Forever Amber

by Kathleen Winsor

  Its courts and alleys were crowded with beggars and thieves, murderers and whores and debtors, a wild desperate rabble who lived in a constant internecine warfare but who invariably banded together to beat off any attempted intrusion by constable or bailiff. Children swarmed everywhere—almost as numerous as the dogs and pigs—starving little dwarfs with sunken eyes and husky high-pitched voices. Amber shuddered at the sight of them and looked swiftly away for fear her own baby would be marked before birth because she had seen them. She felt that living here she had left the world—the only world that mattered to her, the world where she might see Lord Carlton again.

  It was Michael Godfrey, hired by Mother Red-Cap to teach her to speak as a London Lady of quality should, who gave her glimpses back into that life toward which her heart yearned.

  He was a student at the Middle Temple where sons of many of England's wealthy families were to be found, supposedly acquiring a liberal education and learning how to manage their estates and preside at the sessions when they came into their property. Most of them, however, spent more time in taverns than they did in the class-room and more money on women than on books. Like many of the others, Michael had sometimes ventured into the Friars, impelled by curiosity and a desire to see how the wicked lived and looked. And also like many others, when his mode of living had far outrun his allowance and he found himself embarrassed with debts, he had come to borrow and thus he had made the acquaintance of Mother Red-Cap, the fabled witch-woman of the Sanctuary. Within a fortnight after Amber's arrival he had been engaged as her tutor.

  He was just twenty years old, of medium height and size, with light-brown-curling hair and blue eyes. His father was a knight with property in Kent and money enough to give his son all the customary advantages of his class: Michael had gone to Westminster School to learn Latin and Greek. At sixteen, the usual age for entering college, he had been sent to Oxford to master Greek and Roman literature, history, philosophy, and mathematics. That was supposed to be accomplished in three years, for too much education was not considered good for a gentleman, and a year ago he had enrolled in the Middle Temple. Two years or so there and he would go on his tour abroad.

  While the rain dripped unceasingly—for the mild winter had been followed by weeks of wet—he and Amber would sit beside the fireplace in the parlour drinking hot-spiced buttered ale and talking. She was an eager and enthusiastic listener, appreciative of his jests, fascinated by the things he did and saw and heard.

  She would laugh delightedly to hear of how he and his friends, "somewhat disguised" as the gallants liked to say when they had been drunk, had knocked over a watchman's stand where the old man sat sleeping, serenaded a bawdy-house in Whetstone Park and broken all the windows, and finally stripped naked a woman they met returning home late with her husband. Bands of young aristocrats scoured about the town every night, boisterous and destructive, the terror of all quiet peaceable citizens, who would as soon have been set upon by cutthroats or thieves. But Michael recounted his exploits with a zestful freshness and relish which made them seem the most harmless innocent childish pranks.

  He told her that for the past three or four months women had been appearing on the London stage and were now in every play, overpainted, daringly-dressed young sluts, some of them already taken by the nobles as mistresses. He told her of seeing the rotten bodies of Cromwell and Ireton and Bradshaw pulled out of their graves and hanged in chains at Tyburn, and of how their pickled heads were now stuck atop poles on Westminster Hall and chunks of their carcasses exposed on pikes over the seven City gates. And he told her about the plans for his Majesty's coronation which was to take place in April and was to be the most magnificent in the history of the British throne; he promised to describe for her every robe, every jewel, every word spoken and gesture made, after he had seen it.

  Meanwhile she was losing the remnants of her country accent. Her ear was alert and her memory retentive, mimicry was natural to her and she had a passionate eagerness to learn. She stopped pronouncing power as pawer and yeo as yeow. She gave up both Gemini and Uds Lud and learned some more fashionable oaths. He taught her all the correct ways of making and receiving introductions, a few French phrases and words, that it was the mode to pronounce certain as sartin and servant as sarvant. Vulgarity was high-fashion at Whitehall and pungent words of one syllable interlarded the conversation of most lords and ladies. Amber absorbed all of it, and with it the cant of Alsatia.

  Michael Godfrey, who was already sure he loved her, wanted to know her real name, who she was, and where she came from. She refused to tell him the truth but she embroidered upon her story to Sally Goodman and he accepted her for what she said she was: a country heiress run away from home with a man her family disliked, and now deserted by him. He was very sympathetic, indignant that a woman of her gentle breeding should have to live in such surroundings, and offered to get in touch with her family. But Amber shied away from that and assured him that they would never come to her aid in such a place as Whitefriars.

  "Then come with me," he said. "I'll take care of you."

  "Thanks, Michael, I wish I could. But I can't—not till I've laid-in, anyway. Lord, wouldn't it be a pretty fetch if I fell into labour in your quarters! You'd be turned out in a trice!"

  They both laughed. "They've threatened me a dozen times. Mend your ways, sirrah, or out you go!" He drew down his brows and bellowed dramatically. Then all at once he leaned forward and took her hand. "But please—afterward—will you go with me then?"

  "There's nothing I'd like better. But what about the constables? If they caught me I'd have to go back to Newgate." Michael lived on an allowance which did not cover his own expenses; he could never pay her debt.

  "They won't catch you. I'll see to that. I'll keep you safe—"

  Amber woke early in the morning on the 5th of April, conscious of a dull prodding ache in her back. She turned over to make herself more comfortable and then suddenly she realized what it was. She gave Black Jack a poke.

  "Black Jack! Wake up! Go tell Mother Red-Cap it's started! Send for the midwife!"

  "What?"

  He grumbled sleepily, not wishing to be disturbed. But when she shook him—frantic, for she had heard of babies being born and no preparation made for them—he woke up, stared at her for a surprised instant, and quickly began to get into his clothes.

  Mother Red-Cap came to see her and then went out on her perpetual round of business, confident that nothing would happen for several hours. The midwife arrived with her two helpers, made an examination and sat down to wait. Bess Columbine looked in once but was sent away, for there was a strong superstition that the presence of one whom the labouring woman disliked would impede the progress of birth. But Black Jack, though he poured sweat and seemed to suffer at least as much as she did, remained with her constantly, drinking one glass of brandy after another.

  At last, about four o'clock in the afternoon, the baby's head began to appear, like a red wrinkled apple, and a few minutes later a boy was born. Amber lay in exhausted collapse on the bed. unable to feel anything but relief.

  She was disappointed in the baby for he was long and thin and red and gave scant promise that he would ever resemble his handsome father, though Mother Red-Cap assured her that he would be very pretty in a month or two. But now his tiny face was screwed up in a continuous squall, for he was hungry. Amber had assumed that she would nurse him herself— in the country, women did not expect to look like virgins once they were married—but Mother Red-Cap was horrified at such a thought and told her that no lady of fashion would think of spoiling her figure. A wet-nurse would be found instead. Amber's vanity needed no urging and she agreed readily, but while they interviewed applicants the baby starved.

  It took four days to find the woman who answered to Mother Red-Cap's exacting demands, but after that he was quiet and content and slept most of the time, in his cradle beside Amber's bed. She felt a passionate tenderness for him, far greater than she had ever expecte
d or believed possible. Even so, she hoped that she would never have another baby.

  She recuperated rapidly and by the time the wet-nurse arrived she was sitting up in bed, propped against pillows and wearing one of Black Jack's shirts, for that was supposed to cause the milk in the breasts to dry quickly. Michael Godfrey came to visit her and brought the baby a lavishly embroidered white-satin gown for his christening, and she received several other presents as well. Apparently she had made more friends in the Friars than she had realized.

  One of them was Penelope Hill, a prostitute who lived just across the street. She was a large-boned young woman whose claims to beauty were a head of hair that was like a heavy skein of pale yellow silk, and ample melon-shaped breasts. Rusty sweatstains showed in the armpits of her soiled blue-taffeta gown and all her body gave out a strangely inviting promise of lushness and fulfillment. She was languid and cynical and regarded all men with a kind of amused contempt; but she warned Amber that a woman had no chance of succeeding in a man's world unless she could turn their weaknesses to her own advantage.

  Such philosophical advice, however, meant less to Amber than did her practical information on another subject. From Penelope she learned that there were a great many means of preventing perpetual child-bearing—or abortions—and she learned what they were. In possession of the knowledge, Amber wondered how she had ever been so stupid as not to have guessed at it long since; it seemed so perfectly obvious.

  When the baby was two weeks old he was christened with the single name—Bruce. It was customary to give a bastard his mother's surname, but she could not use hers and would not use Luke Channell's. Afterwards she had a christening feast, which was attended by Mother Red-Cap and Black Jack, Bess Columbine and Michael and Penelope Hill, an Italian nobleman who had fled his country for reasons he did not disclose and who knew no word of English, the coiner and his wife from the third floor, two men who accompanied Black Jack on his expeditions out of town—Jimmy the Mouth and Blue-skin—and an assortment of cutpurses, bilks, and debtors. While the men drank and played cards the women sat and discussed pregnancy and miscarriages and abortions with the same ravening interest they had in Marygreen.

  A week after that the woman Mother Red-Cap had hired to take the baby came for him. She was Mrs. Chiverton, a cottager's wife from Kingsland, a tiny village lying out of London some two and a quarter miles, but almost four miles from Whitefriars. Amber liked and trusted her immediately, for she had known many women of her kind. She agreed to pay her ten pounds a year to feed and care for the baby, and gave her another five so that she could have him brought to see her whenever she wanted.

  She did not wish to part with him at all and would have kept him there with her in Whitefriars if it had not been for Mother Red-Cap's insistence that he would probably die in that unhealthy place. She loved him because he was her own—but perhaps even more because he was Bruce Carlton's. Bruce had been gone now for almost eight months, and in spite of the violent feeling she still had for him, he had grown unceasingly unreal to her. The baby, a moving breathing proof of his existence, was all that convinced her she had ever known him at all. He seemed to be a dream she had had, a wish that had almost, but not quite, come true.

  "Let me know right away if he falls sick, won't you?" she said anxiously as she put him into Mrs. Chiverton's arms. "When will you bring him to see me?"

  "Whenever ye say, mem."

  "Next Saturday? If it's a good day?"

  "Very well, mem."

  "Oh, please do! And you'll keep him warm and never let him be hungry, won't you?"

  "Yes, mem. I will, mem."

  Black Jack went along to see her safely into a hackney, but when he came back Amber was sitting alone in a chair by the table, staring morosely into space. He sat beside her and took her hands into his; his voice was teasing but sympathetic. "Here, sweetheart. What's the good of all this moping and sighing? The little fellow's in good hands, isn't he? Lord, you wouldn't want 'im to stay here. Would you now?"

  Amber looked at him. "No, of course not. Well—" She tried a little smile.

  "Now, that's better! Look here—d'ye know what day this is?"

  "No."

  "It's the day before his Majesty's coronation. He rides through the City on his way to the Tower! How would you like to go see 'im?"

  "Oh, Black Jack!" Her whole face lighted eagerly and then suddenly collapsed into a discontented frown. "But we can't—" She had come to feel that she was as much a prisoner in Whitefriars as she had been in Newgate.

  "Of course we can. I go into the City every day of my life. Hurry along now, into your rigging and we'll be off. Bring your mask and wear your cloak," he called after her, as she whirled and started out on a run.

  It was the first time Amber had left Alsatia since she had come there two months and a half before, and she was almost as excited as she had been the first day she had seen London. After weeks of rain the sky was now blue and the air fresh and clean; there was a brisk breeze that carried the smell of the outlying fields into the city. The streets along which the King's procession would pass had been covered with gravel and railed off on either side and the City companies and trainbands formed lines to keep back the eager pushing crowds. Magnificent triumphal arches had been erected at the corners of the four main streets and—as the year before—banners and tapestries floated from every house and women massed at the windows and balconies threw flowers.

  Black Jack shepherded Amber through the crowd before him, elbowing one man aside, shoving his hand into the face of another, until finally they came to the very front. She dropped her mask—which was kept in place by a button held between the teeth—and could not stop to pick it up. Black Jack did not notice and in her own excitement she soon forgot that it was gone.

  When they got to where they could see, the great gilt coaches, filled with noblemen in their magnificent Parliament robes, were turning slowly by. Amber stared at them with her eyes wide open, impressed as a child, and unconsciously she searched over each face, but did not see him. Lord Carlton had ridden the year before with the loyal Cavaliers returning from over the seas. But when the King approached she forgot even Bruce.

  His Majesty was on horseback and as he rode along, nodding his head and smiling, hands reached out trying to touch him or the trappings of his horse. From time to time his attention was caught by a pretty woman somewhere in the crowd. And so he glanced once, then again, at a girl whose tawny eyes stared up at him in passionate admiration and awe, her lips parted with a sudden catch of breath as his gaze met hers. And as he passed he smiled at her, the slow lazy smile that— for all its cynicism—was so strangely tender. Her head turned, following him, but he did not look back.

  Oh! thought Amber, dizzy with exultation. He looked at me! And he smiled! The King smiled at me! In her excitement she did not even see the camel lumbering along bearing brocaded panniers from which a little East Indian boy flung pearls and spices into the crowd.

  The King's swarthy face and the expression in his eyes stayed with her for hours as vivid as the moment she had seen him. And now she was more than ever dissatisfied with her life in the Sanctuary. The world of which she had half lost remembrance called to her again like an old and beloved melody and she yearned to follow it—but did not dare. Oh, if only somehow, somehow I could get out of this scurvy place!

  That evening the four of them sat at the supper-table: Bess sullen and glowering because she had not been to the pageant; Amber eating in silent preoccupation; Black Jack laughing as he showed Mother Red-Cap the four watches he had stolen. Amber was conscious of the conversation but she paid no attention to what was being said until she heard Bess's angry protest.

  "And what about me, pray? What am I to do?"

  "You may stay here tonight," said Mother Red-Cap. "There'll be no need for you to go along."

  Bess banged her knife onto the table. "There was a need for me once! But now Mrs. Fairtail's come I find I'm as unwelcome as a looking-glass after
the small-pox!" She gave Amber a venomous glare.

  Mother Red-Cap did not answer her, but turned to Amber. "Remember the things I've told you—and above all, don't be uneasy. Black Jack will be there when you need him. Keep your wits and there'll be no possibility of mistakes."

  Amber's hands had turned cold and her heart was beginning to pound. During the discussions and rehearsals for these holdups she had always felt that she was merely pretending, that she would never really have to do any of those things. And now all of a sudden—when she had least expected it—the pretending was done. Mother Red-Cap did intend her to go. Amber could feel the noose about her neck already.

  "Let Bess go if she wants to!" she cried. "I've got no great maw for the business! I dreamed about Newgate again last night!"

  Mother Red-Cap smiled. Her temper was never ruffled, she never lost her cool, reasonable tone and manner. "My dear, surely you know that dreams are expounded by contraries. Come, now, I had expected great things of you—not only for your beauty but for your spirit, which I had thought would carry you undismayed through any adventure."

  "Undismayed spirit, my arse!" snorted Bess.

  Amber gave her a sharp hard stare across the table and then got to her feet. Without another word she left the room and went upstairs to get her cloak and mask, to powder her face and smooth a little rouge on her lips. A few minutes later she came down to find Bess and Black Jack quarreling. Bess was chattering furiously at him though he merely lounged in his chair with a wine-bottle in his hand, and ignored her. Seeing Amber at the door he smiled and got to his feet. Bess whirled around.