“Who was it?” Simon asked. “What did he make them do?”
Zuko hesitated again, but the determination came back into his eyes and he answered, “Dawid Cornelius. Do you know him?”
Simon’s eyes widened and his mouth was agape. “Professor Cornelius’s son? The Vice-Rector’s son? He was involved in this?”
“He was the one who targeted me first. That’s why I was so scared to talk to you, or to talk to anyone. I knew that he could make my life really difficult if I said anything. Ironic, hey, because he was already making my life unbearable.”
“What did they do?” Simon demanded, now feeling his own anger rising again.
“He told them to slap me. They all took turns, and called me filthy. Said I was a disgrace to their residence. They treated me like a dog.”
Simon instinctively hugged Zuko then, and his heart was completely broken for his friend. He couldn’t believe that Zuko had to suffer like that, in Ridgemont University of all places. He knew that the University was very conservative, but he never expected it to be this hard for people who are different. And what about Simon himself? He had been staying in the closet, too scared to hurt his chances of being editor or eventually being a successful journalist. Was he a part of the problem by letting his fear control his life?
Zuko spoke again, sounding like he was holding back tears, “When I complained, tried to take things further, they had me meet with a lawyer. He represented Dawid Cornelius and told me that they could offer me a comfortable deal, under the table, if I agreed to make this all quietly disappear. They paid my tuition at the college and arranged the transfer of credits. They even arranged for private accommodation for me, and gave me some money that I could give to my mother. I took their hush money, Simon. I just wanted it all to end.”
“They’ve done this before, Zee. They use their power to abuse and then to cover it all up with money. We can make that change.”
They spoke for an hour about the story that needed to be told, and Simon promised Zuko that he would make Cornelius and the others involved take responsibility for their actions. This was the kind of story he had always wanted to do - something that could really make a difference and change things for the better. He couldn’t wait to tell Ian about it and for them to work on the story together.
Simon rushed over to the office immediately after seeing Zuko, and went to his PC and the ‘Works in Progress’ folder. He wrote up the main notes from the story and everything he had learned so far about Cornelius and the history of harassment on campus. He rushed out of the office, his mind buzzing, and forgot to turn off his PC. On his way out he walked past Margeaux, who was coming in for some editing. He greeted her with a fake smile, but he was too preoccupied to give her too much attention. He had to tell Ian about this immediately.
Chapter 13
Simon knocked on the door to Ian’s flat, barely able to contain his excitement. He was impatient to tell Ian about what Zuko had said, that Ian was right about a pattern similar to the last story they tried to pursue. But Ian was taking long to answer the door. Maybe he wasn’t home. He hadn’t responded to Simon’s texts. Simon debated whether or not to leave a note, to try shouting out, or to just leave and text Ian later.
He was about to turn away when he finally heard movement inside of the flat. “Ian, is that you? It’s Simon. Did you get my messages?” he shouted through the door.
A very disheveled Ian opened the door, his hair a mess and his face looking sunken and tired. He spoke to Simon with a groggy voice, “Hi Simon. Sorry for not answering sooner.”
Simon noticed that Ian was still using a crutch to walk, and it was the first time that Simon had seen him look… anything other than perfectly put together. It was hard to look at, because Simon knew that something must’ve been very wrong. His characteristic charm and smile were gone, and his shoulders drooped like a wounded animal.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“I’m okay. Come in. You said you had a breakthrough with the story? Anything concrete?”
Simon was conflicted. He wanted to break through the act of only being colleagues with Ian. He cared about him, more than he could say, and Ian was clearly hurting, but he was trying to act like the boss again. Simon wondered if this was for the best, that he should try and distance himself from Ian who could clearly never feel the same way about him as he felt about Ian. But his heart felt like it was being torn apart at the thought that Ian, his Ian, was hurting for some reason. Despite his concern, Simon knew that he would only hurt himself more if he allowed Ian to see just how much he really cared. He had to stay focused on helping Zuko, anyway. That was the most important thing right now, wasn’t it? Simon wanted to reach out and help Ian walk to the couch when he saw how much he was struggling. But he went back to his safety net of reason and professionalism. At least he could rely on that, rather than getting hurt or hurting someone else.
“I… I went to see Zuko. You were right. They were trying to cover up the way he was being treated in the res. The things they were doing to him... “
Simon described what had happened to Zuko, how Dawid Cornelius was the ringleader, which would look very bad for the University if it ever got out. How Zuko was paid to keep quiet.
“I can’t believe it. I’m so sorry that he had to go through that. But we will make this right. We have to run the story as soon as we can. I’ll speak to our legal consultant about how to get around the gag order they put on Zuko. I’m sure we can still get the story out without directly saying that he was our source. There were more students involved?”
“A group of them, yes. I got their names from Zuko. We can trace them back to the case from last year and see if there are any links. I started a quick write-up in the office right before I came over here. Just put down all of the facts so far. If we get something concrete, any shred of evidence, we can run the story immediately. The residence head dodged me when I tried to visit.”
Ian tried to get up from the couch and winced in pain. He gave Simon a weak smile, trying to pretend like nothing was wrong, “I just wanted to get some water, but I can do it later.”
Simon was even more concerned now. Were his injuries worse than he had let on? Simon’s emotions overtook his head and he finally asked, “Ian, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look like yourself. I’m worried about you.”
Ian’s head sank then, and his weak smile faded. “I went to see the doctor again today. He says that the tear in my ligament is too severe and I won’t be able to be on the rugby team for the rest of the year.” His gaze was distant and he gave a deep sigh. “Nothing I can do about it though. I just need to keep pushing on.”
Simon went and sat down next to Ian on the couch, feeling the closeness of his body again and remembering the night on the floor of his flat, where they shared an intimate moment. Why had Simon ruined it then? Why had he been so scared to be vulnerable in front of Ian? His stomach was aflutter and he felt his neck break out in sweat. But he was not going to get up and walk away. “Ian, what exactly happened to cause your car accident? How did you just drive off the road?”
Ian stared at the floor, a heavy crease forming between his eyes. Simon became suddenly aware of the silence around them, and hung on Ian’s every word. “I’ve been such a coward. I’ve been trying to fight against… against myself. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been distracted, drinking too much at parties, trying to numb myself. School is almost over for me. Everyone respects me so much and thinks I live this charmed life. But I’m a coward.”
He finally turned to look at Simon. His eyes were wet and red. They seemed to beg Simon to probe, to ask him what he meant. But fear once again overtook Simon. He felt lightheaded from being so close to Ian, but also felt like he was a thousand miles away.
Ian started to cry then, big, heavy sobs that rock his entire body. He covered his face with his big hands, and he said, “That day, crashing my car, I was thinking about what I really wanted, and I
realized that I might never get it. I realized that I might just keep being the Ian that everyone expects me to be. That my parents expect me to be. The people at the paper. Margeaux.”
Why did Ian have to ruin the moment by mentioning Margeaux? Simon was instantly upset, and wondered if something was happening between the two of them. But his heart was still breaking for Ian, who sobbed on the couch next to him, and he decided to push his jealousy aside and moved in to hug him. He wrapped his arms around Ian’s broad shoulders, feeling the tears on his cheek. He moved his mouth to Ian’s ear, whispering to him, “I’m here for you.” And he kissed him, gently, on his cheek, tasting the salty tears Ian was crying.
His entire body was electrified at what he had done. But in that moment, he didn’t care. He wanted to be close to Ian. He wanted to care for him when he was hurting the most. Ian was still crying and said to him, “That day, I just wanted to be someone else. My father had called me again, told me how important it was that I get in for the best internships after I finish my studies, how I had a legacy to uphold. He said that when I take over his business I need to be ‘a man worthy of the Peters name.’ I didn’t want to think about that. My mind was somewhere else as I was driving. And I crashed before I knew it. I don’t even know… maybe there was a part of me that wanted to crash. To make it all different somehow. To not be this person that everyone wants me to be.”
“You don’t have to change a thing,” Simon said to him, still hugging him tightly. “You’re perfect the way you are. You’re everything.”
“I wish I could be more like you. Just being happy to focus on work. Not letting myself be so distracted by my feelings. But I feel like a fraud.”
Simon pulled back then. Was that what Ian thought of him? That he was nothing but a robot who only cared about work? He considered taking Ian to task for it. He was hurt by the words for some reason. And a part of him was upset that Ian would say that when he was clearly trying to be closer to him. Maybe Simon had imagined it all. And he had mentioned Margeaux when he spoke about people he was trying to impress. It must have been a sign that there was more going on between them than he had let on.
Simon, in a moment of spite and an attempt to gauge Ian’s reaction, said: “You must be happy that Margeaux is there for you, though. She seems to really be taken with you.”
Ian stopped crying then, and a hint of confusion entered his eyes. “She hasn’t really been around much. She sent some flowers. But she says she’s working on some kind of story and doesn’t have time to visit right now.”
Ian was more confusing than ever to Simon, but he knew, looking at the handsome, disheveled man sitting in front of him, that his feelings would not go away. He knew that Ian was everything he could want. Why couldn’t he just say it? Why couldn’t he just take a chance?
He decided to do the one thing he could manage to do easily - write. He excused himself, walked to the bathroom and took out his notepad and pen. He was determined not to give Ian the wrong impression again, not to be the cold, ambitious workaholic that Ian implied he could be. He wrote on the note: Ian, I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. I don’t like seeing you in pain. I’m sorry I’m such a klutz when it comes to talking about feelings. But I do care about you. I really do. And I want to be there for you. Simon.
Simon walked out of the bathroom, taking a deep breath and feeling dizzy from emotion. He walked to Ian’s wallet which was on the kitchen counter and slipped the note inside of it. Ian would have to find it there, and no other eyes could see it by mistake. He needed to say it now before he lost his nerve.
“I have to go, Ian,” he said when he returned to the living room. “Will you be okay?”
“I’ll be okay, Simon. Don’t worry about me. I just had a moment of weakness. It’ll pass soon. You just focus on this story. Make me proud. And give me something to leave behind when I move on from the paper.”
Simon smiled at Ian and walked out of the door. His heart was racing, and he almost didn’t notice his phone’s message tone sounding. He read it as he walked towards his car. It was Olivia: Simon, you won’t BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. OH. EM. GEE. You, me, a bottle of champers, RIGHT NOW. xoxoxoxoxox. It had finally happened. Simon smiled with contentment, and headed home.
Chapter 14
Simon stood in front of the door to his flat, already preparing himself. He knew what Olivia was about to tell him, and he smiled knowing how happy she would be. But there was a hint of jealousy as well. He wanted to find the same kind of love that she shared with Justin, and to be as unafraid of sharing that love as they were. But his heart was with Ian. He knew that now more than ever, after holding Ian in his arms earlier that night, seeing him break down in tears. This was the man that Simon wanted to be with. Was it really an impossible dream? Was he fooling himself? He couldn’t help but remember how Ian mentioned Margeaux at that crucial moment. If Ian really was involved with her, Simon seriously questioned his judgement. Someone so arrogant and shameless couldn’t possibly be good enough for Ian.
Simon finally shook himself out of his self-indulgent thoughts. He opened the door and saw Olivia standing there, beaming with the largest smile he had ever seen on her. She shrieked loudly and waved her arms in the air, exuberant, and jumped into Simon’s arms. “It finally happened! Aaaaahhh! I knew it was coming. He’s been acting nervous for the past few weeks already. I think he might have even been planning on proposing on our boat trip, but I missed the signals and invited you along. But it was perfect! It was a perfect day!”
Olivia showed Simon the ring on her finger, doing a happy dance around the room while waving her hands at him, smiling all the while. He had never seen her this happy.
“I’m so happy for you, Liv! I can’t even believe it! I mean, I can believe it! I don’t know what I’m saying, I’m just happy for you.” He danced along with her, trying for a moment to forget everything that was weighing on him. He tried to push away thoughts of Zuko, his hopeless expression when they met for lunch, and of Ian, sobbing into his shoulder, the kiss Simon softly lay on his cheek, and just focused his attention on being there for Olivia. This was one of the most important days of her life.
“Wait, wait, wait, you have to tell me everything. How did he propose?”
Olivia told Simon about the perfect day that Justin had planned for her. He had taken her to a music show in the botanical gardens and afterwards they had a picnic together. Champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. They went for a walk through the gardens when the sun started to set, and Olivia finally arrived in a clearing where Justin had arranged fairy lights and a violinist played her favorite song. She started crying immediately then, she said, because she knew it was the moment. Justin got down on one knee, even though he was wearing his favorite pants and the grass was wet. Olivia chuckled at this. And he said that he could never love anyone as much as he loved her. “He told me that I’m his dream, and if I marry him he can live his dream every day for the rest of his life.”
Simon was overwhelmed with emotion and hugged Olivia. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve all of the good things that Justin can offer you. He’s an amazing guy and you know that you’re my amazing girl, so I couldn’t be happier.”
“Well you know what this means,” Olivia said, with a mischievous smile. “You have to be my man of honor.”
They both laughed at this, and Simon said, “Of course! I wouldn’t have it any other way, babe!”
Despite his best efforts, Simon couldn’t fight off flashes of Ian, wondering if they could ever have as much happiness as Olivia and Justin were having. Olivia noticed then that Simon was not himself. “Listen, I know you’re happy for me, but something is up. What’s wrong?”
Simon took a glass from the table and poured himself some of the champagne which Olivia had put out. He realized that he had to tell Olivia, his best friend, about what was happening in his life. He didn’t want to ruin her perfect day, but he knew that she would know exactly what to say t
o him to set him on the right path.
“I met with Zuko today. He was being abused in the res by other students.”
Olivia gasped in shock. “Is he okay? Is he going to press charges?”
Simon explained how Zuko had signed a nondisclosure agreement and accepted money from Cornelius’s lawyer. Olivia was outraged. “We have to do something about this! They can’t get away with it.”
“Don’t worry, I’m writing a story about it. They won’t get away with any of it. Ian is helping me to get them.”
“Ian?” Olivia said, a sly smile crossing her face. “You’re working with him.”
“That’s the other part of my problem right now. I went to see Ian today. He’s not doing well. The injuries from his car crash were more extensive than he thought and he’ll be in recovery for a while. But that’s not all. We had a… moment… tonight.”
“A moment?” Olivia asked, her eyebrow raised. “Did something happen?”
Simon felt an involuntary smile cross his lips at the memory. “I kissed him. Okay, to be fair, I just kissed his cheek. But I wanted to do so much more.”
Olivia squealed and jumped off of the couch. “I can’t believe it! Simon Northbrook! You dirty boy!”
Simon was smiling even harder then, happy that he had a tiny bit of good news to share with Olivia too. But then he had to tell her the whole story, and why he was so confused.
“That’s not all though. He mentioned Margeaux again. I’m really starting to think that there’s more going on between them, that they might be getting serious. If he is into guys, I think he is still very much in denial. Oh babe I don’t know what to do. My heart is calling out for this guy but I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
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