Like the Back of My Halo

by Hutchinson, Heidi

  “Don't worry, man,” Scotch said, watching her go. “I won't let you drown.”

  Brady did not doubt it. The speed with which Scotch had appeared after Brady had surfaced was startling. He was starting to see the benefits of having a team. They helped you not die.

  ***

  Lo

  Getting a flight out of France proved to be more difficult than simply buying a ticket. Which worked for Lo because the longer she thought about what Brady had done, and how Shane had gone along with it, the more agitated she became.

  “I'm calling Shane,” she announced, sitting down on the couch and opening the laptop.

  Steve paused, mid-swipe as he buttered his biscuit (not a euphemism). “What are you gonna say?”

  “I just wanna talk. I have some questions and I think I'm allowed to ask them.”

  Shane answered her Skype call immediately.

  “Lo.” He adjusted a baby on his lap and she realized she'd caught him at home. Also, Shane Brookings holding a baby made his hotness quotient skyrocket. She pocketed that information to share with Tessa later. Because she would appreciate it.

  “Shane, sorry, I didn't realize I would be calling you at home.”

  “That's fine. What can I do for you? I heard the weather there hasn't really cooperated.”

  Lo swallowed and pulled her shoulders back. “No, the weather here is rotten. Was this location Brady's idea?”

  Shane looked up to somewhere off screen. “Uh, why would you ask that?”

  “Because it's something he would do. I just want to know if that's what happened.”

  “What did she just say?” A female off screen asked.

  Shane closed his eyes and sighed, the look of a man already defeated. “Yes. But it's complicated.”

  “Not really,” Lo said, her irritation growing. “If I had known being friends with you would give Brady influence over where I was assigned I probably wouldn't have taken the job offer. How fair does it appear to have your male ambassador getting to not only choose his next assignment, but also dictate where the woman ambassador is sent?”

  Greta, Shane's wife came around the side of the desk and traded glances between Lo and Shane. “She's kidding right? You did not let Brady do that, did you?”

  Lo felt a little sorry for Shane right then. While she had never met Greta, she'd heard many stories. Most of them had left her feeling a little jealous at that woman's wildness and obvious adoration of the people around her. But mostly Lo looked up to her. Brady had had feelings for her for a reason after all.

  “He just asked if I could send her someplace she'd be safe. He didn't get to pick the location.” Shane didn't even sound like he was defending himself all that hard.

  “Nuh-uh,” Greta said, her hands going to her hips. “This chick has worked her ass off out there to be taken seriously. How do you think she feels to know her own employer doesn't have her back? And Brady needs to pull his head out of his ass. Instead of caving to his misogynistic pettiness, you should have told him to nut up. You're surrounded by strong women. Did you really think this was a good idea? Of all the women in your life, which one did you think would go along with this asinine idea? You know better than anyone. To love a free spirit is to never cage them.”

  Okay, so it was safe to say that Lo had a girl crush on Greta.

  Shane's feelings on the matter were more obvious. His eyes were locked on his wife and his face conveyed pure adoration. “I'm so glad we're on the same team.”

  Greta rolled her eyes even as she smiled. “Fix this, big guy. You're the boss, remember?” She scooped the baby into her arms, shot Lo a wink, and disappeared again.

  Shane watched her go and then leaned onto his desk, all business. “All right, Fredericks. I'm about to make you an offer.” He clicked his mouse over the screen, no longer focused on her. “I received several emails this morning. That's what I was reading when you rang. And there appears to be a gathering of sorts happening on Fiji.”

  “Steve may have been the catalyst for that.” Lo informed him. “We've been watching that storm in the south.”

  “Right. Well, I don't know if Steve was the first... let me check something... Normally, there's a stop there during the regular season. It was canceled this year due to lack of funding. They couldn't get a big enough sponsor to headline after the accidents that happened last year. But some big names have been asking me if I want to hook up with them down there.”

  “Shane?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I want to surf,” Lo declared softly.

  Shane's eyes tracked back to her box on his screen. He sat back in his chair and pressed his lips together.

  She took a deep breath and blinked slowly. “I know my blog has gotten some hate after Brady's declaration and my apparent dismissal. I had no idea that was going to happen. But I can turn it around.”

  The comments that had been blowing up her notifications since her blog posted were ninety percent hate. Especially from the women. Everyone had an opinion on how ungrateful, selfish, and undeserving she was of Brady. They even brought up her past relationship with Miller and how she'd been relatively silent during that too. So many people out there only saw two percent of a relationship and thought they understood it all. Not realizing how immensely shortsighted and judgmental they were being. Or maybe they did and they just didn't care.

  Lo had an idea on how to fix it.

  “I'm going to get more personal.” The words struggled to come out evenly. She tried to work moisture back into her suddenly dry mouth. “I'm committed to building your brand in a positive way. I want to be given an honest shot at doing it. I don't like feeling as if there are invisible boundaries holding me back. And I don't like the idea that my boyfriend can make a phone call and shut me down.”

  Brady had promised to have her back and he'd promised no more games. He hadn't kept those promises. Loving someone was not an excuse to control them.

  Shane nodded. “Okay. I'll book your stuff.”

  Steve, who had been watching silently from the opposite side of the room, punched a fist in the air.

  “I'll send the invites. But if you decide to not ride, say Cloudbreak is bigger than you anticipated, or the winds are too harsh, you won't be penalized. You are under no obligation to risk you life. It's entirely your call, Lo. I trust you to follow your instincts.”

  Lo felt the tension in her shoulders ease. “Thank you, Shane.”

  Finally.

  Maybe now Lo would get to show the world what she could really do.

  Hopefully Brady could love her outside of his restrictions.

  And if he couldn't... then he only thought he loved her. And thoughts were about as useful as wishes, they felt nice in your hands, but were as easy to hold onto as the colors of a sunset. Eventually they faded away.

  ***

  Brady

  If Brady hadn't been expecting a pizza, he wouldn't have gotten up to answer the knock at his door. But since he was starving and he'd ordered a large all meat with mozzarella sticks, he lurched to his feet to get there as soon as possible.

  He pulled the door open and found not only the pizza of his dreams, but Julia as well. She was handing the delivery guy a wad of cash and her eyes slid over to him.

  “The Arctic Blast.”

  “Thanks for ordering dinner, Samson, this saves me time.”

  “I hope you don't think I'm going pay you back for that.” Brady took the pizza out of the driver's hands and staggered back into his room, letting the door fall shut behind him.

  Julia managed to sneak in anyway. Brady took the pizza to the bed with him and eased onto the mattress. Every muscle in his body cried out for relief. All he wanted to do was eat until he passed out. He didn't want visitors or conversations. He didn't want to wonder why Lo had called him a dozen times but hadn't left a message. They had a nine hour time difference in between them. So calling her back wouldn't do much good. It was three in the morning there.

  “S
ore?” she asked, taking a seat in the chair at the desk and opening his laptop.

  “More than I thought possible. Can I ask why you're here and why you're using my stuff?”

  Julia opened the browser and began typing away. “I posted some of the video I took of you today. Your feed is alive with the sound of respect and mad props. But someone tagged you in something from more than a year ago.”

  Brady listened as he worked his way through that first slice of pizza. You know who would love this pizza? Lo. She'd be all over this pie. And she'd rub his sore muscles and whisper all of her observations of him. He'd relax and sink into her comfort and warmth. The fantasy was so potent he could practically smell her shampoo.

  This separation was stupid. They were having a little communication problem but that was all. The day he'd had, getting pulverized over and over again had him more certain than he was before. If Lo was the equivalent of a big wave, he could survive her wildness. And if he couldn't... he would die happy in the crush of her existence.

  All he wanted in that moment was her. Forever. Lost in her tidal wave.

  “Are you listening to me?” Julia asked impatiently.

  “Not really,” Brady admitted. Julia was beginning to get on his nerves.

  “You need to see this.” She picked up the laptop and stood.

  No, go away.

  He didn't say it, but he was about ready to.

  Brady frowned as he chewed on his pizza. He didn't like himself without Lo. He didn't like anything about what he did or said or thought.

  Maybe that shouldn't have been as huge a shock to him as it was, but he'd mostly spent the past week avoiding being alone with himself. Going out, making friends, not returning her calls... they were all things he'd chosen to do in order to avoid the huge hole in his middle where Lo's presence fit.

  He didn't just miss her, he ached for her. Felt like less of a person without her. No one here expected him to be a decent human being. Julia didn't care if he was a dick.

  Lo cared.

  She cared because she knew him.

  And he knew her.

  Which meant he'd really made a mess of things with his recent stunt.

  Shit.

  “What is it?”

  “It's footage taken from a cell phone back when Lo was with Miller.”

  “Have I mentioned how much I hate the reminder they were ever together?” Brady said, tossing his slice down and taking the laptop.

  Julia came to stand beside him. “Only a thousand times.” She reached down and hit play on the screen.

  Brady frowned as he saw a very familiar female shape paddle into a drop in a wave that was thirty or more feet high on the face. He stopped the video and pulled it back to the beginning.

  The surfer paddled strong, found her feet, dropped onto the face, rode the beast to the bottom. White foam chasing her. She disappeared in the spray and Brady held his breath. The person holding the phone swore as the surfer shot out of the spray.

  “That's not...”

  “Yes,” Julia confirmed. “I believe that to be Lo Fredericks surfing Mavericks. And I'm not the only one. After your videos posted today, people have been tagging this and many other videos of this same rider with hashtags like swellmates, beautyandthebro, maverickmates.”

  Brady's stared, stunned at the footage. Why hadn't she told him?

  When had he given her the chance?

  29

  Lo

  Lo couldn't stop watching the video clips of Brady. He wrecked so many times. She pressed her fist to her lips and sank down into her chair in the airport. Footage of her from the last time she had been there had resurfaced. The hashtags made her smile even as the memory made her cringe.

  It didn't matter. Just because you didn't talk about something didn't make it disappear. The Internet made sure of that.

  Brady's followers as well as hers had connected them. Even created mashups of their wrecks and successes. It was almost as adorable as it was disconcerting.

  Because she didn't know what he thought of it.

  Part of her was insanely proud of what she had accomplished that day. But the other part recognized maybe she should have told Brady it had happened.

  “This relationship stuff is hard,” she whined.

  Steve looked down at her slouched figure, unimpressed. “No shit. It takes a lot of work. No one gets to fall in love and live happily ever after. Happy comes in moments connected by obstacles. The best you can hope for is to find someone as stubborn as you at making it work.”

  Lo frowned up at him. “When did you become insta-sage? You're freaking me out.”

  Steve ignored her question and took a drink of his coffee, then continued. “Both you and Brady are so independent, whatever relationship you end up in will be difficult to balance. You're both attracted to each other because you actually respect the other's autonomy. Even though the closer you get, the more you want to interfere with it, out of a sense of protective possession.”

  “That doesn't sound good.”

  Steve shrugged. “Possession isn't about owning a person like they're property. It's more like acknowledging your actions will affect their lives and having respect for that. It's a connection that isn't shared with others. It's only the two of you.”

  “And Jules, apparently,” Lo grumbled, holding her coffee close to her chest.

  “No,” Steve corrected with a sigh. “She's just a person and happens to be female. Getting jealous of that is irrational. That would be like Brady being jealous of me being your teammate. Doesn't that sound stupid?”

  Lo shrugged, unwilling to admit it out loud. “But really, where did the philosopher come from? You're the same guy who backed up the toilet in our hotel and when you explained to the front desk what happened, actually said, 'Bros be poopin', am I right?'”

  Steve barked a laugh. “And I hold to that.”

  ***

  Brady

  “What do you mean you don't know where she is?” Brady snapped at Shane. His friend blinked, unbothered.

  “I mean, they left this morning and their flight was delayed. They haven't checked in yet, but I expect them to once they reach their destination.”

  “Which is?” Brady had been trying to reach Lo all morning but her phone was either off or out of range. He wanted to talk to her. He needed to talk to her.

  “Final stop, Fiji.”

  Brady closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “She figured it out, huh?”

  “What can I say, you picked a smart one. And she's a fighter too.” Shane chuckled. “I want to congratulate you and offer you condolences at the same time.”

  The memory of Lo attacking him in Nicaragua when he'd turned off her alarm flashed through his mind. He smiled despite himself. “How pissed was she?”

  Shane shook his head. “I don't know how to tell you you're playing with fire. I don't recommend pushing the limits of her patience.”

  The fact that she knew now and he was no longer waiting for the truth to come out was liberating. He hadn't realized how much stress he'd caused himself by pulling that kind of trick. And her reaction was to call Shane and sort it. Of course.

  “Dude, I know the rules and stuff, but...” He didn't know how to do this part. To quit a job he loved. But he had to get to her. He was done being apart. He was done with the time difference. He was going to get to her and only an act of God was going to stop him.

  “I already said she was smart. You're booked on the noon flight so you better get packed.”

  “What if it's just hype?” Brady asked, referring to the legendary wave off the coast of one of the smaller Fiji islands.

  Shane cracked a smile. “How did you enjoy Mavericks? Was it just hype?”

  “Touché.”

  “Get packed. Get to your girl. And Brady?” Shane grew serious. “Don't waste time on this one.”

  ***

  Shane's advice came back to him again and again while Brady gathered his belongs, texted Julia
to tell her where he was going and waited to board his flight.

  He'd taken a backseat with Greta. Let her drift along and only made his interest known when she was already involved with someone else. It had been a weak move. He'd known it then, he was certain of it now.

  You don't wait for a wave to invite you to a party. You paddle out and bring your best. And no matter how many times you wipe out, you get back up, and try again. You don't blink and you don't leave it to chance.

  He wasn't going to leave his future with Lo to chance. He would get to her. He would bring his best. And if it wasn't enough, if he wrecked hard, he'd get back up and try again.

  Because she was where he belonged.

  ***

  Lo

  “I guess Shane felt bad about France,” Lo murmured as she and Steve made their way to their private villa at the southern tip of Namotu Island.

  “This is sweet. I can hook up with babes now.” Steve said entering the villa. It was huge and was supposed to fit six people comfortably.

  Lo shook her head but didn't reply. What could she say anyway?

  “I wonder if this means we have to share with anyone,” Steve said tossing his bag in one of the bedrooms.

  Lo wondered if Brady would be one of those people. She checked her phone, but the reception was spotty. She didn't even have internet at the moment.

  “He'll be here. When a man wants to be with a woman, he shows up,” Steve said stretching his arms above his head. “I'm going to check out the local talent. If you decide to join me, please don't stand too close or touch me in any way.”

  Lo let out a laugh. “Why not?”

  “Because you're hot and I can't have women thinking you're with me. You'll kill my game.”

  “Whatever, dude,” Lo chuckled. “I'm gonna take a nap.”

  ***