get out.”

  I’m not sure who’s more surprised by his words, me or Dad. But Andrew Hill doesn’t give a fuck. What he wants he gets, and apparently, what Jeanette wants she’ll get too.

  Dad’s mouth gapes open. “Who do you think you are…”

  “You’re upsetting her and making it worse,” he grits through his teeth. I can see the anger flash on his face, but he does a good job of reining it in. “She’s been through enough. I won’t let you upset her anymore.” Then he turns back to Jeanette, giving her his whole attention. “I’ll call the nurse. They have to check you out.”

  Still in a state of shock at some fucked-up universe I just walked into, I watch Dad’s mouth close, lips pressing in a tight line. I expect him to protest and demand Andrew leave, but to my surprise, he actually does what Andrew said.

  Running my hand through my hair, I can hear Jeanette and Andrew whisper. The machines that are connected to my sister continue beeping, but it’s all just background noise to my raging thoughts. Nothing about this day adds up. Nothing.

  Turning around, I let my hands fall by my sides. “Jeanette, what…”

  But right in that moment, the doctor and nurse enter the room. Everything is a blur of events as they rush to Jeanette, checking her machines and firing questions at her. I pull back to the background watching them work as one nurse, the one from earlier, looks at me. “You boys have to leave so the doctor can check her out.”

  Giving Jeanette one last look, I nod and turn to leave. I expect Andrew to follow, but Jeanette’s voice stops us both. “S-stay.”

  “Princess…”

  “Miss Sanders…” the doctor starts, but Jeanette stops him, this time more determined. “I need you here with me. Stay.”

  Andrew. She needs Andrew, not me.

  The pang of jealousy is instant, but I push it back as I leave the room, slowly closing the door behind me.

  For as long as I can remember, Anette always asked for me. Monsters underneath the bed, heartache or just somebody to hug her and tell her everything will be okay. I was always the one she called. Not our mom. Not our dad. Me. I was her person.

  Not anymore.

  I always thought somehow we’d get better. That if we try hard enough, we’ll be who we once used to be, but now I realize I was fooling myself all this time. Jeanette and I… we’re not the same people we once were. As we grew up, we’ve grown apart. There are times when it hurts, knowing I’m not her person anymore. And although we’re slowly healing and learning the people we’ve grown to be, things will never be what they were. Andrew is now her person. So of course, she wants him to stay with her. He’s the father of her child, for God’s sake.

  Her child… The realization is like a punch to my gut. We never asked what happened to the baby.

  “Max,” Dad says, stopping in front of me and preventing me from having a full-on panic attack.

  “Dad,” I breathe out, my voice shaky as I try to tell myself everything will be okay. Then I remember everything that happened inside before the doctors came, so I concentrate on that instead. “What the hell happened in there? Why did Anette ask you to leave?”

  His throat bobs as he swallows, eyes looking everywhere but at me. “I told you already; it was an accident.”

  And Jeanette freaked like that over an accident? At him specifically?

  “It’s more than that, Dad. I know Jeanette. She wouldn’t throw you out of the room if…”

  “Dr. Sanders, I got the results…” A young nurse looks at me, her cheeks flushing. “I’m sorry; I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  “You didn’t interrupt anything,” Dad says sweetly while giving me a hard stare that clearly says to leave it alone. “Let me look at those…”

  I grit my teeth as I watch them leave.

  The door to Jeanette’s room is still closed, so I decide to sit down while I wait, pondering over the whole thing.

  Now more than ever, I know that he is hiding something, and whatever it is, I’ll figure it out. I’m sick of secrets and lies. Sick of pretending everything is okay when it clearly isn’t. Something happened between him and Jeanette, something that upset her enough to end in a car accident. And I’ll figure it out.

  I’m not sure how long I sit there before the door softly opens. Andrew walks out, and I take a step forward, but he closes the door behind him, preventing me from entering.

  “She’s sleeping,” he whispers as if he’s afraid of waking her. Giving one final look over his shoulder at the closed door, he walks around me and crashes in one of the plastic chairs I was just sitting in. He looks like a wreck. Dark hair a mess, his face a spectrum of colors, his cheek bruised and some dried blood clinging to the corner of his mouth.

  Sighing, I sit next to him, leaning my elbows against my knees.

  “What did the doctor say?”

  “The same thing as your old man. Bruises and scrapes should be gone soon, but it’ll take some time for her ribs and hand to heal. She’ll have to go to PT to get the full range of motion back. They gave her some pain meds that knocked her out pretty fast.”

  I nod my head. Both of us knew our fair share about bruises and broken bones from playing hockey for years. It all sounded pretty standard.

  “W-what…” I start, but my voice breaks from all the emotions I’ve been holding in. I have to clear my throat before even attempting to try again. “What about the baby?”

  Andrew’s whole body goes rigid next to me. I don’t have to look at him to know it. It’s in his every pore.

  “There is no baby.” His words are like a punch to my gut, leaving me breathless. If I weren’t already bent forward, I’m sure I’d double over from the impact.

  How is there no baby? What about the test?

  Andrew’s body crashes back into the chair, his head bumpin
g against the wall, but it’s like he doesn’t feel a thing. Numb. He’s completely numb.

  “W-what…?” I stutter, at a loss for words. It can’t be. “They must be wrong. The test…”

  “Can be a false positive, apparently,” he says dully, his impassive face looking at something on the wall.

  Fuck. There were two tests in that basket. One positive. One negative. But were they both hers? What if she… No. I shake my head.

  “Fuck, man. I’m sorry,” I say, but it seems like my words don’t register at all because his face is completely blank. What must he be thinking? Feeling? I feel completely empty, and it’s not even my baby we’re talking about.

  “I wanted it, you know.” His words are so soft, I can barely hear them. “I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t ready for it, but for a short while, it was real. That baby was real, and it was mine and Jeanette’s. And now it’s gone.” I stay speechless, just listening to him. There is nothing I can say that will make this whole situation any better, so I don’t even try.

  “She…” Andrew rubs his face. “Jeanette’s devastated. She thinks this was her one shot at having a baby, and she somehow ruined it.”

  I close my eyes, devastated. Hurt, pain, anger, and heartache that have been collecting inside me for a while grow to the point I can’t keep them inside much longer.

  I jump to my feet, feeling restless and on edge. I want to scream in frustration. I want to punch something so that this pain inside of me goes away, even if just for a little while, but then I catch sight of Andrew. My friend. My teammate. My twin’s world. Slumped in his seat, his body numb, face wiped of all emotions. Except for his eyes. Those eyes hide all the pain he’s trying to hold in so he can be the man Jeanette needs him to be.

  Without thinking, I pull him to his feet and into my arms.

  His body is rigid, hands by his side.

  “It’s nobody’s fault,” I tell him as I feel him relax. One by one, his walls start to fall. I can feel his shoulders shake. “I’m sorry man. So, so sorry.”

  I repeat those words over and over again as I hold him while he cries silent tears, mourning the loss of something that never existed.