Search Me

by Katie Ashley

  “Hot damn, we’ve got us a live one!” West exclaimed.

  Maddox put his hand on mine and gave me a warning look. “I think the one was enough.”

  West ignored him and filled the shot glass to the brim. “Oh come on, Mad Dog, let the girl cut loose for once. She’s had her head buried in some moldy ass book for hours.” He handed me the shot glass and then picked up his own. “Cheers.”

  I didn’t dare look over at Maddox. Instead, I clinked my glass to West’s. “Cheers,” I repeated.

  After we threw the shots back, West leaned over and grinned at me. He jerked his head to where a rag-tag band had assembled on the small, wooden stage, “Wanna dance?”

  “Sure I—”

  “Forget it, man. She’s just nineteen.”

  “So?” West countered, with a gleam in his eye.

  Maddox shot him a death glare. “Besides the fact that you’re twenty-five? Let’s just say I know you too well.”

  “Well, I’ll be twenty tomorrow,” I argued.

  “That doesn’t mean shit,” Maddox snarled.

  West seemed to be enjoying Maddox’s anger. His eyes twinkled. “I just asked her to dance, Mad Dog.”

  “And I want to,” I said, wedging myself between the two of them. The two shots of tequila pumped my system full of liquid courage. Of course, it was Maddox, not West, I wanted to dance with, but he wasn’t biting at the moment.

  West grinned down at me. “Since you’re the dancer, I’ll let you lead.”

  With a giggle, I took his hand and dragged him over to the dance floor. Our bodies moved frantically to the upbeat song. I would have normally been uptight about making a fool of myself, but after five minutes, the tequila was taking care of any inhibitions I might have had.

  “So tell me, Twinkle Toes,” West shouted over the band’s booming bass, “what’s up with you and Maddox and all that research you were doing?”

  “It’s nothing really.”

  West shook his head. “No, it’s definitely something. Mad Dog doesn’t read, and I sure as hell can’t imagine him studying.”

  Once again I found myself giggling like a vapid airhead. Stupid tequila. “You’re right about that one.” I danced a little closer to West. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  His eyebrows rose in surprise. “Maybe you ought to try me.”

  “Fine. If you must know, we’re looking for buried treasure.”

  “You’re full of shit,” West replied, with a grin.

  “No, I’m serious. It’s hidden gold that belonged to this Cherokee Indian princess named Pretty Fawn, and she—”

  West gave a contemptuous snort. “Whatever. Be a tease and keep your little secret.”

  I was about to argue with him when Maddox tapped on West’s shoulder. “I’m cutting in.” His forceful tone sent my heart pitter-pattering, and I fought to keep the satisfied smirk off my face.

  “Sure man.” West twirled me around to where I knocked into Maddox’s chest. Dizzy, my hands fisted his shirt to keep my balance. I quickly shoved away. “She’s all yours.” He winked at me before strolling away.

  As other couples danced around us, we stood stock still, staring each other down. “I thought you didn’t dance?” I finally asked.

  “I don’t.” He raked his hand through his hair. “But I sure as hell don’t like you dancing with West.”

  “Oh really, Mad Dog? After hearing more escapades about your tainted reputation, I’m not sure I should be dancing with you,” I said, poking him in the chest with my finger. “You might try to charm the jeans right off me…again.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Look, I feel bad enough for what I did, and I would never, ever take advantage of you again. But then again you seem to be fine with letting West run his hands all over you.”

  I widened my eyes. “He was not pawing me. We were just goofing around. It wasn’t like we were dry humping out there.” The moment the words left my lips I flushed. Oh jeez, I really shouldn’t drink.

  Maddox’s lips quirked up at my embarrassment. Instead of giving me a hard time, he inched closer. To both our surprise, the band switched to a slow song. Without taking his eyes off mine, he reached out to hook his fingers into two of my belt loops. He rubbed his thumbs along the fabric for a moment before tugging me closer. When my hips knocked into his, he released the belt-loop, and his arms snaked around my waist. At the feel of his fingertips lightly brushing under my shirt, I gasped. Breathe, Lane. Just breathe.

  Instinctively, my arms went around his neck. Maddox then pressed himself against me to where we were flush against other. As I rested my head on his shoulder, his breath was warm against my temple as we swayed to the band’s soulful, love song.

  Since I was feeling entirely too much in that moment, I decided it was time to change the subject. To break the silence, I asked, “So what are you going to do with your part of the treasure?”

  He shrugged. “I dunno. I haven’t really thought about it. Have you?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Lemme guess. You want gold-encrusted toe shoes?” he asked, with a smirk.

  “Ha, ha. Very funny.”

  “Then what?”

  “No, you’ll just think it’s stupid and keep making fun of me.”

  He nudged my hip with his. “Come on, tell me.”

  “Fine,” I huffed. “I’d go to London to see the Royal Ballet perform, and then maybe I’d go to Russia to the Moscow Ballet. But I wouldn’t want to just see the most famous ballets in the world. I’d want to go all over Europe seeing the places I’ve always read about. And then, I’d want to save some of the money so someday I could have my own dance studio.”

  Instead of mocking me, Maddox gave me a genuine smile. “Sounds like you’ve really given that some thought.”

  “Well, I’ve always wanted to travel.”

  “Me too. I thought by joining the Army I’d be able to do that. See all the places my dad used to talk about when he was in the service.” His expression darkened. “But then everything got screwed up during that practice mission. Stupid staph infection ruined me for an Army career.”

  Desperate to hug him, I tightened my arms around his neck instead. “I’m really sorry about what happened to you.”

  “Nothing you could do.” A cold edge crept into his voice, and I knew he was starting to shut-down.

  “Don’t do that,” I murmured.

  “What?”

  “Put on your tough guy act. It’s okay to feel things and show emotions, Maddox. Especially around me.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have to go all shrink on me. I saw several of those when I was in the hospital.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not some doctor in a lab coat. I’m your friend, and I care about you. Okay?”

  “I don’t know why you do. I treated you like shit in the past.”

  Not wanting to add salt to his wounds, I replied, “Oh come on. You weren’t that bad.”

  “Yeah, I was,” he muttered through gritted teeth. He stared down at me and shook his head. “If someone needs shrinking, it’s you. There’s gotta be something wrong with you to want to be around an asshole like me.”

  Even though I shouldn’t have, I burst out laughing.

  Disbelief flickered on his face before turning to anger. “Do you think that’s funny?”

  “No, not really. It’s just, hello? We were young and silly. It’s really noble how you insist on carrying this guilt around for the stuff that happened when we were kids, but really, it isn’t necessary. I promise.”

  At his forlorn expression, I sighed. “Stop beating yourself up! You had some sweet moments, too. Like you’d always bait my hook for me when we’d go fishing, and you’d always let me have the last Popsicle even if you really wanted it.” Before he could argue with me, I kept right on babbling. “And let’s not forget how your old hound dog got her name! Although at the time, I didn’t really like having to ask, ‘Who are you calling? human Lane or furry Lane?’.�
�

  He cocked his eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s not just the alcohol talking?”

  “No, silly, it isn’t. I didn’t have that much anyway,” I protested.

  “You did two straight-up tequila shots, and you’ve never drunk anything before.”

  “So?”

  An aggravated groan rumbled through Maddox’s chest. “Yeah, Lane, but besides the shit when we were kids, I broke—”

  I covered his mouth with my hand. “Let’s not go there again, okay? Let’s stick to the old ‘it takes two to tango’ mentality.”

  Maddox surprised me by jerking my hand away. Intensity blazed in his dark eyes that made me shiver. “No, you need to let me say this. I’ve run away long enough from how I truly felt about you. Considering everything we’re going through, I have to do this. I have to tell you what really happened that night.”

  I swallowed hard. “Then say it,” I whispered.

  “Lane, when you told me you loved me, I wasn’t honest with you. I didn’t say I loved you back because I didn’t want to hurt you by leading you on.”

  I surveyed his pained expression with disbelief. “Excuse me? Do you realize how twisted that sounds?”

  “But it’s the truth. I knew I wasn’t any good for you.” Brushing a thumb across my cheek, he smiled sadly. “I’ll never forget the look on your face or your tears. For three years, I carried around this guilt about how much I’d hurt you. I hoped that you’d gotten over it—that you had stopped caring about me entirely. But when you reacted so icily to me that first day at Maudie’s, I realized you hadn’t. But I still couldn’t bring myself to tell you how I really felt that night because I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I already had.”

  It took a few moments for his words to sink in. “Wait a minute. So you lied allegedly to spare my feelings? How fucking selfish is that? What about what I felt—what I feel?” I demanded.

  “I promise I wasn’t doing it to be selfish.”

  “Oh please.”

  His face darkened. “Dammit, I’m telling you the truth! For the first time in my life, I wanted to be fair and honest with a girl because I cared about her. I wanted you to forget about me. I wanted you to wake up and realize that you were stupid to have feelings for me.”

  I glared at him. “Lemme guess, I was ‘stupid’, as you claim, to care about you because you could never feel anything for me, right? I didn’t party or hook-up with guys, and I was just an uptight little princess that you had to put up with since you were a kid.” I pushed out of his embrace. “Not to mention when it comes to looks, you were totally out of my league.”

  Maddox stared at me like I’d grown horns. “How could you actually think those things?”

  “And why wouldn’t I?” I demanded as anger and hurt swirled within me, sending stinging tears to my eyes. I shoved him away from me and started stalking over to where West was pouring drinks. Smacking my palm down on the bar, I shouted, “Give me two more shots.”

  West rolled his eyes at me. “You think you can call any more attention to yourself, Miss Underage?”

  Knowing how to appeal to a man like him, I leaned over the bar, letting him get a good peek down my shirt. I batted my eyelashes and shot him a winning smile. “Please?”

  With a lecherous grin, West poured two shot glasses and slid them over to me. “There you go, sweet thing.”

  “Thanks, handsome.” I gave him a flirty wink just as Maddox walked up.

  “I wasn’t through talking to you, Lane.”

  “Yeah, well, your little declarations made me need more tequila.” I tossed back the shot glass, letting the liquid burn down my throat.

  “You payin’ Mad Dog or do I need to work some payment out with her?” West teased.

  Maddox’s face reddened from his cheeks all the way down to his neck. He tossed a twenty in West’s face. “I think she’s covered,” he growled.

  West snorted before pouring another shot for Maddox. “Here ya go, buddy. You obviously need something else to take the stick out of your ass.”

  I giggled as I downed the second shot. The jolt of tequila caused me to shudder from head to toe. Sweeping my hands to my hips, I cocked my head at Maddox. “So are you just gonna stand there staring at me, or are we gonna dance some more?”

  The band had switched to an upbeat, somewhat sultry song. Even with all the truckers and backwoods peeps, the dance floor looked like something out of the opening scene of Dirty Dancing with all the bumping and grinding. A wicked gleam flickered in Maddox’s dark eyes. “All right, Princess. You wanna dance? We’ll dance.”

  Taking my hand, Maddox dragged me behind him to the dance floor. He jerked me forcibly against his body to where we were pressed flush against each other. His fingers dug into my hips before he ground his groin against mine to the beat of the song. I gasped at the heat that began stirring beneath my waist at the contact. My breasts rubbed harshly against Maddox’s taut pecs, causing my nipples to pebble beneath my shirt.

  His hands left my waist to travel down to cup both cheeks of my ass. When I squeaked at his actions, he kneaded my flesh in his hands. “You wanted to dance, didn’t you?” he demanded.

  “Yes,” I murmured.

  One of his hands left my ass and snaked up my back. His fingers tangled in the sweat-soaked strands of my hair, jerking my head back to look at him. “I didn’t hear you, Lane. Didn’t you want to dance?”

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “Then I hope you’re enjoying this.”

  Considering his half-mast erection was rubbing against my stomach, I cocked my head at him. “I would think you were, too,” I countered before lowering my gaze to his crotch.

  His eyes drilled into mine. “Frankly, I think it’s bullshit that you’re the one running this time, not me, but my dick has a mind of its own.”

  Salty rivers of sweat poured down my back at our exertions. Maddox’s breath scorched against my ear. “So are you going to let me finish talking to you now?” Although he had asked, I could tell he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  “Mmm, hmm,” I muttered, my mind lost in the fog that Maddox’s body was causing me.

  The band changed songs, and Maddox pushed me away from him. We stood staring at each other, our chests rising and falling, as we tried catching our breaths and coming out of our sex haze. While couples slow-danced around us, we still stood apart.

  Sweeping a hand to my hips, I said, “Okay, so why wasn’t I stupid to think you couldn’t care for me?”

  Maddox rolled his eyes. “Lane, don’t you see? I didn’t want you to be in love with me because I wasn’t good enough for you.”

  My mouth gaped open in shock. Surely I hadn’t heard him right. How was it remotely possible that Mr. Dreamy Diaz could think he wasn’t good enough for me? “E-Excuse m-me?” I sputtered.

  He threw up his hands. “Jesus, how plain do I have to make it for you? I was falling for you. And I was so scared about Basic and what it would mean to us when I shipped out. Not to mention there was the fact you were just sixteen. I didn’t think it was fair to you to ask you to give up so much of your life to wait for me.”

  I blinked a few times as I tried processing his words. “Wait…you mean, you really did care for me, and I wasn’t making the whole thing up in my mind?”

  “Of course I did.” He gave me a tentative smile. “How could I not care about someone as amazing and wonderful as you?”

  Wait, he thought I was amazing and wonderful? Somehow over the band’s raging music I thought I couldn’t possibly be hearing him right. Shaking my head, I countered, “But if it was just the age thing and Basic, I would have much rather have waited on you instead of thinking you were repulsed by me.”

  Maddox grimaced. “Because I really was thinking of you, instead of me. I hoped that if I hurt you enough, you’d find someone else who would actually deserve you—someone who wasn’t fucked up and damaged from his childhood. You needed someone who would treat you like you deserved and
could give you the moon and stars.” A sad smile formed on his lips. “But as much as I wanted to forget you and fought like hell to, I never could stop feeling for you…liking you.”

  I sucked in a harsh breath. “So the Poison song? That was about…”

  “You.”

  The next thing I knew he was jerking me to him to where our faces were only inches apart. I couldn’t believe this moment was actually happening. Maddox was standing before me admitting that he had cared for me. He stared into my eyes, searching them for what seemed like an eternity. It was so intense that I had to fight to catch my breath. “Lane, I…”

  I knew he was struggling with the words—words I was pretty sure he had only said to his parents, his sister, and to Maudie. But I still wanted to hear him say them to me. His jaw clenched with frustration. Finally, he practically growled, “Oh fuck it!” He grabbed my face in his hands. “I love you, Lane!”

  I closed my eyes to still the spinning room. His admission, along with the alcohol, had sent me on an out-of-control emotional merry-go-round. After all this time, he had really cared about me more than just a friend. More than that, he loved me. Over the years, I’d allowed myself to fantasize about a moment like this—one where Maddox came swooping in to tell me I was his one and only. Of course, I’d never quite imagined we would be on the run from a bloodthirsty treasure seeker or standing in the middle of a dive of a bar. His proclamation, coupled with the last twenty-four hours, was just too much, and I staggered on my feet.

  “Lane, are you okay?” Maddox asked.

  I glanced up to see two of him, staring at me with concern. “Considering I’m seeing double of you, probably not.”

  “Dammit. Of all the times you had to get drunk!” He then wrapped an arm around my waist for support and started easing me off the dance floor. He steered me over to the bar where West was mixing drinks.

  “Hey man, we’re done for the night.”

  West slid two glasses full of dark alcohol toward Tina before staring intently at me. “Oh yeah. She’s done,” he replied. His hands felt around under the bar before returning with a key. “Here ya go. There’s clean sheets on the bed, and then there should be some clean towels in the closet.” He jerked his thumb towards the kitchen. “Go through there and take a right out the back door. The room’s at the top of the stairs.”