Insistent

by Kaylee Ryan

  “I’m clean and it’s been… about the same time for me.”

  I scoff. “Come on, Gavin. Be honest with me.”

  His forehead presses to mine. “I promise you. The day I decided I wanted you was the day I gave it up, the random women. It’s only you, Cass. It’s been that way for a while now.”

  Holy shit! There is not a doubt in my mind that he’s telling me the truth—Gavin is a straight shooter—but this is not what I was expecting. Sure, I’ve noticed that the women are not around, but I’m not with him twenty-four hours a day. I just assumed he was keeping it to himself. What do I do with this information? I can feel myself falling deeper, getting more attached to him, and I know without a doubt that it will destroy me when we leave here. Opening my eyes, I see his are still closed tightly as his forehead is still pressed to mine. “What are you waiting for?” I ask. Slowly he lifts his head. He seems to be struggling with the decision, so I start to backpedal. “I mean, we don’t have to. You can—”

  He places his fingers over my lips. “I need you to know that this only happens with you. It’s a first for me and… it’s only you, Cassidy. Only you,” he says, reaching between us and fisting his cock. Hands on his shoulders, I lift as he positions himself at my entrance. Slowly, I slide down, feeling the sweet ache that only happens when he’s inside of me take hold.

  I’m reeling from his confession, my heart pleading to be his. Once he’s in, he buries his face in my neck. I feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest against mine. His grip on my thighs is tight, almost painful, but I don’t tell him. This moment is raw and pure, and no way am I ruining it. Instead, I run my fingers through his wet hair; the dark blond locks turn darker when wet.

  With great precision, he pulls out and slowly pushes back in. “Fuck, Cass. I don’t know how long I’m going to last,” he admits.

  “Then don’t,” I say, gripping his hair in my hands. “Don’t last, don’t hold back. I can take it, Gavin. I want all of you, everything that’s running through your mind. Whatever it is that’s making your chest heave, let me have it. All of it.”

  Again, he thrusts, this time a little faster. “Hot, wet, tight, and so fucking incredible. Like nothing before you.” He’s talking in choppy sentences, but I get the meaning.

  “For me too,” I agree. “Feels… different.”

  “Yeah,” he breathes, thrusting faster.

  “Don’t hold back.”

  “Help me, baby. I need you there with me. I can’t go without you.”

  Sliding my hand between us, I rub over my clit and shudder, already feeling my orgasm building deep in my core. Gavin thrusts, harder and harder until it’s all I can do to hold on. My hand drops as the overwhelming sensation builds higher and higher. My hands dig into his shoulders, holding on for the ride. “Yes,” I moan, leaning my head against the shower wall.

  “Cass, baby, I’m gonna come,” he grunts, never breaking his rhythm, thrusting in and out, in and out, over and over, fast, rapid, and oh so fucking good.

  “Gavin!” I shout his name as what feels like an electrical current of pure bliss rolls through my body. He follows after me, my name on his lips, his head buried in my neck. His grip on my thighs remains strong as he holds me to him.

  When he lifts his head, his lips crash with mine. It’s slow and sloppy, sensual and perfect. “I—” He shakes his head. “I imagined that with you, more times that I care to admit.” His eyes soften. “My imagination didn’t prepare me for the feeling of utter completeness while being inside of you with nothing between us.”

  “Better?” I ask.

  He chuckles. “Better is an understatement. Life altering comes to mind.” He grins. Carefully, he sets me on the shower floor. He drops to his knees and turns me, running his lips up the back of my thighs, kissing the marks where his fingers were digging in.

  Looking down at him, I watch the rivulets of water run over his face while his hair covers his eyes as he worships me. At least that’s what it feels like. That I’m cherished, and dare I say loved? I know my heart beats for him. I just wish I could tell him that. “I’m fine,” I tell him when he looks up at me.

  “I’m so sorry, Cass. I got carried away.”

  “No.” I pull on his arms to get him to stand up. “You lost control. We both did. I did that to you, that’s… empowering that I can bring a man like you to the brink of losing your control.”

  “A man like me?” he asks, pulling me into him, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “Yeah. You’re no stranger to women and could have anyone you want. To know I’m the one you chose to experience that with… I like it.” I shrug.

  “Only you,” he says, kissing my lips. “Now, let’s get you washed off. We have room service to order, and you’re pruning.” He brings my water-wrinkled fingers to his lips for a kiss.

  My grip on her hand is firm, and I don’t want to let go. I never want to let go. We made love more times than I can count in the past couple of days. When we finally fell into bed exhausted around three this morning, I made sure she was locked tight in my arms. I don’t know how long it’s going to be before I get another chance like this with her. My plan still stands, though. I intend to fight for her. Fight for us.

  The car pulls up outside the airport, and I’m grateful we’re on a private flight. I get a little longer to pretend she’s mine. Pretending, despite us both knowing the truth.

  We’re not really pretending.

  With my hand on the small of her back, I guide her up the steps and onto the plane. “I’m gonna need you close, Cass,” I say, my lips next to her ear.

  She looks over her shoulder, eyebrows raised. “You’re not sick of me yet?” She laughs. It’s not her “I think I’m funny” laugh. No, this one is awkward, uncomfortable.

  I know she’s deflecting, and I’m not letting her. “Nope. I already told you that’s not going to happen.”

  I don’t miss the blush on her cheeks when she takes a seat, and I sit down next to her. We buckle up, and since we’re on a private flight, we’re in the air in no time at all. “Ready to be home?” she asks, wringing her hands together. She’s nervous.

  “Yes and no. I miss the kids.” I chuckle fondly. “Never thought I’d be saying that, but those little buggers have wormed their way into my chest.” I place my hand over my heart.

  “They’re adorable.”

  “On the other hand”—I reach over and wrap my fingers around her small hand—“there’s the fact that I no longer get to do this whenever I want. I no longer get to kiss you or wake up wrapped around you.”

  “I’ll miss this,” she confesses.

  “I’ll miss you. The rest of it is just a bonus on top of getting to be with you. That’s unless you’ve changed your mind?”

  “No.” She shakes her head. “No, I still think going back to… before is best.”

  My thumb rubs over her knuckles. No time like the present to let her know that I lied. “Yeah, I’m really not digging that plan anymore.”

  Her head whips around to face me. “W-what do you mean?”

  Reaching over, I smooth her wild curls from her eyes. “What I mean is what I said. That plan, it’s no longer appealing to me. Anything that keeps me from you is kind of on my shit list.”

  “Gavin.” She closes her eyes, sucking in a deep breath and slowly exhaling. All I want to do is run my tongue over the column of her throat, feel her pulse under my tongue.

  “Cassidy.” I mimic her tone.

  “We talked about this.”

  “We did, but I lied.”

  “What do you mean you lied? What are you talking about?”

  “I lied to you. It’s the first, and the last time I’ll ever do it, but I knew if I told you how I felt you would have put a stop to our little getaway, and no way was I going to miss out on that time with you. So I lied.”

  She’s staring at me, her eyes locked on mine as she tries to work this out in her head. “I—” She starts then stops. “
We can’t do this.” She says the words, but there is no fight in her. She wants this as much as I do.

  “We can do this. We’ve proved that we’re amazing together. It’s not just chemistry, Cass. It’s more than that. Feelings are involved. The kind of feelings that cause my chest to tighten with just the mere thought of you or the sound of your name. The kind of feelings that make a man lie to a woman, just to get more time with her. I want you. I’m not going to stop wanting you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you see that. To see that everything will be okay. Your job, your mom, all of it will be okay. We’re going to be okay.”

  “You don’t know that,” she says softly.

  I cup her cheek. “I do know that, baby. I just need you to get on board with the plan. I won’t stop until you’re mine,” I insist.

  “You don’t know how this will end. Ending it now, we’re in control.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I say, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “We’re not in control here, not anymore. Our hearts are in control and I’m good with that. I’m good with following my heart. Are you?” I know she’s going to say no. Her fear is keeping her from going all in. I get it. I understand why she worries. I get that it was just the two of them when she was growing up. I understand her hesitation, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do everything within my power to make her see things from my perspective.

  “Gavin.” She buries her face in her hands. “I want to, but I just can’t. No, that’s not true. I won’t. I won’t risk her care. She sacrificed for me, and that’s what I’m going to do for her. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but—” She stops when I place my finger over her lips.

  “I’ll show you.” I drop my hand from her face, and lace my fingers through hers, gripping it tightly. “Now come here.” I give her hand a gentle tug, pulling her into my lap. “I only have the rest of this flight to hold you like there’s nobody watching. I plan to take full advantage of that.”

  “Gavin, we have to talk about this,” she says, leaning her head against my chest.

  “Nothing to talk about, Cass. I want you. You’re scared, so it’s my job to eliminate that fear. It’s going to take some time, but I promise you. This, right here, right now, this will be us. I won’t stop until you can see that. Until you know that we’re in this together.”

  “I—”

  I cut her off by pressing my mouth to hers. “No talking, more kissing. I need this flight to hold me over.” I nip at her bottom lip, soothing it with my tongue. Her body relaxes as she opens for me. I spend the remainder of our flight touching her, kissing her sweet lips, and just holding her close. I have a fight on my hands, but this is Cassidy, my girl, nothing has ever been more worth it.

  I’ve thought of a million different scenarios, all I need to run past my attorney. Like setting up a contract that I pay for her mother’s care in the assisted-living facility for as long as she’s there. One that secures her job with Soul Records until she decides otherwise.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I turn to look at her, and even though I don’t know how it all would work, I go with honesty. “We could write up a contract that says your job is secure, you know? Something that says no matter how this turns out, that you have a place at Soul Records.”

  “Gavin, I couldn’t be there and not be with you.”

  I ignore that, because it’s a nonissue. I know I’ll never want anyone but her. “What if we had a contract that states I’m responsible for your mother’s care in the event that you are unable to pay? That way you know that she’s always going to be taken care of?” I hold my breath while I wait for her to process my words.

  Tears well in her eyes. “You’re an amazing man, Gavin McIntosh, but I can’t let you do that. For a multitude of reasons.”

  I cradle her face in my hands. “I’d do it for you, for us. It’s a small price to pay to be with you. Let’s not forget to mention that it’s not going to be needed. I’m never letting you go, Cass.”

  Her eyes close as she pulls out of my hold, resting her head against my shoulder. I don’t push the issue any further. I need to talk to my attorney and see what we can work out. Placing my arm over her shoulders, I hold her close the rest of the flight.

  When the plane lands, I kiss her one more time, just a peck to her lips, but it’s enough—for now. We both know what it means. Back to Gavin and Cassidy before St. Louis. The us before I knew what it felt like to be inside of her. The us before I knew what it was like to sleep with her in my arms and wake up the same way. The only problem with that is I know now, and no way am I going to forget. Instead, I’m going to show her and everyone around us that she’s my girl. No way in hell can I live without the taste of her lips against mine. I’ll never force her, but I’m bringing my A game.

  The drive to her place is silent. My hand is on her leg, because I can’t not touch her, not when it’s just the two of us. When the car stops outside of her place, my chest deflates. This is it. I have to let her go. I have to go back to wanting her but not being able to have her.

  “So, I’ll see you at the office tomorrow?” she asks.

  I tug on one of her curls. “Yeah, that is unless you want to see me sooner?” It’s less than twenty-four hours away, as our flight was early and I’m already dreading not being with her.

  “I have a lot to do. Laundry, and I need to go visit Mom.”

  “I can go with you,” I offer.

  “No,” she says quickly. “No, I should go alone. It’s been a while since I’ve been there and she gets confused.”

  “I’ve been with you before.”

  “I’m sure you have better things to do.”

  “Than spend time with you? Not a chance.”

  “Gavin, we agreed,” she reminds me.

  “Nope. You agreed. I pretended to. I told you, I’m going to convince you that we’re worth the risk, Cass. I intend to do just that.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says, climbing out of the car. I follow behind her and help her with her bags.

  “I’ll take them up.”

  “No.” She stops and turns to face me. “No, Gavin. I’m fine. Thank you for the offer, but we can’t do this. We’re home now and you need to go. Please.” Her lip quivers. “Please just go.”

  “Cass….” I reach for her, but she steps to the side, preventing me from touching her. “Okay,” I say reluctantly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” My hands rest at my sides and I clench my fists to keep from reaching for her again. Everything in me is screaming to not let her out of my sight. To not let her forget our time together.

  She nods, turns, and walks away. I watch her until I can no longer see her. This is going to be harder than I thought. I know I can’t force it, but fuck me, it hurts like a bitch to watch her walk away.

  I spent the rest of the day yesterday pretending that today was just another day at the office. A day where I would go in, do my job that I love, and pretend that when Gavin would flirt or casually brush up against me, that I didn’t want him. Pretending. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately and today is going to be my biggest performance yet. I have to act as though I don’t know what it’s like to have his hands all over me. I have to forget what it felt like for him to have me pinned against the shower wall. There’s a reason I never became an actress.

  Fake it until you make it.

  I’m terrible at faking it.

  I spent the majority of the day visiting Mom. She didn’t remember me either day, but she was having good days, so I’m happy with that. Seeing her get upset or agitated cracks my heart wide open. I hurt for her, for everything she’s missing out on. She busted her ass to give me all she could and now that I’ve made it on my own, now that we have the financial freedom to enjoy the finer things in life, she can’t.

  I’m running late, which is something that I never do, but sleep has evaded me since the last night I could sleep without Gavin. If you’d have told me that I w
ould have grown used to him and the warmth of him wrapped around me in just three nights, I’d have laughed at you. Now, I stand corrected. I did get used to it, used to him, and I miss him more than I ever thought possible. Even with that knowledge, I wouldn’t have changed a thing about my time with him. Unless, it was that our trip was extended.

  Hitting the opener on my visor, I drive into the underground parking lot that’s housed under Soul Records. It’s a perk of the job and I’m grateful to not have to find a place to park in downtown Nashville. Grabbing my bag, purse, keys, and phone, I head to the elevator that will take me up to my office. I’m cursing myself for not getting my ass in gear sooner. I’m missing my morning coffee.

  When I step off the elevator, the office is quiet. I’m usually the first one in each day and most of the time the last to leave. The guys don’t come in every day, well, except Gavin. Walking toward my office, I see the dim glow of my desk lamp. I slow my steps as I never leave it on. When I get closer, I hear a foot tapping and even without seeing him, I just know that it’s Gavin. He’s forever tapping out a beat that’s running through his head. Taking a deep breath, I walk into my office, turning on the light as I go.

  “Morning, beautiful,” Gavin says softly.

  “Gavin.” I have yet to look at him but know that I need to. I also know that it’s better I do it while it’s just the two of us, but I can already feel my heart twisting. I don’t want to just look at him. I want to wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. I want that and so much more.

  Schooling my features, I look up at him and smile. “Morning,” I say, before looking back to my bag and busy myself removing and setting up my laptop.

  “I brought you breakfast. And this.” He reaches down to the floor and produces a drink carrier housing a tall coffee. I know without asking it’s black just like I love it.

  “How did you know?” I ask him.

  He shrugs. “I know you, Cassidy. I know that you spent a lot of time over the weekend chastising yourself for the time we shared while we were away. I know that you spent as much time as you could with your mom, and I know that you didn’t sleep well last night.”