Paper Stars Rewritten: Fallen Brook Series: Book 2

by Jennilynn Wyer

  I wipe the side of my mouth where Jayson clocked me the other night. A small amount of blood is trickling from the scabbed-over cut. I search for Elizabeth and find her immediately. She hasn’t moved from where I left her. I can see from here the heaviness of her breathing and worry hits me like a ton of bricks. I rush over, praying she’s not having another memory blackout. She says they’re triggered by certain words or intense emotions. Why did I leave her there by herself? I am so stupid, I berate myself.

  “Babe,” is all I get out when she jumps into my arms. I catch her easily. She locks her legs around me and grips my shoulders.

  “You are the sexiest man I have ever seen. Like a gladiator warrior,” she says and smashes her lips to mine. Worries about her instantaneously transform into lust. My adrenaline is still high and all I want to do is slam her against the nearest wall and fuck her senseless.

  “I told you, girl. So fucking alpha sexy! Who was that bitch?” Meredith asks no one in particular.

  Elizabeth lifts her head and sees Meredith. “Are you okay?”

  “He calls me Firecracker for a reason,” she chirps.

  Trevor snickers. “That you are.”

  Fallon makes his way over and even though he and his older brother hate each other, Fallon gives Trevor a nod of thanks before walking inside.

  “Was that your ex?” Trevor asks, and I want to tell him to shut the hell up.

  “Not here,” I murmur to Elizabeth and she nods her head, her cheek rubbing against mine.

  With Elizabeth in my arms, I walk us inside the suddenly deserted house. Several frat brothers who I assume are part of the freshman initiates are picking up trash and putting things away. Trevor leaves with Meredith, promising to get her back to her dorm. I find Fallon in the kitchen icing his hand.

  “Taking my girl home.”

  “Hope we get to do that again soon. That was fucking awesome.”

  I bark out a laugh. “You know that’s not my thing anymore.”

  “See ya around, kitten.”

  Elizabeth waves bye then calls out “inflatable tube guys” as we reach the front door. Fallon shouts back “cicadas.”

  “You guys are really weird.”

  “He’s a good guy. I’m glad he’s your friend.”

  “A lot of people would say Fallon is anything but a good guy.”

  “New Elizabeth, remember? I have certain superpowers that allow me to see past a person’s bullshit to the center of their inner tootsie pop.”

  I nip the skin under her earlobe and she shivers. “Why am I getting the feeling that having you and Fallon hang out together is a bad idea.”

  She nips me back. “Sometimes bad ideas can bring about great things.”

  I carry Elizabeth the entire two blocks it takes to walk back to where I parked my car. She’s been mostly quiet, lost in contemplation. Once I get her buckled in and start the car, she says, “Ryder, who were those girls? I knew them, didn’t I? I felt like I knew them somehow, and that one girl definitely knew me.”

  I turn the ignition off. “The blond was Jacinda Blanchard. She was a cheerleader at our school. She did some stuff that hurt you. The two of you were definitely not friends.”

  “And the other girl?”

  “Maria Santiago. You guys used to be best friends.”

  “Clearly not anymore. Was Trevor right? Did you date her?”

  I turn to fully face Elizabeth and take her hand. “I will never lie to you. I did some stuff that I’m not proud of, but they are things I won’t apologize for either.”

  “Okay. I understand.”

  “Do you really, Elizabeth? Because once you open a door, you may not be able to close it if you don’t like what you hear.”

  She unbuckles her seat belt and crawls over the gear stick into my lap. She pierces me with her green gaze. “Did you date her?”

  “Yes. We dated for about a year. I was never intimate with her. I couldn’t touch her like that because she wasn’t you. I used her because I was lonely. I was tired of waiting on the sidelines watching you and Jayson. Every fucking time, having to see you two together, was like having a dull knife slice off a piece of my heart. I was desperate. I just wanted someone to make the heartache go away.”

  “And she did that for you? She helped make the pain go away?”

  “That’s the sad part. She didn’t. I tried so hard to let her in, but Maria could never fill that ache for the one girl my heart wanted more than any other. She wanted more from me than I was willing to give, and Maria deserved better, or so I thought. What I found out later was that she used you to get to me. You, me, Jay, and Jules were always a unit. Basically, where one of us went, the rest would follow. Maria pretended to be your friend so she could get access to me. And I was stupid enough to let her.”

  “Thank you for telling me.”

  I know she must be uncomfortable with the steering wheel at her back, so I adjust the seat to give us more room. Elizabeth snuggles down against me like a baby koala, her head resting on the crook of my shoulder.

  “Ryder?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what, baby?”

  “I don’t know. I guess — it’s just all the stuff I’ve been learning about the old Elizabeth, well, I don’t much like her. How could I be in love with two different men, be in a relationship with one, and string along the other? Maria had every right to call me a bitch tonight.”

  “Elizabeth, nobody is perfect. Look at what I did. I dated Maria to distract me from not being able to have you. We all do things to cope that we later look back on with shame. You’re not a bitch. You are the most loving, caring, sweetest woman I have ever known.”

  “I will not be that girl again, Ryder. I don’t want to be old Elizabeth. I will not hurt you like that ever again.”

  Why do I have the feeling that she’s not talking about what happened tonight?

  I feel her tongue dart out and lick the side of my neck. “How many notes did you find this morning?”

  I’m instantly hard. “Six.”

  Elizabeth purrs into my neck. “Mmmm. I left ten. Let’s go find them.”

  Chapter 30

  Elizabeth

  The following weeks fly by and before I know it, Halloween is only a few days away. Fallon’s frat is having a Halloween party, and I promised him Ryder and I would come. Meredith took me costume shopping last week. She found this gorgeous angel costume with white feathered wings. I’m going to be a blue Morpho butterfly. But there’s a twist. Other than my wings and antennae, it’s all body paint. Meredith’s dormmate, Sara, is an art student and she’s going to do it for me. It will be the first time I have shown my scars or my butterfly tattoos in public. I know they’ll be covered with the body paint, but I’ll still know they’re there. I’m planning on wearing a sheer lingerie set to cover my girlie bits because let’s face it, new Elizabeth might be bolder but she’s not crazy. I have a feeling that Ryder is going to go all possessive caveman on me. I’m looking forward to the sex I know I’m going to get once we get home. Probably before we leave for the party as well. Does body paint smear? I’ll have to ask Meredith’s dormmate.

  He said yes. Jayson and Ryder continue to circle one another like two male lions sizing each other up, but Jayson has kept his promise. There have been no more fights. I still run with Julien every morning. Ryder and I still eat breakfast with Jayson and Julien at their condo. We still have movie nights and bad karaoke at Belly’s. We’re still a family. In the end, I officially asked Ryder to move in with me even though he never went back to the condo.

  Julien’s pink shirt finally arrived, and he was a good sport about wearing it. He and Elijah made up, and Elijah plans on asking Julien to marry him at Thanksgiving. Jayson continues to leave me silver origami stars in my bag or on my doorstep. It’s gotten to the point where I have to hide them in my closet. I took down the ones I hung from my ceiling. Ryder doesn’t deserve to be forced to stare at them when we�
�re in bed or making love. So I took the stars down, placed them in a banker’s box, and shoved the box in the back of my closet with the other boxes from my past life.

  Ryder bought me a standup piano. It’s sitting in the living room across from the bay window. I’ve been writing music again. Some evenings, Ryder takes out my guitar and joins me. We reserved one of the music rooms so I could play the drums. We ran into trumpet guy again. He ran the other way when he saw us. I don’t blame him. Ryder fucked me on the baby grand piano in the music room an hour later. I’m glad the room was sound-proofed.

  We went to Julien’s first soccer game of the collegiate season. He was awesome. CU won by two points. Ryder and I have been hanging out with Fallon more. He met up with us a couple of times at the racetrack. Fallon and Trevor still hate each other. Meredith, Trevor, and I continue to meet every Wednesday evening for our study group. Ryder and I met up with them last weekend at the beach. Meredith swears that she’s not dating Trevor but did confess she slept with him again, and this time he was sober.

  I’ve had no more memory blackouts. I think Ryder keeps the nightmares at bay. I love falling asleep in his arms and waking up to his gorgeous brown eyes. We’ve made love in every room and on every surface of the apartment. He tells me he loves me every day. I tell him the same. Elijah’s talk of proposals and a future wedding has me thinking about my future with Ryder. That leads to me thinking about having children which leads me to wonder if I would still be able to have children. I wish I could ask Daniel more about what happened, but I remain steadfast in my refusal to speak with him. I have spoken to Drew once to make sure he was doing okay. I made an appointment with an obstetrician and I hope she will be able to give me some answers.

  The detective tried to get in touch with me again, but I deleted his message and didn’t call him back. The boys convinced me to come home with them for Thanksgiving. I reluctantly agreed. I know it’s time. If I want that future with Ryder, if I want to take the next big step with him, I need to get closure about my past and about that night. So when Jayson asked me to consider going home, I said yes. He wants us to tell his parents about Elizabeth Ann. I know they want to see me. So I said yes with the stipulation that I stay with Ryder at his family’s home. Jayson didn’t argue. We all decided to postpone the trip to Seattle until after Christmas. I have to wait two months before I can see my daughter’s grave. Sometimes at night, when I’m lying in bed, I swear I can feel a baby kick deep inside of me. Just a tiny little phantom flutter. On those nights I cry. On those nights, Ryder holds me tight and sings to me. But I guess the most important thing that has happened these past few weeks is that I now know without a doubt, I am ten thousand percent in love with Ryder Randall Cutton.

  “Hey, babe?” Ryder calls to me from the kitchen. It’s five o’clock on a Thursday evening and I have a calc test to study for.

  “Yeah?”

  “Fallon just texted. He wants me to come look at a new car he bought. Want to come with?” He walks into the living room. My heartbeat flutters wildly like it always does when I see him.

  “I have a test tomorrow that I need to study for. Rain check?”

  Ryder sits down beside me. I naturally gravitate toward him. I lean into his side and he wraps those strong arms around me, placing a kiss on my shoulder.

  “I’m meeting him at the track so will be a little late tonight. I’ll text you when I’m on my way back,” he says, his voice muffled against my skin.

  Ryder is sitting sideways on the couch with me between his legs. I snuggle back into him. “Would you mind picking up those vegan tacos I like so much on your way home?”

  “I can do that.” He gets up from the couch and kisses me one last time. “I promise I won’t be too late.”

  “Don’t worry about me. My face is going to be shoved in this calc textbook for the next couple of hours.”

  I hear Ryder grab his keys from the kitchen counter. “I love you!” he calls out.

  “I love you too!” I call back. The front door closes. I grab my phone.

  Me: What time r u and Sara coming over on Sunday?

  Sunday is Halloween.

  Firecracker: She said it would take about 4 hours to paint you. Noon ok?

  Me: Sounds good.

  Me: Ryder out with Fallon tonight. Want to come over later? Need to study for test first.

  Firecracker: Wish I could. Going out with a few girls from the dorm. Why don’t u come?

  Me: I’ll pass, but thanks. Have fun!

  There’s a text from Jayson. I really should change his screen name.

  ScaryGuy: Place is too quiet. What r u doing?

  Julien is in Florida with his team. They’re playing in the Halloween Cup so he won’t be back until Saturday. Elijah couldn’t go because he has work.

  Me: About to start studying.

  ScaryGuy: Want some company?

  Me: Can I text u later?

  ScaryGuy: NP. I’ll be here all nite.

  I grab my bag from the floor. Calculus III has been my arch-nemesis all semester. The professor makes his TA teach the class most days, and that guy is bad. I mean really bad. He doesn’t explain how to work out the problems; he expects you to already know how. He refuses to answer questions saying that we have to make an appointment with the professor. He spends most of the time during the scheduled weekly help session playing games on his phone. So in order to keep up, I have to study three times as hard. Trevor took the class last year and he’s been helping me.

  As I pull out my textbook, another origami star falls out. Jayson must have put it in there this morning while we were having breakfast. I always read them. I know I shouldn’t. What I should do is tell Jayson to stop giving them to me. I unfold the paper.

  “If love was like time, mine would be eternity.”

  I sigh and get up. Holding the delicate piece of paper in my hand, I walk into my bedroom and open my closet door. The banker’s box with the other paper stars is way in the back. My eyes light on the other boxes. The ones I consider to be Pandora’s boxes. There are three of them. Eighteen years of my life shoved into three boxes. Eighteen years of lost memories relegated to three insignificant cubes of cardboard. I pull one out. Then another, then the third one. They barely weigh anything.

  With shaking hands, I slowly peel the packing tape off the first box with my fingernails. Once the two flaps at the top open, I sit back and stare at it. The two flaps resemble a double-door opening into a dark room. Like the dark, scary doors you see in the movies behind which the villain hides. I stare at those two damn flaps for several minutes, then carefully pull them open and peer inside the darkness. A musty odor assails my nose. I grab the second box and rip the tape off. I do the same to the third box, then I turn each one over, dumping their contents onto my bedroom floor.

  There are pictures and papers, tiny trinkets and sheets of music. I look at the pictures first. Most of them I recognize from all the pictures the boys have shown me. I take out a few of me and Ryder so I can create a memory board with them. There are several binders and scrapbooks. I pick one up and open it. It’s filled with hand-written poetry. I notice the name Hailey scribbled at the top of each. There are dozens of them. Some written in a childish penmanship, others in elegant cursive. The first one is titled: “Elizabeth and Her Princes.” I read it. I read them all. I don’t realize I’m crying until I see tear marks on the last poem I’m holding. The ink on the paper runs as my tears dissolve the words.

  I pick up another binder. This one is a scrapbook. There are drawings and love hearts all over it. The front says “All Our Next Times” in big, bold lettering. I open the cover. The pages are filled with notes, letters, pictures, and music. Dried flowers, wrinkled pieces of paper, butterfly cut-outs, seashells, a bag of black sand, and pieces of ribbon. The scrapbook chronicles my love story with Jayson. From the night he first kissed me and told me he loved me, to our first date, to the night we made love for the first time, to senior year of high school, and eve
rything in between.

  Something shiny catches my eye. It’s half-hidden under a photograph. I flip the photo over. It’s another one of me and Ryder. We’re standing together in what looks like a field. We’re in front of a dirt bike and Ryder is holding a helmet under one arm, his dark hair sticking up at the top. Our pinkies are linked. I smile as I touch the photograph. My gorgeous, handsome man. I place the photo with the others of him and me.

  I look down at the shiny object that was hidden underneath. It’s a ring, like a wedding band. I pick it up. Four small red rubies wink at me. I turn the ring over and over. I see the inscription inside. I see Jayson kneeling down in front of me at the Eiffel Tower. Wait, I dreamed that before, didn’t I? My breath comes out in strained puffs and I feel like I can’t get any oxygen in. The red rubies begin to melt, turning into small blobs that look like drops of blood. As if it burned me, I throw the ring across the room and hear a metallic clink when it hits the dresser. My vision tunnels, the light in my bedroom fading to black. I call out to Ryder. Ryder will save me. He always saves me. But it’s not Ryder that comes for me. It’s Him.

  My head is throbbing as I try to open my eyes. It’s dark so my pupils don’t have to adjust much, but they still hurt when I get them to fully open. Why does my head hurt so bad? I try to reach up to touch my temple when I realize my hands won’t move. What the hell? I try to move my legs and arms and get nothing. Fear and panic overtake me. I yell out and move around but it’s no use. There’s something covering my mouth, duct tape, I think. And my arms and legs are bound to one of the dining room chairs. Even though I’m screaming, hardly a sound escapes the tape around my mouth. I buck and rock in the chair. It topples over sideways with me trapped in it. My side and head hit the floor and more pain explodes inside my body.

  “Oh, good. You’re awake.” Black tennis shoes appear in front of my eyes before hands roughly lift me up, chair and all, so I’m upright again.

  “I’m running out of time,” the voice speaks to me. Terror fills me as the sharp edge of a knife is dragged up my middle like a caress, sliding up between my breasts and under my chin.