A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  He picked up his beer and took a swig while Harriet launched into a full replay of what’d happened that day.

  Leah pulled the door to the twins’ bedroom shut and leaned against the outside.

  Harriet was already asleep, and Ava not far off. They’d giggled their way through a bubble bath followed by three stories.

  She took a deep breath.

  Sean was waiting in the living room. Disappointment, anger and hurt radiated from him.

  Her stomach clenched. She’d unintentionally caused this.

  Slowly Leah peeled herself from the door and forced herself to walk down the stairs. If she hadn’t been pregnant, she would’ve gone via the kitchen and poured herself a large glass of Dutch courage.

  Sean snapped the television off as she went into the living room.

  She forced a smile and sat opposite him. Then waited.

  He stared. ‘Well?’

  ‘Well, what?’

  Did he want to talk about Kate first or the baby?

  ‘Don’t you have something to say to me?’

  She swallowed. The lump in her throat threatened to constrict her breathing at any moment. ‘Do you want to talk about Kate?’

  Sean leaped to his feet. ‘No, I don’t want to talk about Kate. You know exactly what I want to talk about.’

  ‘Our baby?’

  He shook his head. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me! Even now you’re still going to try to pass it off as mine?’

  Her gut contracted. ‘What do you mean, pass it off?’

  ‘We both know damn well it can’t be my baby. How could you, Eve? Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to end our marriage, rather than do this? You stood in the kitchen the night of the accident and blatantly denied having an affair. It was that guy, wasn’t it? The one at the funeral? The one who hardly knew Leah but turned up to be supportive.’

  A tear escaped the corner of her eye. The hurt in Sean’s voice was heart breaking. Oh, Eve, how could you have done this to him?

  Now she was the one that was going to have to live with the consequences. Unless she admitted the truth to him. She dismissed this thought. She’d made a promise to Eve. One she intended to keep.

  ‘I assume so,’ she finally said.

  Sean stopped his pacing and stared. ‘You assume so? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You cheated with more than one?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, I have no recollection of being with him.’ This part was at least true. ‘I’m assuming it is to do with the whack to the head I got in the accident, but at the funeral, I can honestly say I’d never seen him before. He looked familiar, but that’s about it.’

  ‘But you think it was him? That the baby is his?’

  ‘Possibly. Hopefully it’s yours, but if it’s not, then I assume it is.’

  ‘If you have no recollection of him, why do you think the baby is his? Couldn’t it be anyone’s? You could have been sleeping with ten people for all you remember.’ His voice was bitter.

  Leah met his eyes. ‘Both Nicola and Mum have confirmed that I had conversations with them about Ben.’

  ‘Your mum?’ Sean’s eyes were wide. ‘Peggy knew? Nicola doesn’t surprise me, she probably encouraged it, but your mum?’ His ashen face and strain to his voice conveyed exactly how hurt he was.

  She said nothing. She agreed with Sean. She found it hard to believe her mother would condone Eve’s behaviour. Maybe not condone the behaviour but she’d gone along with it.

  ‘What do you want me to do?’

  Shock washed over her. She’d been expecting Sean to declare the marriage over and storm out. ‘Forgive me?’ Leah’s voice was barely a whisper. ‘Pray that the baby is yours.’

  Sean sat beside her, sighing. ‘Part of me wants to kill you, but part of me feels like I’m dealing with a totally different person. You really don’t remember, do you?’

  She stared. ‘Remember what?’

  ‘There’s no way the baby can be mine. We hadn’t had sex for months before the accident.’

  Leah shut her eyes, her worst fear confirmed. There was no way he’d accept the baby as his. ‘But you said it’d only been a few weeks.’

  He nodded. ‘You didn’t remember, and you seemed surprised at how awful our relationship had turned. I said it because I felt bad. You were making such an effort, and for the first time in ages things seemed good. I figured it wouldn’t make any difference. I didn’t want to upset you. What an idiot I am.’ He crumpled and put his head between his hands.

  She had to stop herself from rubbing his back. Damn Eve. Guilt flooded her the moment the words hit her brain. Her sister was dead. Leah taking over her life was hardly Eve’s fault.

  It was hard to believe Eve and Sean’s marriage had been on the rocks. Leah knew there were problems but nothing this serious.

  She swallowed. She hated that Sean thought so little of her now. She could fix that by admitting she was Leah, but she couldn’t do that to him or to the twins.

  Leah had to keep her promise to Eve.

  She took a risk and reached for his hand.

  He allowed her to take it.

  ‘Sean, I need you to know one thing.’

  His eyes met hers. ‘What?’

  ‘I’m truly sorry. I can’t even imagine what I must’ve been thinking. I love you and the girls so much. I don’t want to lose you.’ As the words came out it hit her just how true they were.

  He closed his eyes before tugging his hand from hers and standing. ‘I don’t think I can do it, Eve.’

  Panic rose within Leah. ‘Do what?’

  ‘The baby. Our marriage. Any of it. I’m not sure I can do it.’ Sean hesitated. ‘Even if you got rid of the baby, I don’t know if I could forgive you. It’s not like you even want more children. You’ve made that very clear over the years.’

  Her heart raced. Get rid of the baby? He wanted her to terminate the pregnancy? There was no way she’d snuff out the life of a baby, not even at this early stage.

  Sean was right. Eve definitely hadn’t wanted more kids and had actively supported abortion and the right to terminate.

  ‘I know I said that before. But now, I’m actually pregnant and it’s not so easy. I don’t think I could.’

  He sighed again. ‘Jesus, what a mess. I never thought I’d want that either, but raising someone else’s baby and pretending it’s mine? I couldn’t.’

  Without looking at her again, he left the living room.

  Moments later she heard the front door click shut.

  Tears ran down Leah’s cheeks while she processed the enormity of what’d happened. She didn’t blame him for walking out.

  He was such a good guy. She still couldn’t work out why her sister would’ve felt the need to stray.

  Well, one thing was certain, her short marriage to Sean was over.

  She closed her eyes. She’d thought she was doing the right thing stepping in as Eve, but now it appeared she’d given up her own life unnecessarily. She needed to undo the damage she’d done. But, how?

  17

  Friday passed in a blur for Sean. He’d left the house early, worked a long day and arrived home well after midnight. He’d slept in the guest room and left again the moment the sun rose.

  Now he was walking aimlessly along the beach, hands stuffed in his pockets as the cool morning breeze whipped across his cheeks. How he wished he could escape his own thoughts, but he couldn’t.

  His phone pinged at eight with a text from Eve. She asked if he could come home by eleven. She wanted to visit her parents without the girls, and hoped he could stay with them. Her message said she would take them if it didn’t suit him, but would prefer not to on this occasion.

  Sean had left the house before anyone had woken that morning. He couldn’t bear to look at his wife right now. Was he more upset about her having an affair, or trying to pass the baby off as his?

  Things had been going so well between them. The accident had changed her. A change that’d been needed.
One that could’ve saved their marriage—until this.

  He sent back a text agreeing to be home at eleven. The old Eve wouldn’t have asked him to be home by eleven, she would’ve told him in no uncertain terms to be there.

  Not that he would’ve dreamed to go out on a Saturday on his own without checking with her first. His wife had always made it very clear because he was out so much during the week, it was her turn on the weekend to have a break, and basically do whatever she wanted—which rarely included him or their daughters. Now it wasn’t a mystery exactly what those other things were.

  He kicked at a piece of cuttlefish and turned back in the direction of the car and car park. He had time to grab a coffee and a bite to eat before going home. He wouldn’t get there a minute earlier than eleven.

  Sean waited for the roller door to open, and a mixture of emotions flooded through him. While he wanted to see his daughters, dread at having to look at Eve overcame him.

  He drove into the garage, and she appeared through the internal access door. She gave him an unsure smile and opened the door to Leah’s Prius.

  Sean was surprised she hadn’t been at him to replace the practical car for something more to her taste.

  She’d said she liked it and that the small vehicle kept her close to her sister but, for a woman who up until six weeks ago was obsessed with brands, it seemed rather strange.

  His wife stood next to the open door, waiting to talk to him. Her words streamed out too quickly; her voice wavered, showing exactly how nervous she was. ‘I thought I’d go straight away, I know you don’t want to see me right now.’ She waited, as if hoping he might correct her.

  He didn’t respond.

  ‘The girls are upstairs, making cards and I should only be a few hours.’

  ‘Don’t hurry back,’ Sean said. ‘I’m going to take them out somewhere this afternoon. We’ll probably end up seeing a movie and having some dinner. I’ll bring them back in time for bed.’

  Eve hesitated, a flash of concern crossing her face.

  ‘And don’t say it.’

  ‘Say what?’

  ‘Remind me about not giving them soft drink or lollies or junk for dinner.’

  Hurt flashed in her eyes. ‘I hadn’t planned on saying anything. I was going to mention, your mum rang. She’s invited us all over tomorrow for lunch. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that so said you’d call her back.’

  ‘Okay. I will. Now I’d better get upstairs to the girls.’ He turned his back on her and walked into the house.

  Leah sat across the table from her mother, steam rising from the freshly made cup of tea in front of her.

  ‘So, he knows,’ her mother said.

  Tears welled in her eyes. ‘He looked at me like he hates me. I was wrong, it definitely isn’t his.’

  Her mother patted her arm. ‘I’m sorry, Eve.’

  ‘But?’

  ‘But, like I said to you months ago, playing with fire usually ends in disaster.’

  ‘The worst thing is I don’t remember Ben properly. I have no real recollection of ever being with him. Ever feeling anything for him.’

  ‘I can guarantee, you had very strong feelings for him,’ her mother said. ‘If it’s any consolation, it wasn’t just a fling. I’m sure you said more to Nicola than to me. You might want to talk to her about it.’

  Leah nodded. She had no intention of talking to anyone. What she needed from her mother were some words of wisdom. ‘How do I fix things?’ she asked.

  Her mother went over to the pantry. She took out a large box of chocolate biscuits and placed them in front of her. ‘You might not eat this junk, but I need something. It’s too early for a drink, so this is the next best thing.’

  She agreed and, ignoring her mother’s raised eyebrows, helped herself to a biscuit.

  ‘I’m not sure if you can fix things,’ her mother said.

  ‘Sean asked if I would have an abortion.’

  Her mother sucked in a breath. ‘Would you?’

  She shook her head. ‘Of course not. It’s my baby.’

  ‘What about Ben? You’d have to tell him. A baby’s father has the right to know.’

  Leah’s stomach clenched. Grant. From what Katrina said, she didn’t see any reason to tell him. He certainly wasn’t going to welcome the news. ‘Where’s Dad?’ she asked changing the subject.

  ‘Playing golf. He should be home any minute.’

  She managed a smile. ‘That’s good news. He’s finally out of the house.’

  ‘He’s started to whistle again too. They’re small steps, but I think he’s beginning to come back to us.’

  ‘That’s great news, Mum.’ She meant it. It’d been awful seeing her father caught in such a deep depression.

  ‘I don’t suggest you tell him anything about this, not until you know what’s happening with you and Sean and the baby. Leah’s death…’ her mother stumbled on the word. She cleared her throat. ‘Leah’s death has been particularly hard on your father. I’m not sure what has brought him back out of his despair, but whatever it is I’m very grateful.’ She wiped at her eyes. ‘I was beginning to think I’d lost him, too.’

  Leah squeezed her hand, for the second time wishing she could turn back time to before the accident. She was no longer sure her choice had been the right one.

  In fact, she was convinced it wasn’t.

  ‘I won’t say anything,’ she said.

  They sipped their drinks.

  The opening of the garage door broke the silence.

  ‘Here he is now,’ her mother said. ‘Fingers crossed he’s in a good mood.’ Worry crossed her face.

  Her poor mother. She was dealing with a lot more than her own grief.

  Her dad came in through the kitchen door, his face expressionless.

  ‘Hello, love,’ her mother said.

  Her father’s face broke into a smile as he saw Leah. ‘Eve, I wasn’t expecting to see your car out the front. I wouldn’t have played golf if I’d realise you’d be stopping by. How are you, love?’

  Leah smiled. He was genuinely pleased to see her. She couldn’t help but notice the look of surprise that flashed across her mother’s face. ‘I’m good, Dad. Only just got here, and if it is okay with you both, I might hang around for a few hours. Sean’s taking the girls to the movies this afternoon, so I’m at a bit of a loose end.’

  Her dad laughed. ‘You, a loose end? What about all those friends you like to lunch with, drink with? You always complained that with the restrictions of the girls, you never got to see them enough.’

  ‘I feel like a quieter day. Perhaps another chess challenge?’

  ‘Chess?’ her mother asked. ‘That’s Leah’s thing, not yours.’

  Her father laughed again.

  The surprise on her mother’s face suggested her mother probably hadn’t heard her husband laugh for some time.

  ‘She’s a dark horse, our Eve. Was around here the other week. Almost beat me. Turns out she’s had some expert Leah training.’

  ‘Well, that’s very unexpected,’ her mother said. ‘And you were here, visiting?’

  ‘Only once. You were out. It gave me and Dad a chance to hang out.’

  ‘Give me a minute to wash up and I’ll get the board set up,’ her dad said. ‘I’ll tell you about my golf game while we play.’ His laughter boomed down the hall on his way to the bathroom. ‘That’ll bore you into defeat for sure.’

  Her mother’s jaw dropped.

  ‘What’s wrong, Mum?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong. It’s only that I’ve hardly seen your father crack a smile since the accident. Sounds like your chess game might’ve snapped him out of it.’ She smiled. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be acting so surprised. Whatever brings him back to life I’m grateful for.’

  ‘Definitely,’ Leah said.

  ‘Ready?’ the holler came from her father’s study.

  She finished her coffee, grinned as she stole another biscuit from the tin, and went in search of
her father.

  Sean stopped in the kitchen and took a deep breath. Moving forward was going to be tough on all of them. He was being realistic at least when he thought about that. It would be hard enough breaking the news to the girls, but having to look at Eve every time they dropped the children to each other, having to talk to her; it made him feel ill.

  Her betrayal hurt. It was that simple.

  Laughter floated down the stairs. He forced a smile. He needed to be fun dad today, not this miserable, depressed version of himself.

  Sean pushed Eve far from his mind, and took the steps two at a time.

  ‘Daddy,’ Harriet cried, when he reached their playroom. She dropped her pencil and leapt up to throw her arms around him. ‘Why did you have to go to work so early? It’s Saturday.’

  He laughed and squeezed his daughter close. ‘Work? Who said anything about work? I was out planning our day.’

  ‘Mummy said you’d gone to work early because of some case you were working on,’ Ava said. ‘Why would she say that if it wasn’t true?’

  Because Mummy’s very good at lying. ‘I’m working on the case of ‘let’s have fun on Saturday. It’s a very special case, and needs good detectives to ensure it’s solved. Think you can help me?’

  Harriet cheered. ‘I can, Daddy. I’m a great detective.’

  ‘How about you, Av?’ he asked, noticing his daughter seemed concerned, rather than excited.

  ‘Is Mummy coming, too?’

  He ruffled the serious little girl’s hair. ‘No, hon, she’s gone to visit Gram and Gramps.’

  ‘Without us? Why?’ Ava asked. ‘I want to see them, too.’

  Sean sighed. So much for getting on and having fun. ‘They’re still very sad, Aves. Mummy wanted to spend some time with them on her own. She was worried it would be a bit depressing, and maybe even boring for you guys. So, you and I are going to have some fun instead.’ He clapped his hands and glanced at Harriet. At least he’d be able to get her excited about the day. ‘So, I’m thinking we head out this afternoon to the movies. We might take your bikes and head to the duck-pond park afterwards for a ride and then go out for dinner on the way home. How does that sound?’