Flick (The Black Sentinels MC Book 4)

by Victoria Johns

  What I didn’t factor into Beckett’s plan for her to stay at the Geary’s place was Gears’ mom. Gran was going to be staying in the lodge at the back where Geraldine lived, and I knew the two of them would be dynamite together.

  Nervously, I walked us around the corner, and like the first time I visited here, the place was a hive of activity. Brothers shooting the breeze with a beer, old ladies doing something similar, all while getting everything ready, and there were kids everywhere. Lila was dressed in a princess outfit, complete with tiara and a wand in one hand, and her unicorn in the other. If she didn’t come away from here with a pedicure and full set of bright fingernails, then I’d have to do them for her. Ben ran off the minute he spied the boys were up to some mischief and promptly disappeared into the woods. Despite all that was going on, all I could see was Geraldine cutting a route march, albeit a flouncy one, in our direction.

  “Tell me that woman who looks like she’s going to the Kentucky Derby isn’t my roommate?”

  “Gran, play nice. Not everyone over sixty is a complete ball buster.”

  “She looks like she needs to tackle some balls alright, and there’s plenty around here.”

  I looked at my gran and gave her the stink eye. This was my gran at her best, seventy-five going on thirty-five and in her head and assisted living complex, still living her best life.

  “You must be Marge,” Geraldine stuck her hand out.

  “I am. You must be Gerri.” I watched as the nickname balked the graceful older woman. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, her inbuilt hostess and grace overrode her desire to put my gran right.

  “Shall we get a glass of something and get to know one another?”

  “If that glass contains tequila, or is shaped like a beer bottle, then yeah, but better yet, if you’re referring to one of each, then go right ahead, Gerri.”

  Gears’ mom smiled and laughed that laugh of uncertainty.

  “Geraldine, she’s joking. She’ll have whatever you’re having.”

  Relieved, she smiled and turned away, her dress swishing around her, while the feathers in her hat bent double at the force of the sudden action as she went on search of both the drinks and a few minutes respite from my gran. “I better not get a white wine spritzer, or a goddamn mocktail,” she pinned me with a look.

  “Gran, listen, a lot of people here, Geraldine included, have had it rough. Bear that in mind while you needle your way under her skin.”

  She turned to look at me, her face serious. “I don’t tell you how to behave, girl, so cut me some slack. I see how it is here, what you see is what you get, and if this crowd love that woman, then I’m not doing to anything to upset that. Sure, I might poke a bit, but…” she leaned in closer, “I see a woman who’s unsure of herself, her place, and is just beginning to find herself.”

  The thing with all that she’d said was, by the end of her words I wasn’t sure whether she was talking about Geraldine or me.

  “Beckett, I really think we need to sort that out.” He followed my eyeline to where gran and Geraldine had muscled in on a game of poker. The Black Sentinels brothers had too much respect for Gears and Shadow, so gran was cleaning up while Geraldine was just her drunk sidekick.

  “I saw Gran hustling some tequila earlier, I figured she’d be too wasted to actually win any hands though.”

  “You let her have tequila!”

  “Sure.” Beckett smiled. “Although I didn’t expect her to let Geraldine in on it.”

  “I don’t believe you!”

  He smiled again, and I knew he understood that while it wasn’t ideal to let my aging gran get blotto, he’d stayed close by just in case. “Relax, babe, I cut her off a while ago. I’ll sort Geraldine, I at least owe Gears that, and you hustle Gran.”

  “Oh great! I get the feisty old bird who wouldn’t think twice about cold clocking me to steal my purse, just to keep her winning streak alive.”

  He leaned over and whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver, “I’ll tell her you called her old.”

  “Don’t you dare,” I threatened, totalluy unsure about whether he would do it or not.

  I was right in my foreboding as to how this would go. Geraldine was a dream for Beckett, the perfect drunken lady, gracefully pretending it was sunstroke, giggling and accepting his offer of an escort. Gran though, I all but had to drag her away, which caused much hilarity at the card table. When she broke free to reclaim the winnings she’d forgotten, they were practically doubled over.

  “I can’t believe you got so drunk.”

  “Oh hogwash, I ain’t got long left on this planet, and I’m gonna enjoy every damn second.”

  That reminded me of my poor best friend, her life cut short so dramatically, and I knew gran was right. “Well, I’m glad you had fun.”

  “Not as much as Gerri, but I think we dislodged that stick up her ass, round about the same time we saw off with that ridiculous hat.”

  “Gran!” I scolded her.

  We ambled at her pace across the expanse of field, the kids were still playing, the sun had set long ago, and I had my beloved gran on my arm. “You done good, girl.”

  Her words pulled me from my happy daydream.

  “I’m trying.”

  “You’re succeeding.” Gran didn’t sound so drunk anymore. “Look at them kids, they’re happy. You did that. You built them a safe place after something no young one should experience.”

  “And Beckett.”

  Gran side eyed me, “How long?”

  “How long what?”

  “I might be a feisty old bird—” she raised her eyebrows confirming she’d heard me talking with Beckett, “—but I can tell things have changed.”

  “Not really.”

  She stopped her already slow progress. “Don’t lie to me, girl. You might look the same, but that boy doesn’t. He’s in deep.”

  I sucked in so much air it was a wonder I hadn’t created a vacuum. “I… uh… no… that can’t be right.”

  Gran placed her hand on my arm. “You need to hold on tight, my beautiful girl.” Her hand moved to my cheek which was a stretch as she was so much shorter than me. “Look at me, Felicity.” I felt compelled to, but was terrified by what she may say next, I knew it would be serious. “You want Beckett Hope, you gotta hold on tight. That boy is at war with himself. He’s unsettled, troubled. Don’t misunderstand me, there’s a flicker of light in his eyes, and it burns bright when he looks at you, but flames can be extinguished just as easily.”

  “What if he’s warring over me?”

  “He’s not that kinda boy; never has been. This is something else, so you gotta hold tight and trust that it’ll come good. You do, you stand by him while he works it out, and it’ll be the greatest gift he’s gotten from anyone. You give that boy back what he lost.”

  My mouth was dry. Unable to form the jumbled words that race through my brain.

  “You two okay?” Beckett shouted from inside the doorway of the granny lodge.

  “Comin’ boy,” gran shouted back and pottered off leaving me to pull myself together and get moving too.

  I wondered how gran had seen the sleepless nights and terrors that haunted him after dark, she’d always had a way of seeing the things that other didn’t, or the things you tried your hardest to hide.

  The thing was, I was already doing what she’d said, and it didn’t feel like I was winning, it felt like I was barely making a dent in getting through to him, so how much worse could things actually get?

  Flick

  “Why are the kids staying with Gears again?”

  “Want us to have a night together.”

  “We have every night together.” My nerves were at all-time high, I knew this was going to be when he told me he’d made a mistake, or we needed to apply the brakes.

  “Okay, so we’re having a night together, alone.”

  Beckett had settled gran and the kids, who were more than happy for a sleepover and settled everything apart f
rom me. Right now, I was very unsettled, and I hated it. I nearly fell flat on my face as he helped me into his truck, only we weren’t heading home. “Why are we going to the club?”

  “For fuck’s sake!” His frustration broke through and I knew he was nervous too, which only made me worse, because I didn’t know why the hell he was on edge. I wanted to ask more questions, lots of questions but I had no idea how that would go.

  Swallowing, I braced for a reaction. “Is everything okay?”

  A prospect appeared as we approached the gate, opened it, flicked a hand salute at Beckett and then locked it behind us as we drove on.

  “We just need to talk.” He mumbled the words that no one wanted to hear, ever, and I knew then that he was absolutely changing his mind, not gently applying the brakes but slamming his foot on them. If this was what Gran meant, I didn’t know if I had the fighting frame of mind or capacity in my heart to stick it out. I wouldn’t try to force something on someone who didn’t want me.

  Oh God! I was going to have to leave the kids.

  My heart seized, desperate to expel its emotion, I was going to cry.

  “I’m going to have to leave,” I whispered, as he applied the brake on the truck.

  “Come again?”

  The engine, no longer running, meant the only thing left to hear was each other.

  “If you’ve changed your mind, I can’t stay. It’ll be too hard.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  I looked at him, if he was going to end us, or slow us down, he was going to tell me face to face, look me square in the fucking eyes and say the words. “If you don’t want me, be honest and tell me.”

  “Babe, I do want you. I never wanted anything so bad, but after we’ve talked, you might not want me.”

  Those words weren’t great either, they weren’t letters strung together to give me comfort.

  Beckett helped me down from the truck, took my hand, and led me across the courtyard. The security lights pinged on as we moved around toward the clubhouse in utter silence. I’d never been here when no one else was and I could still feel the presence of the brothers, their spirit; the very essence of them was part of the bricks and mortar. I followed, my hand clasping his wondering if this would be the last time I’d feel them linked together as we entered his room. It was clean, spotless, almost sterile, which was a relief. If I went back to believing the Sons of Anarchy, these places should be a hot bed of disease and disgust, a fuck pad and nothing more.

  I inhaled and stayed, feet planted by the door, “Let’s have it then.”

  “Get undressed.” Beckett started to remove his clothes.

  “Why? According to you, I might not be here very long.”

  He sighed, “It’s a definite possibility, but if you’re naked, I’ve more chance of convincing you to stay.”

  His shirt and jeans were gone.

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “Thought I just told you I wanted you naked.”

  “A pity fuck?” I huffed.

  Beckett ignored me. “I’ll undress you then.”

  “That wasn’t a no to the pity fuck remark.”

  “Your question was so ridiculous I didn’t think it deserved an answer.”

  Beckett was now completely naked, a god in human skin before me and if it wasn’t for his war wounds, he’d be utter perfection, like he’d been made in a lab or factory. I tried to keep eye contact as he stripped me bare, but he was single-minded in his mission, or skillfully avoiding my eyeline for fear of tipping me over the edge.

  “Get in the bed, I’ll turn the lights out.”

  “No fucking way. If you’re gonna dump me, you’re gonna have to look me into the eye to do it.”

  His head slumped back, he looked tired, exhausted and I wasn’t entirely sure whether it was me or the situation he found himself in.

  “For the last fucking time, I’m not ending this. I need to tell you things.” Beckett stopped, pulled in a lungful of air for what seemed to be confidence, before he whispered. “Things about my past and if I’m honest, I don’t want to see your face while I do it. It’s gonna be hard enough as it is.”

  I immediately shut my trap and climbed in the bed. When the room was plunged into darkness, I felt the bed depress, the covers shift and he reached for me.

  “You don’t have to do this.”

  “Yes. I do.”

  Beckett went quiet and I felt him inhale courage and then his body shudder to process that air intake.

  This was hard.

  Too hard, and I couldn’t force him to do this. I wouldn’t. Instead, I ran my hand down his abdomen towards his dick, as his hand abruptly stopped my progress.

  “Don’t. If you do that, I’ll never get this out, and, babe, I fucking need to.”

  I panicked immediately, “I mean it, if you’re not ready, then it’s fine.”

  “I don’t have to be ready; you do.”

  His words shut me up instantly. This was going to be really bad.

  “You know things were bad at home, and I mean really fucking bad.”

  I nodded my head against his chest, I knew they were, me being at his place with Tracey had been the only respite either of them had got. Their parents never did anything while I was there.

  “Did Tracey ever tell you how bad it really was?”

  “Some bits, but to be honest, I could feel it. Your dad scared me.”

  His hands cupped my checks, even though it was dark, and I couldn’t see him, I felt every inch of his eye contact. “Never ignore that instinct, babe. Ever. And you’re right, he was a bad motherfucker, I was done, and I knew that if I stayed, I was gonna kill him. Simple as that. Leaving was the best thing for me, but the worst for Tracey and I’ll never be able to put that right. It was him or me, and in doing that I put my baby sister in the line of fire.”

  “I reckon you’re chipping away at that debt now,” I whispered.

  “Too little, too late. But deep down, I knew my dick of a dad would never harm her while you were her shadow.”

  I smiled at how he’d described me as teenager using his club name. It was the highest honor and best compliment I’d ever been given.

  “The army wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it gave me skills. While I was there, I was single-minded, focused, fuck, anything else and you’re a liability. I didn’t have time to think about home. It was easier that way.”

  “I can’t imagine how bad things were out there.”

  “We did a raid one day; it was a bad one in this little shit of a dust drop in Afghan and it was a massacre. We were riding the high of a few wins from that week and we weren’t properly prepped. The enemy were coming at us from all sides and let me tell you, at first, it’s a buzz. The fucking adrenaline is pumping and it’s indescribable. After a while, the enemy changed though, women and kids, like Ben’s fucking age appeared with guns.”

  I gasped. He talked like he was back there as he told me and I didn’t want to interrupt him, but I was worried he’d get stuck there and I wouldn’t be able to bring him back to the here and now.

  “There’s this rule, you’re not allowed to fire first, they have to pop the first bullet. You have to be a fucking target, take a bullet before you can justify return fire. Unless you’ve been there, you have no idea what it’s like to stare at a ten-year-old wielding an automatic weapon that he can barely point straight.” Beckett breathed deep and shook his head. “A bullet came out of leftfield somewhere and struck my sergeant in the neck, fucking blood everywhere, but worse than that, I lost it. He was our point man, the one supposed to keep up safe and get us back in one piece, and he had a fucking hole in his neck so big, he could have been hung over a fire and roasted like a hog.”

  Chest to chest, I felt his heart speed up as he talked.

  “I lost it,” he mumbled again. “Fucking lost it, Flick. A switch inside me flipped and I mowed down anything that wasn’t in a uniform like mine.”

  “So, you pro
tected yourself. Kill or be killed. That’s war, baby.”

  “No, what I did went beyond, it was a blood bath, one of my making. I killed anything that moved. Not all of them had weapons. Kids, old people, elders in prayer, people clearly with nothing to do with the fucking fight, I ended them, mowed them down indiscriminately, and a few of my platoon followed suit.”

  I stayed quiet. I had nothing to say. I wasn’t there, hadn’t been in that situation, my opinion

  was irrelevant.

  “And that’s where it all began. The army did an investigation, what I did was so horrendous that I should still be rotting in a military jail somewhere, but I’m not, because I was offered a way out. I took it and in hindsight, rotting in that jail is looking like the better deal, at least for my soul, anyway.”

  “What kind of deal?”

  Beckett hesitated, I could feel as he warred with himself whether to continue or not, if he didn’t, I’d deal, but the intrigue would kill me. “You need to get how serious this is, what I’m telling you now would get you killed, no questions asked. Never, ever mention what I’m about to say. Never talk about it on the phone or around other people. This is the way it needs to be. When I tell you this, there’s no going back. You have to accept it, deal with it and if there’s even the slightest chance you won’t be able to do that now is the time to back out and walk away. From me, from all of this.”

  Gran was right, he was at war, and I knew I couldn’t walk away. Beckett Hope was infuriating, but he was so much more, and more than anything he was mine, and I was claiming him. “I can handle it.”

  “We’re here because I know this place isn’t bugged. Thanks to Wolf’s nefarious past, he has the place swept for bugs regularly. I can’t take the chance in the house and I can’t sweep without telling you. It takes time, time I don’t think I have at the moment. I tell you here, and we don’t talk about it again anywhere but here, understood?”