Repossessed

by Morgana Best

“Sure,” I said absently. It suddenly dawned on me that along with the body could come the ghost. This would give me a good opportunity to question the victim as to who he thought murdered him.

  Angus was still talking. “I want him cremated. That’s cheaper, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it is,” I said. “You’re right. Now you just have to choose an urn for his ashes.”

  “I’m going to scatter his ashes on his garden,” he said. “I can’t take them back to Europe with me, and he liked flowers. I won’t need an urn.”

  “Then what will we use to hold his ashes?” I asked him.

  For the first time, I noticed he had two green shopping bags with him. He reached into one and pulled out an empty Vegemite jar. “Will this do?” He pushed it across the table.

  I was quite taken aback. “Sure, I suppose,” I said. “It’s certainly a first. Was your father fond of Vegemite?”

  “I have no idea. He was fond of women in his youth, but that’s as much as I know. Now, is that all?”

  I stood up. “Yes, but I’ll show you around the chapel before you leave.” When we arrived in the chapel, I added, “As it’s a plant, specifically a vegetable, themed funeral, we could put lots of vegetables around. It might look a bit cheesy, but a vegetable themed funeral might look a bit cheesy anyway,” I said to him.

  He yawned again. “Yes, whatever you think. Thank you.”

  The landline in my office rang. “I’ll be right back.”

  I hurried back to the office, but the phone stopped just as my fingers touched it. I rolled my eyes and headed back into the chapel. Angus was fast asleep and snoring in the most ghastly fashion, sounding like a freight train and making the whole seat shake.

  Chapter 14

  “Tom Trent’s ghost is a nasty piece of work,” Ernie said.

  “You can’t get anything out of him?”

  Ernie shook his head. “I can’t repeat what he said. It would make your hair stand on end! The censored version is that he’s not going to help us solve his murder. He doesn’t like your mother, Laurel, and he knows the police suspect her. He said he’d rather the police arrest your mother than catch the real perpetrator.”

  I scratched my head. “Why on earth would he say that?” I was entirely perplexed.

  “Beats me! You know, I’ve never met such an obnoxious spirit. Please hurry up and solve his murder so he can go on to the other side. He’s no fun at all, that one.”

  “But there’s a clue there, Ernie, don’t you see?” Ernie looked blank, so I added, “Perhaps he feels his murder was justified.”

  Ernie snorted rudely. “Or perhaps he simply didn’t like your mother.”

  I nodded slowly. “But what if it was one of the neighbours he’d tried to extort the fence money from? He might feel the murder was justified in that case.”

  “Are you quite mad?” Ernie said. “Murdered over a fence? No, it has to be something more than that.”

  “I think Laurel is onto something,” Basil said. I didn’t hear Ernie’s reply, because by then Basil and I had walked into my apartment and Ernie couldn’t get past the spiritual barricade I had placed at the door. We carried bags of ice to my bathtub.

  “This is a bad idea,” I said to Basil.

  “I agree with you,” he said, “but what else can we do? We can’t leave your mother in the mortuary cabinet because Janet will probably look in there. We can’t risk it. We’ll just have to keep Thelma on ice until Tom Trent’s funeral is over.”

  I shivered. I had the air-conditioning in the apartment turned down as cold as I could get it. The bathtub was full of ice. Basil and I had put more bags of ice in my kitchen sink and in my fridge, ready to dump on Mum when we brought her upstairs.

  “I’ll go and fetch her,” Basil said.

  “Will you be able to carry her up the stairs yourself?” I asked. “I don’t really want to look at her, but I will help you if you need it.”

  “I’ll wheel her on the trolley to the stairs, and I should be okay from there,” Basil said. “You go and make sure Janet doesn’t come early.”

  I hurried down the stairs and stood at the front door. “Ernie, can you go outside and let me know if you see a car coming?”

  Ernie nodded and floated through the wall. I leant back against the door, my heart beating out of my chest. This was an absolute nightmare. I had to keep mum’s body alive and on ice, and Janet would be here soon to prepare the body. I could not shake the most horrible feeling something was going to go wrong.

  When I heard the trolley coming, I clamped my hands firmly over my eyes. “I can’t look,” I called to Basil.

  “That’s all right. Keep your eyes shut until I come back down.” Basil’s tone was calm and reassuring.

  I heard the trolley stop, and I heard Basil’s feet go up the stairs. I took my hand away from my eyes in time to see Ernie floating through the wall. “Janet’s on her way,” he announced with a flourish.

  I hurried over to the apartment door. “Basil, Janet’s coming. Can you hear me?”

  “Yes, I’ll be down as soon as I finish.”

  “I’ll take the trolley back!” I yelled. I pushed the trolley back to the preparation room as fast as I could and then sprinted back to the door. I made it with seconds to spare.

  “Laurel? You look breathless. Have you been working out?”

  “Yes, I’ve been running up and down the corridor to try to lose weight,” I said for a joke.

  “It’s not working yet.” Janet pushed past me. Janet had the most unfortunate problem in that she always said what she thought. She didn’t mean to be unkind, so I tried not to be offended.

  “You don’t have to do a fabulous job on Tom Trent, because he’s going to be cremated,” I told her.

  She looked at me, aghast. “But Laurel, you know I always have to make my clients look wonderful, and this time I don’t have much time. Why you didn’t let me come last night to work on him is beyond me.”

  I had no ready reply. Instead, I waved her on. “Yes, you’re right, you don’t have much time. No time like the present.” I made shooing motions with my hands.

  Janet hurried away from me. I sprinted to my apartment and locked the door behind me. I took the steps two at a time. Basil was walking away from the direction of my bathroom. “Okay, your mother is all settled in.”

  “How did she look?” I said. “Did she look all right?”

  Basil frowned. “Laurel, she’s dead.”

  “Yes, but is she okay? I mean for a dead person. She doesn’t look damaged or anything?”

  Basil continued to frown. “She looks very well for a dead person. Don’t you worry about anything. We just have to keep her on ice and hope this funeral doesn’t last too long so we can get her back to the mortuary cabinet. And hopefully, Dylan will soon be relaxed enough so your mother’s spirit can return to his body.”

  “Yes, I wonder why that hasn’t happened yet?” I said. My hand flew to my throat. “Basil, what if Ernie was wrong? What if my mother really is dead as in fully dead, never to be undead? Permanently dead? For real?”

  Basil put his arm around me and drew me close. “No, Laurel, I’m sure Ernie’s right. We do know for certain that your mother’s spirit possessed Dylan. Ernie was right about that, so it stands to reason he was right about the rest of it as well.”

  I rubbed my eyes with my left hand. “Okay, I suppose that makes sense.” I walked over to my oil diffuser and sniffed it deeply.

  “What are you doing?”

  I swung around. “I’m stressed. I put a lot of lavender essential oil in my diffuser so the smell can calm me.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I had better get the funeral ready. Anyway, thanks for everything as usual, Basil.”

  He bent down and kissed my forehead. “I’ll get back to work. Don’t lose your new phone. Call me about half an hour before you think you’ll be ready for me, so I can get here in a timely fashion and take your mother back downstairs.”

  I
thanked him again. As soon as he left, I wasted no time putting the finishing touches on the chapel. I had arranged baskets of vegetables around the room. Angus had been conspicuous by his absence. I had hoped he would bring some vegetables—or do something, anything, to contribute to the decorating. I was somewhat irritated that he hadn’t bothered.

  No flowers had been delivered, so I had cut branches off the two tibouchina trees outside as well as other flowering shrubs and placed the flowing branches all around the room. I had raided mum’s garden and put large vases of flowers all around the room.

  When Janet wheeled the coffin out, she helped me arrange native flowers on top of it: bottlebrushes, wattles, lily pillies, and the long golden flowers of the Desert Flame. I stood back to admire our handiwork.

  “Don’t you think it’s strange?” Janet asked me.

  “What? That the victim’s son wanted a plant-themed funeral?”

  “Yes, considering his father was killed by plants.”

  I tapped my chin. “You know, I didn’t even think of that. Well, he wasn’t killed by vegetables, and it’s not as if we put vases of wolfsbane around the chapel.”

  “That’s a shame as it’s such a pretty flower,” Janet said. “I grow it. Maybe I could go and fetch some of it.”

  “Maybe that’s not such a good idea,” I said, making a mental note to keep on her good side, and wondering what I would do if she insisted. Luckily, she did not.

  “I doubt many people will attend Tom Trent’s funeral,” she said.

  “Yes, I haven’t found anyone who has a good word to say about him yet.”

  Janet readily agreed. “Although he probably has enough illegitimate children to fill the town.”

  “Illegitimate children?” I said. “What makes you say that?”

  Janet rolled her eyes and sighed. “Honestly, Laurel, put two and two together!” She chuckled. “Tom had quite the reputation back in the day. He even dated my mother at one point. He dated most of the women in town except probably your mother, Laurel. I mean, who would want to date her?” She pulled a face. “He dated married women too. I really wouldn’t be surprised if he has plenty of illegitimate children in the town.”

  “Then maybe they don’t know he’s their real father,” I said.

  “Perhaps, because he mostly had affairs with married women.”

  “So whatever happened to his wife?”

  Janet raised her eyebrows. “What? No, he was never married. My mother told me he said he’d never get married.”

  “I hope someone turns up for the funeral then, apart from you and me and his son.”

  Janet chuckled. “There’s Pastor Green as well, and people from the church.”

  “Oh yes, the church people,” I said. I had forgotten that people from the Birds of Pray Church would come even if they couldn’t stand Tom. That meant Ian would come, and the ghastly John Jones who had taken a liking to me. It was most certainly not mutual. However, Janet for some inexplicable reason seemed to have a crush on John Jones.

  Right on cue as if she knew what I was thinking, Janet said, “I expect John Jones will come.”

  “I expect he will,” I said without any enthusiasm.

  Janet checked her watch. “Pastor Green should be here any minute.”

  I walked to the front door and sure enough, Pastor Green was heading across from the parking area. He was dressed in colours of brown and green and was wearing a hat with twigs sticking out of it and was clutching a potato. I chuckled. “Thanks so much for coming as a plant,” I said.

  “I did go to the costume shop, but they said they’d all sold out,” he said. “This was the best I could do.”

  “It’s awfully nice of you to go along with all these themed funerals.”

  He smiled widely and stepped inside. Janet walked over to him. “Is John Jones coming?”

  “Yes, several people are coming. I was hoping to get here earlier to get things sorted out, but I was delayed. They shouldn’t be far behind me.”

  Janet continued to chat to Pastor Green while I walked to stand at the door. Angus was the next to arrive. He was dressed as a giant cucumber. At least, that’s what I thought it was. “Nice costume,” I lied.

  He took my hand and pumped it enthusiastically. “Thank you.”

  I waved my hand in the direction of the chapel. “Pastor Green is already there. Why don’t you go in and discuss things with him?”

  Angus scowled at me and strolled away. Ian arrived with John Jones and Dylan. Ian was wearing a flowerpot on his head with a stalk sticking out of the top, and Dylan was wearing one of my mother’s hats, which he had made into a toadstool or a mushroom. I wasn’t quite sure which. It was round at least. John Jones was dressed in a sensible suit and was clutching a bouquet of cherry tomatoes.

  “Laurel, I see you’re not dressed as a plant,” he greeted me.

  “And nor are you, John,” I said, pointing out the obvious.

  He winked at me. I shuddered.

  “Please go in,” I said. “The service is about to start.”

  Some more people trickled in, people I recognised from the prayer meeting the other night. Some people carried bunches of herbs, while others had made hats with plants adorning them. Others were dressed in costumes from the local costume shop, sporting costumes such as peas, pickles, and onions.

  I waited at the front door until I could hear the service starting. With everyone safely in the chapel, I thought I should check on Mum. I wasn’t going to look at her face, but I wanted to tip some more ice over her in the bathtub.

  I walked up the stairs and flipped on the coffee machine. I thought I might as well wait up here while the service was proceeding and have a quick coffee before slipping back down to wait at the back of the chapel. I fetched a bag of ice from the kitchen sink and walked into the bathroom. I could see mum’s feet, so I put one hand over my eyes and edged closer to her. I opened the bag and tipped the ice up and down, keeping my eyes firmly on her feet.

  A bloodcurdling scream pierced the air. I spun around. There was John Jones, as white as a ghost.

  “Laurel! Your mother is dead!” He put his hands to his head and screamed again. “You killed her!”

  Chapter 15

  John Jones stood in the doorway, transfixed in horror, his face pale, his hands raised skyward. “Your mother!” he screamed again. “She’s not in rehab! She’s dead!”

  “That’s not my mother. That’s her twin sister, and you’re embarrassing her. Out of the bathroom now!” I injected as much authority into my voice as I could muster.

  John Jones just stood there, so I pushed him out of the bathroom and shut the door behind us.

  I thought fast and said the first thing that came to my mind. “That’s my mother’s twin sister. She’s here having a beauty treatment. Ice is good for beauty therapy. And John, how dare you burst into my private apartment and into my private bathroom! What if my aunt had been naked?”

  Going on the offensive seemed to do the trick. “Um, err, I called out to you, but you didn’t hear me so I followed you,” he sputtered.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “This is my apartment, John, my private apartment. You have no right to enter a lady’s residence without her permission, much less go to her bathroom. Why, what must my poor aunt think?”

  “She did look frozen in shock,” he admitted.

  If only he knew. “Thankfully, she insisted on taking the ice treatment with her clothes on,” I said.

  I moved John into the living room, as far away from the bathroom as I could manage. “But Thelma said she doesn’t have a sister.” John Jones shot me an accusatory look.

  “Of course she has a sister,” I scoffed, pointing to the bathroom. “You saw her for yourself.”

  He jutted out his bottom lip. “Then why did Thelma tell me she didn’t have a sister?”

  “She’s embarrassed about her sister,” I said. “Her sister is…” My voice trailed away. I tried to think of something that wou
ld embarrass my mother. There should be a plethora of things, but under the stress of the moment, my mind went blank. After an interval, I added, “I’m too embarrassed to tell you.”

  John Jones narrowed his eyes and then said, “Does her sister listen to rock music?”

  “That’s it!” I said with relief. “But please don’t tell anybody. My mother is quite distressed about it.”

  He nodded slowly. “No wonder Thelma was too scared to tell me.”

  “Aunt Louise came here to have a quiet time, and I don’t want the police to know she’s here. They’ve been giving us all the third-degree about Mum. If the detectives know Aunt Louise is here, they’ll take her in for questioning.”

  “The police questioned me too,” John said.

  “Yes, and I don’t want them to upset my aunt. Please don’t tell the police that Aunt Louise is staying with me. Will you give me your word?”

  John’s demeanour changed, and he shot me a judgemental look. “You know I can’t lie, Laurel. Liars don’t inherit the Kingdom of God.”

  “Neither, I’m sure, do people who invade a lady’s privacy! Okay then, let’s make a deal. If the police ask you if my mother’s sister, Louise, is staying with me, then feel free to tell them that she is. But if they don’t specifically ask you that, you won’t volunteer the information. Do we have a deal?”

  John rubbed his eyes with both hands but then said, “I think that’s all right.”

  “And you can’t tell Ian either. It will have to be our little secret, John.”

  John shot me a sickening smile. I thought I would throw up.

  “I like having secrets with you, Laurel.”

  I put my hands on my hips. “Never enter my apartment again without my permission. Do you understand, John?”

  He nodded but did not appear the slightest bit apologetic.

  “Anyway, why did you come here? Why did you want to speak with me?”

  “I wanted to ask if you were still dating Basil.”

  I was furious. “Yes John, I’m still dating Basil. Now please leave my apartment at once.”

  John hurried back down the stairs. I followed him and made sure I locked the apartment door this time. I slumped onto the steps and put my head in my hands.