Trick or Troll

by Martha Carr

  The troll was already opening the door and hopping out, dragging the blue pillowcase Leira gave him to hold his candy.

  "Dumb question, I can see that now." Mara hopped out of the car in time to see Yumfuck race to the first house. "Meet me back here if we get separated," she yelled, hoping he at least heard her even if he didn't look back.

  She looked down the street and saw hundreds of little black bats festooning all the trees down both sides of the street. "Definitely in Austin." She turned around and noticed the yard just across the street was populated with flamingos all painted in a silvery black. "Oh yeah, definitely in Austin. Keepin it weird. Well done." She squinted, looking back down the street where the troll had taken off and saw him three houses down holding up his pillowcase as a smiling woman dropped in candy.

  "Not sure if I should try and race to keep up with you or not. Never mind, have a better idea." Mara took a quick look around and centered herself sending out the magic in front of her as symbols lit up on the back of her hands and her neck. She followed the troll's trail and tagged him with her magic as she got back into the car and settled into the seat.

  "Virtual babysitting. Much better idea. So far so good." Mara rested her head back against the seat. "Lord, please let me have real great grandchildren some day and not just a little furry rodent. Not that I don't love the little shit."

  CHAPTER SIX

  Yumfuck had already made it down one side of a block and there was some heft to the pillowcase he was clutching. He wasn't even breathing hard as he ran across the street, catching up with a large group of older boys heading for a tall Colonial. A blow up of a convertible being driven by Frankenstein was moving up and down in the front yard and there was a blow up black arch over the door that said, Beware.

  The troll stayed to the back of the pack, waiting his turn as the kids in front of him rang the doorbell, cracking jokes and elbowing each other. A pirate turned and noticed Yumfuck standing back there. "What are you supposed to be?"

  "Wueeeee!" Yumfuck trilled and gave them a smile.

  "What kind of dumb name is that?" asked a tall kid dressed as an evil clown.

  "You're dressed as a Pennywise," said another boy in a zombie costume. The troll let out a shudder when he saw him. "World in between," he muttered.

  "What'd you say?" The evil clown shoved the troll back a step just as the door opened and all of the boys turned around to face the man at the door, planting smiles on their faces. A chorus of trick or treat went up from the group.

  The man smiled, admiring each costume as he dropped Snickers and Hersheys into each bag. Kids muscled their way through the group, hurrying down the stairs to the next house.

  "Wow, that is some great makeup, son. Your parents in the business?" The man peered into the dim light trying to get a better look. "Wow, really good."

  The troll smiled and waited till the man finally dropped candy in his bag. The older kids were already at the next house yelling, trick or treat. Yumfuck waved and bounded down the stairs, headed for the house when he heard something in the bushes. He slowed down, listening for the sound and heard whimpering. He went closer and found a young boy about his size dressed up as Batman with glasses, doing his best to pick up what was left of his scattered candy, strewn across the ground.

  Yumfuck went closer and helped him pick up some of the pieces, tossing them into the plastic orange pumpkin the boy was holding. "You don't have to help me," sniffed the boy. "I can do it." He took off his glasses and brushed the tears from his eyes, wiping his face on his sleeve, leaving a smear of snot.

  Yumfuck tilted his head and looked back toward the bigger boys running down the street. He could still hear them jostling each other and shouting. He cleared his throat and asked, "It was them, wasn't it?" His voice came out low and soothing. The squeak all but gone.

  "Yeah... they knocked me over and took most of my candy. The rest they threw in the bushes."

  "Where's your Mom?"

  "Working late. My babysitter is talking to her boyfriend and told me to get a head start."

  "Yeah, mine is probably asleep by now."

  "You don't sound like a kid, no offense."

  "None taken." The troll scooped up some more of the candy on the ground and tossed it into the plastic pumpkin.

  "That's a really cool costume. Doesn't even look like a mask. My name's Henry. What's yours?"

  "Yumfuck Tiberius."

  "Wow, that's a cool name. Your dad's name or something?"

  "Or something. Come on, let's go collect some more candy. You have some catching up to do."

  Henry stood up, brushing off his Batman costume and Yumfuck noticed the tear in one of the knees and the scraped skin underneath. He clenched his paws, taking deep breaths to control his anger. Not a good time to suddenly grow large and split his costume right down the middle.

  They headed to the next house and stayed well behind the older boys, keeping them in sight as they turned the corner and went down Forrest Drive before turning onto Sylvandale. At one point the boys were across the street and the scary clown noticed them walking along and started pointing and shouting. "Hey, the little Batman creep is with the furry farmer!" The other boys pointed and laughed. Yumfuck narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting out a low rumble.

  "How about we show them a thing or two?"

  "I don't know. I know those guys from school. They're a couple grades ahead of me and scared the beejezus out of pretty much everybody. I don't want to have to face them every day."

  "I have an idea how we can fix all that... You on board?"

  "I'm not sure. Let's just get some candy and get out of here." They walked toward the rancher with hands and feet coming out of the ground.

  "In the village where I'm from we face bullies like that all the time just to survive. Some of them even have real fangs or horns."

  Henry laughed as they came up to the next house. "Sure they do. Good one."

  The troll let out a cackle. "You can't run from them so you have to learn how to deal with them. Sounds like you have the same problem."

  "How do you guys deal with them?"

  "We work together. No one tries to do it alone. Everybody gets a job. Cooperation is the key to harmony. And then there's a magic ingredient..."

  "Magic?"

  "Yes... do you believe in magic?"

  Henry stared at him and looked down the street. "Uh, no, not really. Magic is for little kids. I'm in second grade."

  "There's all kinds of magic. Trust me. Different creatures with different powers..." The troll shook his head. "But this kind everyone has. You believe more in success than you do in failure and every decision you make, no matter what happens walks you in that direction."

  "I don't get it."

  "You got pushed in the bushes and they took your candy."

  "Don't remind me." Henry leaned forward and pushed the doorbell. A large woman opened the door, smiling broadly holding a large plastic bowl.

  "Trick or treat!" The troll and Henry chimed together.

  "Oh, how adorable! Here, take a few extra." She scooped up candy and dropped it into their bags.

  "Thank you." Henry started down the stairs as the front door closed. Yumfuck followed him and they headed up the street.

  "Now, you got more candy. Still headed toward success. You had a hitch in the plan but it's still working."

  "I don't know. Maybe, but I still have to face them at school tomorrow. Where's the success in that?" He looked around nervously.

  "Yeah, I got a plan and that will involve a little more magic." Yumfuck tore open a Reese's cup, swallowing it in two bites.

  "Yumfuck, you'll make a great salesman someday but I think your plan is looney."

  "You'll see."

  They passed a group of little girls all dressed as pixies. A little girl with long blonde hair took a long look at the troll. "Ooooh, I get it. You're Yumfuck." She smiled and gave him a small wave.

  He waved back and said, "ET ph
one home," holding up his finger. She laughed and caught up with her friends. "Look, it's a bigger Yumfuck!" The girls all turned and giggled.

  "You're popular." Henry trudged up to the next door and waited behind Superman and Aladdin. Henry rang the doorbell as Yumfuck came and stood next to him. They could hear someone behind the door yelling, "Let me get this one. I've missed all the others."

  The door swung open as Hagan was grabbing the bowl from the nearby table. Henry called out, "Trick or treat!"

  "Well, look here. Batman and... well fuck me..." Hagan stared at Yumfuck who smiled and waved.

  "He's a Wueeee from Star Wars."

  "Felix Hagan do not use that kind of language with the trick or treaters!" Rose's voice echoed down the hall. Hagan opened and shut his mouth, his eyes wide as Yumfuck smiled and waited. Henry held up his orange pumpkin.

  Hagan finally caught himself and looked down at the bowl of candy. "Right, well... okay." He gave each of them fistfuls of candy and whispered to Henry, "Don't tell your parents I swore, kid." Henry shrugged as the troll let out a happy trill.

  "Geez, now he's trick or treating," Hagan muttered as he slowly shut the door. "What next? Bagging groceries? Keeps showing up everywhere. Little shit."

  "You know that guy?" Henry looked inside of his pumpkin. It was almost full again.

  "We go back a ways. He's good people. Come on, there's those guys down the block. Time to work together."

  "You sure you have a plan?" Henry asked nervously.

  "Just believe in yourself and in magic, no matter what happens. It'll all work out."

  They crossed the street and crept up closer to the crowd of boys, staying close to nearby bushes. "Okay, this is the part where you're going to have to believe a little bit more that the world is a bigger place than you realized." Yumfuck put down his heavy pillowcase and took off his costume, carefully folding it, slipping out of the shoes.

  "You're covered in fur! What is that, some kind of condition?" Henry stared in amazement.

  The troll cackled. "Follow me!"

  Yumfuck went out and stood on the sidewalk under a streetlamp yards from the boys. Henry stood just behind him for a moment but bit his lip and stepped forward. "If I'm gonna go to crazytown, may as well take the express."

  The zombie noticed first, pointing and yelling to the others. "Hey, the hairy farmer kid took off all his clothes! What is that you got on? A furry onesie?" The other laughed, nudging each other.

  "I see you got more candy, Henry. Time to pay up." The scary clown took a few steps toward Henry as the troll let out a low growl that rumbled across the sidewalk.

  "How'd you do that?" asked the clown, stopping in his tracks. He curled his lip into a sneer and took another step forward clenching his fists.

  "Okay, Henry, here we go. Believe."

  "I believe...I believe...I believe..." Henry gulped in air, pushing his glasses back up his nose over his Batman mask. His palms were sweaty as he stood his ground.

  The troll put out his chest and grew rapidly into an eight-foot beast, towering over the boys just as they made a run toward Yumfuck and Henry. The troll’s arms and legs grew to the size of tree trunks as he let out a roar that sent their hair fluttering back and blew off a Halo Masters helmet. He beat his chest for dramatic effect. Pennywise fell backward, dropping his bag of candy as he shook all over. Henry looked up in amazement, his mouth hanging open, whispering, "Fuck me..." He turned to the boys and let out his own roar. "I am Batman," he said in the deepest voice he could manage.

  Yumfuck let out another roar before shrinking back down to just over three feet tall.

  "Don't hurt us, man. We didn't mean it. None of it," said the kid dressed as Pennywise. He stayed on the ground, quivering.

  The troll turned to Henry. "Okay, this is where you have to do something that might seem a little weird and really takes some courage." The troll put out his hand and waited as the boy on the ground cautiously put out his hand and Yumfuck helped him up to his feet. The other boys looked like they wanted to run but no one moved, staring at Yumfuck, their eyes wide.

  "I live in these parts. You mess with Henry, you're messing with me. You play nice, then we're all friends."

  A heavyset kid in the back of the group dressed as Wolverine stepped forward, curious. "You would be our friend? We would have an alien as a friend?"

  The troll nodded. "Not exactly an alien."

  "You from another planet?"

  "Yeah, but it's complicated."

  "You're an alien, dude. I predicted this." The boy in the Wolverine costume puffed out his chest and looked around at his friends. "I knew aliens were real."

  "You're ahead of the curve, kid." The troll gave him a thumbs up.

  "You show up when we need you too?" The scary clown softened, pulling off his mask. A brown lock of hair fell across his face. There were freckles across his nose and cheeks.

  "That's how I play it. We all work together. Now give Henry back the candy you took from him."

  Sirens sounded from down the street and the troll ran quickly back to the bushes, pulling on the shirt and overalls as fast as he could, jamming his paws back into the shoes. He ran up behind the boys, sticking to the back in the shadows away from the street lamp.

  The patrol car pulled up alongside the boys and an Austin police officer jumped out, looking around like he expected to see trouble. "You boys see a large animal roaming loose?"

  The boys looked at each other as Henry stepped forward. "No sir," he said, blinking behind his glasses. "Street's been pretty quiet."

  The boy in the clown costume stepped up next to him and looked at Henry and back at the officer. "That's right, sir. Pretty quiet. We haven't seen a thing."

  The other boys chimed in with "Not a thing."

  "Quiet all night."

  "Nothing to see here."

  "What about your little friend back there?" The officer pointed at Yumfuck. "You see anything?" Yumfuck opened his mouth to say something...

  "Hello officer, these boys are all with me." Hagan came jogging up the block, pulling up the back of his pants, holding out his badge. "Detective Hagan in Homicide."

  "Do you live on this block, sir?"

  "Just down the street. What seems to be the problem?"

  "Got a call about a Yeti loose on the street, scaring children." The officer shook his head, rolling his eyes. "We have to check in case it’s some drunk bothering kids."

  "Haven't seen anything but maybe he's moved on to another street. Might pay to take a slow roll around all the blocks. I'll make sure this group gets home safely."

  Henry slipped back behind the boys to the troll. "Thank you. You were right. Magic is real. I believe."

  "And everything is headed toward success." The troll looked over at Hagan and the officer as the other boys gathered round. "I'll be seeing you guys around. Look out for the little guys. That's your job now. I have to hit the road. I can't stay around any one place too long." He gave them all a wink and slipped away, turning down the street and doubling back on Gladeview, stopping at a few houses for more candy as he made his way back to the car.

  He opened the door and slid inside, dropping his pillow case full of candy on the seat and nudging Mara who was sound asleep. "I'm not asleep."

  "Yumfuck," said the troll, shrinking down to five inches, easily sliding out of the costume. He dove into the bag and pulled out a hard candy, tasting it. "Rootbeer?" He tossed it back in and tunneled to the bottom, coming back up with a Kitkat bar. "Yummmm."

  "I heard a rumble in the jungle. I don't suppose that was you." Mara started up the car and hit the gas, careening down the street as the pillowcase slid toward the floor with the troll in it.

  "Wueeee!"

  "Looks like you got a haul. Aren't you going to count it all first? Leira used to do that and then call her friends and compare numbers."

  "Motherfucker!" The troll bit down on an M&M and gave Mara a wink.

  "Okay, have your secrets. But your da
y is coming."

  "Meh. Happy Halloween!" the troll squeaked.

  "Right back atcha my tiny friend. Happy Halloween!"

  Author Notes - Martha Carr

  October 14, 2017

  My mother was every inch the artist that most of her daughters turned out to be in one form or another. Her medium was sewing and knitting. She could make anything by hand and better than you could find in a store. There was one Christmas when she made me an entire Barbie wardrobe. Wish I’d been smart enough to keep all of those. Another story, some other time.

  Anyway, one Halloween, we didn’t have any money so either my oldest sister, Di who was a genius at making costumes, or my mother would sew us something that looked great and always got compliments.

  I never liked them.

  It wasn’t the costume, it was the bulky coat underneath that she always insisted we had to wear. Usually a coat two sizes too big because my mother bought us coats we could ‘grow into’.

  I grew up outside of snowy, cold Philadelphia and my mother always made sure the costumes were big enough to fit a coat… underneath. I suppose she was trying to help so you could see what we were wearing but the end effect was I looked like a round sausage no matter what I was supposed to be. If I’d been a little smarter I would have said, “make me a caterpillar”. That way it would have all come together. But I was all about the pretty.

  There was that year I managed to put together my own costume as a gypsy, raiding her closet and using all the bulky costume jewelry my younger brother and I had been giving her for Christmas for years. I insisted – no coat! And stubbornly froze as I went from house to house, hanging in there for a few blocks. I loved it even if I was pretty frozen by the time I made it home. That first bit of freedom to make my own choices and live with the consequences. I insisted to my brother, my teeth chattering even after we were back inside that I was fine. I liked it. Gotta believe! (And wear a coat)

  Happy Halloween everyone!

  Author Notes - Michael Anderle

  October 14, 2017