The Scars of a Pure Heart

by Grace Clemens

  Furious now, Blake looked to his younger brother and father for some support. Harris, though, kept his eyes on his boots, which were kicking at the dirt. Len was as stoic as ever. It was silly to think either of them would back him now, Blake thought angrily.

  “Fine, if that’s the way you want it, I’ll go. As soon as I get the last clues from Iver Kennedy, I’ll be gone.” Blake stormed to his horse, swung himself into the saddle, and galloped off.

  He avoided his father and brothers as he completed his afternoon chores. Usually an hour or two away was enough to cool his temper, but not today. He’d had enough of their condescension. There would never be any place for Blake here. His family had lumped him in with his grandfather and had dismissed him long ago. Leaving was clearly the right choice.

  Blake was able to neatly keep Macie from entering into his furious planning until he came home. Temper still simmering, he stomped into their small cabin. His wife stood at the stove, stirring at a pot. The heat from the day and from the warmth of the stove had flushed her face prettily. She glanced up and flashed him a welcoming smile.

  Without meaning to, Blake felt his resolve soften. Somehow, Macie always had this effect on him. Every time he made up his mind to stand firm and stick to his plan, it took only one smile from her and he was lost.

  He went automatically and washed up. Perhaps it was foolish of him, but he was dying to tell Macie about this latest blow up with his father. She could be a bit of a mystery to him, but Blake didn’t doubt that she was on his side. Pushing her away was quickly becoming more and more impossible.

  “How was your day?” she asked as soon as he’d blessed the food.

  “There was more trouble,” Blake began. “Someone cut our fences in about twenty places.”

  Macie’s eyebrows rose. With grim satisfaction, Blake knew that her suspicions were running along the same vein as his.

  “Do you think it’s that Lucien Durning who’s responsible?” she asked, clearly worried.

  “I do, but I’m the only one who does. Pa, Troy, and Harris all think I’m silly to believe he could be devious. It’s always the same thing with them: whatever I think is wrong, and they’re all right.” Blake slipped so easily into the familiar complaints.

  “They weren’t there when Lucien threatened you. They might need some time to come to your way of thinking. Besides, if he is responsible, he’ll let them know before long, I’m betting,” Macie guessed.

  Affectionately, the corner of Blake’s mouth lifted. “You’re always so diplomatic, aren’t you?”

  Macie flushed. “I don’t like conflict. Besides, most of the time, people are doing what they think is best. They aren’t being malicious. Well, with the exception of Lucien Durning, that is.”

  Finally feeling at peace, Blake asked, “What did you do today?”

  “I went to Clora’s to give her a hand with Troy Junior. She was so tired that I knew a nap would help. I fed Troy Junior his lunch and he lay on my lap and fell asleep. He was so sweet.”

  Blake could only stare at his wife. This was the longest answer she’d given him in some time. Her eyes were warm and her smile soft as she spoke of his nephew. Macie longed to be a mother, Blake realized with a start. She would love to have a little child of her own. She’d make a wonderful mother, he knew.

  And Blake was shocked to realize that he’d love to raise a son or daughter of his own with her.

  Chapter 23

  Macie couldn’t put into words just exactly why she so dreaded what was to be the last visit to Iver Kennedy’s office. But as she’d dressed the morning before the trip to town, the young woman found that her heart was heavy. She’d had little to say as the wagon bumped along the road to Elmswood. Mr. Kennedy had hurried the couple out of his office as quickly as possible. And soon they were back in the wagon, returning to the ranch.

  Next to her on the wooden seat, Blake was excited about the letter’s contents. It had been straightforward enough. There were no stipulations that Macie was to accompany her husband this time. The letter had simply given directions to the final set of locations for the hunt.

  “I don’t care what Pa says,” Blake ranted, “I’m going to finish this right away. I don’t care if it’s a good time for the ranch or not. They can get along without me just fine.” He snorted derisively. “Troy says it’d be better if I go, so I’m going. It would serve them right if I didn’t come back for a month.”

  He hadn’t asked her to come along, Macie noted sadly. Her stomach twisted as she realized: this was it. The time for her to confess her hopes that they could set down roots was past. Blake would take off and leave her behind. It hurt to listen to him angrily declare his intentions to leave them all behind, careless of the way he was stomping all over her feelings.

  After nearly ten minutes, Blake fell silent. Macie could feel his eyes on her face, but she resisted the urge to give in and expose the depth of her feelings.

  “You’re awful quiet,” he finally prompted her.

  Disappointment was quickly turning to irritation and Macie found the courage to speak up.

  “I don’t know if you should go right now,” she announced.

  Blake’s silence was prickly.

  Macie sat up a little straighter and spoke her piece. “There have been two attacks on the ranch. You didn’t say anything, but I know you felt guilty for not being here to help with the fire.”

  His temper flashed and he began, “My father…”

  “Your father loves you. The pair of you are on different sides of things, but he wants what’s best for you. You just disagree about what that is. If you want to finish this hunt, wait until things have settled down at the ranch and then go.”

  It was Blake’s turn to stare ahead, his face stony. However, Macie watched his jaw muscles work and knew her husband wasn’t happy about her suggestions. It was time to tell him what she suspected about the hunt.

  “I spoke with your mother about your grandfather,” she began. “Judy told me how hard it was for him to lose his wife. I’ve been wondering since the beginning why Ewell would insist that you marry before you begin this treasure hunt. He keeps hinting at a great treasure and I think he’s referring to a happy marriage.”

  Blake balked at this. His mouth swung open and his entire body stiffened angrily.

  Macie held up a hand, silencing his protests. Quickly, she went on, “This ‘treasure hunt’ doesn’t make any sense otherwise! Why else would Ewell force you to take a wife and then insist that we go off together to search? Why would he want us to spend two weeks living together before he gave us the final clues?”

  “But he didn’t make any stipulations in this final letter,” Blake spluttered.

  “That’s because he wanted you to make up your own mind about how to finish the hunt. I suppose he figured that if you didn’t realize the value of having a family of your own by now, there wouldn’t be much hope for you,” she concluded.

  He shook his head emphatically, refusing to listen to reason. “That can’t possibly be right. Granddad valued his independence! It’s why he took off in the first place and why he stayed away until his dying day.”

  “It might be why he left the first time, but I believe it was your family’s anger that kept him away. Ewell loved the ranch and his son and grandsons. Why else would he come back when he knew your father was going to be so angry with him?”

  “It wasn’t just my family that treated him like he was loony. The whole town did, too.” Blake steamed, “That’s why I can’t settle down near Elmswood. I can’t live with such narrow-minded folk all around, judging every decision I might make. And, as far as I can tell, that’s how all towns work. There isn’t a place in this world where it will be any better.”

  Macie frowned. “That might be true. But it’s cowardly to keep everyone at arm’s length. Relationships of all kinds are hard. The closer you grow to people, the harder they get. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t worth having. I think that’s exactly wh
at Ewell wanted you to see; that a solitary existence is lonely and empty.”

  Her husband eyed her suspiciously. “Are you saying that you want to stay in Elmswood? You want to put down roots and live there with all those people breathing down your neck all the time?”

  Here it was: the moment of truth.

  Gulping, Macie finally admitted, “Yes.”

  Blake flinched, shaking his head as though unwilling to accept her answer.

  “Ever since I lost mine, all I’ve wanted was a family of my own,” Macie explained, the words gushing out of her as if they were finally freed. “I thought that you and I could build a family together. After I met your parents and your brothers, I found that I’d been adopted into a wonderful family. I know you have your differences, but they are great.”

  She watched the emotions play across his face. Fear that he would reject her stole over Macie and she continued timidly.

  “I dream of building a house with you and having children together. Whatever work you’d like to do, I will gladly support you.” Macie took another deep breath and pushed on, eyes closed, “But I know that you don’t want that. As wonderful as your family is and no matter how good our life could be together, you want to go adventuring. I…I support you in that, too. If you don’t want to build a life somewhere, I won’t tie you down and force you to stay. Your family can be family enough for me.”

  She watched him carefully, heart pounding, as she said, “If you want to go, I won’t stop you.”

  ***

  Inside, Blake howled with indignation. He’d never felt so betrayed in all his life! All this time, he’d assumed Macie was on his side. Now, here she was, spouting all this nonsense about his grandfather’s secret reasons for the treasure hunt and telling him she wanted to stick with his family.

  Sure, he hadn’t planned on taking her along with him for the final part of the hunt, but now he knew that nothing could compel him to take her along. She wanted him to wait to go! The idea!

  He’d considered the idea of having kids with Macie, but in that moment, there was no chance he’d admit it to himself. No one was about to make him settle down. Maybe he’d almost considered it after those cozy evenings with his wife, but now he knew he’d been a fool. Macie was just like the rest of them. It was time to put some space between them.

  “Well, I’m going,” he announced. “I think it would be best if you stay at the ranch this time.”

  She looked down at her hands but didn’t say a word.

  He ignored the unpleasant twist of his gut and went on, “In fact, it’s probably best that we start spending more time apart. I didn’t tell you before, but it’s still possible for us to have our marriage annulled. Iver told me how to do it and I thought it would be wise to keep that option open.”

  Macie’s face turned away from him and a slim hand swiped at her cheek. She was crying, Blake realized. Some part of him knew that he was taking out his years of hurt on her, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

  “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone this time. Maybe a few days, maybe a few months. It’ll give us both time to think. You can use that time to make plans for what you want to do next. When I get back, I’ll help you get settled into your new life,” he offered.

  It was no surprise that they finished their ride to the ranch in silence. Blake was relieved that his wife didn’t start telling him what she thought of him. He knew what he thought of himself and he didn’t like it much. Never in his life had he felt so despicable and low.

  Macie disappeared into the cabin the moment the wagon slowed. Blake watched her go and shoved aside every single emotion that swept over him, working hard to keep himself numb.

  He spent the day doing everything he could think of to help his father for the weeks ahead when he’d be gone. Blake shoveled out the horse stalls with extra attention, fixed half a dozen small things that needed repairs but which had been overlooked, and brought down a few more barrels of oats from the storage loft up above. The ranch hands could have done any of these jobs, but this freed them up to focus on more pressing matters.

  As suppertime neared, Blake turned his attention to his own preparations for the journey ahead. He packed his saddlebags and found a bedroll from the tack room. He put a week’s worth of supplies in a rucksack and said good-bye to his mother.

  When he went in search of Len, Blake’s anger returned. He held onto it tightly as he informed his father that he was going to finish the hunt and wouldn’t be back for some time.

  “Sorry to leave you one man short, but I suppose I’ll be easy enough to replace,” Blake finished.

  Len said nothing, though that silence spoke volumes to his son. Feeling rebuffed and dismissed, Blake slunk away. It was easier to add this to his father’s growing list of injustices rather than to admit to himself that he was taking the coward’s way out.

  Finally, Blake went home to the cabin. It was late enough that dark had fallen and the lantern light from inside the small dwelling looked warm and inviting. He took a deep breath and steeled himself to face Macie’s hurt. No matter how often he insisted to himself that he’d done the right thing in telling her about the annulment, Blake couldn’t help but feel like a low-down scoundrel as he slipped into the cabin.

  There on the table were the remains of supper. Macie was nowhere to be seen and her bedroom door was firmly closed. Well, this was certainly easier. Still, Blake didn’t feel much better as he ate alone. He washed his plate and cup before heading up to the loft to pack a few personal items.

  Once he’d done everything he could think of, he returned down to the front room to sit in his usual chair and whittle, hoping that his wife would emerge from her room. In fact, he stayed up far later than he should have. Macie never appeared. Up in his loft, tucked into his mattress, Blake struggled to fall asleep. He felt terrible, but wouldn’t allow himself to face any of it.

  After a restless sleep, the young man was up before the dawn. He gathered his belongings and threw one last wistful look at the bedroom door. But, no matter how much he wished it would open, it remained firmly closed.

  “It’s for the best,” he told himself stoutly as he made his way to the stables in the pre-dawn light. “You’re finally getting to go off on an adventure. Anyone who thinks I shouldn’t go is part of the problem.”

  And as he mounted up on his favorite horse, Blake almost believed himself.

  Chapter 24

  It was impossible for Macie to pretend that she was anything other than utterly crushed by Blake’s confession. Just when she’d opened up and told him the truth about her dreams for her life, he’d yanked the rug out from under her feet and then taken off to let her wrestle on her own. In all her imagining of how that scenario would play out, she never could have guessed that her husband would announce that he wanted to end their marriage.

  Over the next few days, she experienced a wide range of emotions. She spent one morning furiously cleaning everything she could reach in the cabin, giving her absent husband the telling off of his life.

  Once her anger was spent, she had to face her own mistakes. She hadn’t been honest. Guilt began to fill the place where the anger had been. She’d planned on changing him when she knew full well what Blake had intended. Time and again her fingers found the scars on her chin and she entertained that old fear that it was her appearance that had driven him away.

  One night, not quite a week after Blake’s sudden departure, Macie awoke to find her mother-in-law holding a lantern and shaking her awake.

  “It’s Clora’s time,” Judy explained hurriedly. “She needs our help.”

  Macie nodded sleepily and hastened to dress. As a newlywed, Macie didn’t know the first thing about babies. She doubted that she’d be much help at all, but still hoped that she could offer some comfort.