Underneath the Sycamore Tree

by Celeste, B.

  The restaurant is dimly lit and playing soft instrumental music from the speakers. It’s a cute little eat-in that’s small and intimate. People talk amongst themselves, some louder than others, and the servers come over donning big smiles and warm welcomes.

  Everything is dark wood, like the color of espresso—the chairs, the tables, the booths. There’s no cloth or cushions to soften the seats, which makes my tailbone hurt. Every time I shift, the seat creaks and Dad and Cam stare at me like I’m weird for fidgeting so much.

  Kaiden hasn’t shown up yet. Cam insists she knows what he’ll want, so Dad waves over our waitress and they start ordering. I’ve been staring at the menu for fifteen minutes, stalling by ordering water and sending them away to decide between the lightest options. At this point, a taco salad is the best I can do.

  A few minutes after we order, Dad and Cam talk about work and school. They ask me how I like my classes, if I made any friends, and if I’ve heard from Mama.

  Dad cringes when Cam brings Mama up. I don’t see why, it’s been a decade since he had to deal with her. Maybe he feels bad for me, like digging up my departure will hurt my feelings. I don’t think that’s it though.

  Thankfully, Kaiden arrives just before I’m forced to answer. I don’t want to talk about Mama with any of them, especially Dad. He left us and couldn’t even bother to care when Lo got sick. He never checked in when I told him how Mama acted or how bad Lo was getting.

  Dad doesn’t deserve to know anything.

  Cam’s eyes bulge when she sees Kaiden drop into the only seat available next to me. At first, I don’t know why she looks so freaked. Then I turn and notice Kaiden’s eye is all red and puffy, and his cheek is colored an off blue. It makes the usual tan tone even darker, and his eyes hold a type of smoke in them from a fire he clearly extinguished. Except he did so with his fists based on their puffy nature.

  His signature don’t-give-a-shit smirk returns despite his mother’s reaction to the shiner he’s sporting. “What’d I miss?”

  Dad clears his throat. “Emery was just about to fill us in on how things are going. How is your mother doing?”

  My lips part. Are they really going to ignore his face like they don’t see anything wrong?

  I won’t. “What happened to you?”

  Cam makes an audible noise.

  Kaiden’s smirk vanishes and jaw ticks like he can’t believe I asked. If our parents won’t, someone should. I’m not exactly used to this commonality if it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Unlike them, I need answers.

  Apparently, so does he. “I wouldn’t want to keep Daddy Dearest waiting on that answer. Tell us, Emery, how is your mother doing?”

  My nostrils flare.

  His lips twitch upward as if he enjoys my reaction, so I push my emotions away. “I don’t think that matters when you show up bruised after being gone all day.”

  He leans forward, crowding my space with his confidence. “Aw, what’s wrong, Mouse? Did you miss me?”

  Dad murmurs a questioning, “Mouse?” before glancing between Kaiden and me. Neither of us offers an explanation on the nickname.

  “Your eye,” I repeat.

  “Had an accident,” he says plainly.

  Something tells me it was no accident at all. Fists must have been involved based on the mark it left behind. Part of me wonders what the other guy looks like.

  Cam tries drawing us back together, but the smile she offers is distant. “I ordered your favorite, Kaiden. I even asked them to put hot sauce on the side for the fajitas.”

  Kaiden peels his gaze from me to his mother, lips pinched. “I wish you’d stop assuming I like the food here. Did you even ask Emery if she liked Mexican?”

  While I appreciate his point, I don’t like being used as a means to verbally attack his mother. She’s trying. “It’s really—”

  His eyes cut to mine. “Do you?”

  Dad intervenes. “Emery loves Mexican food. She used to demand it all the time when she was little.”

  My heart cracks when I realize he’s talking about Logan. She used to demand we order Mexican food. It was her who always wanted tacos for dinner and nachos for dessert.

  “That was Lo,” I say quietly.

  Kaiden snorts. “Who the hell is Lo, and what kind of ridiculous name is that?”

  The crack in my heart expands a little wider. “Who’s…?” My eyes slowly lift to Dad’s in question, like I misheard Kaiden’s rude question regarding the existence of my other half.

  Cam gasps. “Kaiden!”

  “Dad?” I whisper brokenly.

  His shoulders tense. “Emery…”

  “Don’t you talk about her?”

  “Em—”

  “Why doesn’t it surprise me that you wouldn’t say anything about her?” Pushing back against the table, I go to stand right as Kaiden opens his big mouth again.

  “What’s crawled up your ass?”

  Cam covers her mouth with her palm and tears prick my eyes. Jerking the chair so it scrapes loudly against the floor and causes people to stare, I stand up.

  Dad mimics me. “Sit down, Emery.”

  “Don’t bother to start telling me what to do now just because your image looks bad. I mean, that’s probably why you left. Right? You were afraid what having a sick kid would do to the squeaky clean family-man reputation you have going on.”

  “Emery,” Dad warns under his breath.

  Cam reaches out. “Henry—”

  I grab my phone from the table. “It must really suck that you weren’t happy stuck in an imperfect family. I wonder what your old coworkers thought when they found out Lo died. Did they know she was sick? You never took time off when the doctor appointments started. Mama told you something was wrong, and you always said you had to work like having a career meant more than having a daughter.”

  Kaiden swears.

  Anger bubbles through me. “You want to know how Mama is doing, Dad? She’s terrible. She hasn’t verbally spoken one word to me since I moved, which isn’t much different than how it was when I lived with her and Grandma. She wasn’t the same when we buried Logan. Whenever she sees me…”

  She sees a dead girl.

  Tears threaten to spill, so I shake my head and walk around my chair.

  “Where are you going?” Dad calls out.

  Yet, he doesn’t move to stop me.

  I laugh sardonically but don’t answer.

  I’m halfway down the street when I hear tires slowing down behind me. Part of me is shocked Dad would chase me down. I remember all the times I was younger and he never made an effort. He’d miss dance recitals and family dinners and everything in between because of work. His coworkers never met us, especially not when Lo started acting funny, and Mama never went out with him to work functions. He was ashamed of us. Maybe still is.

  When a car stops beside me, it isn’t Dad’s. My steps falter when I see Kaiden leaning down to see me from the open passenger window. He pushes on the door.

  “Get in.”

  I blink. A car honks from behind him before passing, visibly irritated as they give us the finger like Kaiden isn’t pulled off to the side of the road.

  “Emery, get in the fucking car.”

  Glancing back at the faded restaurant behind us, I wonder if Dad and Cam are cancelling our food or waiting for it to go. Are they even going to come out? To go home? To search? It’s doubtful.

  Not knowing what else to do, I slip into his car and close the door. Walking home would cause me twice as much pain. There’s no way I’d be able to get out of bed tomorrow.

  He tells me to buckle up before pulling away, not even giving me one look. It’s fine by me, because I’d prefer staring out the window so he can’t see the tears dampening my cheeks. Wiping them away is no use because the more I replay what just happened, the more that fall.

  Dad never told them about Lo.

  About his dead daughter.

  Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt li
ke Grandma told me to give Mama. I know that everyone grieves differently, but Dad acts like nothing even happened. How could he pretend as though Lo never existed?

  When we get closer to the house, he doesn’t take the turn. Instead, he goes straight and stays on the main road leading out of the small city. There’s no music, only the sound of the wind against the car and the distant sound of traffic filling the silence.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Not home.” He pauses. “Yet.”

  I want to tell him that’s a bad idea, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s exactly what we need. At least me. I’m still not sure what Kaiden needs, and I think he likes staying mysterious.

  I watch as the buildings and houses fade into the tree lines the further we drive away. Dad came this way when he brought me into Exeter. On the outskirts is a large cemetery on a hill and not much else other than various trees and fields.

  It’s a strange mixture of urban and rural here. We’re not near the big city, but not too far away. It’s almost like the area can’t decide if it’s trying to evolve or stay the way it’s been for decades.

  In a way, it’s comforting. Seeing fields, hills, and trees reminds me of home. Lo and I would go exploring in the woods behind our childhood house, the one Grandma had to move into after Dad left before we lost it to the bank. We’d spend hours climbing trees and playing hide and seek. Lo always won.

  To my surprise, Kaiden turns onto a narrow road leading into the cemetery. It should probably scare me, make me nervous, something, but it doesn’t. After all, he saved me from walking back to a home that doesn’t feel like home at all.

  We get to a large fenced-off clearing and he puts the car in park and shuts it off. Shoving open his door, he gestures for me to follow him out. Hesitantly, I obey, unbuckling and stepping out onto the paved path we’re pulled off to the side of. He starts walking past the fence, jumping over it like it’s nothing, but waiting expectedly for me to do the same.

  Blinking, I stare between him and the chain fence separating us, noting the rust on the top and the odd and end holes throughout the rest of it. There isn’t an opening big enough for me to crawl through.

  “Well?” He crosses his arms.

  I blush. “I can’t jump that high.”

  He sighs like I’m a burden despite bringing me here on his own free will. “Can you climb and get at least on leg over?”

  Swallowing, I study the fence. I used to be part of the cheer squad at my old school. Flexibility and strength never used to be a problem for me until the past couple of years. But, I’m curious about where he wants to take me.

  Nodding, I pull myself up on the fence. It hurts my tender palms and arms, and my hip pops loudly when I swing my leg over, but I pretend it doesn’t bother me when I balance on top.

  I yelp when I feel two strong hands on my waist, lifting me up and setting me down on the ground like I’m a toddler and not eighteen.

  “You really should have eaten dinner,” he notes, giving my body a thorough once-over with narrow eyes before shrugging and walking away.

  I catch up with him and tug my shirt closer to my body when the wind starts picking up. Without any buildings, there’s nothing to block the assault of cool air against us. I refuse to use Kaiden as a wall because I think he’d snark if I even tried getting closer.

  We walk for what feels like forever until I see a large sycamore tree in the middle of a field of purple flowers. It seems out of place, yet perfectly set at the same time.

  Kaiden walks over to it and sits down, leaning his back against the thick trunk. He seems at peace, which is a new look for him. His body is eased as he stretches his long legs out without a care in the world.

  I stare. Not just at him, but at the tree. It’s huge with its long branches and bright green leaves transitioning into yellow and orange and red that give the space a beautiful kind of life. Lo would have loved this spot. She would have dragged me out and stayed here until Mama called our names in frantic worry. Lo always wanted to be free, out in the open, surrounded by trees and plants and animals.

  Suddenly, the tears that had finally stopped falling on the way over begin building again until everything blurs. Bottom lip trembling, I hear Kaiden’s heavy sigh.

  “What’s wrong now?”

  I answer silently what my emotions won’t let me speak aloud.

  Lo was buried under a sycamore tree.

  Chapter Four

  Kaiden’s eyes burn my face as I feebly attempt to contain my tears. Closing my eyes and palming my lids with the heels of my hands, I suck in a deep breath and think positive things to distract my mind from Lo’s image. No matter how hard I try thinking of sunshine, good weather, and how pretty the purple flowers beneath my feet are, all I see is Lo’s headstone.

  The last time I went to visit her, there’d been bird droppings and grass shavings all over her stone. I cried and worked hard under the punishing sun until it was spotless and shiny. Then I’d fallen asleep in the shade beneath the sycamore, pretending Lo was right beside me.

  It was Grandma who’d found me. Not Mama. When she got me in her car, I asked where Mama was. She told me she was resting. Part of me was glad I hadn’t worried her. Another part of me hated her for not noticing I’d left to begin with.

  “You need to breathe, Mouse.”

  His gruff words pull me out of my memories. Cracking my eyes open, I see his blurry image where it still rests against the tree. Despite the buildup of tears, I see his frown perfectly clear. Even seemingly angry, he looks gorgeous.

  “Why do you look mad?” Blinking rapidly to dry my eyes, I force myself forward until I’m next to him. He doesn’t invite me to sit or make any move, just stares up at me with pursed lips.

  “Don’t do well with crying.”

  Most men don’t. Like when Mr. Wilson, the man who acted like a father figure to us after Dad left, looked uncomfortable at Lo’s funeral. His face was pale as he stared at her coffin and he left before the service was over.

  I sit beside Kaiden, drawing my knees to my chest. Resting my chin against the top of them, I blow out a long breath until the ache in my chest lightens. Suddenly, breathing doesn’t seem so hard, so I close my eyes and let the wind and shade caress me into calmness.

  “Your father is an asshole,” he says.

  I don’t argue with him.

  “Sorry about … shit, you know.”

  My lips twitch upward. I guess he doesn’t do well with apologies either. “She was my best friend,” I tell him.

  I’m not sure he cares, but I need to tell someone about her. If not today, someday. Not talking about Lo would do her memory injustice.

  I lean against the tree trunk and exhale a slow breath when I feel the scratchiness against my back. The discomfort eases me into a familiarity of summer afternoons with Lo in the woods. “Did my Dad really not say anything?”

  He clears his throat. “No.”

  Pressing my lips together, I nod.

  What I said back in the restaurant is probably true. I’ve thought about all the reasons he left, theorized what made him stay away, and hated him a little more each day for it. Normally I wouldn’t say a thing, but it’s been years of bottling up every thought and feeling toward the man who couldn’t even support us when Lo died.

  “I’m not sure why he took me in.”

  The doubt is making sure its presence is known and it’s justified. Dad couldn’t waste more than mere minutes on me before now, so I have no clue why he bothered picking up the phone when I reached out for a very last minute unexpected third call of the year. I never thought he’d say yes to moving in with him.

  Finally, I glance over at Kaiden. He watches me with something sparking in his eyes. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad because he gives nothing away.

  Swallowing, I shake my head. “I found out he was remarried through a friend of the family. This older woman was gossiping at the grocery store when I went to pick up paper plates.” I surprise mys
elf by laughing. “Weird that I remember what I was getting, huh? I was in the aisle trying to choose between the off brand or name brand with little blue flowers on the edges of both. Then I heard Mrs. Wallaby tell someone in the next aisle that she heard about Dad getting married to a ‘pretty young woman with a son of her own.’ She said it must be nice to get a fresh start and new chance at a family.”

  My lips pull down at the corners. Mrs. Wallaby turned the corner and saw me staring with tears flooding my cheeks. She didn’t try to apologize, just stood frozen and guilty when she realized I must have heard.

  Kaiden shifts next to me, visibly uncomfortable by my story. “I don’t usually come here to talk.”

  What does he do then?

  Thinking of the possibilities, my cheeks tint at the probable answers. “Oh.”

  He chuckles. “I come here to think.”

  Double oh.

  I can see why he’d come here for that. It’s quiet, isolated. The perfect spot for someone to sort through their thoughts if they needed to.

  The conversation isn’t the best one to have with him anyway. I’m not angry at him. I’m angry at Dad. Plus, Kaiden didn’t ask for me to invade his space. I bulldozed my way into their home—the home they’ve been building for years just the three of them.

  “What really happened to your eye?” I ask in a soft voice.

  His tongue clicks. “Got into a fight with someone over some shit talking. No big deal.”

  Knowing it’s all I’ll get from him for now, I nod. “Who’s Riley?”

  His entire body freezes. “Where did you hear that name?”

  His voice is rough, like it’s a subject I shouldn’t have changed to. Cursing myself, I nibble my bottom lip. “Some girls were talking about him at lunch. It just seemed like something had happened, because I’ve heard his name a lot lately.”

  In the halls on the way to class.

  In the cafeteria.

  Riley is a hot topic.

  “Riley is a girl,” he murmurs after a stretch of time that I figured he’d use to talk his way out of answering. “She doesn’t go here anymore. Left after some rumors spread.”