Plays 6

by Tom Murphy

  Man Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

  Edward Think how I was when I first entered your shop! Make amends!

  Floozie 2 Make amends for what, Lord Teddy?

  Edward Prudence, Prudence! assist me –

  Floozie 1 You had your senses –

  Floozie 2 Did he compel you in? –

  Floozie 3 You walked in the man’s door –

  Man Did I invite you in? –

  Figures Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha . . . !

  Edward (angrily, bitterly; overlapping them) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Does hell send cards of invitation forth to its fires of torment? Curse you, Tubbs – Curse you all! If it had not been for you and your infernal shops I had been still a man! (He lies back, whimpering.)

  Rencelaw (light up on Rencelaw) The foul shops – dens! – where pockets are plundered, where death and disease are dealt in tumblers – with little thought from the noxious purveyors than to count the profits of the till; from whence goes forth the blast of ruin on our land, stealing and withering the beauty and intelligence of our youth. Youth! Our future! Our promise, pride, joy, our hope, turned into a generation of animals! The waves of that direful sickness extending, leaving none unaffected, wounding to futility the loving relatives, filling the mother’s, sister’s, brother’s hearts with anguish, the widows’ with grief, orphans cursed, blighting ambition and all that is glorious in man and casting him from his high estate!

  Fade on Rencelaw.

  Edward And making of him such as I?

  He chuckles, bitterly. Man enters, as before.

  Man Where, in nature, can my horse have gone?

  Edward (quietly) Here is your horse.

  Man Who’s there? . . . Who’s there, I say!

  Edward You common poisoner! It is I, Young Edward Kilcullen.

  He springs on Man and takes him by the throat.

  Man Murder! Murder!

  Edward I have a claim on you now, a deadly claim –

  Man Release – release me –

  Edward So, a drink, one drink, a single glass –

  Man Let go your hold –

  Edward Or I shall have your last breath!

  Man Help! I am choking! Police! Arrrrrgh!

  William (without) Holloo! Holloo! (Rushing in.) What goes here?

  He pulls Edward off Man. Edward falls back. Man rushes off, calling:

  Man Police! Police! . . .

  William (shocked) Edward? Mary and Joseph! Young master, friend, can this be you?

  Edward Shhhh! Hush, she sleeps.

  William Edward, don’t you know who I am?

  Edward Shhh! Do not disturb her sweet slumber.

  William (frightened) Ned, dear soul, come to your senses.

  Edward Angels guard thee. And you, my darling child.

  William He’s near gone from us. I must venture for assistance. (He hurries out.)

  Edward All is quiet, my beloved. I kiss these hands that were once mine. And yours, my child. And one last time let me kiss her lips while she sleeps, for awake she would spurn me did she know it . . . Yes, all’s quiet now. (He produces a phial.) It’s a sin to steal liquor. Is’t sin to purloin lasting sleep with the universal antidote that – quenches – earthly cares?

  He is about to drink the poison. Rencelaw rushes in, followed by William, and with a deft flick of his cane sends the phial flying out of Edward’s hand.

  Edward God!

  Rencelaw Nay! Take not your life, mend it!

  Man (without) This way, Officer! In here, Officer!

  Man, Policeman, followed by Floozies and Loafers are arriving.

  Man There he is!

  Policeman (pushes Rencelaw aside) Step aside, Jimbo!

  Man Arrest him!

  Rencelaw (to himself) Jimbo?

  All speaking together:

  Policeman Now who have we here? – (And repeats.)

  Loafer 1 What’s happening, what’s happening? – (And repeats.)

  Floozie 2 It’s Lord Teddy, he’s raving – (And repeats.)

  Floozie 3 Let me see, let me see – (And repeats.)

  Loafer 2 Sod’s in the jigs – (And repeats.)

  Floozie 1 He’s dying, he’s dying –

  Rencelaw Jimbo? Jimbo?

  Edward (shivering, and a continuous gabbling mantra) Give me a drink, give me a drink, give me a . . .

  William Do something, someone. Help him, help him –

  Rencelaw Silence! . . . Do you not know who I am?

  William (whispers to Policeman) Sir Arden Rencelaw.

  And the whisper – ‘Sir Arden Rencelaw’ – goes round. All are impressed and they pull back to watch.

  Rencelaw I have come not to judge or condemn you.

  Edward Give me a drink, give me a drink . . .

  Rencelaw Consider ere it’s too late.

  Edward ’Tis too late to consider – give me a drink.

  Rencelaw You are a man and, if a man, a brother.

  Edward Give me a drink – I cannot be brother to anyone.

  Rencelaw Why?

  Edward I am lost, of no use, you put your friendship to waste here!

  Rencelaw Are you indeed lost?

  Edward Give me a drink –

  Rencelaw Are you indeed a fallen man?

  Edward Brandy – a glass, a drop, a sip, a taste –

  Rencelaw Edward?!

  Edward I am a drunkard.

  Rencelaw Then you have greater claim upon my compassion.

  And he produces a glass of drink – as only he can – and places it on the floor.

  There is the mouthful you crave. Take it. Take it. Or stand on your feet and once more become a blessing to yourself and to those dear ones you love.

  Edward (shakes his head; he is becoming tearful) That picture is too bright.

  Rencelaw You mistake, you misjudge the picture.

  Edward (whispers, silently) No.

  Rencelaw Well, you now have a choice.

  Edward There is no choice.

  He’s crying; hand and arm shaking, reaching out, weakly, as for someone to give him the glass.

  Rencelaw Then CRAWL!

  Edward (weeping; starts to crawl; stops) It’s too late.

  Rencelaw Never! You see before you one who, for twenty years, was prey to that dreadful absurdity. Come, give me your hand. Reject not my plea. The journey back, as with the journey there, begins with one step. Come, my son, my brother, enrol your name among the free, become once more an ornament to society. Be a man again.

  Edward is very weak and frail but with a faltering effort he manages to stand. He takes Rencelaw’s hand and they leave together.

  William He that lifts a fallen fellow creature be greater than the hero that conquers the world. (Exits.)

  Floozie 1 (to heaven) Please, your great Majesty up there, be nice to our Lord Teddy.

  And she knocks back the glass of drink that has been left on the floor.

  Scene Six

  Drop scene. Day. McGinty alternates with Rencelaw, coming forward and retiring. An air of urgency.

  McGinty Good news: Young Edward Kilcullen is dying.

  Rencelaw His waste in health exceeds what I’d supposed: endeavour does not prosper.

  McGinty And good news more has just arrived: my brother the master forger has expired.

  Rencelaw The special fillip must be found to rally him.

  Agnes (entering) Sir! –

  Rencelaw Miss Agnes! (Joining her, and they confer.)

  McGinty Now my brother’s dead at last, I must hasten to the village, retrieve the real will from its hiding place and destroy it –

  Rencelaw You saw the lawyer at the dead of night?

  Agnes Stealthily, Sir, put a document in a box and . . .

  McGinty (with deeds to the cottage) Then, with this, take possession of the cottage, thus concluding triumphantly my life’s undertaking. (He hurries off.)

  Rencelaw The will – ha, ha, ha! This explains Young Kilcullen’s disinheritance. We have not a moment to lose. (Ca
lls.) William!

  William (entering immediately) Sir Arden!

  Rencelaw Instruct my footman run at once to Mrs Kilcullen’s lodgings and tell her to prepare for a journey!

  William (hastening off) Sir Arden! –

  Rencelaw And William! –

  William Sir Arden! –

  Rencelaw Race you then to Collopy’s Cross, bid the postillion to halt the post chaise and await my further orders!

  William Sir Arden! (And he is gone.)

  Rencelaw Miss Agnes!

  Agnes Sir! –

  Rencelaw Attend to your valise and see that my portmanteau’s packed at once! –

  Agnes Sir! (She runs.)

  Rencelaw And Miss Agnes!

  Agnes Sir! (Stops.)

  Rencelaw Make haste!

  Agnes Sir! (She runs.)

  Rencelaw Agnes!

  Agnes Sir!

  Rencelaw I long to hear my first name issue from her lips! Agnes Sir?

  Rencelaw We shall together, my dear, lighten the journey into night with our favourite hymns. (She races off.) Her devotion actively stirs me. But now, with God’s speed, to see if we can outgo the crooked lawyer to the village and set a trap there. And if my plan succeed, might I return with the special fillip to muster a dying man? (Hurries out.)

  Scene Seven

  Galloping horses: the coach is arriving, off. Night.

  A landscape with moss-covered wall. Farmer (Tom Moggan), paralytic (as in Act One, Scene Five), is going homeward with a lantern. He thinks he hears something, then, a belch.

  Farmer Aye! (And is going on.)

  But William enters. He, too, has a lantern. He is bemused

  William Tom. (‘Goodnight.’ )

  Farmer Aye!

  Now, Rencelaw and Agnes, in travelling clothes. They are excited. And they have lanterns.

  Rencelaw Cover those lanterns with your bodies! We have beaten him to it but he is on the upper road. Are you sure, Miss Agnes, this is the place?

  Agnes Brake, fern, cypress dell – moss-covered wall!

  Rencelaw The exact spot!

  Agnes Here! No, there! No! . . . I was hidden over here . . .

  William (bemused, scratching his head) Grand night, Tom!

  Farmer Aye!

  Agnes Here!

  Rencelaw Dig! – Make haste! – (Going out urgently, to check on McGinty’s approach.)

  Agnes is digging, on her hands and knees.

  Agnes No! Here!

  She has discovered that she is digging in the wrong spot and she tries another.

  Rencelaw (entering, briefly) Haste, hasten or we are done for! He approaches! (Exit.)

  She hurries to dig in another spot.

  Farmer Something’s afoot maybe?

  William Mary and Joseph, Tom! this be like Mother Reilly’s addled eggs: can’t make chickens or ducks of them.

  Rencelaw (entering) What luck, Miss Agnes? He’s nearly upon us!

  Agnes Here! (And she digs a third spot.)

  William This don’t tot, Sir Arden: why, she’s more nuttier now than the hazel beyond!

  Rencelaw She’s as sane as myself, honest William. (And exits.)

  Agnes finds the tin box, opens it, produces the real will from it, and full voice, calls:

  Agnes Arden!

  Rencelaw (rushing in) Agnes! (He looks at the will.) It confirms possession of everything to Young Kilcullen. Replace the empty tin! He is here! Everyone draw back! And you, Sir, (Farmer) fetch a policeman here at once!

  Farmer Aye!

  All move off. Music. And McGinty enters, cautiously, with a lantern.

  McGinty Safe. No one’s about. Now to destroy the real will . . . What’s this? The earth looks freshly turned. I like this not . . . Still, here’s the box . . . Empty! The will! –

  Agnes (without) Ha, ha, ha!

  McGinty The mad wench Agnes Earley!

  Agnes (entering) Gone, gone, the bird is flown, the rightful heir shall have his own!

  McGinty (cane raised to beat her) You shall pay dearly for this!

  But a Policeman rushes in, followed by Rencelaw, William and Farmer. Policeman is pointing a pistol at McGinty’s head, William has seized his arm and Rencelaw holds up the will.

  Rencelaw You are trapped, Sir!

  William All day to you, Squire!

  Rencelaw (deftly drawing the deeds from McGinty’s pocket) And as for this – the deeds to the cottage – this ‘forgery’ is not worth the rosin dust off a fiddler’s bow to you, Sir.

  McGinty Prove it’s a forgery!

  Rencelaw I see here that this document is signed by Mr Edward Kilcullen and by – Hah! Call Mr Kilcullen’s wife.

  William Mrs Kilcullen!

  Arabella, bewildered, and Alanna enter in travelling attire.

  Rencelaw Madam, who are you?

  Arabella Sir?

  Rencelaw State your title and your name

  Arabella Why, Mrs Kilcullen.

  Rencelaw Mrs what Kilcullen?

  Arabella Mrs Arabella Kilcullen, Sir.

  Rencelaw Hah! And here is writ: Prudence!

  Agnes Hah!

  William Now for you, Mr Honey!

  Farmer Aye!

  Rencelaw (a stroke of his pen on the document before giving it to Arabella) To you and your heirs, freehold and in perpetuity, is given possession of that calm retreat.

  William Take him away before I have his skin for –

  Rencelaw Nay, William. – Hold, Officer! He is foul and shameful. Revenge and avarice have been his master passions and he is the perpetrator of deeds heinous: but let the superior power that has defeated him now look in compassion’s box to see what might be found for this pitiable creature, who is, still, after all, a human being. Most unfortunate man –

  McGinty Spare me. (Darkly, to himself.)

  Rencelaw I shall see what can be done. Most unfortunate man, the deeds you have committed –

  McGinty Spare me.

  Rencelaw I shall see, Sir, what measure can be found for you!

  McGinty Spare me your speeches!

  Rencelaw What’s this?

  McGinty Spare me your compassion’s box!

  Rencelaw Unhappy wretch! –

  McGinty Happy wretch!

  Rencelaw Evil wretch! –

  McGinty Ha, ha, ha!

  Rencelaw Repentance is available to you!

  McGinty Who makes it available?

  Rencelaw The honest rule of the Establishment that I here represent: Church and State.

  McGinty (to himself) Church and State: Sir, give me the salt mines, Siberia, Van Diemen’s Land. I promote life in a dungeon, in the company of foul-mouthed criminals, with the lash daily across my back, with verminous rats making dinner of my toes, than subscribe, submit or bow ever again to the scourge of your respectability.

  Policeman leads him away.

  Rencelaw Poor, poor man. But I must follow at once and show this evidence (the will) to the magistrate, thence to see it safely lodged in Probate, and thence to Young Kilcullen to ascertain what effect on a dying man the knowledge that he is now a wealthy one.

  William What blessings, at all, at all, can repay you, Sir?

  Rencelaw My own approving conscience, honest William.

  He goes to Agnes.

  Agnes Arden, you’re exhausted.

  Rencelaw (has to agree that he is) Agnes. And with heavy heart I leave you.

  Agnes But you will return – sometime – with lighter one, and edge.

  He leaves.

  William The heart of a feeling man, Tom Moggan, be like a tree that’s wounded yet still gives forth its precious sap.

  Farmer Aye! Children and chickens must always be a-pickin’. (Closing in, with his boot, one of the holes dug by Agnes.)

  Scene Eight

  Interior of the cottage. A pretty picture. Arabella and Alanna are completing a tapestry, a symmetry of motion between mother and daughter. They sing, unselfconsciously, as they work, a duet.

  Soft, soft music
is stealing,

  Sweet, sweet lingers the strain,

  Loud, loud, now it is pealing,

  Waking the echoes again . . .

  Yes, yes, yes, yes ,

  Waking the echoes again.

  Join, join children of sadness,

  Send, send sorrow away,

  Now, now changing to gladness,

  Warble a beautiful lay . . .

  Yes, yes, yes, yes,

  Warble a beautiful lay .

  Without, a cheer from the Villagers.

  Alanna What can that be, Mother?

  Arabella I know not, my dear.

  Edward (without) Thank you, thank you, kind friends and neighbours!

  Alanna It sounds like . . .

  Arabella Edward!

  Alanna Father!

  Edward Where is my dear, my beloved wife? (Entering, well-dressed.)

  Arabella Edward! Is it you?

  Edward It is I! My blessed one!

  Arabella Oh my dear, dear, dear, dear husband! (As they embrace.)

  Edward And my child, my child!

  Alanna Father! Father!

  Arabella Bounteous heaven! (To heaven.)

  Alanna Accept our thanks! (To heaven.)

  Arabella Oh my beloved, are you returned to me?

  Edward And wiser. (He is in tears.)

  Alanna He is crying, Mother. Mother, you are crying too!

  Edward Yes, my child, we weep. But these are different tears to those we have known.

  Arabella Tears of joy. And our past troubles now are as nothing compared to this happiness.

  A cheer from without.

  Villagers Hooray for Sir Arden Rencelaw!

  Rencelaw comes in, followed by Agnes, William and others.

  Arabella Sir, what words can express our gratitude?

  Rencelaw Pay thanks where it is due. (He means heaven.) I am rewarded in your happiness.

  Alanna presents him with a little bunch of flowers.

  Rencelaw Dear child.

  Edward I shall not wrong your selfless nature, Sir Arden, by fulsome show of praise, but humbly beg that heaven gives me the strength to continue in the path adorned by your example.

  Rencelaw (epilogue) What joy can equal the sensations of a thinking being returned from futility? With what happiness the erstwhile prisoned heart beats in the rediscovery of life’s beauty. How it pulses with the spirit of the earth! And the soul listens to its own music – the diminuendo that held on – now swell in tune with the Infinite, the great mystery we all share.

  Now full company. They pair as appropriate. And, led by Edward, they sing: