by Marika Ray
“What’s this business in the paper?”
I cleared my throat. “Well, to be honest, sir. It’s none of your business or anyone else’s. Nor is it something that will affect my business.”
He made an odd noise while I held my breath. “See to it that it doesn’t. I just vouched for you to the city council. I’d hate to have to rescind my support.”
I tilted my head at the thinly veiled threat. “Understood. Plans for the urgent care are still on target, so no need to worry.”
He harrumphed and hung up.
I stared at my phone for a minute before putting it down on my desk and rubbing my forehead. I guess that’s what I got for opening a clinic in a small town. They were notorious for being up in people’s business and turns out Auburn Hill was no different.
My doorbell rang. I wanted to bang my head against my desk. What now? A visit from Poppy wanting to get the inside scoop? I shoved back from the desk and went to the door, practicing a response that was kind yet gave nothing personal away.
I swung the door open to find Charlie standing on my doorstep, his worn jeans molded to his thighs, his faded green T-shirt straining the boundaries of cotton and thread. And that face I’d stared at just this morning, no longer still and peaceful. His eyebrows drew together, and he didn’t look happy.
“Charlie,” I started.
He stepped forward, and I stepped back. His jaw tightened, but he came through the door anyway, shutting it and backing me up against it, a heated couple of inches between us.
“Why’d you leave?”
I pulled myself up tall and answered him truthfully. He deserved that, at least. “I need to get back to running my business, not becoming the highlight of the gossip paper.”
He looked down for a second and then back up at me, his blue eyes missing that normal sparkle. “You saw the paper.” It was a statement, not a question. “So, last night…”
“Was just a one-time thing,” I rushed to finish. “Charlie, I have a business to run and I can’t be distracted.”
He winced and my stomach clenched. “Why would being with me be a distraction?”
I blew out an angry breath. I didn’t want to get into all this. “It just is, Charlie. Trust me.” He was too close and I couldn’t breathe. I pushed his chest, but he wouldn’t back up and give me the space I needed.
His face flushed red. “You want me to trust you? I let you stitch me up when I barely knew you. You’ve been living in my house. How about the fact I told you everything about my nightmares last night? All that wasn’t placing enough trust in you? What about you, Finnie? Do you even trust me a little bit? Have you told me anything about you? What makes you spun so tight you can barely let loose? Why is smiling so hard for you? I trust you, Finnie. It’s you who doesn’t trust me.”
It was too much. Everything he was saying was true and cut too close to home. Charlie appeared like he didn’t have a care in the world and yet I was finding him to be the deepest soul I’d ever met who saw more than he let on. And I didn’t care for that one bit.
“I don’t have to tell you anything.”
Charlie’s face cleared in an instant and he was back to looking calm. I envied his ability to do that without counting to ten on an endless loop like me. “That’s true. But do me the favor of telling me just one thing before I leave you alone.”
I nodded quickly, hoping I could answer, and he’d go away.
“Why are you scared to open your heart to me?” he whispered, his thumb coming up to sweep across my cheek.
Hot tears hit the back of my eyes and I blinked hard. I inhaled deeply, but it didn’t give me courage. It simply made me yearn for an alternate version of this universe where I could trust Charlie. Where I could pour my heart out to him and he’d embrace me. One where people said what they meant and never turned on you. One where I could rest easy that I had a partner in life. Through thick and thin.
My chest squeezed, and the dam broke, a tear sliding down my face and wrapping around his thumb.
“Because,” I started, my voice wobbling. “Because I’ve trusted the wrong people before and it’s literally meant life or death and it ruined my career. I can’t do that again. I won’t do that again.”
Charlie’s eyes softened even more. “Who let you down?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and begged the universe for help. When none came, I knew I was on my own. Looking back at Charlie, I decided to unload, just this once. “I’ll tell you, but then I never want to talk about it again, okay?”
He nodded.
“I was dating a doctor at the hospital where I worked. We were both ER docs and everything about that line of work is high stress. It was nice to date someone who understood the rigors of the job and the weird hours. I felt like we really had something. But that all changed one night when we were both working on the same patient who came in with a gunshot wound. He coded, we pushed the usual meds, but we didn’t know he had taken some medication earlier that didn’t mix with what we gave him. He died, Charlie. And turns out he was the son of an important Congressman. So, the administration started looking into it and the doctor I was dating got worried. We followed protocol, though. Had there been time to do a blood test, that would have been ideal, but there wasn’t. The guy was gone. We had to try resuscitating that second. Well, my boyfriend decided to turn on me, telling the administration that he’d wanted to wait for the blood results, but I’d overridden him and pushed the IV meds.”
Charlie’s hand tightened on my face, his jaw clenched tight. “Bastard.”
I nodded, that old flare of anger feeling more like defeat. “Yeah. Eventually, the investigation showed we did everything right, but there were rumors that my relationship with the other doctor affected my decision making. I’ve learned that sometimes rumors can be more damaging than the truth, Charlie.”
I let my statement hang there. He would read between the lines and understand why I couldn’t be mixed up with him. Too much was at stake. His thumb swept across my cheek, over and over, while his blue-eyed gaze never left mine.
“You know his death wasn’t your fault, right?”
“You know your brother’s death wasn’t your fault, right?” I asked him back.
And there it was.
The truth at the heart of this matter.
We both knew those deaths weren’t our fault and yet we couldn’t seem to move past them. Couldn’t navigate a world in which their deaths hadn’t changed each of us. Irrevocably. Permanently.
I couldn’t seem to snap out of my funk. The normal coffee shop sounds of chatter and plates clinking on tables hit my ears, but only as background noise to reliving that conversation with Charlie over and over again. I couldn’t believe I’d told him about my past. It wasn’t something I ever discussed due to the shame I felt. The fact that I’d told him the horrible story meant he was worming his way into my life far more than I was comfortable with.
I could only hope that he understood me now.
Understood why anything happening between us had to stop. Immediately.
The latte I’d splurged on in my emotional state tasted far more bitter than I knew it normally should be. Instead of wallowing in my house after Charlie left, I’d thrown my laptop and business plan in my work bag and sped over to Coffee to get some work done. I’d only visited the coffee shop in downtown a couple of times before, noticing they didn’t mind people camping out with their laptops plugged into the wall chargers. I was hiding from Charlie and I knew it.
“Charlie’s what the kids would call BDE.” An old woman at the table next to me talked to her companion, drawing my attention at her mention of Charlie.
My Charlie, probably. How many Charlies could there be in a tiny town?
“I don’t even know what that means, Yedda. Listen, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the man, but you gotta admit. He has a few screws loose. You know what I mean?”
The woman with a bosom full of dropped muffin crumbs and rudd
y cheeks answered this Yedda lady, a little too loudly if you asked me. What did she mean? Was she saying Charlie was crazy? I suddenly flashed back to a comment Charlie made about having a nickname in this town. A tiny flame of anger burned in my gut at these two ladies talking about Charlie like he wasn’t the nicest man I’d ever met. Annoyingly positive, sure. But a good person who didn’t deserve to be gossiped about.
“Sometimes the crazy ones make the best lovers, Polly. You combine the BDE with the crazy, you just might have spectacular.”
If she only knew how good Charlie was in bed, she’d double down on that theory. I sat up straighter and strained to catch every word. How dare they talk about Charlie like that? He wasn’t crazy. He was the most sane person I’d met, despite the oils and sage and disgusting green juice.
“I think it’s fabulous he found a girl, but what do we know about her? Doesn’t seem like a medical doctor should be dating the town artsy fartsy weirdo,” Polly added dryly.
That anger bubbled up, nearly choking me. Nobody called Charlie a weirdo but me. They probably didn’t even know him. They saw his easy smile, his penchant for being half naked and drinking moonshine in the middle of the night, and assumed he was crazy. He had more depths than the blue ocean just down the street. How dare they assume that I was better than him simply because I was a doctor?
“Even doctors can sense the BDE,” Yedda said with a wink.
Polly slapped her thick arm down on the table. “What the hell is this BDE you speak of?”
“Big Dick Energy,” I snapped, the same time Yedda said it in a whisper-shout.
Two heads swiveled my direction, Yedda smiling and Polly frowning.
“Sorry. I couldn’t help but overhear.” I wasn’t sorry. They spoke at nearly shouting volume, so they should expect some eavesdropping. Maybe next time they wanted a private conversation they’d turn up their hearing aids. “Are you talking about Charlie Boldt?”
“Yes, dear. He’s a woodworker here in town. In fact, he made that beautiful counter over there.” Yedda pointed behind her to the single slab of live edge redwood that set the entire ambiance for the shop.
It was a piece of art, just like all of Charlie’s creations. My heart swelled in my chest, swirling with the anger I felt toward these busy bodies who dared to belittle him.
“Wait a second. Aren’t you—” Polly started, her eyes squeezed down to slits as she scanned me from head to toe.
I pushed back my chair and stood, no longer able to remain in their company. “Yes, I’m Doctor Finnie Dorado. And Charlie is a good man who is so far from crazy you’d have to pull your heads out of your asses to see it. Maybe you should get to know the person before you gossip about them behind their back.”
Only then did I realize the entire coffee shop had gone silent. A quick scan showed all eyes on me and my outburst. Well fuck a duck, that was one way to make friends in a new town. I snapped my mouth shut and hurried to grab my things. I put the loaded work bag on my shoulder and marched toward the door with my head held high. I may have just imploded my business in a single twenty-four-hour period, but I wouldn’t stand for anyone making fun of Charlie when he was the most decent human I’d ever come across. He didn’t deserve that.
“You tell ‘em, girl,” Poppy said with a wink, holding the door for me in her work uniform, the mail in her hand long forgotten as she watched me tell off the whole town.
11
Charlie
The outdoor lights flickered on, the first thing to grab my attention outside of the project I was working on since I left Finnie’s place early this morning. When I couldn’t escape the thoughts spinning through my brain or the feelings crushing my lungs, I always hit my workshop and dove into a project. It gave me an outlet for my energy and forced me to focus when working on the power tools. The monotony of sanding or staining gave me time to sort through my thoughts and feelings, while figuring out how to proceed.
Some people meditated. I worked with wood.
Everything had been a rollercoaster the second Finnie showed up in her fucking alpaca pajamas. I’d cut myself wide open and had a new roommate who turned me on as much as she pissed me off. It’s like I now lived for her snappy comebacks and the way she lifted her nose in the air when she didn’t agree with me. Her counting to ten had to be the most adorable thing I’d ever seen. The town had nicknamed me Crazy Charlie, but I never thought it was true until now when I found myself crazy in love with a woman who didn’t even want me.
Last night had been amazing. Well, the nightmare wasn’t, but then the way Finnie sat and talked with me had been everything I needed to soothe something deep inside me. And then I’d been deep inside her and everything came together. Like all the shit I’d gone through had been worth it to get right there in that bed with her staring up at me with those wide hazel eyes. I’d slept through the night like I hadn’t in years.
And then I’d woken up alone. All the abandonment issues I had came rushing back, stomping out the hope that had flared to life in my veins from her touch. I’d been angry when I went to her house, and even the whining from Chester hadn’t calmed me down. I’d planned to tell her off, absolutely sick of her hot and cold treatment.
Then I found out she was just as damaged as I was.
That doctor that had screwed her over? Was now screwing me over. Because until she let go of all that guilt and shame, she’d never trust me. Not fully. And I couldn’t be with her unless we were both all in. My own demons wouldn’t rest if there was any doubt between us.
She’d made herself clear, and I would respect her boundary. Until she came to me and said she wanted to give things a try, I’d let her be. It might kill me, but I’d survived worse.
I laid the last board down on the worktable as the sun began to set and picked up my phone to call Titus.
“Hey man, you got time tomorrow to help me for an hour?” I swept the man glitter out of my hair and off my chest, a small smile at the reminder of Finnie. I doubt I’d ever call it sawdust again.
“Yeah, I don’t start on Finnie’s place until later when the drywall comes in. Whatcha need?” Titus asked.
A smile hit my face at his readiness to help me. I may be the town crazy, but I had some friends when I needed them. “I have a wall to build and my thumb’s not quite healed enough to do it alone.”
“No problem. I’ll be there at seven with donuts and coffee.”
“Thanks, man.”
I rose before the sun the next day, lining up all the boards on the ground outside my workshop in preparation for Titus’s help. I hadn’t slept well by myself—again—but that was no surprise. Green juice and coffee would keep me going. Chester darted around, excited to be working outside today. He kept stopping to sit, his tail sweeping the pine needles on the ground as he stared at Finnie’s house.
“She’s got her own life, Chester boy.” That pit in my stomach was back. It was one thing for me to be lonely, but to see my dog miss Finnie too? Fuckin’ heartbreaking.
Chester whined and continued to stare like his intensity alone could make her come back. Shit, if that worked, I’d try it too.
A truck engine rumbling up my long driveway had me turning. Titus leaned out the window and waved with enthusiasm, his mullet longer than the last time I’d seen him. I cracked a smile and lifted a hand.
“I’m stoked to see what monstrosity we’re putting together now.” Titus slammed his truck door and ambled over, his tool belt in one hand, a box of donuts in the other. “Can’t build without sugar. It’s a known fact.” He thrust the box at me and though I knew it wasn’t even close to being in the realm of healthy, I took a chocolate glazed.
He mowed two sugar glazed and a jelly filled before rubbing his belly and putting on the tool belt. “Okay. I’m properly motivated. Let’s do this.”
I just shook my head at him and explained what we were doing. We got to work and had the first panel up when Finnie’s front door opened and she walked out. I froze, my gaze tra
cing over her black pants, high heels, and blue blouse. Her hair was up in a sharp ponytail and I wanted to tug it free immediately. She threw her stuffed work bag in the car and headed out, not once glancing in the direction of my house.
“Ah, so the rumor’s true, huh?” Titus was looking at me with a cheesy grin on his face.
I quickly got back to work, ignoring him while I tried to come up with something to say that wouldn’t stir the rumor mill, but also explain we weren’t nothing to each other either. I didn’t have many friends, but I knew lying wasn’t right.
“Her asshole is puckered tight, but she’s got a soft heart under there somewhere. I just have to tease it out and get her to fully trust me,” I finally said, lifting another post into place.
Titus snickered. “Sounds like she’ll fit right in with the women of Hell.”
I raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t explain further. Sounded like Titus had his own woman issues, which was surprising. From where I was standing, he’d dated every female in Hell under the age of forty already.
We got back to work and burned off those donuts. By the time lunchtime hit and our stomachs were letting us know exactly what time it was, we were done.
“Thanks, man. I couldn’t have done this without you. I owe you one.” I reached out to shake Titus’s hand.
He shook it and then pulled me into a quick hug, slapping me on the back.
“Anytime, dude.” His expression got serious. “I really hope it works out for you.”
Me too, buddy, me too.
I’d gotten cleaned up, putting on my best jeans and a T-shirt that didn’t have holes or man glitter all over it. I didn’t know when Finnie would be home from her clinic, but I had every intention of speaking my piece. Then I’d promised myself to leave her alone. The porch to her front house was quite inviting, the Adirondack chair more comfortable than it looked. I’d almost dozed off when I heard the squeak of her brakes as she pulled up the drive.
