Sapiosexual

by Tymber Dalton

  “Yes, there is, thank you very much. All three of us are the good kind of crazy.”

  * * * *

  Chelbie had finished two of the scones by the time they reached the station. They had to wait in the lobby for Detective Orsbey, who shook hands with everyone when he emerged from a hallway to get them.

  “Thanks for coming so quickly. We’ve got her whole confession on video,” he said. “She didn’t bother lawyering up.”

  “I want to see her,” Chelbie said.

  “Let’s go.”

  Like a TV show, he led them into a room next to an interview room. One-way glass showed Alexis, handcuffed to the table, talking with a female detective, who was taking notes.

  Chelbie balled up her fists. “Did she say why she attacked me, other than she’s a fucktacious cuntwad?”

  The detective coughed. “That’s a colorful descriptor I hope you won’t use on the stand during the trial, if it gets that far and she doesn’t take a plea deal. But yes, she wanted you scared away from Richard Hurst.”

  “Bitch.”

  “Chelbie,” Nick warned.

  “Hey, she nearly caved my skull in with a fucking baseball bat, and we’re not in front of a goddamned jury. I get to call her any fucking name I want.” She stepped forward, nose almost touching the glass. “Wish I’d gotten her in the fucking eye,” she muttered.

  “She agreed to a DNA sample,” Orsbey said. “We’ve already taken it and are sending it to the FDLE lab to be compared to the samples from the, eh, defensive weapon.”

  “The Silencer,” Chelbie said, staring at the bitch.

  The detective coughed again. “Yes. That. Lucky for you that you had it. It likely saved you.”

  “Remind me I owe Max and Sean for that,” Chelbie said. “I want to pay them for losing their prototype.”

  Nick stepped forward and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I’m sure they’re not in a hurry for that. Like he said, it saved your life. Thank god you had it.”

  “I hope she scars. I know that’s horrible to think, and maybe it’s bad karma, but frankly I don’t give a shit.” She turned to the detective again. “So she disabled Rich’s car, too? She’s the one who tampered with it? And why, if she liked him?”

  “Miss Green said she hoped by doing it that he’d accept a ride home from her. When you arrived with Nick at the coffeeshop, it upset her. She followed Rich home later and left a note on the car.”

  “How’d she even know to do that to his car?” Chelbie asked. “Most idiots dump sugar in the tank.”

  “I asked her that myself,” he said. “She said her brother’s a mechanic. He’s apparently done it to people before.”

  “Wait. What’s her name?”

  “Alexis Green.”

  “And her brother’s a mechanic?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “Name’s not Henry Green, is it?”

  “Why?”

  “Seriously. Go farking ask. Please,” she added when Nick gave her stink-eye.

  “Okay.” The detective rapped on the glass. The female detective looked up from the file, then excused herself, taking the file with her.

  Detective Orsbey walked out to talk with her and returned a moment later. When the female detective re-entered the room, Orsbey flipped on a microphone so they could listen in.

  “You said your brother is a mechanic,” the detective started. “What’s his name?”

  “Henry.”

  “Full name?” The detective started writing.

  “Henry James Green.”

  “Son of a bitch!” Chelbie screamed, pointing at Alexis through the glass. “That’s TRO guy!”

  * * * *

  Orsbey got them settled in another interview room, with cups of coffee and a promise to return shortly, once they’d finished another line of questioning.

  Nick wished he could have dissolved one of Chelbie’s pain pills in hers to calm her.

  “I want that fucker arrested, too,” Chelbie muttered. “Why the hell won’t they arrest him, too?”

  “Because he didn’t have anything to do with it,” Rich patiently reminded her. “He had an alibi, remember?”

  Ever since they’d added up the equation, Chelbie wouldn’t stop muttering under her breath. Mostly revenge fantasies.

  Alexis didn’t live with her brother and admitted he had nothing to do with what she’d been doing.

  When Orsbey rejoined them a half hour later, he brought a few papers with him.

  “Miss Green has four other restraining orders against her. Stalking, mostly.” He laid the papers on the table so the three could read them. “Her brother has five other restraining orders since the one issued to him about you. And there’s another brother, older than Henry, with three. There’s a history of domestic violence between their parents. Their father’s in jail for assault, and their mother’s in jail for a fraud conviction, but she has several battery convictions against her, too.

  Chelbie let out a disgusted-sounding snort. “So I guess the crazy sap runs high in their family tree, huh?”

  Nick chuckled. Leave it to Chelbie to turn a phrase.

  “Needless to say, we’ll be getting with the state attorney’s office and recommending a plea deal. She doesn’t have money for an attorney, so she’ll need a public defender.”

  “She needs psychiatric help, too,” Chelbie darkly muttered. “Like a baseball bat to her fucking brain pan. Repeatedly. Ooh, pick me, pick me!”

  “We’ll recommend the higher end of the sentencing guidelines, and we’ll be helping you file for a permanent restraining order against her and her brother, considering the circumstances, since the TRO you had expired a couple of months ago.”

  “I didn’t even know her!” Rich said.

  Nick felt badly for his brother. It would take him and Chelbie a while to get Rich past feeling guilty over this. And he knew it wasn’t Rich’s fault.

  Crazy was just…fucking crazy.

  Plain and simple.

  And Alexis was crazy.

  Not even the good kind.

  The detective shook his head. “As Miss Larson so eloquently said, it’s not your fault. She’ll face arraignment tomorrow morning. They’ll probably ask for no bail, or a very high bail. If she doesn’t have money for an attorney, I doubt she’ll have money for bail. If she is released, we’ll let you know immediately, but I doubt she will be.”

  “Let ’em release her,” Chelbie said. “I have a new fucking toy I want to introduce her to. Next time, I’ll make sure I kill her before I call 911.”

  “I didn’t hear you say that,” Detective Orsbey said. “Anyway, so that’s where we’re at. Thank you for coming in, and someone from the state attorney’s office should be contacting you later today or early tomorrow.”

  It wasn’t until Chelbie was once again in the back seat of his car, and he was getting ready to pull out of the parking space, that she let out a long, ear-piercing scream of rage.

  He shifted the car back into park, looked at Rich, and they both unfastened their seat belts and turned to wait her out.

  Finally, once she was hoarse a few minutes later—and the two of them were deaf—she settled down.

  “Done?” Nick asked.

  “No,” Chelbie said. “Let’s make bail for her and then kill her.”

  “Stop. That’s not even funny to kid about.”

  “Who said I’m kidding? I’ll call Tilly. She’ll fucking help me.”

  Rich reached back between the seats and caught her right wrist. “Stop,” he said. “This isn’t a joking matter. Don’t you think we want a crack at her, too?”

  Chelbie smiled. “We’ll let you have a crack at her while we’re—”

  “Stop,” the men said in unison.

  Nick picked it up. “You know what? I’m going to play the Dom card. Knock it off, babe. She could have killed you. It’s only sheer luck she didn’t get a hit in first before you woke up. This isn’t funny, and it isn’t a joke. We need to tell your
parents.”

  That refocused her ire. “Fuck them. I’m not talking to them.”

  “Babe, you have to.”

  “No. I don’t. Not after the way they acted.”

  He looked to Rich for help.

  “They were worried about you. They didn’t know who we were. They—”

  “Oh, you are not taking their side, are you? Seriously? Because if you—”

  “Stop!” Rich barked.

  Chelbie flinched but went quiet.

  He squeezed her hand, which he hadn’t let go of. “When we get back to the apartment, you’re going to text your mom and dad. You’re going to tell them the cops have the suspect in custody, and that she confessed. And that you’ll call them in a day or two. Deal?”

  She stared from Rich, to Nick, who wasn’t about to contradict his brother. It was a solid plan.

  “Okay. Fine.” She tried to pull her hand free but Rich wouldn’t let go.

  “Fine what?” he said.

  Even Nick had to hand it to him. He sounded Domly.

  Chelbie’s eyes widened a little as she stared at Rich. Finally, in a soft, docile voice, she said, “Fine, Sir.”

  Rich kissed her hand before releasing it. “Thank you, sweetheart. That’s better.” He turned, catching Nick’s gaze before he faced front again.

  Nick put his seat belt back on, shifted into reverse, and backed out of the parking space.

  Oh, boy. What had they gotten themselves into, thinking they could keep a handful like Chelbie taken in hand?

  Chapter Twenty

  Rich and Nick drove Chelbie back to her parents’ house on Monday evening to pick up a few more things. Mallory and Kel had volunteered to go with them, or go in their stead, but Chelbie knew she had to do this. When they’d returned to the apartment Sunday afternoon, she’d texted them, just like Rich had ordered. Then she’d called them later that night to tell them they’d be over.

  She didn’t feel like talking. She needed some time and space and to process everything that had happened before she talked with them.

  Time to let her anger reduce from roiling boil to at least a hearty simmer.

  She loved her parents, but she was an adult. Whether they liked it or not, they had to let her live her life.

  At least she felt relief to know they wouldn’t be in any danger. Not with whackadoodle Alexis Green safely in jail and fortunately unable to make bail, as Orsbey had predicted.

  As they turned onto her street, the one she’d grown up on, Chelbie realized how much had changed. Not just the neighborhood, but especially her.

  It pained her that her parents might not want to accept her choices, but Nick and Rich were who and what she wanted. The two halves that made her whole.

  If her parents couldn’t accept them…

  She’d have to respect that, but she wouldn’t let it change her life.

  Not when she knew she loved the men. When she’d talked about moving into Kel and Mallory’s apartment, the men had pulled the Dom card on her again and said she would move in with them, if she was really moving out of her parents’ home.

  For once, Chelbie wasn’t inclined to argue.

  Her parents’ vehicles both sat parked in the driveway when they pulled in.

  “Are you sure this is okay?” Nick asked as he shut the car off.

  “We’re already here,” she said. “I told them I wanted to come by, and they said okay.”

  Rich opened the passenger door. “I really wish you’d talk to them.”

  “I’m done talking. They were totally out of line.”

  “They were worried about you,” Nick said. “They were scared.”

  “And you were pretty doped up,” Rich added.

  “Doesn’t give them the right to issue ultimatums like that. Whose side are you on, anyway?”

  “We’re on your side, sweetie. Unfortunately, we know what it’s like to lose a relationship with parents due to their stupidity. We’d like to see if you can avoid that same fate.”

  “I promise I won’t blow up unless they start shit. That has to be good enough, because it’s the only patience I have.”

  They helped her out of the car and followed her up the walk to the front porch. She didn’t have to knock or ring the bell.

  Her mom opened the door as they approached.

  Her father walked up behind her mom, and for a moment there was a tense, silent, uncomfortable standoff worthy of the Alamo.

  Bill Larson cleared his throat. “Hi, sweetheart.”

  “Hi, Dad. Mom.”

  Nick spoke next. “Mr. and Mrs. Larson.”

  “Hi,” Rich said.

  After a moment, her mom stepped aside and opened the door wider.

  “Thanks,” Chelbie said. She hoped her guys were right behind her because she didn’t want to do this without them.

  As the three of them stepped all the way into the foyer and her mom closed the door behind them, her father spoke. “Chelbie, can we speak to you for a moment? In private?”

  She pulled up short, turning. “Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of them.”

  Nick laid a gentle hand on her arm. “Hear them out. It’s okay. We’ll wait here.”

  She looked from him to Rich and realized the brothers were in agreement.

  “Did you already talk to them or something?”

  “No,” Rich said. “We’ve been there, remember?”

  “Fine.” She faced down her folks. “Let’s talk.”

  She followed them into the living room. She didn’t know if it was going to be some kind of intervention on their part or not, but she’d cut them off if they tried that shit.

  “Please, sit,” her father said.

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “No. Just say it.”

  Her mom sat. “Honey, I’m sorry I blew up at you in the hospital. We love you.”

  “Funny way of showing it.”

  “I was scared,” her mom said. “Then you weren’t being reasonable, and you dumped that on us.”

  Chelbie had to admit she probably could have handled things a lot better than she had, but she wasn’t about to admit it.

  At least, not right then.

  “You have to agree,” her father said, “we’ve been very lenient with you over the years, especially the last few. Once you turned eighteen, we didn’t keep tabs on you, we didn’t harass you. As long as you did your chores and stayed in school, we left you alone.”

  Well, okay, they had a valid point. “Then why did you act that way in the hospital? I love them. Like you said, I’m an adult. I know it’s not traditional, but you should respect my choices.”

  “You caught us by surprise,” her mom said. “We didn’t know if they were responsible for the attack or not.”

  “The detective told you they weren’t!”

  “But we didn’t know that for sure,” her dad said. “Not then. We just got there, and we were scared.”

  “Then you owe them an apology, too, don’t you think?” Chelbie asked. “For suspecting them? Really? They’re great guys.”

  “I know,” her dad said. “And we will. But this is about you. We wanted to know if you’d reconsider moving out.”

  “I was already going to move out. You know that.”

  “We mean not moving in with them. We don’t want you to get trapped,” her mom said.

  “Trapped? Like, what, a cult or something? We’re poly. It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.”

  She bit her tongue to keep from adding, You should see what else we do.

  Her mom looked like she did when she was having “the talk” with Chelbie. Which had been awkward and uncomfortable for both of them, especially since Chelbie had already known where babies came from.

  “Into thinking it’s something you have to do,” her mom finally said.

  “I’m with them because I want to be. Not because I have to be, or because I’m being controlled. Are we done?” Technically true even though they had
pulled the Dom card. She could have stayed at home or safeworded and still moved into Kel and Mal’s apartment.

  But she wasn’t about to split that technical hair right then.

  “It’s just that…we know things can go sideways.” Her mom seemed to be skating around the issue. “I know personally how you might feel in control of stuff and then later realize you’re not. That things can get…ugly.”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  They exchanged a glance before her mom finally spoke. “There are some things you don’t know about your father and me. When we first met and were still dating, we were…”

  “What?” Chelbie asked after her mom’s pregnant pause gave birth, breast-fed, weaned, and then got pregnant again while the first pauseling entered kindergarten.

  “Swingers,” her father said.

  “I got us into it,” her mom continued with her face now a deep shade of burgundy. “I wanted to experiment. I wanted to have fun. It was early in our relationship, and I wanted to explore my sexuality. We were in college. Then we met another couple—”

  “Wait.” Chelbie put her hands up, still digesting what her mom had just admitted. “Hold on a minute. The headline here is you guys were swingers, and you’re giving me grief for being poly?”

  “The point is,” her mom said, “that we met another couple. Thought they were very nice, had a lot of good times with them.”

  Chelbie crossed her arms over her chest and snorted. “Yeah, nice. I’m sure it was. That’s not the word I’d probably use, but okay.”

  “But,” her mom said, pretending Chelbie hadn’t spoken, “things went badly. She decided she wanted to be with your father a lot more than I was comfortable with. I wanted to end things with them, and she reacted…badly.”

  “In what universe is this the same situation?”

  Apparently her dad decided her mom had tossed out more than enough rope to hang herself with. “The point she’s awkwardly trying to make is that what started out as fun ended up with us losing people we’d thought were friends, and we nearly broke up in the process.”

  Chelbie thought there’d be more, but there wasn’t. “Seriously?”

  They stared at her.