Falling for Jillian

by Kristen Proby

  And now, after I’d given up all hope that it could ever happen, here I am in my hometown, finally truly in love with an incredible man, and pregnant.

  I can’t freaking wait to tell Zack.

  And Cara. Should I call Cara? No, I should tell Zack first.

  Shit, I don’t know what to do.

  I laugh at myself and start the car, wipe tears from my cheeks, and just before I pull away from the parking lot, I get another text.

  Zack: On my way to ur place. Just dropped Seth off.

  Me: Perfect timing. Meet u there.

  I drive the short distance through town to my little house and pull into the driveway just before Zack, who pulls in behind me.

  “Hey sugar,” he says as he opens my door for me and gives me a big hug before following me to the door and inside the house. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

  “Bad day?” I ask as we shed our coats and boots. Zack takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles, sending happy zings up my arms and to my chest. I’m dying to blurt it out! Maybe we should have dinner first?

  “Long day. Seth is moody, anxious to get to Josiah’s house, and one of the ranch hands quit. We have less help in the winter anyway, so we need to find someone quickly to pick up the slack.”

  “I’m sorry,” I murmur and step back into his arms, holding him tightly around his waist and pressing my cheek to his chest. He rubs my back and presses a kiss to my head.

  “It’s okay. I’m feeling much better now.” I hear the smile in his voice as I tip my head back. He leans in for a soft, thorough kiss that just about steals my breath away.

  “I can cook you dinner, and you can hang out and relax for a while.”

  “That sounds great, but I’ll help with dinner.”

  “I insist.” I press my hand to his chest, rub it soothingly, loving the hard feel of his sternum and the muscles of his pecs, and frankly, I could just stand here all day and run my hands all over him. I want to tell him about the baby and watch his face light up with joy, but I also want to pick the perfect moment. I grin slyly and back away.

  “What do you have up your sleeve?” His eyes narrow as he props his hands on his hips.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrug innocently and turn to walk to the kitchen. Rather than sitting down to relax, Zack follows me.

  “Uh-huh,” he says. “You’re not a good liar.”

  “I’m not lying.” I laugh and shake my head. Not really. It’s good news! “If you insist on being in here, can you grab the chicken breasts out of the fridge?” I turn to the pantry and pull out ingredients to make chicken enchiladas. “The inspection on the Peterson house was this morning.”

  “That seems fast.”

  “It was. I pulled a few strings.” I shrug and set a pan on the stove to brown the chicken in. “They’re excited to move in, and I’d like for it to move as quickly as possible.”

  “Do they have kids?”

  “Yes, three and a fourth on the way.”

  “Holy shit, that’s a lot of kids.”

  I laugh as I turn the chicken. “The house is plenty big enough for all of them. That’s one of the things they wanted, plenty of bedrooms and a nice yard. They’ve been renting a smaller place, so moving into this nice, new, big house is going to feel like heaven to them.”

  “I’m happy for them then,” he replies and leans his hips against my kitchen counter as he watches me work. “You’re a good cook.”

  “Thanks. I like to cook.”

  “This kitchen seems kind of small.”

  I nod and glance around the kitchen, then shrug. “It’s just me here most of the time, so it’s sufficient.” But it won’t be just me for long!

  I smile softly and begin shredding the chicken.

  “Remember how I mentioned that I want to remodel my kitchen?”

  “I do. You’re brave. Remodeling a kitchen is a pain in the ass.”

  “I know,” he agrees with a chuckle. “I remember the last time Mom and Dad remodeled. But this time, I have Josh’s place and Mom and Dad’s new place nearby so we can go there for meals if need be.”

  “True. And you guys can come here too. That will help for sure.”

  “I want you to help with the remodel.”

  “I’m not great with a hammer and I know nothing about buzz saws,” I reply as my heart picks up speed again.

  “Funny.” He swats my ass playfully as I wrap the enchiladas and lay them in a glass pan to slide into the oven. “You’re a regular comedian.”

  “I know. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.”

  “Ba dum bum.”

  Zack grins, just as his phone rings in his pocket. He frowns when he checks the display. “I’ll be right back.” He stomps through the kitchen and out the back door, his entire demeanor changed from just a few moments ago.

  I wonder who that was?

  I shrug and set the timer on the oven then set about cleaning up the small mess. Just as I toss the sponge into the sink, Zack comes back into the kitchen.

  He’s scowling and his body is tense.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “Nothing important.”

  I tilt my head and watch him as he scrubs his fingers through his hair. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. It’s nothing.”

  Maybe the baby news will cheer him up!

  “So, um,” I wring my hands and am suddenly so damn nervous that cold sweat is back. “I have some news that might help your mood.”

  “More celebrating?” he asks.

  “I think so.” I nod and bite my lip, watching his face. He frowns and tilts his head.

  “What’s up?”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  He blinks at me for a moment and his body stills. “Excuse me?”

  “We’re going to have a baby.”

  He swallows and I smile and continue quickly, not able to contain my excitement any longer. “I thought my cycles were just off again, so I made an appointment with Hannah, and it turns out that I’m freaking pregnant! I was so shocked! After all those years of trying so hard to have a baby and it not working, I assumed I was infertile, but well, apparently not.”

  His eyes are trained on the floor, and he hasn’t hugged me yet. He must be in as much shock as I was in an hour ago.

  “I thought this wasn’t possible?” His voice is low. I step to him happily and wrap my arms around him.

  “I know it’s a shock. But isn’t it great? I mean, a baby!”

  He doesn’t move. Doesn’t hug me back.

  “Oh my God! Lo and I will have babies around the same time. That’s so cool!”

  Suddenly his hands clench around my shoulders and he sets me away from him, then backs away, not touching me at all. When I look up into his face, he’s gone completely pale and his eyes are just . . . pissed.

  “So, let me get this straight.” He rubs his fingers over his lips. His whole body is tight with anger.

  Oh no.

  “When you told me you couldn’t have kids, that was a lie.”

  “No.” I shake my head adamantly. “Zack, I tried for years to get pregnant and it didn’t work. I was told that I had unexplained infertility.”

  “Unexplained infertility,” he repeats. His voice is hard and angry and deceptively calm.

  “It means that they didn’t know why I couldn’t get pregnant, but I just couldn’t.”

  He’s shaking his head, and I can see that none of my words are sinking in at all.

  “You lied. So, what? Your biological clock was ticking away so you thought you’d try your hand with me?” He laughs without humor and backs further away from me. “I’m an easy mark, right?”

  “I’m twenty-nine! My biological clock isn’t running out! I thought it was nonexistent!”

  “I’m so fucking stupid,” he mutters and scrubs his hands over his face. “I bought it. I believed you.”

  “Zack . . .” What in t
he fuck is happening? Who is this man?

  “I fucking fell in love with you!” He rages and digs his fingers into his hair, paces around the kitchen, and then comes to a stop in front of me. I can’t move. I feel tears fall down my cheeks, but I’m numb. “Oh, that’s right. Turn on the tears.” He looks like he’s about to say more, but he shakes his head and exhales deeply, as if he’s completely hurt and exhausted. “You know what? I didn’t sign on for this.”

  He stomps through the kitchen to the living room and I follow him numbly.

  “You’re leaving? Without talking this through?”

  I wrap my arms around myself and hold on tight. I blink the tears from my eyes and clear my face because I’ll be fucking damned if I’ll give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

  He doesn’t answer me or even look back at me as he shakes his head and leaves, slamming the door behind him, and I’m suddenly standing in my silent house alone.

  What just happened?

  I sink into the floor and look around with blind eyes. Did the man I love just reject me because I’m pregnant with his child?

  The timer on the oven beeps, but I don’t move. I can’t get up off the floor. I hurt everywhere.

  I don’t know how long I stay here on the floor. I can smell dinner burning in the oven, and I know I need to get up and turn it off, but part of me just doesn’t care. I’m not crying. I’m just . . . here.

  Suddenly, my front door opens and Ty rushes in, chest heaving, eyes worried. Lo follows him, and while she makes a run for the kitchen, Ty kneels next to me and takes my face in his hands.

  “Jilly? What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

  I just stare at him. I frown and look up at the ceiling.

  “Why is there smoke?” I whisper.

  “Your smoke alarms are going off, Jill. What the fuck is going on?”

  Lauren is suddenly at his side. “There was something in the oven. It’s off now, and I’m opening all the windows and doors to air it out.”

  “No, you stay here and I’ll do that. Call for an ambulance.”

  “No,” I say loudly. “I don’t need an ambulance.”

  Ty and Lo exchange a worried glance just before he hurries through the house to open windows and doors, then comes back with two thick blankets.

  “Here, sweetness, wrap up. It’s about to get cold in here.”

  “Should we just take her home?” Lo asks and wraps the blanket around herself.

  “Let’s give it ten minutes to air out, and then yes, we’ll take her with us.”

  “I’m right here,” I whisper as Ty wraps me in the blanket. “I can hear you.”

  “You’re on the fucking floor, catatonic, princess.” He lifts me into his arms and sits on the couch with me in his lap. “The last time I found you like this . . .”

  He can’t finish the sentence, but I know exactly what he’s talking about. I look up into his face and the tears finally come. “Oh my God, Ty.”

  I bury my face in his chest and cry. Not delicate, soft whimpers, but loud, keening cries. Desperate cries. Grief-stricken cries. I can’t catch my breath, but I can’t stop. Am I being dramatic? Maybe. I don’t know. The way Zack looked at me when I told him I’m pregnant is not how a man in love with a woman looks at her. I should be pissed. I should flip him the bird and call it a day, but I’m just so damn sad.

  Ty is stroking my back softly and I hear them murmuring back and forth between them. Finally, he stands, sets me on the couch, and leaves, but Lo wraps her arm around me and coos soothingly at me, yet I don’t understand her words.

  I just see Zack’s cold eyes in my head, and feel the way he pushed me away.

  I didn’t do this on purpose! And I’m happy about the baby!

  Why can’t he be?

  I’m lifted into Ty’s arms again, placed in the backseat of my car, and I must doze off because the next thing I know, Ty has lifted me once more and he’s carrying me up some stairs and laying me on a bed.

  “I’ll be back,” Lo says as Ty covers me up and sits at my hip, brushing my hair away from my face.

  “Talk to me, princess. What happened? Should I call Zack?”

  “No,” I whisper. “Zack isn’t speaking to me.”

  His hand stills in my hair. “Why?”

  I shake my head and clench my lips together, but the sob comes anyway. I can’t talk about it yet. I want to sleep.

  Suddenly, someone is wiping my face with a cool, wet washcloth. It feels heavenly, and makes me even sleepier.

  “Sleepy,” I whisper.

  “Go to sleep, Jilly.” Ty kisses my forehead. I can hear the concern, the frustration in his voice, and I want to open my eyes and tell him everything, but I can’t.

  All I can do is sleep.

  There’s a cat lying on my back, purring, digging his claws into my shoulder in rhythmic little pushes. I roll to my side, pushing him off, and turn my head to open one eye, but it’s swollen shut and crusty. Jesus Christ, did I get punched in the face?

  “Here’s a fresh washcloth.” Lo’s soft voice comes from beside me, and it all comes back again. The baby, Zack, Ty and Lo showing up at my place and bringing me home with them, and I feel the tears start again. “Oh, honey, don’t cry.”

  She presses the washcloth against my forehead and brushes it over my eyes and cheeks. I take it from her and wipe my eyes clean, then struggle to open them. It’s dark outside now. My head is pounding with the biggest headache of my life and my mouth is dry.

  “Can I have some water?” I ask.

  “There’s a bottle right here, along with some Advil.”

  “I can’t have Advil,” I reply as I sit up and sip the water.

  “Really?” She asks with knowing eyes, but I don’t want to tell her. Not yet.

  I shake my head and wince at the pain that comes with it. I lower myself back to the bed and take a long, deep breath.

  “Where’s Ty?”

  “Downstairs making soup. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he thought he’d make you some soup for when you wake up.”

  A few seconds later, Ty enters the room quietly, walks around to the other side of the bed, and sits on it cross-legged, watching me closely.

  “Talk to me, princess.”

  “I’m pregnant.” My voice is hollow.

  “That’s awesome!” Lo exclaims and takes my hand in hers.

  Ty holds my gaze in his, his face sober, and I feel tears gather again.

  “Why were you at my house?”

  “We came by to say hi. Brought dessert. We could hear your smoke alarm from the driveway.”

  I nod and frown, glance down at my hands.

  “He left me.”

  “What happened?”

  I shrug one shoulder and wipe my eyes with the washcloth still in my hand. “I thought my cycles were off again.” I hiccup and Lo offers me more water. “I dealt with infertility issues for a long time.” I quickly fill Lo in on my history with my ex. “So I made an appointment with Hannah for today, thinking I just needed to get some meds and I’d be on track again.”

  My hands shake as I push them through my hair.

  “But I’m pregnant.” I start to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and once I start I can’t stop. “Seriously? Pregnant.”

  It’s hilarious to me all of a sudden.

  “I took medication that made me throw up, get hot flashes, caused mood swings to rival those of an unmedicated schizophrenic, and I gave myself shots in my own ass for years to get pregnant. Years!” I laugh some more and wipe my eyes with the cloth. “And now that I’m happily divorced, and things are going well, and I finally came to grips with the fact that I’d never have kids, here I am. Pregnant.”

  “What happened next, Jill?” Ty pulls my hands from my face and pins me in his stare. “When we found you, your house was about to burn down and you were unresponsive on the floor.”

  “Zack came over for dinner,” I whisper. “I knew he’d be surprised, and maybe a lit
tle apprehensive, but . . .” I shake my head and take a deep breath, feeling the tears gather again.

  Fuck, my emotions are all over the damn place.

  “But?”

  “But he was angry. He thinks I did it on purpose.”

  “What the fuck?” Ty exclaims, but I grip his hand in mine and hold on tight.

  “I need you to leave it be, Ty.”

  “Like hell! What the fuck is his problem?”

  “He’s scared,” Lo says, and shakes her head. “It’s scared him.”

  “He spent seven years in a war zone, Lo,” I reply dryly. “Nothing scares him.”

  “That’s not true,” Ty replies. “She’s right. You scared the shit out of him, Jilly.”

  I scowl at both of them.

  “Well, that’s ridiculous.”

  Ty’s shaking his head as he thinks it over. “No, it’s not. Given his past with Kensie, he’s gotta be wrestling with some demons right now.”

  Holy fuck.

  “I didn’t even think about Kensie.” I cover my face again and feel the tears fall down my cheeks. “I was so excited that I finally got pregnant, and that it’s with Zack, that I didn’t even think about that bitch and how they started together.”

  “Well, I can see that—” Lo begins but I interrupt her as anger shoots through me.

  “But regardless, the things he said . . .” I shake my head, knowing in my heart I can’t forgive him. “He was out of line. I can’t be with someone who would speak to me like that. The way he looked at me . . .” I shake my head again. “No.”

  “What aren’t you telling me?” Ty asks quietly.

  “It doesn’t matter. Don’t go to him, please, unless you’re going as a friend. I don’t want you to beat him up or try to make it right. Leave it be, Ty. I can do this alone.”

  “Fuck that . . .”

  “I mean it.” I grip his hand in mine and hold his gaze. “For me.”

  “Zack will come around in a few days and he’ll make it up to you, Jill.” Lo’s voice is strong and sure, but I just shake my head.

  It’s too late.

  CHAPTER