Simon immediately realized what he was saying, and became extremely embarrassed. “I’m sorry about that; I don’t know what came over me!” But Ian was still staring at him with a gentle smile on his face.
“You know, Simon, that’s the most you’ve spoken to me in the entire time we’ve been working together.” His smile broadened and he once again put his hand on Simon’s shoulder, that familiar gesture that made him feel so close.
Simon felt his confidence growing. “You know what? I’m glad I got to know you. I’m glad I got to know such a special guy.” He suddenly felt a jolt of adrenaline shoot up his arm as he realized that Ian was holding his hand. Somehow, it had felt so natural that he did not even notice it happening up to that point. Ian looked him in the eye with a serious expression and said: “You know, sometimes I get scared too. I’m not as fearless and confident as you think I am. I still worry about what people will think about me, and whether they’ll still respect me.”
Simon was elated. Could this really be happening? But along with the excitement, he also felt the familiar sense of fear descending on him. Was he making a huge mistake? He cleared his throat in embarrassment and pulled his hand away from Ian, and said dismissively, “I guess we all have things to work on.”
Ian was visibly hurt, and there were a few painful seconds of silence between them until the lights came on and crashed them back to reality. Simon felt awkward then, sitting with Ian on the blanket on the floor. They didn’t say a word to each other, and were frozen sitting on the floor. The silence was only broken when Ian’s phone rang. He answered it and turned to Simon: “It’s Margeaux. I forgot that I had a date with her tonight and I’m running late already. Could you help me up? I’d better get going.”
Simon once again wrapped his arm around Ian’s shoulder and helped to lift him from the ground, but this time there was only coldness between them. Simon had ruined everything.
They reached the door and Simon opened it for Ian. He had no idea what to say, but managed: “I’m sorry about… I’m sorry for being so…”
“That’s okay, Northbrook. Maybe we just got our lines crossed or something. No problem at all.” Every hint of confusion was gone from Ian’s face, and he was his regular confident self again. “I’ll talk to you soon. We have to follow up on this story. Work comes first, right?”
Ian turned away without giving Simon the reassuring smile that he had become accustomed to. Simon longed for that hand on his shoulder, assuring him that everything would be okay. He closed the door, and felt tears welling in his eyes. His heart was breaking, and he felt like he was breaking it all by himself. He went back to his room and took down the poster of the actor who looked so much like Ian, putting it on top of his closet. He didn’t want to see it for a while.
He heard the front door open again and Olivia shouted to him, “Are you alone, babe?”
Simon managed to let out that he was alone, and he was okay. But he wasn’t so sure if the latter part was true.
Chapter 11
Simon awoke in the morning feeling stabs of regret in his stomach. Why had he been so immature with Ian? The night before had finally been his chance to let Ian know how he felt, and it seemed like Ian was returning his feelings, but he had let the opportunity slip away from him again. His thoughts were swimming. He pulled the sheet up over his face, ready to explode with embarrassment and the sinking feeling that he had missed his one chance to be with Ian.
He had had a dream about Ian the night before, replaying the events of their evening with a more favorable outcome. In his dream, Ian had held on tightly to his hand, and then reached up to hold his face, staring into his eyes, and he whispered to Simon: “I don’t want to be without you. I want you.” The longing was overwhelming for Simon. He could feel the yearning he felt for Ian course through his body, and he remembered how close he was to tears the night before.
And then Ian had left him to see Margeaux. Of all people. Was there something going on between the two of them? She had certainly been very forward in kissing him and even pinching his butt before, but Ian was too smart to go for someone like that. Right?
He finally pushed himself out of bed, and tried to fight away the thoughts of Ian. It was getting him nowhere to be recycling the self-loathing and regret that he had been feeling all morning and night. He was determined to focus on something that he could control: helping Zuko. His friend needed him, and Ian needed him to investigate and expose what was going on. If there was a pattern there, it could be a really important story to share with students. Simon needed to make sure, first of all, that Zuko was okay.
Ian’s instincts were always right, so Simon decided to trust him. If he thought that there was something fishy with the way the Ridgemont management handled cases of discrimination, then Simon believed him. The only thing he had to do was find out why they would try and cover up such things, and what exactly had happened to finally drive Zuko away. Simon reached for his phone again and tried Zuko’s cell phone. It was at least the hundredth time that he had tried calling his friend over the past few days, but every time the phone was either switched off or would just ring. Zuko’s mother was being no help, simply ignoring Simon’s calls. This time, however, Simon was shocked to hear an answer to his call, and Zuko’s voice timidly saying, “Hello?”
“Zuko, is that you? Finally! I’ve been trying to reach you non-stop for days now. Why have you been ignoring my calls?”
“Simon, I’m sorry for being so distant. I just needed some space and I needed to think about things. But everything is fine. You don’t need to worry.”
Simon was unconvinced. Zuko’s voice sounded different, heavier, and he knew from the injuries Zuko had sustained before that everything was definitely not okay. “What happened? Why did you suddenly leave? Why are your things not in your room anymore?”
“Simon, I left Ridgemont. It’s just not the place for me. You know I wasn’t really fitting in.”
“What are you talking about? What exactly happened?” Simon was getting agitated that Zuko was clearly avoiding telling him something, but he tried to calm his voice. “Why don’t you just tell me exactly what is going on?”
Zuko hesitated for a few seconds. “I can’t talk about it, Simon. They made me sign stuff. I’m not even sure if I should say anything at all.”
“Who made you sign what? What did you agree to? Zuko? Zee, I can help you. You know you can trust me.”
Zuko went quiet for a long time, and Simon waited for him to respond. Finally, in the smallest voice Simon had ever heard him speak with, he said, “I can meet you for lunch to talk about it. If you’re sure you can help me.”
“Okay, should we meet at my place? Or at Valerie’s just across the road from my flat?”
“No, I’d rather not meet on campus. Let’s go to the city and meet at the Dino’s at Westridge mall. I can be there around 1:30. Will that suit you?”
“Definitely, I’ll meet you there. I’m here for you, Zee. I won’t let you down again.”
Simon hung up the phone and had a new sense of determination to help his friend. Even though he felt a bit hesitant about going up against management, who had obviously made Zuko keep quiet about something, he was determined to stand up for what was right. He couldn’t allow his friend to live in fear.
Simon ran to the shower and got ready, and on his way out he noticed the corner of a poster showing over the edge of the top of his closet. He took it down one more time and looked at the man who reminded him so much of Ian, handsome and with kind, open features. I want to make you proud, Ian. I want to be braver for you.
He rushed out of the door of his flat, grabbing a banana from the kitchen counter for breakfast, and decided to make one stop before meeting Zuko since he still had a few hours to kill. He would go back to Zuko’s residence and try to speak to the residence head again, or to find out more about what was going on from them. There were too many pieces to this puzzle to just ignore the residence, and if Zuko really
was subject to a gag order, maybe he wouldn’t be able to find out what he really needed from him anyway.
Simon walked down the scenic street next to the local pubs and the campus park, Donovan Square, where he grabbed a coffee from his favorite coffee cart. He felt a new sense of hope then, and he was going to make things right. First with Zuko, then with Ian. He was going to go after the things he wanted, and not let himself be held back by fear anymore.
Simon arrived at Zuko’s residence and saw Zuko’s roommate sitting outside on the benches with other residents. They were being loud and catcalling women as they passed the residence. Something to report later, Simon thought. He marched straight to the bench and stood facing Zuko’s roommate. “Can I ask you some questions for the Ridgemont Weekly? We are doing a story about what is happening in your residence.”
The roommate gave the same smug expression as before, this time seeming even more confident because of his friends sitting with him on the benches. “If this is about your friend, he really didn’t belong here. Do you know the kinds of things he was doing?” The men all laughed then, making Simon’s face warm with anger. He decided that it was useless talking to them, and had even more sympathy for what Zuko was going through in the residence with such a group to contend with. He walked into the front door of the residence and asked the student assistant to see the residence head about a complaint. The student assistant walked up the stairs without saying a word, and Simon sat waiting in the foyer. He could see that this would be an uphill battle. The rest of the students living in the residence must have been briefed on how to deal with this situation already. Everyone standing united against the outsiders.
A few minutes later the student assistant returned, and said with an expressionless face: “You can make an appointment to see him if it is on official business only. You will need a letter to discuss complaints from a student society and faculty officer, and then he will be able to see you within the next few weeks if the letter is approved. Just protocol, you know.”
Simon was fuming. He took a few deep breaths and resisted shouting at the young man. All he said as he stormed out was, “Thanks for all of your effort. You’ve been a huge help.”
He was seeing red, and almost didn’t notice the familiar face outside of the residence.
“Jeremy! Is that you?”
It was Jeremy from the Rainbow society, the one who had been dancing with Zuko at the journalism faculty opening function. Jeremy’s hair was a mess and he had dark circles under his eyes. He greeted Simon somberly. “Did you see Zuko? Is he still here? I’ve been trying to call.”
Simon explained that Zuko had left the residence, and that he was seeing him for lunch.
Jeremy seemed relieved, but his face was still heavy with worry. “I didn’t know what happened to him. I was so scared. I’ve been walking past here for the last few days just hoping I would see him come or go.”
“What happened, Jeremy? What did they do to Zuko?” Simon took Jeremy by the arm and pulled him down the street away from the residence, being careful not to be noticed by Zuko’s roommate who was still laughing with his friends on the bench in front of the residence.
Jeremy shook his head: “We were in his room. We hit it off after the journo function. I really liked him, and he said his roommate was away for the weekend. But he walked into the room while we were kissing. He saw us. He ran out, shouting horrible things. Poor Zuko. He came back with his friends. They kept me in the room and dragged Zuko away. I don’t know what they did to him. After a while they lifted me and carried me out of the res. They locked me out. I called campus security and told them what had happened. I waited here for Zuko. But they just told me that everything was okay and that they had resolved everything. The residence head told me to leave or he would have me arrested for trespassing. I didn’t know what else to do. I was so worried about him.”
Jeremy wrapped his arms around Simon and began to sob bitterly. “I know Zuko doesn’t want to see me. He sent me a message telling me just to stay away. I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if he was okay. I really liked him, and I didn’t want to be the cause of him getting into so much trouble.”
“You did nothing wrong, Jeremy. I’m on my way to see Zuko soon. Give me your number and I’ll keep you updated, okay.”
Simon continued to pat Jeremy on his back, feeling desperately sorry for him and for Zuko. His anger towards the students from Zuko’s residence intensified.
Chapter 12
Simon got out of the cab at the entrance to Westridge Mall, finishing his text to Ian as he walked. Following up on the story. Will update soon. There’s definitely something here. His eyes narrowed as he considered how to end the text. Should he acknowledge the tension between them? Should he apologize for being completely neurotic the last time they saw each other? Never mind, he thought, Zuko deserved all of his attention. He had to make things right and help Zuko to stand up to the residence and the way he was treated. Jeremy had seemed so shaken, like he really thought that Zuko was in danger, and the look in his eyes had scared Simon.
Strangely enough Simon also felt a sense of exhilaration, like he was investigating a story really worth following and actually using his skills to help someone who needed it. He would tell this story. With Ian. And they would make sure that no one had to go through the humiliation that Zuko went through again.
Simon found the restaurant where they had agreed to meet by text. He sat down at a table outside and waited for Zuko, and he still felt the buzz of all of his conflicting emotions coursing through him. He had a lot on his plate, from pining over Ian, to feeling judged by Olivia for being so anxious about saying how he really felt, to feeling like a failure over not helping Zuko when he really needed it. And then there was Margeaux clamoring for the editor job once Ian stepped down. He tried to quiet his mind a bit and scanned the room again to see if Zuko was arriving. He glanced at his phone; Zuko was late. A message tone sounded then and Ian’s name appeared on Simon’s phone’s screen. I will be in tomorrow and we can work on it together. Good work Northbrook. We can talk then.
Talk? Would they just be talking about the story, or did Ian want to bring up what happened between them.
“Deep in thought I see?” Zuko’s voice boomed over Simon. He was smiling broadly, again wearing one of his signature floral shirts and hugging Simon enthusiastically. “It’s good to see you. Sorry if I’m a bit late, I just had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction. More accurately, just a bit of indecision. How are you?”
Zuko’s cheeriness was unnerving for Simon. Why was he acting like nothing was wrong? Simon gave him a confused look and said, “I’m fine, Zee. But I know you’re not. I spoke to Jeremy this morning.”
Zuko’s expression suddenly fell. He sat down at the table with heavy eyes. “Is he okay? I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.”
“He’s okay. He’s worried about you. He told me what happened, or at least he told me everything until you were dragged out of the room. What did they do to you? Why did you say you can’t tell me what’s going on? Are they forcing you to leave Ridgemont?”
Zuko sat still for a few seconds, his expression becoming increasingly strained. His lip started to quiver. “Why must you put me through all of this again, Simon? I’m trying to move on with my life. A bad thing happened but I am strong enough to just move on.”
“I want to help you. Ian thinks that this has happened to other people before at your residence. I can guarantee you that it will happen again unless we tell your story. Ian wants to help and so do I.”
Zuko’s face fell into his hands and he began sobbing. It was heartbreaking for Simon to watch, but he was glad that the facade of nonchalance had fallen.
“Poor Jeremy,” Zuko said between sobs. “He didn’t deserve all this drama. I should’ve known that taking him to my res was a mistake. They even warned me that I would face ‘consequences’ if I overstepped their boundaries. I didn’t want to cause so much trouble. But you know me,
I have a flair for pushing back when I’m being bullied. I couldn’t just sit back and let them treat me like that. That’s what I was thinking when I took Jeremy with me to my room that night.”
Zuko took out a white handkerchief with a floral print and wiped his cheeks. His eyes were red, but the sobbing had stopped. Simon reached out and took his hand. “Zuko, I need you to tell me exactly what happened. I want to take this further, confront management and the residence head, and write a story so that this doesn’t happen again.”
“No!” Zuko exclaimed, and stood up quickly with his eyes wide. He was shaking, “You can’t do that. They made me promise. They made me sign a nondisclosure agreement. I can’t go back on it. I’ll get in a lot of trouble. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”
Zuko began walking away then, and Simon had to chase after him to stop him. “Zuko, listen to me! If they harassed you, you have to make them pay for it. They can’t get away with this. I can write an anonymous story, leave out all of your details, and focus more on the previous case. We don’t need you to get into any sort of trouble. But I need to know what happened so that I can know what to look for when I’m researching this.”
Zuko finally seemed to calm down. “You know what? Screw it! I made a mistake agreeing to their terms. I don’t care what the consequences are. I don’t care what they do to me now. They took away my dignity. They need to take responsibility for what they did.”
Simon and Zuko walked back to the table at the restaurant and ordered coffee. Zuko took many deep breaths, and his eyes darted around the room. His movements seemed frantic and he acted like he was paranoid. “I wasn’t expecting my roommate to come home,” he finally said. “I thought he would be away for the night. But he came in and saw me kissing Jeremy. And then all hell broke loose. He called his friends. I told Jeremy that we should escape somehow. They had hurt me before, and that was only because of the way I dress and talk. Imagine what they would do to me for kissing another guy! I tried to get out but my roommate was already coming back with his friends. And that guy. The ringleader. The one calling all the shots.”
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