All the Lost Little Horses (A Desperation Creek Novel Book 2)

by Janice Kay Johnson

  Linette’s eyes burned. She wanted more than anything to wrap her arms around him and never let go. At that moment, she had an epiphany. He didn’t have to change for her to love him.

  Only…it would be smart to think about that before she said anything she’d regret.

  “You must have saved lives,” she said, almost a random.

  He let out a ragged breath. “I did. Not so sure that balances the scales, though.”

  “You saved Cassie Ward’s life.”

  Jed didn’t look at her. “Killing from a distance should be cleaner than up close. It’s not. Through my scope, I’m an arm’s reach from my victim. I see his expression just before he dies. I see the spurt of blood. I can feel the heat of it spilling over my hands.”

  “No.” Linette lifted his hand. “There’s no blood here. You did a hard job. I’ve…I’ve read that some snipers keep a count. They can brag about how many kills they made.”

  “I kept a record. We all did. Had to note all the details to learn from what worked and what didn’t.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me all this, when we were together?”

  He turned an almost blank expression on her. “I grew up on my own.” He said that almost gently. “I learned early to stay guarded. Even now, with you…maybe especially with you,” he amended, “I feel as if I’ve stripped. I’m standing naked in the cold, goosebumps all over, my cock shriveling. I can’t defend myself, all I can do is wait.”

  Her heart cramped painfully. She’d demanded this from him? Was that love? But she had to ask.

  “What are you waiting for?”

  “How would I know?” he said simply.

  “Oh, God, Jed.” She threw herself at him, wrapped her arms around him as well as she could, laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I should never have—”

  “Hush,” he murmured, his mouth close to her ear. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have said that. What you survived… I wish I’d known.”

  It would have made no difference. She knew that. More likely, he wouldn’t have let himself get involved with her in the first place if he had suspected she, too, was damaged. Vulnerable. He’d have been so afraid of hurting her, he couldn’t have let himself take anything from her.

  He must feel her hot, salty tears on his neck and shoulder. Did they feel the same as blood? Horrible thought.

  She cried silently even as she fought to regain control. He must hate having a weeping woman in his arms. But when she quit crying and tried to roll away, his strong arms didn’t release her.

  “Please,” he whispered. “Will you just lie here with me? Let me hold you?”

  She wanted so desperately to do that, her alarms screamed. Never again, remember? Even if he wanted to renew their relationship, how could she ever trust that he wouldn’t again cut her off as if she didn’t mean anything?

  She couldn’t.

  “No!” She sounded frantic to her own ears as she struggled to escape his embrace. Once she’d sat up and scooted away, poised to jump off the bed, she said, “No. This is ridiculous. You just want to hold me? I’m supposed to be deeply touched? You already made it clear that you don’t want me at all. I can’t even imagine why you’re—”

  He sat up, his eyes blazing. “Not want you? You know better than that.”

  “You walked out on me!” Dear lord, she was screaming at him. “When you told me to have a good life, I got the message!”

  Teeth bared, he shouted, “I never said anything like that!”

  They stared at each other with quivering intensity Linette wanted to think was hostility.

  “As for not wanting you,” he said, the softness all the more effective given what came before, “I can demonstrate.”

  “Don’t you dare.” She inched back, but he moved faster than her, throwing back the covers and landing on his feet even as she flung herself off the bed.

  He did wear gray knit boxer shorts. Somehow, they didn’t do an awful lot to counteract the expanse of powerful chest dusted with gold.

  “One kiss, Linette.”

  *****

  It was his fault she wanted to flee. He had wounded her more than he’d known. How could he not have guessed that her physical shyness with him, coupled with the estrangement from her mother and stepfather, added up to a logical conclusion?

  Jed knew better than to lay a hand on her now. Play-wrestling had been one thing when she’d trusted him, something else altogether now.

  “That’s all I’ll ask tonight,” he promised, voice hoarse.

  As wide-eyed and cautious as a doe approaching a water hole and seeing an animal that might be a predator there before her, Linette didn’t move.

  Predator? Suddenly disgusted with himself, Jed took a step back. “I’m scaring you. That’s the last thing I want to do. Go to bed, Linette.”

  Her chin came up. “I’m not scared of you. I’m angrier than I should be after all these years, but I know you’re not like Theo or Lloyd. You’d never hurt me, or force me.”

  Christ. She’d been raped by one man and battered by another. And then there was what he’d done.

  “Thank you for that,” he said wryly. “I’m just the bastard who dumped you with no explanation. Forget what I said.”

  Her eyes searched his with an intensity he didn’t entirely understand. “You moved here because of me.”

  Hadn’t they already done this? He’d as much as admitted to being a gutless wonder. He’d been so near to her, but hadn’t been able to take that last step.

  “You know I did.”

  “Why?” Lines gathered between her eyebrows. “You came back from your deployment four years ago.”

  “I’ve been here almost a year.”

  “That leaves three years in between. Did you even give me a thought?”

  “I asked Niall about you. He said you were living with a guy. What was I supposed to do?”

  “You didn’t consider just calling to say hello?”

  “How could I, after the way I treated you?” Seeing his name displayed, she wouldn’t have answered. He made himself say the rest. “I was really messed up. You deserved someone better than me.”

  Linette whispered, “Oh, Jed.” Eyes dark and troubled, she stepped forward, cupped his jaw with her slim, calloused hands, and rose on tiptoe. She pressed her lips to his.

  He froze under fire, although his heart accelerated its beat enough to make him dizzy.

  After a second, she dropped back to her heels, and Jed saw that he’d blown it again.

  “Linette.” His voice was pure gravel. “I came after you because you’re the one person who makes me feel.” He took her hand and laid it over his heart. No way she’d miss the tumult inside. He tried again. “You scared me.” Did she understand what he was saying?

  “Oh, Jed,” she murmured again. God, he hoped that wasn’t pity on her face.

  His hands shook, but he didn’t let himself back away however desperately that’s what he wanted to do. Instead, he bent his head slowly, giving her time to retreat. She went on tiptoe again to meet him.

  He kissed her with blind ferocity, with, yeah, desperation. His hands sought every remembered curve and dip, her pulse at her throat, the thick silk of her hair. And damn, she kissed him back as if she felt the same. It went on and on – his tongue in her mouth, hers answering, chasing his. Her arms locked around his neck as if she needed him to keep her on her feet.

  He had to pull his mouth from hers to breathe, but filled his lungs and dove deep again. This was even better than he remembered, a jolt of adrenaline and hope and the connection with her that had once scared the shit out of him.

  Still did, a part of him knew, but this was a risk he had to take.

  He started to move her toward the bed. She didn’t seem to notice until the back of her legs came up against it, and then she stiffened in his arms.

  Jed wrenched his mouth from hers and looked down at her. Her eyes were dilated, her cheeks scraped red by his morning be
ard, her lips noticeably swollen – and she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

  Not sure he was verbal right now, he got out one word. “Yes?”

  The pause was long enough to send a chill over his skin.

  “No.” She shook her head. “No. I didn’t expect… I don’t know if… I’m sorry.” She tore herself away and bolted from the room and across the hall before he so much as turned to look after her.

  At the sound of her bedroom door closing, he jerked.

  No.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Just getting dressed was a task that felt like too much. Linette dragged herself out of bed, found clean clothes and did it anyway.

  She also did a little praying. Please let Jed be gone for the day.

  Halfway down the stairs, she smelled bacon and coffee. A moment later, the low murmur of two men’s voices drifted up. Crap. Unless Troy had come in?

  No, she knew the velvet deepness of Jed’s voice. She would recognize it anywhere.

  She hesitated, squared her shoulders and entered the kitchen. Both men turned immediately, although she’d swear she hadn’t made a sound.

  “Good morning, sunshine!” Niall said with a grin.

  Jed… Well, she didn’t let herself meet his gaze.

  “I’m glad somebody is cheerful,” she said grumpily. “Why aren’t you tired?”

  “I’m always cheerful. Hadn’t you noticed?”

  On the surface, he was.

  Jed turned his back to her as he apparently stirred scrambled eggs. Bacon was draining on a paper towel on the counter beside him.

  “I’m ready to get some more work in on that fence,” Niall added. “Troy just checked for supplies and says he isn’t finding the nails. I think we used up what we had yesterday. I’m supposed to ask you. He’s afraid you guys forgot to get them. Do you have more stashed somewhere”

  “Nails? Oh, crud. No, I guess I just assumed there were enough out there.” She made a face. “I don’t remember buying any recently.” Although right this minute, she was so aware of Jed’s silent presence, her memory wasn’t as sharp as it could be.

  Niall shrugged. “That’s okay. One of us will run into town and pick some up. Won’t take long. Only thing is, we’ll have to borrow your truck. Troy’s mother dropped him off half an hour ago. His wouldn’t start.”

  “I’m not in any hurry this morning,” Jed said. “Why don’t you take mine? It’s parked out front. Toast done?” he asked.

  Niall hurried to butter two pieces that had popped up who knew how long ago. “Should we ask Troy if he wants to join us?”

  Linette shook her head. “He always says no. He’ll have had breakfast, and he’s pretty shy, in case you haven’t noticed.” These two men seemed to intimidate him, besides.

  Why did Jed want to linger? Fingers crossed it wasn’t to talk to her. She hadn’t come to terms with last night’s epiphany – or her instinctive resistance.

  Niall did most of the talking over the breakfast table, although Linette and Jed responded to direct questions. She had no doubt Niall noticed the tension between her and Jed, though.

  Once they’d cleared their plates, Jed pulled out his keys and handed them to Niall, who nodded his thanks.

  Linette pushed back her chair. “Put anything you buy on my account.”

  “Sure thing. I may send Troy and start hauling everything else out to the broken section. Damn, I’d love to run an electric wire.”

  She opened her mouth, but he grinned.

  “No, I don’t want to zap the horses, only the humans.” He winked at Jed, who sat stolidly at the table sipping coffee, and departed.

  Ignoring Jed, Linette stacked dirty dishes. After she’d finished loading the dishwasher and came back out, she found him still there.

  “I need to get to work,” she said.

  “Will you sit down for a minute?”

  She hesitated, then did.

  “I got too pushy last night,” he said gruffly. “I need to apologize.”

  She could say, Thank you, and scuttle outside, but that would leave him with the wrong impression. She didn’t feel ready to talk to him about this, but hurting him didn’t seem to be an option.

  “No, it wasn’t like that,” she said. “I kissed you. I just, um, freaked out. I’d sworn I was done with you.”

  “And all other men.”

  “And all other men,” she agreed. “Except I know you’re trying to, I don’t know, let me in. You’ve confused me, and I’m not sure what I want anymore, okay? I need time.”

  Outside, Troy or Niall started the truck and she was vaguely aware of the engine sound receding down the driveway.

  As usual, she couldn’t tell what Jed was thinking even though his eyes continued to meet hers.

  After a minute, he said, “Take all the time you need, Linette. Just know—” He shook his head hard. “There I go again. I can wait.”

  The front door slammed open. “Jed!” Niall yelled. “Something happened down the road. Maybe an accident.”

  Between one heartbeat and the next, Jed’s expression locked down. He leaped to his feet and ran, Linette right behind him. Not Troy, was all she could think.

  Halfway to the barn, Jed spun. “I need your truck.”

  “I’ll drive.” Feeling sick, she raced for the shed where she parked. Despite hands that shook, she got the key in the ignition and accelerated out of the shed at an unsafe speed, slamming on the brakes when she reached the two men.

  Jed leaped into the passenger side. “Go!”

  She stepped on the gas even as she said, “Isn’t Niall—?”

  “He’s sticking to be sure this isn’t a diversion.”

  At the road, she glanced both ways out of habit, then turned toward town. Not fifty yards from her driveway, she entered the first curve.

  Jed swore. “He’s in a ditch.”

  Yet another pickup, this one old and battered, was parked on the far shoulder. A man was yanking at the driver’s side door of Jed’s charcoal gray truck.

  His head turned when he heard them. “The man’s hurt! Help me get him out!”

  Oh, dear God. Linette set the emergency brake and put her gear shift into park before leaping out. Jed had already reached his own truck and the other man.

  She didn’t know the older guy beside Jed, but had waved at him in passing. He, too, must work at Arrowhead Creek.

  Jed had his phone in his hand. Within seconds, he was talking on it urgently. Feeling queasy, Linette hurried.

  He stopped her from getting too close with a hand on her arm. “He’s been shot. An ambulance is on its way.”

  “Shot?” she echoed, feeling stupid. Why would anybody want to shoot a nineteen-year-old kid… “Someone thought it was you,” she whispered, horrified by the glistening blood that made Troy’s features unrecognizable.

  Jed wasn’t listening. Instead, he added his strength to the other man’s and the door gave way with a metallic groan. The next moment, he bent inside the cab and examined Troy, slumped sideways, held up only by his seatbelt.

  Dragging her attention from the two bullet holes forming odd spider webs through the windshield, she asked, “What can I do?”

  “Open this.” He grabbed a large metal box from behind the seat. “Get me some wipes and gauze pads.”

  She set the box on the road. When she struggled to unlatch it, the other man crouched and helped her. “Thank you,” she said shakily.

  “You folks have been having your problems.”

  She nodded distractedly. Ripping open a packet of wipes, she passed them to Jed, who was careful not to move Troy but used the wipes to find the damage. Eventually, he accepted the pads she held out and pressed a couple to the side of Troy’s head.

  Scared and sick, she felt helpless. Her phone. Did she have her phone? She’d have to call Troy’s mother, tell her to meet her son at the clinic. He’d be evaluated there, and then likely sent on a Life Flight to the hospital in Madras.

  I
f he lived long enough.

  *****

  A lengthy search turned up absolutely nothing. There were places on the higher ground to the north where a trained sniper or experienced hunter could have set up unseen, but if that was the case, he left no sign, and Jed had plenty of experience at finding that kind of evidence. He thought these shots had been taken from closer, anyway. Probably ten to twenty-five feet, and the shooter had still failed to make a definite kill shot.

  Jed wasn’t sure he’d have heard a car. Kirk Wise, the man who’d already been at the scene, insisted no vehicle had passed him in the last mile or so. There were driveways, though, and one intersection almost a mile from here. The shooter could have come that far on foot. Alternatively, if he was driving, he could have continued on toward the Arrowhead Creek Ranch, found someplace to duck out of sight.

  Jed sent a deputy down the road to look.

  He had to believe he’d been the intended target. Once the EMTs had eased Troy out of the truck and onto a gurney, Jed had seen Troy’s bloody Stetson on the passenger side floor where it had fallen. Not exactly the same color as Jed’s, but close enough. His truck, to all appearances his hat.

  Me.

  Guilt twisted in his gut. He’d had no reason to believe anybody was after him…but this wouldn’t have happened if Troy had taken Linette’s truck.

  His suspicion turned to the obvious suspects: the cattle rustlers. They might believe that, if they eliminated him, the hunt would slow. They were wrong. Grant had been a detective in Arizona before coming home to Fort Halleck. Unlike FHPD chief Seward, he knew how to pursue an investigation. Making Grant angry wouldn’t be smart. Besides which, killing a cop would bring other agencies down on the stupid SOBs.

  He turned to see Linette hovering beside her pickup, fingers laced together, face betraying her anxiety. Her eyes never left him as he walked over to her.

  “You haven’t heard anything?”

  Jed shook his head. “No news is good news. Someone would have called me if he died.”

  He knew she’d informed the boy’s mother. The search had taken long enough, Troy was either on his way to the hospital or had already arrived. Jed would have been informed if the boy had regained consciousness, too. It was unlikely he’d be able to identify the shooter, but miracles happened.