Gentling the Cowboy

by Ruth Cardello

  I’ve never said two words to that kid.

  He should hate me.

  Sarah squeezed his hand gently. He looked down into those loving brown eyes of hers. Was she right? Was it time to let go of the past and salvage what he had left before it was too late? Could he ever deserve the faith she had in him?

  Tony cleared his throat. “I know I’m not an easy man to work for, but I appreciate y’all joining us tonight. Thank you for the work you put into setting it up. Let’s eat.”

  He sat down, both relieved and surprised at how good he felt. During his short-lived career, he’d spoken to crowds of all sizes, and enjoyed it. Until now, he’d put those feelings behind him. It surprised him to discover that a piece of him missed public speaking. He missed the rush of adrenaline he’d always felt just before stepping out in front of a crowd, and then the sense of accomplishment that followed his speech. He spontaneously lifted Sarah’s hand to his lips and gratefully kissed the back of it. If the move shocked anyone, he didn’t notice.

  “I never would have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes,” Dean said from a few feet away, referencing the group before him. Tony stood, dropping Sarah’s hand.

  David stood and walked over to shake his hand. “Sheriff.”

  Dean shook his hand. “David, always good to see you.” He tipped his hat at Melanie and said, “Melanie, Jace gets bigger every time I see him. What are you feeding him? He’s growing like a weed.”

  Melanie smiled at the compliment. “What don’t I feed him? He’s a bottomless pit.”

  Jace left his seat and ran over to hug Dean’s legs. “I’m near all grown up, Sheriff. Watch your job. I’m fixin’ to take it.”

  Dean ruffled the young boy’s hair and said, “By the time you’re ready for it, I may give it to you gladly.” He nodded a greeting to the other men.

  Sarah put a hand on Tony’s arm and said, “I’m so glad you made it, Dean.”

  Tony stood silent.

  Sarah elbowed him, causing him to expel his breath harshly. He caught David’s amused expression and glared at him. Then he looked down at Sarah intending to express his displeasure, only to have his breath knocked out of him for the second time. When she wanted something, she had a way of looking up at him with the widest, sweetest eyes he’d ever seen. A man could lose himself in eyes like that.

  Or make a fool of himself because of them.

  Tony shook his head to clear it and offered his brother the warmest greeting he’d likely ever given him. He held out his hand and said, “Dean, you’re late. Sit down before everyone’s food gets cold.”

  Dean shook his hand briefly, then nodded at Sarah. “It’s nice to see the two of you fully dressed.”

  Anger rushed in, but before Tony let his heated thoughts fly, Sarah chastised Dean gently. “Let’s have a nice meal together. You two can go back to fighting tomorrow, but I put a lot of work into making tonight nice. Behave.”

  To Tony’s surprise, his brother’s face reddened slightly and he removed his hat. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Something about her tone and his compliance tickled Tony’s sense of humor and he laughed out loud, all of his anger dissolving as quickly at it had come.

  Dean shook his head in awe of the sight and then smiled. “Sarah, don’t let my brother run you off, you hear? You marry him just as fast as you can.”

  Sarah laughed his comment off and sat back down. Dean found his seat and everyone started eating again. Everyone except Tony. He felt a bit sick.

  It wasn’t Dean’s comment that had struck the hunger from him, it was how close he’d come to agreeing to the idea.

  Some people weren’t meant to be happy, and Tony had long ago accepted that he was one of those people. Believing that things could be better, that he deserved more, was how he always felt just before life intervened and proved him wrong.

  Sarah would stay as long as she wanted to stay. They’d find pleasure in each other’s bodies while she was there, and when she left he’d find another willing woman to replace her.

  That was all they could have, because that’s all he had to offer.

  He met her eyes and knew she was upset by his sudden change of mood.

  Good.

  It’s better if she doesn’t forget the kind of man I am.

  It’s not every day I watch a man turn green and lose his appetite at the idea of marrying me. You’re lucky I didn’t throw this drink in your face and walk away. But I’m not going to, you know why? Because you’re so close. All you have to do is open your eyes and see that these people care about you. Even your brother. They’re here, waiting. Just like I am. How can I make you see them?

  Sarah put on her brightest smile. “David, I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t know the names of everyone at this table. Will you introduce me?”

  Like Tony should have, but he’d have to want them to like me to do that, and he doesn’t believe I’m staying. Maybe I’m not, but does he have to treat me like I don’t matter in front of his men?

  David said, “Yes, ma’am. You’ve met Jace, Melanie’s son.” David pointed to each of the men around the table, and they stood in greeting as he did. “Lucas is the one with red hair; he helps out with most of the exercising and has been here the longest. Sawyer’s sitting on his left. He can stay on a horse better than any man I’ve ever met. Really should be in the rodeo, but he says there’s too much left to learn here. Then Austin and Gunnar. They are brothers and if you want to have some fun, ask them which one was born first. They’re fraternal twins and their mama won’t tell them who is the older. Then there’s Travis. He’s new this year, which means Tony hasn’t fired him yet.”

  Tony frowned at his manager. “Are you saying you keep rehiring the same people?”

  David shrugged. “Some. You never noticed, and they’re hard workers.”

  Sarah took a sip of her lemonade to hide her smile. She didn’t dare look at Tony because she knew she wouldn’t be able to contain the laughter bubbling within her.

  Tony didn’t appear as amused. He said, “So, you all think this is a fu—”

  Sarah laid a hand on his arm and shook it, stopping him mid-word. She looked at Jace and back at him, raising both of her eyebrows with meaning.

  “Damn joke,” Tony finished, growling out his amendment.

  Dean roared with laughter and David said, “It’s almost sad to watch, isn’t it?”

  Dean said, “Sad or entertaining? It’s a tough call.”

  Tony stood. “I’ll entertain you with my fist in a minute if you don’t shut up.”

  Dean also stood and took off his badge and gun, laying them on the table beside the steak he’d barely eaten. “It might be time for you to try it, Tony. Instead of pretending you want me here, why don’t you give throwing me out your best shot?”

  Oh, no you don’t, Sarah thought. She couldn’t take it anymore. It was all going wrong. They weren’t supposed to be laughing at Tony. The dinner was supposed to bring them all together. If she couldn’t make the dinner work, how could she ever make things between Tony and her work? Sarah jumped to her feet and threw her napkin down beside her plate. The whole evening was a huge disappointment. “Stop it right now!” Everyone froze at her harsh tone. “No wonder Tony doesn’t eat with you people. They say Northerners are rude, but you have us beat. I don’t know how you think you should behave toward your host, but you should all be ashamed of yourselves.” She spun and focused her irritation on Tony. “And you. Did you really just threaten to punch someone over a stupid remark? You knew how much I wanted tonight to be nice. Melanie won’t have to poison me to get rid of me. I can’t imagine staying here another day. So, go ahead, kill each other or spend another five years not talking. I don’t care. I’m done.”

  She walked back to the house, head held high, and slammed the front door behind her.

  Melanie was the first to speak after Sarah left. “Well, I feel like an ass.”

  Her son said, “Isn’t that a bad word, M
ama?”

  She ruffled his hair and smiled. “Yes, it is. Don’t say it when you go to school or your teachers will give you the same lecture Sarah just gave us.”

  Tony watched the light in his room go on, followed by the light in the spare bedroom, and knew his plans for that night had just changed. He wasn’t going to chase her, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel badly about how it’d turned out.

  In the quiet late-evening air, no one spoke. Then Melanie interrupted the silence, saying, “Just for the record, I never actually threatened to poison her. I only implied I might.”

  Dean said, “You sure picked a high-strung one, Tony.”

  David leaned back in his chair, noting the upstairs activity. “We may have driven her to it a bit.”

  In the face of the truth, Dean’s stance softened. He looked at Tony and said, “I didn’t mean to ruin the evening.”

  Tony let out a slow sigh. “I don’t actually want to punch you.”

  Dean crossed the short distance between them and stood shoulder to shoulder with his brother. “Don’t let her leave.”

  Across the table, David chimed in. “She did bring us together. We may need a woman around here.”

  Melanie punched him in the arm. “And what I am?”

  David rubbed his arm and said, “You know what I mean.”

  Temper rising, Melanie snarled, “No, I don’t know what you mean.”

  Tony practically jumped when he felt a small hand touch his. He looked down and found Jace, Melanie’s son, at his side. “Just tell her you’re sorry. That’s what Mama tells me to do when I do something wrong.”

  Shaking his head, Tony looped a thumb in his jean pocket. “It’s not always that easy, son.”

  Jace mimicked Tony’s stance, right down to watching Sarah’s shadow go from room to room as she moved her things down the hall. “Yes, it is. You say you’re sorry and she says okay. That’s how it works.”

  Dean added his opinion from Tony’s other side. “I’m with Jace on this one.”

  Jace puffed up with pride at the endorsement from his other idol.

  Squaring his shoulders, Tony said, “I’m not real good with words, but I owe her that much, I suppose.” More gruffly he added, “She’s right about our behavior. We’re out of practice when it comes to being civil. We might need to eat together once a week so y’all don’t embarrass yourselves like this again.” After a moment, he added, “You, too, Dean. You’re the worst of the bunch.”

  He didn’t wait for their response to his announcement as he had much more pressing matters on his mind. Like how to get his little blonde angel’s pink-and-green checkered luggage out of the guest room and back where it belonged.

  Sarah was still fuming ten minutes later when she heard the sound of Tony’s heavy boots on the main stairs. She peered out the small window in the guest bedroom and saw Melanie and the men gathering up the plates and clearing the table.

  The door behind her opened and shut.

  Without looking away from the window, Sarah said quietly, “If you’re here to say anything except you’re sorry, do yourself a favor and leave now.”

  After a pause, Tony replied, “And if I am?”

  Sarah turned slowly toward him, clasping her hands in front of her to stop them from shaking. She was angry, hopeful, scared. Maybe this was one day that should end the same way it started, with them not talking to each other. She looked up at him and waited.

  He stood there, frowning at her for a painfully long time.

  When she couldn’t take it anymore some of her frustration burst out. “Do you know what the worst part about the whole thing was? You didn’t even introduce me.”

  Tony looked a bit cornered when he admitted, “I didn’t know all of their names.”

  Sarah’s mouth fell open. “Are you joking?”

  “No.”

  She shook her head in wonder. “You honestly didn’t know their names? So, David was serious when he said you didn’t notice he rehired men you’d fired?”

  Tony’s steady look was as much of an affirmative as she was going get.

  “How does that happen?”

  Tony shrugged. “I don’t want to know them. David deals with them. All I do is train the horses.”

  Sarah sat on the edge of the bed, absorbing the enormity of what he’d shared. “I knew you distanced yourself from everyone, but I didn’t realize the extent of it.”

  He leaned on the doorjamb without responding.

  In a near whisper, Sarah asked, “What are you afraid of?”

  Tony straightened from the door. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

  Sarah stood and moved to stand directly in front of him, searching his face for signs of what she suspected. “Are you sure? You can’t be happy with your life the way it is.”

  He glared down at her. “I was happy before you came.”

  His comment hit Sarah like a punch, knocking her momentarily off balance. Then a thought occurred to her that set her mouth in determination. He wants me angry. That’s how he keeps everyone at a distance. She countered his jab with a smack of reality. “No, you weren’t.” You were hiding, numb. Too afraid to even get to know the names of the people who work here.

  He pushed a hand through the back of her hair and dragged her closer to him, tipping her head up toward him. “You’re not the first woman to think she can change me.” When she gasped and struggled to pull away, he held her there, chest heaving against his own. He ran the finger of his free hand down the exposed arch of her neck and traced the round neckline of her dress. “But I do enjoy letting you try.”

  Despite how her body pulsed and yearned, Sarah stood rigid in his hold. Strangle him or kiss him? Both sounded equally pleasurable. “Do you want me to hate you?”

  His hands dropped away, his face tight with torment as he glared down at her. “No.”

  There it is, just the slightest ray of hope—the reason I can’t give up on him.

  Sarah took in a steadying breath and said, “Then stop pushing me away.”

  He dragged a hand through his hair, leaving it mussed in a sexy way that Sarah cautioned her libido to ignore. He met her eyes with an openness she hadn’t seen since the cabin and said, “I’m sorry about dinner.”

  Sarah touched his tense jaw with one soft hand. “It’s okay. Part of it was my fault. I knew you didn’t want it, but I thought that once we were all together you would see how it could be. I didn’t mean to make things worse.”

  “You didn’t.”

  Really, then why do you look so miserable? What is holding you back from being happy? “When we were at the cabin you laughed. You smiled and joked. Why can’t you do that here?”

  At first she didn’t think Tony would answer, but then he took her hand from his cheek and held it in his. “The cabin was different. It wasn’t real so I didn’t care.” Sarah tensed and pulled at her hand, but he gripped it and said, “That came out wrong.”

  It’d better have.

  Tony tipped her face up with a finger beneath her chin. “When I start thinking I know what I’m doing, really know—that’s when things fall apart. It’s never as good as you think it is, and if you let yourself believe it is, you’re setting yourself up for a bad fall.”

  Sarah looked up into his beautiful green eyes and prompted, “Please tell me. Let me in.”

  Tony pulled her to his chest, unwilling or unable to look her in the eye as he opened up to her. “My mother left when I was real young. I don’t remember her, but I do remember wanting to find her. I used to ask about her all the time. Didn’t matter who I met, I interrogated them. I was sure that if I asked enough people, I’d find her. You know what I found? Dean. Seems my mother left soon after I was born because she found out my father had been married before and never told her. Neither woman wanted anything to do with my father until Dean’s mother decided it was important for brothers to know each other.”

  “So, Dean’s really your half brother?”

  �
��Half, whole, it never mattered. We’re not close.”

  “Did he want to be?”

  “I don’t know what the hell he wanted, but after I found him I couldn’t shake him. He was always visiting, sometimes with the mother he got along so well with. All it ever did was set my father and me to fighting until we couldn’t be in the same room anymore. My father always told me that the fewer questions a man asked, the happier he tended to be. He was right in that case. I moved out at sixteen because my father and I couldn’t talk without coming to blows.”

  Sarah hugged him as he went on. “I used to believe in what I was doing with horses. I had all the answers. I lost that and more when Kimberly died.” He shuddered against her, betraying how much it had cost him to relive both times.

  Tipping her head back, Sarah said, “I wish I could guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to either one of us again. If they ever do invent a time machine, I’ll be the first one in line to go back and try to do most of it better. But until then, this is the only life I’m going to have and I don’t want to waste any more of it. You helped me see that. It took coming here to see that I was only half alive up North. I could blame my parents. I could blame my brother. But no one did that to me. I did it. I let my life become so much less than it was meant to be. I won’t make that mistake twice.”

  His heart thudded in his chest as she continued to speak.

  “Life is scary, but I think it’s supposed to be. If you’re living it right, that is.”

  He hugged her tighter against him. “What do you want from me, Sarah?”

  She met his eyes and dared the truth. “A chance.”

  He nodded and ran a finger teasingly over the neckline of her dress. “And in return?”

  Sarah raised herself onto her tiptoes and whispered, “A confession.”

  He growled deep in his throat, “I like that. Tell me.”