by Louise Guy
Harriet cheered again. ‘Can we take bread for the ducks?’
‘Yep. We can do anything you want.’
A sly smile appeared crossed Harriet’s lips. ‘Can we buy lollies to eat at the movie?’
‘Yep. Maybe an ice-cream too.’
Ava’s face lit up. ‘Really, one of those choc-tops? I’ve never had one of those.’
Sean picked her up and swung her around. ‘What? Seven years old and never had a choc-top? That’s definitely not right, and we need to fix it immediately.’
Ava giggled.
‘We need to finish our cards first,’ Harriet said. ‘Will we have time?’
Sean placed Ava back on the floor. ‘Heaps of time. We’ll have lunch here and head off around one.’ He pulled up one of the small chairs next to the craft table the twins were working at. ‘Let’s see what you are doing.’
A lump rose in his throat while his daughters proudly showed him the cards they’d been making.
‘They’re for Gran,’ Ava explained.
‘It’s her birthday on Monday,’ Harriet said. ‘Mummy thought it would be nice if we made some cards for her.
‘Mummy remembered Gran’s birthday?’ That was a first.
‘She said it was in her diary, and as she’s turning sixty we should do something special.’
God, they were right, his mum was turning sixty. He’d been so caught up with everything he hadn’t given her a second thought. Thank goodness Eve had remembered. He still had time to get her a present and make a fuss of her.
‘Mummy’s much better at remembering these days,’ Harriet said. ‘She laughed when she told us about Gran’s birthday. Said Gran would probably get a shock that we’d all remembered.’
‘She doesn’t remember everything,’ Ava said. ‘She still says and does some weird stuff.’
‘Like what?’ Sean asked.
‘Silly stuff,’ the serious twin said. ‘Like, she can’t always find things in the house or doesn’t remember the names of people. Mrs Jensen from across the road came over to see how we’re doing. She even brought a big lasagne for dinner and Mum had no idea who she was.’
‘Really?’ Eve hadn’t mentioned anything. ‘When did this happen?’
Ava stopped drawing and sat up, her pen resting against her little lip. ‘It must’ve been on Tuesday,’ she said. ‘It was after swimming lessons.’
‘What other things does Mummy forget?’
‘She hardly recognises any of the mums or kids at school,’ Harriet said. ‘She always has to ask us who they are.’
‘Did she know any of them before the accident?’ he asked. ‘Kate used to take you to and from school every day.’
‘She knew who Jemima and Shilo and Lisa were,’ Harriet said. ‘They’ve been here to play with us before.’
He nodded. ‘And she didn’t recognise any of them?’
Harriet shook her head and got back to her card.
‘Do you think she’s sick?’ Ava asked. ‘Is her brain sick?’
Sean took one look at his daughter’s panic-stricken face and pulled her to him. ‘Of course not, sweetie. When she bumped her head in the accident, it affected her memory.’ For God’s sake, she didn’t even remember having an affair. ‘Hopefully it’ll come back to her soon, but if it doesn’t we have to keep helping her and reminding her of things.’
‘I hope it doesn’t come back,’ Harriet said. ‘She might remember she prefers going to work than being with us. Or that sugar is evil and we can’t bake cakes with her anymore. I like her better when she can’t remember things.’
‘I like her better, too,’ Ava said. ‘Our family is nicer since she had the accident. You and Mummy don’t argue and you kiss and hold hands. You’re like proper parents.’
‘Proper parents? We weren’t before?’ Sean asked.
Ava shook her head and began colouring in the flower she’d drawn on the card. ‘Mummy was always mad at you, and never wanted to do things as a family. Since she hurt her head, we’ve done everything together. We’ve had lots of fun. More fun than I can ever remember.’
‘Yeah,’ Harriet agreed. ‘It’s really different. I wish Aunty Leah hadn’t been in the car when Mummy had her accident, but I’m not sorry she had the accident. It’s changed her, and I love it.’
‘I don’t have to worry anymore either,’ Ava whispered.
‘Worry?’
She wouldn’t meet his eyes and continued to colour. ‘That you’re getting a divorce. Oliver in my class, his parents are splitting up and he hates it. He has to live in two different houses, and if he forgets his favourite toy, he has to wait a full week to see it again. His mum and dad fight the whole time, too. He cries a lot at school. He’s really sad, and it’s all their fault.’
Sean swallowed the lump that seemed to have grown to gigantic proportions in his throat. Damn Eve. Damn her.
She’d ruined everything and now, in the eyes of his daughters, when they split up he was going to be as bad as she was.
‘You’d better ring Gran,’ Ava said. ‘Did Mummy tell you she rang?’
‘She wants us all to go for a barbecue tomorrow,’ Harriet said. ‘I can’t wait.’
Ava looked up at him. ‘Mummy is coming, isn’t she, Daddy? It’s our chance to celebrate Gran’s birthday.’
He hesitated. It would be a bit hard to explain why Eve couldn’t be there, to his daughters and his parents. ‘Of course she’s coming. Now I’d better go and give Gran a quick ring and confirm everything.’ He did his best to smile. ‘Finish your cards and when we’re out this afternoon, we’ll buy her a lovely present.’
He left the twins to put the finishing touches on their art and went down to the kitchen.
So much for putting Eve out of his mind. Sean needed to put his lawyer hat on, detach emotionally. It was his job, what he did best. It shouldn’t be that hard. Right?
‘Come on, Dad,’ Leah said, removing one of his bishops from the board. ‘That’s not like you to be losing pieces so early.’
Bill smiled. ‘I think my mind’s still back on the sixteenth green. Perfect putt it was. At least eight feet, straight into the hole.’
‘It’s nice to hear you sounding enthusiastic again.’
Darkness clouded her father’s face.
She touched his arm. ‘She’d want you to be happy. She’d want you to keep living.’
Her father studied the board. ‘I feel guilty.’ He didn’t look up.
‘The accident wasn’t your fault. You didn’t even know we were going to a party.’
‘I feel guilty that I’m alive,’ he said. ‘I’ve had a long life; Leah was only thirty-five. She had so much still to do. Marriage, kids, happiness. It was all just waiting for her. I wish it had been me.’
Her heart contracted. His words rang true. He would’ve changed places with her if it was an option.
‘I’d give anything to have her back, you know,’ her father said. ‘Anything at all.’
She was silent, her eyes on the board. She was beginning to believe she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.
Being Eve, lying to everyone.
She shouldn’t have messed with the universe. If she hadn’t, she’d be pregnant, single and supporting her family and Sean as best she could.
Instead she was living a ridiculously complicated life of lies.
Leah jolted when her father squeezed her hand.
‘There’s one good thing that’s come from this, Evie. And that’s you and me. I’ve seen a different side to you since the accident. Caring, compassionate. The real you. The you I always knew was there deep inside.’ Dad gave a small laugh. ‘You kept it well hidden amongst that brittle façade of yours. The expensive clothes, the make-up, the fancy haircuts. It never felt real to me. It felt like you were hiding something.’
‘Hiding something?’
Her father nodded. ‘Hiding the real you. The vulnerable you. You put up this strong front, like nothing could touch you, but deep down we both k
now that doesn’t work. You’re more like me than I ever realised.’
She stared. He was comparing himself to Eve? She’d known Eve better than anyone, and she disagreed with his belief that it was a façade. It was just Eve. Who she’d been.
‘You know, it’s you who’s helped me face the world again, don’t you?’ he said.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You coming and sitting with me. Playing chess, being here. You’ve got the same calm nature Leah had. Makes me proud to be your dad. The way you’ve changed your approach with the girls. Softened, moved in different directions, better directions. It’s made me realise I can keep going. I’ve lost something very precious to me, but at the same time I’ve gained.’
‘Gained what?’
‘Gained you. Gained belief. Watching you makes me realise there’s a bigger picture to all this. I’d say if you’d kept going the way you were then your marriage would’ve ended and the girls would probably, if given the choice, have chosen to be with Sean. A lot of miserable lives as a result. Instead, Leah’s death has inspired you to be a great mum. To love those twins with all your might.’
‘Like I should have from the start?’
‘That’s the ideal, but it doesn’t happen for everyone. It’s not easy having twins.’ He winked. ‘Believe me, I know.’
‘Do you think people should always be honest, Dad?’ Leah asked. ‘Is it always for the best?’
He seemed to think about it for a moment, then shook his head. ‘Definitely not.’
She couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I was sure you’d say they should.’
Her father shook his head. ‘I like to say I live an honest life, but there’re times when the truth isn’t always the kindest thing to share with people. I don’t condone telling lies for self-advancement or anything of that sort, but I do condone lying if it is done to protect people and basically for the right reasons.’
‘Protecting people often means others are hurt. One lie can have so many knock-on effects.’
He studied her for a moment. ‘Is everything okay, love? Got yourself into a situation, have you?’
Leah’s bottom lip trembled. ‘You could say that.’
‘I’m here if you want some advice.’
Tears filled her eyes. Oh, how she’d love some advice. The problem was her father was one of the many people her lies had hurt. ‘No, I’ll be fine. A few things to work out that’s all.’
Her dad patted her hand. ‘I won’t pry, love, but I’m always here. I won’t judge you.’
She forced a smile. How could he not judge her if he knew the truth? His relationship with her would never be the same again. That much was certain.
18
‘You definitely want me to come?’ Leah glanced at Sean as she finished unloading the dishwasher. ‘I’ll understand if you don’t.’
For the first time since she’d announced her pregnancy, Sean had stayed in the same room for more than five minutes. They’d had breakfast with the girls, trying to act normal for their sake.
Ava hadn’t been fooled.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ the little girl had asked Sean when he’d snapped no to Leah’s question of whether he’d like another coffee.
He’d run his hands through his hair and forced a smile. ‘Nothing, honey, I’m a bit tired.’
‘You should apologise to Mummy,’ Ava said. ‘She made us a yummy breakfast, and offered you another coffee and you were horrible to her.’
‘You’re right. I’m a bit of a grump this morning.’ He’d turned to Leah with a big smile that didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I’d love one, thank you.’
That had placated Ava, and she’d hoed into her Bircher muesli.
Now the twins were upstairs putting the finishing touches on the birthday sign they’d made in addition to the cards for their grandmother.
The moment they’d left the room he’d stopped pretending, and an icy chill had filled the kitchen.
‘No, I don’t want you to come. But right now, it’s going to look pretty strange if you don’t. I’m not ready to tell anyone what’s going on, and my mum is worried about you. Worried how you’re coping since the accident. Other than you suddenly becoming ill, which would worry her even more, I can’t think of any good reason for you not to come. The twins will be suspicious too.’
She didn’t know June or Abe very well, but from what Eve had said about her in-laws, she hadn’t had a close relationship with them. Other than at the funeral, Leah had met them at a few celebrations: Eve and Sean’s wedding; the girls’ birthday parties. They’d always been friendly. Chatted about the twins and asked Leah about her work.
Her sister hadn’t had much time for her own parents so it wasn’t a surprise she’d viewed the get-togethers with Sean’s as inconvenient obligations.
‘Okay. I’ll go get dressed then. You said you bought a present yesterday, didn’t you?’
Sean nodded. ‘Presents. The girls are giving her perfume and chocolates and we’re giving her a five-night getaway from all of us for her and dad.’
She smiled. ‘Sounds lovely. Where to?’
He hesitated.
‘Come on, Sean. I know I’ve put us in an awful situation…’ understatement of the century, ‘but for the sake of the girls, and everyone around us, we need to at least be able to talk to each other.’
‘The Hunter Valley. And yes, you have put us in an awful situation. And no, I don’t agree that we need to be able to talk to each other. For now, let’s keep it to an absolute need-to-know basis. Okay?’ He didn’t wait for her response, but instead picked his car keys up off the bench. ‘I’m going to get Mum some flowers. I’ll be back in about an hour. We need to leave at eleven.’
The familiar nauseous feeling rose within Leah, reminding her exactly why they were in this situation.
The front door of Sean’s parents’ much-loved Federation bungalow opened and June’s plump arms flew open to embrace the twins as they launched themselves at her.
‘Settle down,’ Leah said, laughing when she caught up with them, holding a large bunch of lilies in her arms. ‘You’ll knock Gran over.’
‘They’re fine,’ Sean’s mum said. ‘Excited to see me, aren’t you girls?’
‘Happy birthday, Gran,’ Harriet said.
‘For tomorrow,’ Ava added.
‘Thank you.’ She looked at the flowers Leah had with her. ‘Although today wasn’t supposed to be about me. It was a chance to have you over. See your mum too, as we haven’t seen much of her since, well since, you know.’ June flushed, stumbling over her words.
Leah squeezed her arm. ‘No, we haven’t seen much of you. So today will be an extra special celebration.’
‘And today is about you, Gran,’ Harriet said. ‘We have banners and cards and presents and everything to prove it. Ava and I’ll go and help Daddy. There’s tons of stuff to bring in.’
‘Tons? Is that right?’ June winked, her chestnut eyes dancing playfully. ‘Come on in, Eve, it’s lovely to see you. Abe’s out the back somewhere getting the barbecue ready and organising skittles and other games.’
Leah smiled and followed her into the living room. The mantelpiece was filled with birthday cards. ‘Happy birthday,’ she said.
‘My favourite.’ The older woman beamed, accepting the flowers.
‘Sean takes the credit for them,’ she said. ‘He went out early to make sure he could find exactly the right ones.’
‘He’s a good boy. Take a seat. I’ll pop into the kitchen and find a vase.’
Leah sat on the faded leather couch, her eyes fixing on the portrait taking up most of one wall of Sean at around aged ten and younger versions of his smiling parents. Yes, he was a good boy. Too good for her, now that she’d complicated things so spectacularly. How she wished she could talk to Jackie, tell her everything.
There was no one she could turn to. No one she could tell the full truth to. She was so alone.
Sean’s mother returned with the flowe
rs arranged in a beautiful crystal vase as Sean, the twins, and Abe appeared. It was easy to see where Sean’s height and lean frame came from. He was very much his father’s son in build and temperament. Other than eye colour, his mother hardly got a look in.
The living room quickly turned to chaos as greetings and hugs were exchanged and the girls hopped from foot to foot, desperate to give their gran her banner and cards.
‘This is spectacular.’ June held up the birthday banner. ‘It must’ve taken you days to make. Look at the detail on these pictures. I love the zebras, and this wonderful fluffy cat.’
‘That’s Lewis,’ Ava said. ‘He was Aunty Leah’s cat, but he lives with us now.’
June locked eyes with Leah for a split second, her eyes full of sympathy. ‘That must be lovely, to have something your aunt loved so much to look after. You’ll have to be extra nice to him. He probably misses Leah.’
Harriet shook her head. ‘No, he’s right at home. He climbs the curtains all the time. Gets into the pantry to look for treats. Sleeps on my bed and even Mummy’s sometimes. In fact, he really loves Mummy the best. He always follows her around.’
She shrugged. ‘Animals usually pick the people that like them least, and stick to them like glue.’
Ava gasped. ‘But you love him, Mummy. You said so.’
Leah ruffled Ava’s hair. ‘I do now, sweetie, but when Leah was alive, I wasn’t so keen on cats. It wasn’t personal towards Lewis. I just didn’t really like them.’
‘But you do now?’
‘Of course.’ That was true at least. Lewis was the only part of her old life that she’d been able to keep.
Abe took the bottle of Veuve Clicquot from Sean and the salad and cheesecake Leah had made, then disappeared into the kitchen.
‘Open your presents, Gran.’ Harriet took the gift bag from Sean and handed it to her grandmother. ‘The best ones are from me and Ava. The one that’s a boring card and voucher is from Mummy and Daddy.’ She rolled her eyes.
June’s genuine delight when she opened each of the presents had the twins smiling from ear to ear. She was equally delighted when she opened the voucher for the Hunter Valley holiday. ‘Airfares too,’ she scolded. ‘You shouldn’t have.’
