Out of the Shade

by S. A. McAuley

  “He called me when they were at the airport to apologize. Said he felt like a total ass and really was okay with all of it. He just didn’t know how to react when you were standing right there.”

  “I was caught off guard too. His reaction was fair.”

  Jesse hesitated. But he hoped Chuck would want to let him in. “Completely different than your father’s reaction to finding out you were gay.”

  “Yeah.” Chuck exhaled. “I guess it’s also only fair that we go there.”

  “We don’t have to.”

  “We should.” Chuck scratched his fingers into Jesse’s hair. “I don’t want there to be anything hidden or assumed between us anymore.”

  Jesse’s throat tightened. “Okay.”

  “So, my dad…. My parents didn’t suspect I was gay. They barely noticed me at all. If they had been looking, then they might have caught onto the sheer number of Jeff Goldblum posters I had on my walls.” Jesse huffed out a laugh. “Instead, my dad found out when he walked in on me and Ben.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Yep,” Chuck popped out. “We were literally fucking. You know what he screamed at me first? That he couldn’t believe I was having sex with the son of one of his competitors. It was always business first with him. And being a senior in high school and so fucking stupid, I laughed in his face. Then he went after Ben, and I fucking lost it.”

  “Wow. That’s…painfully familiar.”

  “My mom called the cops and I was hauled off to jail that night—only days after my eighteenth birthday, and just in time to ensure I was locked up with the big boys. I took a plea deal so Ben didn’t have to be dragged into it, and I served my time so I could finally be free of my parents. I’ve only talked to my mom once since then—on New Year’s. And yeah…. Nothing has changed there.”

  “Your dad hasn’t tried to reach out to you?”

  “That would be admitting he was wrong, and he doesn’t do that.”

  “Fuck. I'm sorry.”

  “It's not okay, and yet it is. I’ve always known who they really are.” Chuck cleared his throat. “So, what about the things on your list that I don’t know about?”

  “There’s only one thing on that list—make things right with you.”

  “Is that why you agreed to this road trip with me?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “What’s the no part of that?”

  “I don’t just want it to be okay between us. I meant what I said—I want more. Hoping I can convince you that’s a good idea.”

  Chuck tapped a finger against the steering wheel, bit at his lip, and glanced at Jesse. “Your final act of world domination, huh?”

  “Definitely.”

  Jesse woke up with the sunrise pouring through the window and falling warm on his face. His body ached, but not in the way it had after a drinking binge—neither Adalric nor his husband drank either, making the whole night easier—and definitely not like it did after a rough fuck—he was still fully clothed.

  And, yet, Chuck was asleep next to him.

  Last night they’d made out for what felt like hours. He hadn’t done anything like that since he was a teenager, as things with his hook-ups usually went south, as in down his pants, really fast. But last night had been different.

  He touched his fingertips to his mouth. He could still taste Chuck on his lips and could feel the echoes of Chuck’s shifting muscles under his hands. He shivered at the memory of threading his fingers through Chuck’s hair to coax Chuck’s head back, desperate to get to the long line of Chuck’s neck. The moan that had been ripped out of Chuck’s throat had been obscene. He might have spent a lot of time last night with his fingers twisted in Chuck’s hair just to hear that sound over and over again.

  It was a good thing the guest quarters were on the opposite wing of the house from Adalric’s master suite.

  He stifled a moan as he palmed his half-hard cock. Last night had been much more intimate than Jesse had ever been with anyone—even when he’d first met Chuck—and not one piece of clothing had come off either of them. He couldn’t begin to imagine what the first time he really got to touch Chuck again would be like. But, for once, he felt no need to rush it.

  He lifted the sheets and slid out of bed carefully, trying not to wake Chuck. His knees twinged when he put his full weight on them, but he pushed through the discomfort and stretched his arms up, loosening his muscles. With the movement, his body began to wake up and his stomach rumbled. Jesse silently begged for it to shut the fuck up, but Chuck was already rolling over.

  “Sollie?”

  “I’m heading to the kitchen. You want anything?”

  Chuck pulled the pillow over his head, burrowing in. “Not yet,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillow.

  Jesse had never seen Chuck sleep in. He’d always been awake hours before Jesse was. But those had been mornings when Jesse was sleeping off the thickness in his head and avoiding the bleakness that overtook his thoughts once he was fully awake. Since he’d stopped drinking and started on his meds, he’d been waking up earlier and with less dread about what the day would bring.

  There had been a lot of benefits to his recovery, but seeing Chuck spread out like this—his hair a tangled mess, reddened marks on his neck, and so at peace—might have been the best one.

  Jesse leaned down, lifted the pillow and kissed Chuck on the tip of his nose. Chuck scrunched up his nose and blindly reached out, swatting in Jesse’s general direction. “You don’t get to do anything that…smooshy until we’re officially dating.”

  “How will I know when that is?”

  Chuck buried his head into the sheets, but even that couldn’t hide the sleepy grin on his lips.

  Jesse chuckled. “What did that smile mean?”

  “Just really filthy thoughts. Ones that shouldn’t be shared out loud. Yet.”

  “Not until you’re properly wooed?”

  “Tea’s a good start, but in, like”—Chuck yawned—“an hour or two. Don’t tell Ricky, but this bed is way better than mine. I don’t want to get out of it.”

  Jesse guessed Adalric already knew that. “We’ve got nowhere to be for the next two days. Sleep all day if you want.”

  Jesse hiked up the sheets around Chuck’s shoulders then unzipped his duffel in search of clean clothes. When he stripped down and there was no further commentary coming from under the pile of blankets on the bed he guessed that Chuck had already fallen back asleep.

  Adalric had told them to make themselves at home, and his husband, Whisper, was all about the good karma they’d share by opening their lives to each other, so Jesse had to assume that gave him the okay to set the kettle boiling for some tea and raid the fridge when his hosts weren’t awake yet.

  It was almost an hour later, two cups of strong black tea, and a plate piled high with free-range eggs, turkey bacon, and soy-buttered toast into his morning when Jesse started to hear the first stirrings of life coming from the master wing. He didn’t know whether he hoped for Whisper or Adalric to be the first out here. Whisper was odd but friendly. Adalric was Chuck’s ex, but he seemed to have eyes only for his reserved husband. There was the soft thump of footsteps coming down the hall, then a thwack followed by a muffled groan of displeasure.

  “You okay?” Jesse asked around a smile.

  “My hips just kinda do this rubbery-loose thing every now and then,” Adalric said as he entered the kitchen. He was still shirtless, just as he’d been all last night, but this morning he wore a faded pair of basketball shorts emblazoned with the New York Empire colors and logo.

  “From that injury in the playoffs a couple years back?”

  “That one or any of the others,” he murmured.

  Jesse tried not to stare at Adalric, but, fuck, he was a stunning man. He was at least three inches taller than Jesse, with a golden head of hair that fell over his forehead in waves when he leaned over to pour hot water into his cup. He wasn’t built like some of the other players on his former team.
His muscles had been sculpted for agility and the arcing, flawlessly aimed three-point shots he was known for.

  Physically, it was easy to see why Chuck had been attracted to him. Mentally, Jesse was still trying to piece together how the two of them had stayed together as long as they had.

  He ripped his gaze away and peered out the window instead of asking the question. “You’ve got a great place.”

  “It was a tiny shack sitting in the middle of nowhere when Whizzy found it.” Adalric sipped on his tea and sat down across from Jesse. “We kept the shack and built around it.”

  Jesse craned his neck to get a better view of the sprawling backyard. “That thing by the court?”

  Adalric nodded. “Whizzy taught me that it was important to tread lightly for the sake of the spirits that had resided here before us and to maintain the spiritual balance of the land. So, we turned it into a yoga studio.”

  Jesse chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re really nothing like Chuck are you?”

  “We had one big thing in common. What do you want to ask me about him?”

  “Nothing.”

  Adalric lifted his eyebrow as he took a sip from his cup.

  “Everything,” Jesse admitted.

  “But you won’t.”

  “I won’t.” It didn’t feel right.

  Adalric tucked his hair behind his ear and sat back. “I respect that.”

  “Gotta be honest here,” Jesse said. “It’s surreal sitting across the kitchen table from a man destined for the Hall of Fame.”

  “Charlie and I were together a long time, and now you’re here with him. Are you sure my former career is the surreal part?”

  Jesse gave that question the moment of thought it deserved. He was curious about what had happened between them, but it wasn’t important in what happened next with Chuck and him. Jesse didn’t need to know who Charles Dunnbradley had been, he was in love with Chuck Dunn.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. You’re now the second of Chuck’s exes I’ve met and he’s found a way to be on good terms with both of you. Shit, when he and I broke up, he did the same thing—set our past aside and worked to be friends with me again.”

  “And now?”

  Jesse felt heat creeping up his cheeks. This answer felt even surer than it had yesterday. “We’re figuring it out.”

  “Well, Charlie—”

  “Jesse!” Chuck’s sleep-worn voice came down the hall. “Whatever Ricky is saying is all lies. All of it.”

  Adalric shrugged and pushed back from his chair, heading for the turkey bacon.

  The trek from the guest wing to the kitchen wasn’t short, so Jesse stood and fixed Chuck a cup of tea, sliding it into his waiting hands when he plopped down with a huff in the seat next to Jesse. Chuck mumbled his thanks and picked up Jesse’s fork, swiping up a pile of eggs off Jesse’s plate.

  “You want some turkey bacon and toast with that?” Jesse asked Chuck.

  Chuck nodded as he took another bite of eggs, his face still creased from sleep. Jesse shifted the plate in front of Chuck and made his way to the counter.

  Adalric smiled coyly at Jesse. He knocked a closed fist against Jesse’s arm and whispered in his ear, “Seems to me that you already have it figured out.”

  Jesse smiled. Yeah, maybe they did.

  28

  “Ben said it wasn’t going to snow! Why the fuck is it snowing in April?”

  Jesse restrained a laugh at Chuck’s frustration.

  Chuck had his chest nearly pressed to the steering wheel, both hands white-knuckled around the leather as he tried to maintain control on the snow-packed road. The Mustang wasn’t built for winter, especially not in the mountains.

  “I think we’re going to have to stop, Chuckie. Don’t want to ruin your baby, do you?”

  “No way in hell.” Chuck’s eyes darted to Jesse. “You sure you’re okay with that?”

  They’d been planning on driving into the night to make it back to Kensington, but with the snow swirling around them in white waves that sometimes only left feet in front of them visible, it looked like that wasn’t going to happen.

  “I’m all-in for whatever you want to do.”

  “Let me get off at this exit—” Chuck’s hands gripped tighter on the wheel, and Jesse tried, he really did, but the laugh he’d been holding in for miles started to slip out. Chuck gritted his teeth. “Jesus, Jesse. Are you really laughing? We could die on this ramp.”

  “We’re going about ten miles an hour. And there’s no one else on the roads. Us and your baby will be okay.”

  Chuck clenched his teeth. “She better be or Ben won’t.”

  Jesse chuckled out loud this time. “Take a right up there. I’m part of the rewards program at that hotel. Maybe that will help.”

  They pulled into the hotel and Chuck slid the car to a gentle stop under the awning. Chuck pulled a tarp from the backseat, scowling. “This is going to be hell on her paint job. Let me get her cleaned off and covered up.”

  Jesse smirked and left Chuck to take care of his first love. The woman at the front desk smiled and welcomed him. “Trying to get out of the snow?”

  He handed over his ID, credit card, and rewards card. “Hoping you have a room for two people.”

  “We have one room left with a queen size bed. Hope that’s okay.”

  There were no lies needed about them sharing a room, and no question about what type of bed they wanted, because they wouldn’t have had a choice anyway. Regardless, Jesse waited for that familiar sinking feeling to settle into his stomach, or for excuses to rush out of his mouth, but nothing came. “That’s great. Thanks.”

  The front door opened in a gust of bitter wind and thick clumps of flakes. A snow-covered Chuck emerged, shivering, but his lips tipped into a smile when he caught sight of Jesse.

  “Got her taken care of?”

  “I settled her between two massive SUVs to buffer the winds.”

  “If you want dinner our restaurant is open for two more hours,” the clerk offered. “You can wait there and I’ll let you know when the room is ready. Would you like me to hold your luggage until then?”

  Jesse pushed his and Chuck’s duffels forward but kept Chuck’s gear bag shouldered. “Just those two. Going to hold on to this one.”

  “Thanks, Sollie. I can take it.”

  “Nah, I got Lucinda and Rose.” Chuck’s lips slid into an easy smile at that and Jesse’s stomach fluttered. He tipped his chin toward the restaurant. “Why don’t you warm up and grab us something to eat while I finish here?”

  Chuck plopped into a chair next to a gas fireplace, huddling against it and blowing into his hands. Jesse smiled. At least Chuck was calmer now that he had all three of his women somewhere safe.

  Keycards in hand, and with a promise that it wouldn’t be long until their room was ready, Jesse joined Chuck at the table, settling in across from him. Chuck slouched down in his chair, shoulder against the fireplace glass, and a cup of coffee cradled in his hands, with a cup on the table waiting for Jesse.

  “I ordered us some dip thing to start off,” Chuck said. “Ben just called. He says this storm is going to linger over the mountains until at least tomorrow.”

  “You seem less annoyed than you were before.”

  “Being stranded here will give me some time to work….” Chuck’s gaze raked over Jesse, his long legs bumping up against Jesse’s under the table. “And some more time with you.”

  Jesse’s heart thudded in his chest. “Want me to see if we can add an extra night? You know, just in case.”

  Chuck steadfastly kept his eyes locked to Jesse’s, his fingers tapping on the side of his cup. His easy smile widened, his dimple deepening. “Probably safer that way.”

  Jesse shouldered the door to their room open, holding it with his foot so Chuck could slip in past him. Chuck thumped his bag to the floor and face-planted into the bed. “Fuck. This isn’t nearly as comfortable as Ricky’s guest bed.”

  Jesse eased the do
or shut, chuckling. “You tired?”

  “Not really,” Chuck said as he rolled over. He propped himself on his elbows and looked at Jesse. “My belly’s full and I’m warm again. I’m just…content.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. Come here.”

  Jesse dropped his duffel next to Chuck’s and laid Chuck’s gear bag on top of both. His knees bumped up against Chuck’s as he stood at the end of the bed, and Chuck spread his legs so Jesse was braced between his thighs.

  “Come on, Sollie. I need a bit of lovin’. It’s been a stressful day.”

  Jesse chuckled and planted his palms on the bed, leaning over Chuck. He kissed Chuck softly once, then again—his head spinning from the simple press of their lips.

  Jesse drew back a fraction so he could look at Chuck. “Better?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  Jesse’s cell pinged in his pocket and he stood. “That may be my parents or Em. I texted them to let them know we grabbed a hotel room.”

  Chuck bit at his lip and nodded. “I should check my messages too. Ash has been texting me off and on for the last few days.”

  “How’s he doing?”

  “He’s okay. Another kid was pulled out of the program yesterday, though, so he’s been working around his guilt about that.”

  Jesse tightened his grasp on his phone. “That’s probably more my fault than his.”

  “It’s neither of yours,” Chuck said.

  Jesse grunted in reply. That was as articulate as he could be on the subject for now. He tapped in his passcode and opened his messages, swallowing thickly when he saw who the text was from.

  His thread with Ryan had been conspicuously silent for months, and now there was one new bubble—You got a minute to talk?

  “It’s Ryan.”

  “No shit?”

  “He wants to talk.”

  Chuck sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, nodding. “I’ll head down to the pool for a swim. Take your time.”

  “Will you stay? I just….”

  He needed Chuck.

  “Yeah, Jesse. Of course.”

  Jesse dropped onto the bed and Chuck squeezed Jesse’s thigh, then got up, heading for his gear bag. While Chuck unpacked his camera and laptop and set them up on the desk, Jesse sent a text off to Ryan telling him that he had time.