Falling for Jillian

by Kristen Proby

  “We got a lot of snow last week,” Cara says. “Who picked Seth up?”

  “Zack. But he didn’t come to the door, he just honked from the driveway.”

  “Why didn’t he come inside?”

  I bite my lip and look down at my mug. “Because I told him I didn’t want to see him.”

  Cara nods thoughtfully. “Is that all that’s happened?”

  “No, yesterday I got a package in the mail.”

  “What was it?”

  I grab my handbag and pull the heavy book out of it. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”

  Cara giggles and takes it out of my hands to flip through. “This is kind of sweet.”

  “I know.” I sigh and push my fingers through my hair. “He’s softening me up a bit, but Cara, he was an asshole.”

  She nods and continues to flip through the book. “Ew. Don’t look at page 328. It’s scary.”

  “Thanks for the warning.”

  “So, you just fell out of love with him? Just like that?”

  “Don’t be stupid, Cara.” I glare at my friend and then feel tears threaten when she raises her sober gaze to mine. “I miss him.”

  “He’s right down the road there.”

  “I don’t know if we can make it work. He said some pretty horrible things.”

  “Oh, please. Jill, people say mean things, especially when they’re scared and worried and have the shock of a lifetime. He apologized, and is trying to prove to you that he loves you, respects you, and wants to work it out. What more do you want?”

  “I want a guarantee that he’ll never hurt me again.”

  “Well, you won’t get that. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that he will. Because he’s a human being.” She sets the book aside and takes my hand in hers. “But he’s a good man, and he loves you like crazy.”

  “I’m still thinking.”

  “You’re still a stubborn ass,” Cara replies with a smile. “But it’s cool. I think you’re the bee’s knees.”

  “You spend too much time around children,” I reply dryly just as Josh comes through the front door. “Is Zack gone?”

  “Yeah, he just pulled out. You have about an hour before he’ll be back.”

  “Want me to go with you?” Cara asks with a frown.

  “Nah, I’m fine. I’m just getting my stuff out of his place.” I take my mug to the kitchen, rinse it out, and hug Cara close. “Thank you for everything.”

  “Don’t give up on him,” she replies. “Keep an open mind.”

  I nod and have to hold my breath to keep it together when Josh pulls me in for a big hug too. He’s the same height and build as Zack, and being nestled in his arms is way too much like being held by the man I love.

  I pull away and wave as I climb into my car and drive down to Zack’s place. I park and when I reach the front door, Seth opens it wide.

  “Dad’s not here,” he says, motioning for me to come in, “but you can wait for him if you want.”

  “No, it’s okay, sweetie. I just wanted to grab a few things that I left here on my way home from my visit with Cara.”

  Seth’s face falls and his shoulders sag. “Oh. Okay.”

  I pat his shoulder and climb the stairs quickly, trying my best to keep my tunnel vision in place. Do not look at the family room where you had the best Christmas of your life. Do not look at his bed. Grab your clothes and stuff them in your bag. Do not think about how he made love to you in that shower. Grab your shampoo and your blow dryer. Do not look at the bed! Okay, down the stairs and you’re almost home free.

  “Jill, can I ask you a question?” Seth asks as I come to the bottom of the stairs.

  “Of course, buddy.”

  He frowns and seems uncertain, shoves his hands in his pockets, and looks so much like his dad right now, it almost breaks me.

  “What is it, Seth?”

  “You’re not going to forgive him, are you?”

  And cue the tears. I bite my lip, but can’t stop the tears that come as I stare at this sweet boy. “I don’t know.”

  “He won’t tell me what happened.” This surprises me. I didn’t expect Zack to give Seth a blow-by-blow, but I thought for sure he’d have told him about the baby. “But I know he’s sorry. We worked really hard last week to show you how sorry.”

  “You were both very nice to me last week,” I assure him and, unable to hold back any longer, I pull Seth into my arms and hug him tightly. “I loved having you at my house after school and you’re welcome to come by anytime you want. You don’t even have to shovel or anything.”

  He wraps his arms around my middle and holds on with all of his strength. “I love you, Jill. You’re the best mom I’ve ever had.”

  Oh dear sweet Jesus, how am I going to live through this?

  “Seth, no matter what happens between me and your dad, I’m always going to be your friend. No matter what you need, you can count on me, do you hear me? No matter what.”

  He nods and sniffs and we stand like this for a long minute, crying and comforting each other.

  As he pulls out of my arms, he glances outside and frowns. “What is she doing here?”

  “Who?” I turn and follow his gaze and then feel my entire body burst into the flames of a thousand fires with the fury that races through my veins. “Stay here,” I instruct Seth and step out on the porch and march down the steps to the driveway below.

  “Well, Jillian Sullivan,” Kensie sneers and approaches me. She looks . . . old. She’s my age, but she looks at least ten years older. Tired. Her hair and nails are done perfectly, and her clothes are two sizes too small.

  She looks cheap.

  “What do you want, Kensie?”

  “I want to see Seth. I haven’t seen him in months.”

  “You’re not going to see him today either.”

  “Oh?” She tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes. “Who’s going to stop me?”

  “I am.” I brace my hands on my hips and face her square on. She’s a good five inches taller than me, and outweighs me by about twenty-five pounds, but I can take her easily if I need to.

  “But I miss him so much.” Tears miraculously form in her eyes and her lower lip wobbles, and I know it’s a big, fat act.

  “Wow, you’re good at that.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” She sniffs delicately and wipes an imaginary tear from her cheek. “It’s been months and months since I’ve hugged my little pumpkin.”

  “Really? I heard the last time you saw him, you dumped him off right about where you’re standing and drove away without a backward glance, so I’m going to make it very easy for you, Kensie. Get back in your car and drive away. Seth doesn’t want to see you.”

  “I am his mother,” she insists, still pretending to cry. “I have rights!”

  “You gave up any rights you had when you abandoned him here.”

  She sobers and stares at me, realizing that she’s not manipulating me the way she wants to.

  “I’ll see him,” she says and takes a step closer to me. “And there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it.”

  “Oh, yes there is. You are such a pitiful excuse for a mother. For a woman,” I growl. “You let those motherfuckers you were fucking lay their hands on your child. They hit him!”

  “He was fine,” she scoffs. “He makes it sound way more dramatic than it was. What, are you fucking Zack now? Is he still as great of a lay as he used to be? That’s the only thing he was ever good for.” She smirks. “Don’t tell me you’re in love with him? Do you think you can take my place in my family?”

  “Don’t you touch her!” Seth yells from the top of the stairs, then clambers down them and shoves me behind him, protecting me. “Don’t touch Jill.”

  “Hi, sweetie.” Kensie sends him a fake smile. “Did you miss your mommy?”

  “No. Go away.”

  “Now, that’s no way to say hello to me. Come here, give me a hug.”

  “No.”
He shakes his head frantically and I take his shoulders in my hands and pull him against my side.

  “Seth, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” I hear tires on the driveway, but my gaze doesn’t leave the bitch before me.

  Kensie snarls and reaches for Seth’s arm, trying to pull him from my grasp. Seth cries out in pain and Kensie lets go, but laughs. “God, you’re still a pussy.”

  I’ve had enough. I push Seth behind me, pull my fist back, and plant it right in her fucking smug mouth. She stumbles back and cries out, but I advance on her and punch her again, harder this time, knocking her flat on her ass.

  “Jill!”

  “I fucking hate you,” I grind out between my teeth. “You’ll never lay your hands on that boy ever again. Do you hear me? Never. Again.”

  Strong hands grip my arms but I shake them off and push my face in Kensie’s. “If you ever even think his name again, I’ll rip you apart.”

  Her lip is bleeding, she’s panting, and her eyes are wide. “Zack! Are you going to let her treat me like this?” she shrieks.

  “Absolutely,” he replies softly. “Get the fuck out of here, Kensie.”

  “He’s my son!” she yells and begins kicking and punching the snow like a four-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. “He’s mine!”

  “No,” I yell and pull her up by her coat and shove her toward her car. “He’s mine. Get the fuck off this property and don’t come back. If you have a problem with that, call a fucking lawyer.”

  “Zack!”

  “You heard her. Get the fuck off my property.”

  I spin around, searching for Seth, and see him standing next to the steps of the porch, his eyes wide and haunted. I run to him and pull him into my arms, kiss his head, and rock us both back and forth. “Are you okay?”

  “She was going to hurt you,” he sobs.

  “No, she wasn’t,” I reply and cup his face in my hands, trapping his hazel gaze in my own. “She wasn’t. And she won’t hurt you ever again either.”

  He hugs me tight and then suddenly we’re both in Zack’s strong arms, being held and kissed, and for a brief moment I soak up his strength, and then the anger comes back full force.

  “Seth, go inside now while I talk to your dad.”

  “No, I want to—”

  “She’s right. Go inside, buddy. Thor’s crying for you.”

  It’s then I notice that Thor is barking frantically at the window, scratching and trying to get out to us.

  “Go comfort him,” I say with an encouraging smile. Seth looks between the two of us and then nods once and trudges up the steps.

  “Jilly, are you okay?” Zack asks after Seth shuts the door behind him. I spin on him, more pissed than I’ve ever been.

  “Do you understand,” I begin, trying my best to keep my voice low, “that you compared me to that?” I point in the direction that Kensie just drove in, toward town.

  “No, I never—”

  “Yes. You stood in my home and compared me to the woman who fucking abused your child.” The enormity of it hits me full force and I can’t stop the tears or the shaking that consumes my body. “I love you with every single molecule of my body, and you compared me to that piece of trash. Are you kidding me?”

  “Jilly, that’s not at all what I meant. You are nothing like Kensie. Nothing.”

  “You bet your ass I’m nothing like her. She doesn’t give two shits about your son. You know that, right? Whatever she’s here for is purely selfish and has nothing to do with wanting Seth.” I shake my head and pace away from Zack toward my car. “And to think, I was ready to move on, to put last week behind us and give us a chance.”

  “Jill, we can still do that.”

  “No.” I turn and watch him, watch his face fall and go pale. “No, we can’t. When I told you the joyous news that I’m carrying your child, your first thought was that I was playing you the way she did.” I purse my lips and shake my head, devastated all over again. “You will most likely be the only man I will ever love like this, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be put in that category ever again. You can come with me to doctor appointments, and you’ll have full access to your child. I’ll coparent with you. But that’s all I’ll give you.”

  I turn to leave, but am suddenly spun around and in Zack’s arms. He’s holding me flush against him, from chest to knees, my feet off the ground. He holds me to him, kissing me with a desperate fervor. Finally, after nibbling the corners of my lips, he rests his forehead against mine and whispers simply, “I love you so much.”

  He sets me on my feet, releases me, and backs away. With tears in his eyes, he says, “If that’s what you want, I’ll respect your decision.”

  I nod once and glance at the house to find Seth and Thor staring out the window. Seth is crying, swiping at the tears with the back of his hand.

  I get in my car, and without a backward glance, drive away.

  CHAPTER

  Nineteen

  “Jilly.”

  I roll over and pull the covers over my head. “Go away.”

  “Jill, you have to get out of bed,” Ty replies with a smile in his voice, the sadist.

  “No I don’t. I don’t have to go into the office today.”

  “It’s after nine. It’s time to get up, princess.”

  I roll to my back and peek one eye out of the covers, eyeing him suspiciously. “It hurts when someone you love says mean things. Like it’s time to wake up.”

  “Get out of bed. I brought coffee.” Ty shakes his head and wanders out of my bedroom, leaving me to pull myself out of bed, yank on some yoga pants, and follow him.

  “Why aren’t you at work?” I yawn and sit on my couch, curling my legs up under me.

  “Here, I got you decaf,” he says and hands me a to-go cup from Drips and Sips.

  “Wow. You really hate me. Waking me up this early and then shoving decaf in my face. What did I ever do to you?”

  “You’re a smart-ass. You know that, right?”

  “I learned from the best.” I sip the delicious white mocha and wait for my stomach to rebel. When it doesn’t, I sigh in contentment and lean back against the cushions. “So, answer my question.”

  He braces his elbows on his knees. He’s in his usual white dress shirt, sleeves rolled, and slacks. “I took a few hours of personal time.”

  “So go have sex with your fiancée. Which reminds me, I have to call her today. The wedding is less than a month away!”

  “I’m aware, but thanks for the reminder.”

  “What’s up, big brother?”

  “I am staging an intervention, Jillian.”

  I blink at him for several moments, take a sip of my drink, and glance around the room. “Where is everyone else? You’re an army of one, Ty.”

  “I’m all I need.”

  I tilt my head to the side and scowl at him in confusion. “What, exactly, are you intervening about?”

  He stands and paces around my living room, the way he does in the courtroom, and I realize he’s dead serious.

  “I’m worried about you. It’s been three weeks since the incident with Kensie, and you’ve barely spoken to any of us. You don’t join us for dinners or get-togethers. It’s obvious you’re avoiding Zack.”

  “I—”

  “Just listen.” He holds his hand up, stopping my retort, so I shut my mouth and frown at him. “You look like hell, Jill.”

  “I’m pregnant and I throw up more than I breathe, Ty.”

  “I get it, but you’ve let yourself go to hell.”

  “Fuck you.” I set my coffee on the end table and stand. I’m not taking this sitting down.

  “You look horrible. And I’m not just talking about the no makeup and not giving a shit about your hair—”

  “Are you a girl? Talking about my makeup and hair?”

  “You’re sad.” He stops and shoves his hands in his pockets, watching me closely. “You’re so sad, princess.”

  “This is a sadness int
ervention?”

  “It doesn’t have to be like this, Jill.”

  “I’m not talking about this anymore. Between you and Cara, I’ve been over it a hundred times, Ty.”

  “But you don’t fucking listen!” he explodes and I step back in surprise. Ty has never, ever raised his voice to me in anger, not even when we were kids. “You’re so fucking stubborn—”

  “I’m not stubborn! I’m hurt!” I scrub my hands over my face and turn away from him. “Zack may as well have told me that I am going to be the same kind of mother as our mom. He compared me to two of the most evil, despicable women I’ve ever known.”

  “Mom’s not evil, Jill.”

  I glare at him and snarl, “Yes, she sure as fuck is.”

  “Look,” he begins and raises his hands as if in defeat, “my point is, he didn’t compare you to those women. That’s not what he meant, and you know it. You’re just too scared to admit it.”

  “What happens the next time I do something that scares him? Is he going to do this all over again, jumping to the wrong conclusions?”

  “People learn, Jill. They grow. No, I don’t think Zack would make this same mistake again. He’s not stupid. He’s human.”

  I shake my head and scrub my fingers against my oily scalp.

  Fuck, I really do need a shower.

  “From the beginning, you said that you both have a whole cargo hold full of baggage and that it would take a lot of work for anything good to come of a relationship between you two,” Ty reminds me softly. “The baggage didn’t disappear just because you fell in love.”

  “No, it just fell off the back of the truck and hit me square in the face.” I cross my arms over my chest and watch my brother for a moment before saying, “What do you want from me?”

  “I want you to be happy, and the path you’re on right now isn’t cutting it. I want you to have a talk with Zack and really listen to what he says. I want you to trust your own instincts and I want my sister and my best friend to love each other.”

  “You want a lot,” I whisper. “I don’t know, Ty. We’re pretty broken.”