A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  She was feeling a lot better by three o’clock when she heard the front door open and the excited chatter of the twins running up the stairs.

  Sean called to them, and their noise stopped.

  A tentative knock on her door reminded her she was Eve. Not fun, cuddly Aunt Leah.

  ‘Come in, if you’re seven or younger.’ She smiled as giggles erupted on the other side.

  The door pushed open, and the girls entered the room. Ava had her soft-toy squirrel under her arm. Harriet bounded over to the bed while her sister hung back a little.

  ‘How was your day? Was the workshop fun?’ she asked.

  Harriet immediately launched into a monologue of how the day had gone, who’d messed up their lines, and which part she’d enjoyed playing the most.

  Ava remained quiet.

  ‘You okay, Avie,’ Leah asked. She patted the bed next to her.

  ‘I’m sad about Aunty Leah still.’

  ‘Me too, honey. But I’ve got something special that I hope might help.’

  Harriet clapped her hands together. ‘What? Chocolate?’

  ‘No. Not food.’ She shifted in the bed and used her good arm to pull back the covers.

  Ava’s eyes widened, and she gasped when Lewis’ furry body was revealed.

  Harriet squealed, waking the cat in the process.

  He stood, arched his back then stretched before sitting back down to start washing himself.

  The girls moved closer and stroked him.

  ‘Are we keeping him, Mummy?’ Ava asked.

  ‘Would you like to?’ Leah said.

  The little girl nodded.

  ‘Yes, please,’ Harriet said.

  ‘Then I think we should.’ Leah said. ‘Your aunty would want us to love him and look after him for her. Next to you two, she loved Lewis more than anything.’

  ‘And you.’ Sean said from the doorway before he entered the room. ‘How about the girls and I take Lewis downstairs for some games and give you a rest? Or not,’ he added. His eyes questioned hers.

  Her disappointment must’ve been obvious.

  ‘We haven’t decorated Mummy’s cast yet,’ Harriet said. ‘It looks very plain.’

  She held it up. ‘It sure does. Definitely needs some colour on it. It’s whiter than Lewis. Why don’t you get your markers and get started?’

  The girls dashed out of the room, Lewis close on their heels. It appeared he thought this was a game, and he was ready to play.

  The twins’ laughter could be heard as something crashed over, and screams of ‘Oh Lewis,’ filtered back to the bedroom.

  Sean smiled. ‘They’ve got a scapegoat now,’ he said. ‘Or scapecat I should say. Kate wanted me to check with you that you really want her to call you Eve. She’s worried that the whack on the head has caused you to do strange things, and she doesn’t want to get fired when you return to normal.’

  Leah shook her head. ‘It seems to have taken a whack to my head to make me realise I need to make some changes. Something happened last night, Sean. It was weird, but it made me see things much clearer. I don’t know, it was almost like Leah came to me. Told me things. I can’t explain but I do know that I need some things in my life to change. Leah dying…’ the words caught in her throat as the image of Eve, her face bloody and swollen, came to her… ‘is a real wake up call. Just bear with me. I know I’m acting weird, but hopefully it’s good weird?’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve got a few things to do before dinner, so I might leave the girls to colour you in. Okay?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Send them down to Kate when you’ve had enough or get tired.’

  ‘Will do.’

  He left the room as Lewis and the girls came bounding back in, coloured markers in hand.

  She held out her broken arm. ‘Come on then, make me beautiful.’ Leah moved so that the little girls could join her on the bed.

  ‘Sean?’ Kate poked her head into his study. ‘Should I get the girls from Mrs West? I mean Eve? They’re still with her, and I’m worried she might be getting tired.’

  ‘Sick of them, more likely. I’ll go up. Is dinner nearly ready? It’ll be a good excuse to drag them away if she’s still pretending she wants them with her.’

  ‘Do you think she’s pretending?’

  Sean sighed. ‘I’d like to say no, but I think that knock to her head has temporarily done something to her. That and Leah.’ He coughed. ‘I guess it’s softened her a bit for now. She’s vulnerable. In shock. It’d be nice if she stayed like this, but I wouldn’t count on it.’

  ‘We can all enjoy it while it lasts. It’s nice for the girls for a change.’ She reddened. ‘Sorry, it’s not my place to make comments like that.’

  He laughed. ‘You say it as you see it. No need to apologise.’

  ‘Thank you. I’ll have dinner on the table in five minutes. I’ll make up a tray for Mrs—for Eve.’

  ‘Thanks, Kate, I don’t know what we’d do without you.’

  Sean made his way to the stairs. He really didn’t know what they would do without Kate. She kept things running. Kept a sort of balance with the girls. Provided the loving, safe environment that having two working parents didn’t. The girls knew where they stood. They came home to the same person every day. It might not be a parent, but it was the next best thing.

  He smiled at the sound of giggles coming for the bedroom. It wasn’t a sound he heard much when it came to his wife and their daughters. To see her making such an effort was amazing. He’d assumed she would’ve curled up in a ball and wanted everyone and everything kept away from her while she grieved. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was still to come.

  Sean arrived at the room to find Ava concentrating on the picture she was drawing, and Harriet on the floor with Lewis throwing a ping pong ball. The cat was chasing and batting at it. Colour had returned to Eve’s face, and she was laughing while the cat skidded all over the floor chasing the ball.

  ‘He’s crazy,’ Harriet said.

  ‘Nope,’ his wife replied. ‘He’s a cat. That’s what cats do.’

  ‘Do you like him, Mummy?’ Ava looked up from her drawing. ‘It would be nice if we could keep him.’

  Sean stood in the doorway and waited.

  Ava was smart, she knew this mood of Eve’s was unlikely to last.

  ‘We have to keep him, Aves,’ Eve said. ‘It’s what Aunty Leah would want. And yes, I’ve decided I do like him. I’m not sure why I didn’t like him before.’

  ‘You said his fur got on your black pants,’ Harriet said. ‘You said you hated cat and dog hair getting on your work things.’

  ‘Mmm. I’ll have to make sure I don’t cuddle Lewis with my work clothes on.’

  Sean stared. She was actually contemplating cuddling the cat. Something really wasn’t right with her.

  Leah looked up as Sean cleared his throat from the doorway.

  ‘Girls, dinner’s ready. Why don’t you bring Lewis down with you and we’ll see if he wants some biscuits or a drink? I’ve got some special cat milk he might like.’

  Ava put the final touches on her zebra picture, and clicked the lid back on her marker. ‘Do you like it, Mummy? I know it doesn’t really look like a zebra.’

  The round body and stumpy legs could’ve been any animal but the black and white stripes confirmed it was a zebra. ‘I love it. Best zebra I’ve ever seen.’

  The little girl smiled. ‘I’d better go and wash my hands.’

  Ava got down off the bed and followed her sister, who was half carrying, half dragging Lewis with her.

  Leah slowly moved herself to the side of the bed. She hoped Eve had some slippers. If her pyjamas were anything to go by, the slippers would probably be high-heeled.

  ‘Do you need a hand?’ Sean asked.

  ‘No. I’ll find some slippers and then come down. I’m assuming no one cares if I have dinner in your pyjamas?’

  ‘Kate’s organising you a tray so you can stay in bed.’

 
She shook her head. ‘No, thanks. I’m getting sore lying there all the time. I need to move around a bit. Try to get rid of some of my aches and pains. And anyway, I’d rather eat with you and the girls.’

  Sean’s mouth dropped open.

  ‘I don’t want to be with my own thoughts, okay?’ Leah added quickly. Tears welled in her eyes. While she might be pretending to be Eve, what she was saying was true. ‘Every time I close my eyes, I see the kangaroo. I see the car sliding off the road and I hear the click of my sister’s seatbelt. I still can’t believe she did that. What was she thinking?’

  ‘Survival. She must have thought it was the only way out.’

  ‘For me, the only way forward is to put it out of my mind. Surrounding myself with you, the girls and even the bloody cat will help me do that.’

  ‘The bloody cat. That’s more like the Eve I know. I was getting worried.’ He went into the walk-in robe and brought back a fluffy, navy robe and a pair of ankle-high ugg boots. ‘I’m assuming you’re not above wearing these boots tonight? Brand new, never worn. Hideous, if I remember your words on Mother’s Day after the girls gave them to you.’

  Leah grimaced. ‘Did I say that?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Must be my head. It seems to be messing with my memory.’

  ‘Really?’ He ran his hand through this hair. ‘Do you honestly not remember saying that?’

  ‘It’s hazy. I’m sure it was something I’d say. But, I don’t actually remember saying it.’

  Sean’s eyes narrowed. ‘What else don’t you remember?’

  She couldn’t help but laugh. ‘You’re asking me? How would I know if I don’t remember?’

  He smiled. ‘Of course, sorry. I thought you were mucking about.’

  ‘No. You’ll have to tell me if it’s something I’ve forgotten or usually do differently. I’m sure I remember most things, just not everything. But, I do remember I’m starving. Let’s go downstairs.’

  Leah let him take her good arm and help her down the stairs.

  The next morning, Leah managed to get her pyjamas and the bandage around her head off. With the waterproof bag the hospital had given her over her plaster cast, it took a while, but she was able to shower herself.

  She left the gauze pad on her forehead, which covered the gash they’d stitched, but decided the bandage was overkill. With one hand she managed to wash and condition her hair and get rid of the feel of the hospital.

  Her mind flashed back to the accident, to Eve, her body bloody and broken.

  Her last words.

  Leah’s own inability to save her. Her stomach churned, and within seconds she found herself retching. The contents of her stomach quickly disappeared down the shower drain.

  She gave the shower a quick clean and dressed slowly in black sweat pants and a pale pink hoodie. Eve didn’t have many casual outfits but what she did have was new, branded and very comfortable.

  Leah put the pyjamas on the chair next to the bed and took off a pillowcase one-handed. She needed clean sheets. She’d not showered when she’d come home from the hospital the day before and everything felt yuck. It also smelt like Eve’s perfume and she needed every reminder gone.

  ‘What’re you doing?’ Sean asked.

  ‘Everything feels a bit manky. I wanted to put clean stuff on the bed.’

  ‘Leave it for Kate,’ he said. ‘She’ll be here in about an hour. That’s one of her jobs. She won’t mind doing it today.’

  ‘She’s coming this morning? I thought she didn’t work on public holidays?’ The fact that the nanny had the audacity to take any day off, ever, always had Eve complaining very loudly. ‘Another thing I’ve forgotten?’

  ‘No, you haven’t lost your mind, this time. She offered. She knew you’d be tired and thought we might want some help with the girls. They’re already up, by the way. They’ve had breakfast and are playing outside in the cubby house.’

  ‘That will work well. Mum and Dad are coming over after lunch. It’ll be partly to talk about a funeral and to deal with Leah’s affairs, so definitely good if the girls aren’t around. Did you get her lawyer’s file the other day by the way?’

  ‘Yes, and I rang him. He’s a colleague, so will look after us. He’s going to check Leah’s Will and then he’ll get in touch. He’ll email through a copy of it to the executor and any beneficiaries. Do you know who the executor is?’

  ‘Me.’

  ‘Good, that’ll make things simple.’ Sean said. ‘Did she ever talk about the type of funeral she’d want or whether she wants to be buried or cremated?’

  Leah nodded. ‘I know exactly what she wants. We had too many drinks one night and had a morbid discussion about death and all the things that come with it.’

  ‘And you remember that?’

  She smiled. ‘Yes, even with a few drinks in me, I clearly remember her instructions. I’ll go through it when Mum and Dad are here if that’s okay?’

  ‘Okay. Now, I’ll go and round up the girls and make sure they’re not torturing poor Lewis. I’ve got no idea where he slept last night by the way. I looked everywhere for him.’

  ‘Oh, you know cats.’ She kept her tone vague. ‘They tuck themselves into the strangest of places.’ She didn’t let on that Lewis had slept with her all night.

  Sean had opted to sleep in the spare room so he didn’t accidentally bump or hurt her arm and Lewis had cuddled up to Leah, like he did every night in her apartment.

  The doorbell rang and her heartbeat immediately quickened. She was on edge every time the door or phone rang, expecting the police to arrive and announce that they’d identified Eve’s body and knew she was Leah.

  Sean ran down the stairs and Leah heard him talking. ‘She’s upstairs, Nicola. I’ll check if she’s up for visitors.’

  She came out of the bedroom and stood at the top of the landing. ‘I am,’ she called. ‘Give me a minute and I’ll come down.’

  Sean raced to her side to help her on the stairs.

  She could smell Nicola before she saw her. Wafts of Chanel No. 5 drifted up to the landing at the top of the stairs. Leah smiled as she reached Eve’s friend, who was heavily made up, her short black skirt and boots more suitable for a night out than a Monday morning.

  ‘You look very dressed up. Going somewhere?’

  Nicola regarded her oddly, but leant in to hug Leah. ‘Um, thanks. Visiting you then I might head over to South Yarra and do some shopping.’

  ‘Sounds nice. Feel like a coffee?’

  ‘That’d be great. I was so worried about you, I had to drop in. Sorry it’s unannounced, but your phone is going straight to voicemail.’

  ‘Oh,’ Leah said. ‘I think I forgot to charge it. I’m fine though.’

  ‘You don’t look fine.’ Nicola’s eyes travelled the length of Leah’s body.

  She could imagine what Eve’s friend was thinking. No make-up, sweats and a hoodie. She’d even put the ugg boots back on she’d been wearing the night before. They were so warm and soft. ‘I know I don’t look like myself, but to be honest right now I don’t feel like myself. I’m pretty sure I’m still in shock. It’s a huge loss, Nic.’

  ‘I know. I’m just used to you bouncing back from things so quickly.’

  ‘This isn’t something I’ll bounce back from.’ And it wasn’t. Losing her sister was going to take a long time to come to terms with. Sure, she had the distraction at the moment of taking over her life and having to learn the ropes, but she still had to come to terms with the fact that Eve was gone.

  ‘Mum and Dad are coming over later to make arrangements for the funeral. I’m not sure how we’re going to get through that.’ Leah couldn’t imagine how she’d feel standing at her own funeral, watching family and friends mourn for her while she was the only one mourning Eve.

  They went through to the kitchen, where Sean was preparing a coffee for Nicola and green tea for Leah. ‘I’ll make these and leave you to it,’ he said.

  Nicola waited until Sean left
the room and leant in. ‘You two look rather cosy,’ she said.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘The way he helped you down the stairs. The way he’s looking at you. I haven’t seen either of you like that for months.’

  ‘He’s my husband, Nic. This is a huge shock for everyone. Of course it’s brought us closer.’

  Nicola studied her. ‘What about Ben? Have you even called him?’

  ‘Ben Styles?’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, Ben Styles. What other Ben would I be talking about?’

  ‘I’m not dealing with anything work-related right now. I’ll probably ask Peter to give him a call, and anyone else I was working closely with. Really, Nic, I know I was obsessed with work before the accident but it’s really not a priority at the moment.’

  Her sister’s friend was staring. ‘Work?’

  Leah nodded. ‘I’ve got so much to do and to worry about. In addition to the funeral arrangements we also need to work out what to do about Leah’s apartment and all her things. I’ve got the girls to think of, too. To top it off I’m dealing with a dodgy memory and trying to piece together bits and pieces of my life.’

  ‘Dodgy memory,’ Nicola muttered. ‘That I’ll definitely agree with.’

  ‘I hate to imagine what I’ve forgotten.’

  ‘How to dress, for starters.’

  Leah almost laughed but obviously the woman wasn’t joking. Did she really expect Eve to care about clothes and make up when she was sore, had a broken bone and her sister had just died?

  She observed Nicola’s perfectly made up face and how over-dressed she was for a shopping trip. Her answer would most definitely be yes.

  ‘It’s not important right now. The girls are important, my parents are important. It’s a rough time.’

  ‘Someone needs to look after you too, Evie. And as it obviously isn’t going to be you, I’ll have to take charge.’ She stood. ‘Leave it with me. I’ll make the arrangements and whisk you off to the spa. An afternoon of Tony and our regular might bring you back to earth and return you to your normal self.’

  ‘Let’s leave it for a few weeks, Nic. I’m too sore to enjoy it right now.’ A whole afternoon with Nicola didn’t appeal at all.