Underneath the Sycamore Tree

by Celeste, B.

  He kisses my stomach. “Right now all I want to choose is how I’m going to get you off. Tell me, Mouse. Fingers, tongue, or cock?”

  My breathing falters.

  He waits for an answer.

  I lick my lips. “I want you…” My chest rises and falls heavily as I spread my legs, embarrassed but needy. “I want to feel you again, Kaiden.”

  His eyes flare with heat, one eyebrow quirking inquisitively. “So you’re choosing option number…?”

  I groan, covering my face. “You’re going to make me say it? I’m ready, Kaiden. I know it’s been months and you’re probably frustrated because—”

  He dips down and kisses me hard, his hand traveling between us until his fingers trace the seam of my slit over my cotton panties. “I can feel how turned on you are already,” he praises, licking my lips before dragging his teeth along my jaw and to my neck.

  Biting down on my flesh, I buck up until he’s cupping me fully between my legs. “I want to make one thing very clear, Mouse. I was never frustrated that you weren’t ready to have sex again. If we’re going to do it, you need to be ready. Comfortable. Are you?”

  I swallow. “Yes.”

  He sits up, moving his hand over me so he’s leisurely rubbing my clothed entrance and putting pressure on my bundle of nerves with the heel of his hand. “How are you feeling?”

  “F-fine. Good. I’m good.” I choke on my words as he dips a finger under my panties and strokes me.

  “Yeah? Define good.”

  I moan out his name as he circles my clit before moving downward and entering me with one of his fingers. “Stop teasing me.”

  “Are you going to tell me how you want me to get you off?” he presses, making me want to smack him in the face with a pillow.

  Digging my fingernails into his upper arms, I bite back, “Are you going to tell me that you’re accepting UM’s offer?”

  He laughs and applies more pressure on my nerve endings before adding another finger to work me. “Give me one good reason why I should.”

  I put my hand on his to force him to move quicker as I ride out the feeling, meeting his movements with my hips every time.

  “Because your family wants you to.”

  “Mm. Going to need another reason.”

  I cup his face with my free hand, brushing his bottom lip with my thumb that makes his features softer. “Because I want you to. I love you, Kaiden. I’m not saying that I’m in love with yo—” A long drawn moan escapes my lips when he hooks his fingers in me and picks up the pace until my belly tingles. “—but I do love you as a friend and someone I trust. W-which means that you should go to Maryland and play lacrosse and make us proud.”

  Just as I’m about to come, he stops moving altogether. “Are you saying you love me, Mouse?”

  I move my hips, trying to chase the feeling that was building before. “P-please keep going.”

  “Do you?” he whispers, not obeying.

  His lips are so close to brushing mine that I feel his warm breath and smell the buttery popcorn from our snack earlier. “Of course I do, Kaiden. I mean it. You’re my friend. You’ve always had my back here even when I kind of loathed you for the weird ways you showed that you cared.”

  He moves his fingers just right a few more times, hard and fast, before I’m crying out his name. Quieting the sound with a brutal kiss, he lets me ride his palm through my orgasm, my hips jerking and quaking and aching in all the best ways. When my body settles back onto the bed, his kisses become softer, longer, and deeper.

  Drawing back, he rests his forehead against mine and nudges my nose. “I love you too, Mouse.”

  My heart seizes in my chest as I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’ll take option number three, please.”

  He grins before pecking my lips and moving away to remove his pants and boxers all in one shot. My cheeks heat when I see him in his full glory, proud and confident. When he climbs on the bed, he peels off my panties and grabs a condom from my nightstand that I didn’t even know was there.

  Shooting me a wink, he rips open the package and rolls it over himself. “Can’t be too prepared, right?”

  I roll my eyes at his smirk, sitting up on my elbows and kissing him before anything else can be said.

  He takes his time, kissing every piece of skin he can. By the time he positions himself at my entrance, I’m begging him for more.

  More touches, more kisses, more time.

  This is different than before. It still hurts a little, but nowhere near as bad. He’s slow, careful, and tries not to grab my hips like I know he wants to. He enters me from new angles that make him go deeper, causing me to gasp and scratch and whimper for anything he’ll give me.

  When he tells me to climb on top of him, I hesitate until he kisses the worry away. His fingers go through what little hair remains on my head as he tells me he wants this, that I’m gorgeous, that I’m his best friend. Everything. He makes me feel everything—pretty, confident, normal.

  He helps me guide him inside me, then set a pace. I have no idea how good it’ll feel from this position, but I can’t help but quicken my movements when he hits me in just the right way until my head tips back and a familiar, warm feeling fills my stomach.

  It isn’t until he thrusts up the same time I move down that I’m yelling his name and breaking apart. He supports me when I turn to jello, flipping us back around until he’s slamming into me over and over so hard the headboard hits the wall.

  The sound of the bed creaking and metal frame smacking drywall has me writhing again as he starts twitching inside me. When he thrusts one more time, I come with him for the third time in less than an hour, holding him to me so tightly he couldn’t pull away if he tried.

  We’re both sweaty and out of breath as we lay there. “So?” I whisper, finally letting him pull out and roll onto his side.

  His amusement comes off in waves. “I’ll talk to Jefferson about UM on Monday.”

  I smile and fall asleep.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  April and May brings more sunshine than showers, which I’m thankful for. The warmth breathes life into everything and everyone, which adds to the anticipation of June’s graduation. The seniors are talking about their trip to Orlando, the staff is chatting about summer vacation, and all I can think about is not dealing with Rachel anymore.

  I know I should believe him if he says nobody will bother me when the new school year starts, but I can’t anticipate that. Usually I could brush off comments because they don’t matter compared to everything else, but the malicious taunts I’ve dealt with whenever Kaiden isn’t by my side has been brutal.

  All thanks to Rachel.

  I know it’s jealously. I also know there’s a chance it’ll all be better once she graduates. Then again, all it takes is one person to start a riot before others join in. Her friends have.

  Instead of cute pictures of mice drawn on sticky notes, I find doodles of rats and whales on my locker and assigned desks. The first few made me roll my eyes as I balled them up and threw them away before Kaiden found them.

  Then came the whispers.

  The pregnancy rumors.

  The stares.

  Brother fucker is my new nickname.

  Someone called me a dyke once when I walked down the hall, and my fingers instantly went to my hair and played with the short strands.

  At first, I expected the talk to die down on its own. When it didn’t, I thought Kaiden would kill it because there’s no way he hasn’t heard people say anything about me. Unfortunately for me, the same reason people don’t talk back to him is why they don’t bring up gossip on touchy subjects.

  They’re scared of him.

  I can’t blame anyone. He may be more approachable, at least in my eyes, but that doesn’t take away his painted on scowl from seven thirty to three. They see him as untouchable in the halls and invincible on the field. It’s a deadly combination for someone like me.

  But I’m not helpless. />
  Not even when Rachel approached me asking if I could be part of the school’s annual fashion show…as a plus size model. Apparently there’s a club here that earns credit at the community college for people interested in designing, and they pair up with local stores to get material for the event. It’s a cool idea.

  That’s why I smile and tell her I’d love to but already have plans with Kaiden. Being petty has never been who I am, but it seems appropriate for the situation. Giving Rachel the gratification of wearing me down by calling me fat or something else doesn’t sit well with me.

  I’m stronger than that.

  I always have been.

  On practice days, I’ll split my time between watching Kaiden and reading in the library. Once, I saw Mr. Nichols and helped him organize his classroom to make room on the bookshelves for new reading material. He offered me copies of books that were no longer part of the curriculum, so I went home with five worn paperbacks that I read within two weeks.

  Kaiden likes calling me a teacher’s pet, but I think it’s his way of not showing the jealousy that I still giggle over whenever he finds me in Nichols’ room.

  Annabel and I talk on and off every week, but we never try hanging out. She gets nervous when Kaiden approaches us if we’re speaking after class or walking down the hall together. At first I thought she had a crush on him, which made my vision filter with green. Her dodgy eyes and distant expression tell me it’s something else. She’s uncomfortable.

  We may have never become besties, but I thought we were on some spectrum of friendship. She sat with me once at lunch but left early when Kaiden and his friends joined. She’ll tell me about a book she’s reading and make recommendations on what I may like but then walk with her eyes down if someone sees us. There’s never been anything more and I never thought to ask why.

  Sometimes acceptance is easier.

  It doesn’t make it less lonely though.

  Kaiden says that most of the girls at Exeter aren’t friend material anyway, but I don’t think that’s true. His perception on people is different than mine. I try seeing the good in them. He says he sees them for what they are.

  The bullies.

  The fakes.

  His protection is fading because people see him as something different. A graduate. A softie. After all, he’s taken me of all people under his wing. Someone unlike them.

  When Kaiden tells Cam and Dad his plans to go to the University of Maryland, Cam wraps him in a hug and starts crying. Dad shifts like I do, almost as if watching it feels like we’re invading on a special moment. Cam insists that we should all go out to celebrate, so we go to a new restaurant that opened in town a few weeks ago. Its yellow walls and wooded counter and stools give it a homey feel, but the light fixtures above the clothed tables make it seem fancier. It’s a mixture of comfort and class, like my two lives merged into one single place with people who have given me a chance I didn’t think I deserved outside of my isolation.

  Dad convinces Kaiden to sit by Cam instead of me, which throws off our usual seating arrangement. When Dad pulls out my chair, I give him a small smile before sitting down and watching him do the same beside me.

  Our relationship has changed so much since Christmas. Mama gave us room to build a relationship that she prevented us from having all those years ago, and Dad and I have done a lot of talking since the holidays. About Logan. About Mama. About life.

  We’ve moved on from the bitterness wedged over a ten-year time period. Neither one of us wants to dwell on the past, me more than him, because there’s no point in trying to change the unchangeable. Our understanding is mutual, we just have different justifications backing the reasons.

  Reluctantly, he reads books that I suggest even though Cam says he prefers newspapers and Reader’s Digest. I go easy on him and never force the romance books I love so much into his hands, but fantasy novels on wizards and fairies and dragons. He pretends he doesn’t love them, but there’s a gleam in his eyes when he tells me he finished. It’s the same gleam I get.

  “I should take you dorm shopping!” Cam chirps once we put our orders in with the waiter. I stifle a laugh when Kaiden shoots the man a deadly glare after he glanced at my chest while writing my eggplant Parmesan down on his notepad.

  Dad sips his water. “I think it’s a little early to think about that.”

  Kaiden nods in agreement. “Move in wouldn’t even be until the end of August. It’s not even June.”

  Cam frowns. “Time will fly by though. If we get things now, there won’t be as much picked through when it gets closer.” She claps her hands and looks at me. “Why don’t you come with us, Em? It’ll be so much fun! Maybe you can get an idea of what you want for your dorm next year.”

  My lips part and a polite rejection is about to escape them when Kaiden says, “She’d love to. Right, Em?”

  “Uh…”

  Dad smiles, giving my arm a pat. “Sounds like it could be fun. You should go.”

  Glancing at the three of them, I realize I can’t say no. Kaiden is smirking and Cam seems hopeful. So I tell her I’d love to and watch as Kaiden hides a victorious grin behind his glass of lemonade.

  When we get home it’s late, but we all watch a movie before going to bed. I’m pulling on my shirt in the bathroom when sudden dizziness has me swaying. I hold onto the edge of the vanity and blink a few times until it passes. Taking a deep breath, I hear my bedroom door open and close quietly, a sign that Kaiden is here for the night.

  Finishing my business, I hesitate when I glance at the foamy pee in the toilet bowl. There’s a slight pink tint to it that has my heart beating just a little faster.

  It’s the vitamins, I tell myself.

  It’s dinner.

  It’s dehydration.

  Over and over I play the game, making excuses until they cycle back through. It’s a game I’ve played for months.

  Flushing, I walk over to the sink and wash my hands, ignoring the bite of pain in my fingers and wrists. Giving myself a once over in the mirror, I note my pink nose and cheeks that’s quickly forming a rash.

  It’s my period triggering it.

  It’s the weather changing.

  It’s end-of-the-school-year stress.

  When I open the door and flick off the light, I’m greeted with a shirtless Kaiden lounging on the bed. He’s already got the laptop open and resting on the usual spot between where we lay.

  He looks up from the screen and frowns, which must mean I look rougher than I think I do for him to notice so quickly. “You okay?”

  I nod and crawl into bed, lifting the covers over my legs and wiggling my bare toes into the soft sheets. “Just tired. I’m glad it’s the weekend. I kind of want to try getting some homework done and then catch up on sleep.”

  He grins, his eyes heating with memories of the past few nights. “Someone keeping you awake, Mouse?”

  The past two nights he’s woken me up by slowly stripping and kissing me until I’m naked and wet. I came twice, first by his mouth, then by his cock. He always laughs when he makes me say it, because I turn bright red.

  If you can’t say it, you can’t have it.

  He works me up too much to shove him off the bed, so I always reluctantly surrender. The outcome is always pleasant for both of us, so he never has a cocky grin on his face for long. Until he makes a comment about my face when I come, which always makes me blush harder than when he makes me use certain terms for his anatomy.

  “You’re pale,” he notes, when I don’t answer him right away.

  I swallow. “Like I said, I’m tired.”

  His lips twitch. “Don’t bullshit me. I know what you look like when you’re in pain.”

  I don’t reply.

  He shifts so his body is turned toward me and studies me closely. “When you’re tired, your eyes glaze over. Sometimes you’ll have bags under them. When you’re in pain, you’re tense, trying too hard to focus on anything else. Your shoulders are pulled back and you do eve
rything not to move more than you need to.”

  He points toward my hands, which are tucked on my lap. “You make a fist like it’ll help combat things, then loosen them when you realize you’re only doing more damage. Want me to continue?”

  “Kaiden—”

  “That,” he says. “Your voice is lower, tired in a way that’s not just from exhaustion. I hate when I hear you talk like that, smiling at everyone who has no fucking clue.”

  I stare down at my hands.

  “I hate this for you, Em.”

  I hate it for me more.

  “Can we just watch the movie?”

  “Do you need me to get you Motrin?”

  I debated on taking some with my other meds when we got home from dinner but opted not to. Sometimes it’s nice to pretend not to be dependent on the additional pain killer. I’m already taking close to twenty pills a day—three heavy dose steroids three times a day, my birth control, iron supplements, migraine medicine that’s upped to four pills total now, Vitamin D tablets for my deficiency, ginger hair supplements to strengthen my roots, and the more than occasional pain reliever. Motrin for breakfast, Excedrin for lunch, Tylenol for dinner.

  Kaiden sighs and gets out of bed, disappearing from my room. When he appears a few minutes later, he’s got a glass of water in one hand and two red pills in the other.

  “Thanks,” I murmur, knowing there’s no point in arguing him on it.

  He ignores the waiting movie. “When was the last time you saw your doctor?”

  I was supposed to have a follow up over four months ago, but she had to cancel for some family emergency. She was out for two months and nobody ever called to reschedule. I know I should have reached out, especially because one of my prescriptions is close to being empty with no refills, but I couldn’t make myself pick up the phone.

  Because you know…

  Swallowing, I answer, “Before Christmas.”

  He swears. “You need to be seen.”

  “I’m—”

  “You’re not fine,” he snaps. “I wish to hell that you were, Emery. I’m upset that you’re sitting here pretending that what you’re feeling is no big deal to appease me. I’m not your parents though. I’m not your mother and thank fuck I’m not your father. It’s okay to admit you’re not doing well.”